Chapter 3: Miserable Monday's…
So much for love I guess
We been wronged but it's alright
Cause I'm moving on
I've got my car all packed
With cassette tapes and suitcases
And loose change and cheap cigarettes
I'm gonna stop at every truck stop
And make small talk with waiters and truck driving men
I'm gonna fall asleep in the backseat
With no one around but me and my friends
It's been three weeks since I came back to Trabia. Lots of things have happened since then. A big one is that I am once again on the soccer team. That's the second best thing that has happened to me here, the first being that I'm finally over my stomach virus; I haven't thrown up in three days! As much as that doesn't sound like an accomplishment, trust me, it is one. It took a lot of work to hide my prolonged sickness from Rowen.
I walk down the corridor from my dorm to the cafeteria. It's Monday. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Monday's? Well, it's a recent development. Walking into the cafeteria I join the line, grabbing French toast, a giant pickle, and pineapple juice before punching in my ID number and bouncing over to the table where Rowen is sitting. She looks up and smiles.
"Looks like coming here is just what you needed! You're much more smiley today—and it's a Monday! Your arch enemy." She glances at my tray. "What the hell are you eating?" She makes a face.
"Breakfast, genius."
"But…ah, forget it. The eating habits of Selphie Tilmitt—they should make a documentary about it!"
"Ha ha." I dig into my food, finishing it in a matter of minutes. Just as I'm about to sit back in my chair I get a familiar sensation in my stomach. I stand up and speed walk to the bathroom, where my nourishment promptly re-enters the world. I wipe my mouth with tissue and turn to see Rowen standing behind me, her arms crossed.
"Come on, you're going to see Dr. Jevir right now." She grabs me by the arm and pulls me. As if I have much of a choice.
We enter the infirmary and Dr. Jevir shakes her head when Rowen tells her that I'm still getting sick. She shoos Rowen out of the exam room and turns her attention to me, her face looking a little too grim for me to be calm.
"Selphie, I'm going to run a few tests on you. I think I have a pretty good idea what it is though." Unfortunately, I'm beginning to think I do, too. She draws blood and sends it through a machine, pulling the paper that comes out and looking at the results.
"Miss Tilmitt, have you been sexually active recently?" I nod, wringing my hands together. Please don't let this be what I think it is.
"Well, I'm going to give you this paper, and you can do with it what you want." She hands me the paper, and I fold it in half, not glancing at it.
"I'll look at it in my apartment, thank you." I stand up and hurry toward my room. Rowen catches up with me outside the infirmary and asks what's wrong.
"Nothing, I just caught that virus again. I think I drank out of a water bottle in the fridge…probably picked up the germs again from that."
I excuse myself once we reach our doors, saying I want to rest. I throw the paper onto the table as if it is burning me and stare at it. This lone piece of paper has my whole future on it. I get up my courage and sit on the couch in front of the table. Extending an arm out I draw the paper close, unfolding it and reading what it says. Positive. I'm pregnant. My worst nightmare has come true. What am I going to do? I have nobody to fall back on, not that I would allow anyone to help me with this anyway. This is my problem. It's not that I don't want kids, just…not now. I'm only 19, I'm single, and I'm really confused.
"What am I going to do?" I have no one to turn to this time.
I cry my heart out, not caring who hears me and slide off the edge of the couch onto the floor where I place my head in my arms on the table. This blessing is a curse for me. My child is going to grow up like me…never grasping quite who they are. Well, at least they'll have one parent. I place my hand on my toned stomach and whisper to the human inside me.
