Promise Me Forever

Chapter 2: To see Through Hatred

LLL

Special thanks to CrimsonCobwebs and Candygurl113! Now I can continue, knowing people appreciate my works! Thank you! Yes, Loki is an original character. Sorry if I didn't make it clear!

Disclaimer: I don't own any Final Fantasy IX characters themes or setting. I only own Loki, my original character!

LLL

The same robust laugh came from Baku again. Vivi didn't look at all amused. He looked thoroughly hurt. A twitch of pity came through me, disappearing instantly. He was one of them! A devil monster used for nothing other than killing! He had killed my first family, and put me in the living hell I was in now! It wasn't him that did it of course. One of the other black mages did. But he wasn't any different from them. At least, that's what I thought way back then.

"You must be confused! This is one of the people who helped save all of Gaia! He's not a little devil, and we're not gonna allow you to kill 'im!" Baku objected. He walked over to me, and put a hand on my shoulder, forcing me to lie back down in the bed I was in. "Now, me and the boys are goin' to the clubhouse and prepare some room for ya to stay!" Baku walked off, his 'boys' clearing a way for him to get through. "And be nice to Vivi!" He called back over his shoulder.

"Hah!" I mumbled, turning over onto my side so I wouldn't have to look at the monster. I heard his shoes padding across the floor. They stopped, and I'm pretty sure he was sitting down in a chair by the door.

"I'm sorry," the mage mumbled. I could barely hear him.

"You aren't sorry!" I snarled, not turning to see him.

"I don't know why you hate me…but you must have a good reason…"

"You bet I do!"

"So, I'm sorry for whatever happened."

"Would you stop talking to me? I don't want to hear you!" It hurt me to hear him. Each innocent word he said cut through my hatred. Sadness for the boy would replace it. He seemed so hurt by my words, which I had no right to say to him.

He sighed, but followed through with my request, remaining perfectly silent. Several minutes passed, and the sorrow and pity for him was taking control of the hatred I held for him.

"Why!" I shouted, sitting up and glaring at the black mage. "Why do you have to be different from the rest? Why can't you be exactly the same?" Tears ran down my cheeks. They burned my skin, just to know they were there. "If you were the same, I wouldn't be so confused! It's your entire fault!" I was sobbing, resting my head in my hands. I was ready to tear my eyes out, just to rid myself of the crying.

"I don't know why I'm different. Maybe it's a gift. Maybe it's a curse. I wish I knew which. Parts of me want to be like them. I wish I was just like the others, so I wouldn't have to suffer as much as I do. Then, the rest of me want to be like this. If I was like the others, I wouldn't have the friends I have! It's all…just so confusing," he seemed to trail off into thought.

"Why are you telling me this?" I whispered. My hands still covered my face, covered my sorrow. I wished so much that I could wear that hat, wear those shadows, and hide from the world. "I hate you! I don't want this!" I stared at the mage through my fingers.

He chuckled to himself, and I doubt if he knew why he did that either. He looked up at the ceiling, as if in a daze. "I wish I knew why. Maybe, seeing you hate me as much as you do made me realize that I needed to tell someone. I don't blame you for hating me…and I don't wish anything against you for it. I'm just grateful you listened to me…"

"He said your name was Vivi, right?" I asked, pulling my hands away from my face. I kept my eyes to stare away from him. I didn't want to see him.

"That's right. At least, that's what everyone called me."

"You don't deserve this…" I couldn't believe my own ears. Vivi looked at me so oddly. I blushed under his gaze. I could feel it. I looked up, looking for the first time ever into his eyes. My heart nearly broke.

I have come to one conclusion that I will rely on for the rest of my life. That is, black mage eyes never lie. Vivi's eyes held no blame or hate towards me. They were filled with sorrow, for people other than himself. There was sorrow for him in there, but he wasn't selfish. I couldn't say the same for myself. There was also sadness, because I hated him so much.

I wanted to cry again. I wanted to scream, yell, and just plain get everything out. I had blamed this boy for things beyond his control. I was the real monster here. I needed to say something to him…any thing kind, or at least not nasty and spiteful.

"I'm…so sorry!" I whispered, as quietly as I could. I lowered my head, closing my eyes shut. I didn't want those eyes staring at me anymore.

"You're…sorry? Why?" Vivi had asked me, so stunned, it seemed.

"For hating you! I don't! I can't…there's nothing in you to hate…" I mumbled. My words were half slurred as I struggled to tell him what I felt. "Your eyes show everything. I can't hate you…"I trailed off, my body quivering. It shouldn't be this way! I thought desperately to myself.

"It's okay! A lot of people hate me. I'm getting used to it!"

"No it's not! No one should hate you! You haven't done anything!" I had jumped from my bed in a rage, knocking something off the bedside table. My wrist was sliced open by the thing, as it shattered against my touch. It hit the floor, pieces scattering everywhere. I didn't notice. "Why do you let them? Why don't you just look at them the way you looked at me? No one could hate you if they saw what I saw!"

"…No one, other than my brother black mages, has ever seen anything but yellow in my eyes," The mage bowed his head, lacing his fingers together.

"Unbelievable…" I whispered to myself. His voice alone had calmed me in that moment. I'm still not sure why. It always had that effect. I gasped, the pain from the cut finally catching up to me. I winced, holding it in my good hand.

"Let me see it," Vivi whispered, walking up to me. He took my wrist, careful to stay away from the cut area. "You can have this…" He handed me a strange bottle, filled with liquid. "It has healing powers," He mumbled, before giving me back my hand.

I nodded, accepting the thing. Activating it, the cut cleared. I sighed in relief, sitting back down on the bed. I was in different clothes than the ones I had remembered wearing. The ones I was currently wearing seemed more like white, overly large pajamas than the peasant outfit I had been wearing.

"Where am I?" I asked after a long, awkward silence.

"You're in Lindblum Inn. The manager owed Baku, so he let you stay here while you slept."

"How long…have I slept?" I asked, afraid to know the answer.

"About a month," Came his simple reply. He adjusted his hat on his head. A habit he would never grow out of. It was always perfectly placed, so it was a pointless task.

About an hour later, Baku and his group came back, making an overly dramatic entrance, thinking I had ripped Vivi's throat out by now.

They took me to their 'clubhouse', which wasn't much more than a large room in a bell tower. It was pretty dirty, and only one of the two beds had clean linen on it. They gave me the clean one to sleep on, and started to straighten up the piles of garbage that had collected up. The red haired one, Blank, gave me back my clothes. Everything, from the skin tight shirt with different shades of green spiraling around vertically, to the red, cotton pants covered in pockets. It matched my hair perfectly, the dusty red mass falling to my shoulders at the front, only to get shorter towards the back of my head.

Somehow, Baku became convinced that I was the perfect person to take a spot in their little thieving group. I think Vivi had something to do with it. The Mage was always kind to me, and joining Tantalus was the best thing for me at the time. I would only realize it later. I was stubborn, and only submitted to their attempts to get me to eat, to go outside, or anything at all for the most part, when Vivi asked. I did this to try and repay him for all the things I had said to him, but it never felt like enough.

It never would be enough. He deserved so much more than I could ever give him.