"I promise that, no matter what, you'll know who you are...and who your parents are. I will not let you feel abandoned like I did. But I don't know what we're going to do." My mind races as I think of how to explain this one away. There is no lie, no excuse to cover up with. I'm either going to have to take the fall for this one, or resign. My mind flashes to what happens if I tell the Headmaster. When I was fourteen, my Instructor got pregnant and they took the child away from her as soon as it was born. She never even got to see her baby boy. That was her punishment, I suppose, for choosing to stay with Garden. This is just no place to raise children, and everyone I've ever heard of in Garden that had a baby wound up giving it up for adoption. Not that they can take your baby from you, but...you lose your edge if you are always worried about your kid. For a SeeD, the choice is your child or your job. And with no job, how will you support a child? So, most female SeeD who find themselves "in the baby way" wind up making that horrible decision. But I know what it is like to grow up without parents. No way am I letting that happen. I gather my courage and push myself off the floor. I have to be strong now. I trip over to my desk and pull out the envelope that is standard in every SeeD room. It is full of papers for vacations, trips, mission write ups. Pulling a piece of paper out with the SeeD letterhead on it, I steel myself to write my letter of resignation. I grip a pen and begin writing the letter. No one will know about this but me and Dr. Jevir, and I know she won't breathe a word.
My hand shakes as I write my resignation letter, and I take a deep breath before signing the bottom. I slip the papers into an envelope and take a look at myself in the mirror. At least my eyes aren't red any longer. I take my last walk through the halls of Trabia and into the Headmaster's office, where I lay the envelope on his desk. He looks up at me and pulls out the papers, scanning them.
"Miss Tilmitt, is there any specific reason you want to resign?"
"Sir, I'm tired of fighting. Things have...changed." That is one of the biggest lies I have ever told. I live to use my nunchaku in battle. He stares at me for a moment.
"Is there any hope that I may change your mind?"
"No, sir. This is what I choose."
"Do you know where you're going to go?"
"Not yet, sir. I'll figure it out." He nods and signs on the line, giving me permission to leave.
"I suggest Timber. It's quiet, the perfect place to be if you don't want to fight."
I'd been thinking of all possible cities I could go, and Timber was not on the list of top places. Rinoa goes there a lot and I don't want to run into any of my old friends. This baby will have a fresh start, I'll have a fresh start.
"Thank you, sir. I'll take that into account." I salute him and leave his office.
When I get back to my room I begin to pack my things up again. At least I hadn't gotten around to unpacking all of my stuff. My work is fast, I'm done in a matter of hours. Now I have time to think. I slump into the couch and make a mental list of places I could go. My brain is too tired to think so instead of deciding where I want to settle, I decide that I should get out of here and go somewhere that I can figure it out. For that I need a large city, somewhere I'm not likely to be recognized. Galbadia. With some sort of plan under my belt, I ponder how I can get out without anyone noticing. Nobody is to know where I'm going or why. This is my life now, and I plan to grasp it and start new. I sift through my magic supply and find small. I use it on all of my luggage, and it all shrinks down so that it fits into my purse. Those damn things came in handy, for once. I grab my debit card—I have enough money saved up on this sucker to pay for anything. All those years of receiving a top level salary but not having to buy anything but the occasional clothing item or junk food are going to pay off.
I look at my watch—it's ten o'clock. Good, everyone will be asleep now. It's past curfew. I open my door and close the door as quiet as I can, throwing the key to my dorm into an envelope and placing it in the general mail shoot for Trabia, labeled for the Headmaster. I walk out of the front gates of Trabia and turn to look back at the structure. I blow a kiss to the building and its residents before continuing on my way. I go to Trabia first and get a ticket to Galbadia. When the airship arrives I board and say farewell to my fighting days. It doesn't take long to reach Galbadia, and when we get there I climb off the ship totally exhausted. This baby is already changing things for me, because I used to be able to stay awake for 48 hours straight without looking it. Now, I stay awake for 16 hours and look like hell. Gathering the rest of my energy I make my way into the city where I check into a hotel for the night. The man at the front desk gives me a funny look when I rest my head on my arms while he's checking me in. When he asks for a name, I almost panic before coming up with Sarah Talbucks. Shit. I'm going to have to find some way to get my name changes without it being traceable. That will require I find someone who can make me fake ID's and transfer the money out of my bank accounts. Fuck, why did I not think of this stuff before I left Garden? It would have been a piece of cake for some of the computer nerds to do all of this for me. But no, it is better that a SeeD not do that for me because then they could be questioned about it and would be obligated to tell the truth. Someone clearing their throat cuts into my thoughts and I look up to see the man behind the front desk looking annoyed and holding out my keycard. I take it from him with a weak smile before heading to my room to think.
This is a large city, there is bound to be ways to have all of this taken care of. The problem lies in finding them. But I will put that off until tomorrow, because right now I am so tired I am getting a migraine. Once in my room, I collapse on top of the bed and am asleep within minutes.
Waking up in Galbadia is a completely different experience than waking in Centra, Balamb, or Trabia. All of my former homes are located in very quiet places, and Galbadia is an extremely noisy city. Even on the third floor I can hear horns honking and people shouting. Climbing out of bed, I prepare for the day and then try to plot how I will find someone to change my identity. With a sigh, I once again arm myself with my nunchaku and head for the bad part of town. My best bet of finding someone to do the job will be there.
After questioning people in seven hellholes over the course of two days, I wearily make my way into a very sketchy bar in downtown Galbadia. Flopping down in a booth, my stomach demands food and I decide here is as good as anywhere to eat dinner. A rude middle-aged woman comes over to take my order.
"Whatcha want, girly?" I have yet to look at my menu, but a quick glance shows that my options are minimal. I decide there isn't much a person can do to ruin a cheeseburger and order that, along with a bottled water. As I'm sitting there waiting for my food, a grungy man approaches and takes a seat opposite me.
"What's a proper lady like you doing in here, huh girl?" I narrow my eyes at him, but don't answer. "There's only a handfula reasons a girl like yerself comes in a dive like this." Still I give no response, just maintain a steady stare. "One, you got yerself a badboy you keeping warm at night, and he lives around these parts. Two, you lost. Three, you looking for trouble, in which case you came to the right place."
"I'm looking for a favor. But I'm not sure you can help me." Best way to get someone to commit a crime is to act like you don't think they can do it.
"Oh, see now I'm interested. Whatcha need, little girl?"
"I need a new identity. The whole shebang, you know. ID, birth certificate, bank accounts..." An unsettling grin breaks out on his face.
"Whatcha gonna give me for it?"
"Can you get all of that?"
"Course I can. I got me lots of contacts. But, see, I'm not sure if I should trust you, girly. You ain't the usual type we get through here, ya see, and ya make me suspicious. Who you running from?"
"I'm running from everything and everyone. My entire history, it is all going to be forgotten." I look him right in the eyes as I say, "You see, I'm going to have a baby and lets just say that my past wouldn't take the news so well."
"You got a husband, girly? A mean one's gonna come looking for ya?" I think this over, trying to figure out which answer would get me what I want.
Finally, "Not a husband, but people will look for me. And I don't want to be found. This is my new start, my break from everything I've done in the past. And trust me, girl or not, I've done plenty of stuff under the guise of it being for the better. Better my ass, it was always about who paid more." This seems to pull the man up short momentarily.
"You a mercenary?"
"Yes. A SeeD. Well, I was. I resigned, and now I want to disappear. Can you help me?"
"Well you just one surprise, ain't you girl? Show me some proof." I reach into my bag and pull out my Balamb SeeD ID, handing it to him. He whistles, then stares at me. "This'll cost you. Carlis will love this, though."
"Carlis?"
"He'll do the job."
"And who are you?" My food is practically thrown in front of me by the disgruntled waitress. I give her a big smile and thank her. She grunts in response.
"Just call me Chandis."
Chandis tells me that he will introduce me to Carlis tomorrow morning. We plan to meet at a restaurant down the street, and when I finish my food I make my way back to the hotel and fall asleep.
My meeting with Carlis and Chandis is very interesting. Despite all signs that these men should not be trusted, I find myself liking them. Carlis says that it will take about two weeks to have everything set up.
"As for the bank accounts, I'll take care of setting it up, but it will be up to you to get your money into it. And speaking of money, this is going to cost you." Carlis is not what I was expecting. I was picturing another man like Chandis: grubby, in need of a shower, very rough and worn looking with a few scars. But Carlis is young, handsome, and well groomed.
"How much?"
"Lets say...fifteen grand." We shake on it, and I let Carlis take a photo of me for the ID, and I give him the name I used at the hotel. Since I plan on paying cash, it won't be a problem with anybody tracing me there. Besides, it is not exactly the kind of place that any of my friends would look for me at.
Carlis leaves, and Chandis leans toward me to whisper, "That's about five grand less than he normally charges for these kinds of jobs. He must have liked you."
"Huh." Now I just have to figure out what to do for two weeks in Galbadia. I'm starting to get twitchy, because I keep thinking that any second I could run into someone who knows me. Any second I could run into Irvine, because most of his missions anymore are through Galbadia Garden. I decide that at least I have to change hotels today so that the people don't start to remember me.
Two weeks three days, and four hotels later Carlis comes through with everything I'll need to start anew. And it only cost me 15,000 gil. After paying him I have to figure out how to transfer my money. Chandis actually gives me the idea, and soon I am paying another five grand to have him help me wire my money to a series of offshore accounts before finally depositing it into my new account. Sarah Talbucks account. I'm finally ready to make my last disapperaing act. Now to figure out where to disappear to. It hits me as I am walking down the street. I overhear someone mentioning Winhill, and it clicks. Winhill is the perfect place to escape, the perfect place to raise a child. With a destination in mind, I check out of my hotel and head to the nearest car rental place and prepare to leave Galbadia. Just as I'm about to pay to rent a car, someone taps me on the shoulder, and for a moment I panic that I have been found. When I turn, though, there is an old man standing behind me.
"I overheard that you're headed to Winhill." I nod. "Well, I'm on my way there as well, if you need a ride, sweetie." I make a snap decision, and take him up on his offer.
Turns out the older gentleman happens to live in Winhill and was in Galbadia to pick up medicine for his wife. I listen to him avidly, his voice one of those sounds that you just cannot hear enough of. However, I'm so tired that it doesn't take me long to fall asleep to the gentle rocking of the car. When I wake, we are pulling into the small country town. My elderly friend smiles and gestures to the town. I smile back.
"Do you happen to know if the Inn is open still?" He gives a slow nod of the head.
"Yeah, they're still open."
"Hey, do you know if there is a place here that is for sale?"
"Why, yes there is. There's always places for sale here, young lady. As luck would have it though, a young couple moved here quite a few years ago and built a house—real nice place. Then the young woman got sick, and they had to move back to Deling City. Place has been on the market ever since. Not many people come around here looking to stay. You got a young man coming, too?"
"No. He's gone; I lost him two months ago. I came here to get away from it all." I'm not real sure why I hinted that he was dead. While Irvine is dead in my mind, he is still very much alive at Balamb, and in my heart. The old man pats my knee.
"Sorry to hear that honey." I force down tears and turn my head to the window. We pull up in front of the Inn and I climb out.
"Thank you, Mister…"
"Leonard. Dimen Leonard."
"I'm Sarah Talbucks." The new name sounds awkward, and it is weird to think that I will never again be Selphie.
"You just come by the flower shop tomorrow Sarah and I'll show you that house. I'm sort of the resident realtor."
"Thank you so much Mr. Leonard." I close the car door and walk up to the Inn. The woman behind the desk smiles at me.
"What can I do for you, darling?"
"I need a room for the night."
"Well, I think I can do that." She writes in a book and turns it to face me. "Just sign right there and here's your key." I sign my name, remembering to adjust it, and I take the key, giving the woman a smile before walking up the stairs and finding my room. I slip the key into the hole and sigh as I see the room. It's simple, but it holds such beauty to my tired eyes that I wouldn't care if it had a bed of hay. I throw my purse down and close the door, locking it out of habit. I flop onto the bed and am out in an instant.
I wake to the sun pouring in the window. Looking at my watch I see it's almost noon so I stand up and find my purse, pulling out one of my shrunken bags and returning it to normal size. I pull out a change of clothes and shower before finding the flower shop.
It isn't a hard building to find, especially since I was all over this town with Sir Laguna. I walk in and there is Mr. Leonard, sitting in a rocker next to the owner of the shop, his wife. I smile at them and walk over.
"Ah, Ma, this is the young woman I told you about. So, you here to take a look at the place I told you about?"
"Yes, sir."
"Ah, no need for sir. Makes me feel older than I am."
"Sorry, old habits die hard."
"They sure do. Come along, then. I'll show you the place." He leads me out of the shop and to the edge of town, where he turns off onto a road that leads to the field that Raine is buried on. The house sits overlooking the view. It's beautiful, and I tell Mr. Leonard so. He agrees, and opens the door. The inside of the place is dirty, evidence that nobody has lived in it for a time but it's big enough for me and my child, plus some. I extend my hand to Mr. Leonard.
"I'll take it. Though it will take some fixing up."
"Yes, it has been empty for a while now." We settle on a price and I smile a genuine smile as I look at my house. I get right to work cleaning the place, and to my surprise, as the day progresses people from the town come along to welcome me and pitch in on the cleanup effort. There is only one other young couple in the entire town, and they are both three years older than my 19. They have two children that are adorable, and I play with them for a while. Sheena and Drex, that's their names. Sheena watches as I interact with her children, then in her quiet way, speaks up.
"How far along are you?"
My head snaps up. "What?"
She smiles, putting me at ease. "You're not obvious, but I've had two children. I know the signs."
"I'm about two months along now." Amazing how time has flown by for me.
"Well, if you can keep a secret, I'm about four weeks along. Looks like we can keep each other company."
"Secret?"
"I haven't told Drex yet. I just found out yesterday." I wait for her to ask about my baby's father—where he is, why he isn't here. But she doesn't ask. She and her husband help me all day, and all the next day and when the sun begins to set at last, my house is finally spotless.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Selphie. We have to finish cleaning this place." Drex says as he shakes my hand. I smile at him and wave as he grabs his two children and walks towards their house. Sheena is still standing by me, and I turn to her.
"Thank you so much, Sheena."
"Hey, that's what neighbors are for."
"Yes, I guess it is, though not many people seem to remember that anymore."
"Well, that's why we came here. It's still old fashioned without being an artifact."
"I'll see you later. Maybe you can help me shop for furniture?"
"I wouldn't miss it!" She smiles a goodbye and follows her husband and kids.
I make my way back to the Inn for some rest since I have no furniture yet. I put my hand on my tummy and talk to the child inside. As I drift off to sleep, I wonder for a moment what everyone at Garden is doing, but it is lost as my unconscious and dreams take over.
I wake early in the morning and shower before dressing. Grabbing breakfast with the owner of the Inn, I carry on a nice conversation with her and just as I finish up, Sheena enters.
"Ready to go shopping?" I nod and join her. We shop until we have found furniture for the main rooms in my new house—including a crib and other baby necessities. I pay for the furniture and am told they will deliver what they can today, and the rest will arrive in a few days as it will come from Deling City. As a matter of fact, when Sheena and I come back from grabbing some food at the Inn, they are already there with the furniture. Sheena and I direct them where to take the stuff, and in two hours time, my house is partially furnished. We both fall onto the couch and I think for a moment about how happy I am that I had saved so much money. Working as a SeeD we got our salary, but most everything was paid for: mission transportation, meals, all we had to pay for were the occasional extras.
"Thanks, Sheena."
"For shopping with you? As if I'd turn down a chance to help someone spend money."
"Well, no. Thank you for not asking me a lot of questions. You just took me at face value."
"I figure if you have something you want to tell me, you will in your own time."
Tears fill my eyes and I try to hold them back. "You know, you're the most understanding person I've ever met—and I've met a lot of people. My job used to have me traveling all over the place. There isn't a place on this globe that I haven't been."
"That's something not many people can say. But, did you enjoy it?"
"Well, I had the man I loved by my side the whole time. And all my best friends that I've known since I was a child. But, that's all ended now."
"Everything comes to an end eventually."
"Yes, I suppose. I made a big sacrifice for my child. But there is no way I would let my baby grow up without knowing who they were. That's how I grew up, and I would never wish that on anyone."
"You were an orphan?"
"Yes, there were a lot of us at that time—being the sorceress war and all." I fall silent, observing the view out the window. "I know you're dying to ask me what my job was."
"Yes, I am. But I don't want to pry."
"I brought it up. I was a mercenary—a SeeD. Up until recently, I was the best nunchaku fighter they had. But, hey, can we keep this between the two of us?"
"Can I tell Drex? He won't tell anyone, but I can't keep secrets from him very well."
"Yeah, you can tell him. But nobody else. I'm a little paranoid that someone might try to find me, and right now I just want some peace."
"I understand that. So what are you going to do now—job wise?"
"I don't know—I never thought about it."
She stares off into the distance for a moment. "This isn't a very big town, and the only thing you really have to pay for is food, and even that is minimal. You'll think of something. When Drex and I got here, we had no idea what we were going to do. But then we started helping out with the library, and now we're in charge of it."
"Let's go for a walk. I need to move around. I'm an active person—I can't sit still sometimes."
She nods and stands up. "Come on, I'll give you the grand tour." We walk down the dirt road until we reach the main road, turning in toward town. Our pace is slow, and we come to the edge of town in our own time.
"That's the flower and medicine shop. The Leonard's own it—you met them." We continue and soon we're standing in the main square. Sheena points at different buildings and identifies them, and my eye is drawn to Raine's old bar.
"Hey, does anyone run the bar anymore? Since Raine died?"
"You knew who Raine was? I've heard stories of her, but…Anyway. No, nobody runs it. Not much need for a bar in this town."
"Yes, but a restaurant would be nice. I mean, this town has grown quite a bit since the last time I was here—and that was only two years ago."
"A restaurant would be nice. Why, are you thinking about opening one where the old bar is or something?"
"Well, I think Raine's bar should be left the way it is—that's how she would want it. But the old house beside it—is it still empty?"
"Yes—it also has bullet holes all over and is in pretty bad shape."
"Good! It'll give me something to do for a while. Do you want to help me? Can you cook?"
"I'm a pretty good cook. I had to be, I grew up with six younger siblings and our parents worked long hours. I prepared the meals most days. What about you?"
"I'm a retired SeeD—you have to be able to cook to survive. The food they offer could kill you. How would you like to go in on this with me? Would Drex mind?"
"No, he wouldn't mind. He basically runs the library on his own, I only help sometimes. I could still do that. Plus, he knows how much I love to cook. Are you serious, though?"
"Yeah! Come on; let's go talk to Mr. Leonard about buying that old place."
We speed walk back to the flower shop and chat with Leonard, as he told me to call him, about our idea.
"What a great idea! That's just what this little town needs. Now don't even try to pay for that old place—it needs so many improvements it's not worth anything right now. Besides, there is no one to pay. The owner passed on years ago. You just do what you want with it." He disappears into the shop for a moment, then returns with a paper. "Here's the deed. Do with it as you please."
"Oh, thank you so much, Leonard!" Sheena and I hug him and each other before rushing for the hardware store. We buy hammers, sledge hammers, drills, nails, drywall, and everything else we might need. Then we proceed to the worn out building and open the door. The lock is so old it doesn't even have a key left to fit it. We look around and smile at one another before picking up a sledge hammer and walking towards the wall in front of us. We beat at the dry wall until it crumbles away and examine the supports. Did I ever mention I studied architecture intently on my own in the library of Trabia growing up? But even so, I can only do so much. We go in search of a phone book to find a contractor that could help us with this. He drives in from Timber the next day and we get to work with him. Sheena and I definitely have our ideas, and Jaxon, the contractor, is quick to steer us away from things that are impossible.
We decide the wall we took out can be moved back three feet, making a small closet to put coats and hats of staff and customers. We begin the long work of tearing down and repairing the structure. After moving the closet frame, we move on to the next part of the wall.
I sigh. "These walls are so damaged down here that we'll have to take them all down and redo them. There's no covering this up."
Sheena nods and Jaxon says, "That's what I was just thinking. Oh well, lets keep going with it. It'll be dark soon."
We continue pounding the old walls down and assessing their location. I glance around the small kitchen and study the support walls.
"If we move this wall out about five feet this kitchen will be the perfect size. And we can widen these two doorways so that trays of food could get through." We continue planning, and Jaxon grabs some paper and sketches out what we want to do with the first floor before we finish knocking out the walls. We trudge up the stairs and I look back down them.
"These stairs are going to have some major repairs." Sheena sighs, reading my mind.
"Yeah. What do you think, Jaxon, can they be repaired or do they have to be completely replaced?"
"The basic structure is good, but most of the wood on the steps will have to be replaced."
"Great." The three of us walk into the remaining rooms and I frown.
"Why don't we knock out some of these walls completely, and make two larger rooms to serve people in?"
"Sounds better than all these small rooms."
We continue demolishing the house for the next two weeks, with the help of a crew that Jaxon assembles. Sometimes Drex and a few other people come and help, and the work progresses fast. Soon we are ready to start putting up the dry wall. We make the downstairs into four rooms. One when you first enter, the kitchen, a bathroom and an eating area. We widen all the doorways and put in pocket doors. At the last minute we decide to tear out the wall to the outside in the eating area and make it a window that covers almost the whole side. The view is breath taking—especially at night. We also extend the kitchen some and put in new appliances after making it larger. It now has an island in the middle and plenty of counter and cabinet space. The refrigerator is a king size stainless steel number, and the stove is as well. Finally we turn our attention downstairs to the floor and begin laying down a new hardwood floor after tearing up the old one. When we finish the downstairs five weeks later it looks like a different place. The lighting we added is romantic, reflecting off the dark jarrah stockholm wood flooring. The walls are all a pale yellow color with crimson, jade, and navy accent colors. There are pictures and furniture in storage for when the whole place is complete and we can add the finishing touches.
We start on the upstairs now. Walls are torn down and a new one added, creating only two rooms. These doorways have been widened as well, and there is a double pocket door that connects the two rooms, all with the same doors as downstairs. We put up the drywall and paint it a cappuccino color. Accents are the same colors as downstairs and we add the flooring. The outside wall has been turned into a giant window as well, like downstairs and the view from the second story is gorgeous. The final step is to bring in the furniture. Circular tables upstairs and square and rectangular ones downstairs. Simple but beautiful white tablecloths cover them and crimson napkins add a pop. Every table has matching chairs with navy blue padded seats and black and white pictures are hung that I took during my travels. The rare ones that turned out better than I ever dreamed of.
It has taken four months to get this far in the renovations and now there are only two things left to do. The outside of the building receives a facelift with a fresh coat of paint and a new roof. Last, the basement is transformed into a partially refrigerated cellar, and a large freezer is installed in one corner to hold meats and such. Thankfully, the electric was still in good shape and only had to have a few minor updates that Deanna, a middle aged woman in town, fixed for us.
Everything is done, stocked up and waiting to open for business. Everyone is excited about it—most of all Sheena and I. We planned out a menu a long time ago, and now we are going to go through with it.
It is now very obvious that I'm pregnant. When I'm left to myself or don't have something to keep myself busy with I think about everything I gave up or never possessed. Those are moments I try to avoid by always keeping myself busy. But at night I go home and cry, and sometimes I can't figure out why. Other times it's clear as day: I'm avoiding my problems, but they will never go away. My child will be a constant reminder for the rest of my life of what happened.
Sheena is also starting to show. I find myself feeling jealous sometimes when I see her and Drex interact, but it passes. We open our restaurant and it is soon the buzz of the town. They all love our food and the setting. Sheena and I are proud of our little business. It is nothing fancy or anything, but it is ours and it is successful so far.
It doesn't take long for our restaurant's popularity to spread to neighboring towns and soon people are coming to Winhill just to sample the food they've heard so much about. My remaining three months fly by in a rush of waitressing and hostessing and cooking. Sheena and I hire two young girls from the area to help out and things smooth out.
I'm standing in the middle of the field outside my house on a Sunday—the one day that the establishment, called 'Bene Amicos' which means "good friends", is closed. It's one of those times that tears trickle down my face and I can't stop them. I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders and there is Sheena, smiling at me and leading me to sit on the porch. She always comes over when she senses I'm down. When we sit, I see her two children, Markus and Sarin, playing in the front lawn.
I know everyone in town thinks my child's father is dead, and that is why I cry when I think I'm by myself. I think over this for a minute, tears continuing their trek down my cheeks. Sheena has never pushed for information, and I know that she won't tell anyone else, except Drex. And he's always kept his mouth shut.
"He's not dead."
"What?" She looks at me funny, her head tilted a little. "Who?"
"The father of my baby. He's only dead to my mind—that was its way of trying to help me through this."
"He isn't dead? So where is he?"
"I don't know, Balamb I guess. Maybe he went back to Galbadia by now…We used to be best friends—I grew up with him in an orphanage. See, I love him. I have for a long time, and I thought he felt the same, just, you know, as a friend, not as anything else. Then, this one night…he and I slept together. I thought he felt the same as me and I was thrilled, but then…something happened." I cannot bring myself to tell Sheena what happened. "I felt so used! I mean, here I was pining over him for two years and finally I thought he was returning my emotions. But it was all wrong—I was all wrong. He…he tricked me!"
Sheena remains silent, rubbing my back as I sob into my hands. Then her quiet voice inquires, "What did you do then?"
I compose myself enough to talk before answering. "I requested a transfer to another Garden. Once I got there, I found out I was pregnant. See, you can't be a SeeD and have a kid; it's just too big a risk. Someone could use the child against you or you might have hesitations about going through with a mission because of your kid. So I had two options, give my child up or resign. So I resigned and came here."
She continues to rub my back. "Sarah, sometimes things happen for reasons you can't fathom. Like me, for example. After Sarin was born, I was diagnosed a diabetic. I may die having this baby. But nothing in the world could keep me from having him, because I love him so much already. I'm willing to forfeit my life for this new life. Maybe you have to forfeit something for your child as well. Maybe you have to give up this love in order to be happy with your child."
"Sheena, you can't die! I don't know what I'd do without you!"
"Sarah, you of all people should know that in life there are sacrifices. There is no avoiding it, and there is no reason to be afraid of what you don't know. Immerse yourself in it and understand it. Then there is nothing left to be afraid of."
I grimace and rub the small of my back. Its been killing me all day. I am just about to stand up when I feel something wet. I look down, then back up at Sheena.
"My water broke!" She jumps into action and leads me towards town, to the doctors office, calling for Sarin and Markus to follow. We make it there eventually, though I'm sweating like a hotdog in front of Zell.
"Dr. Skeet! Sarah's gone into labor!" The doctor is quick to rush into the room and lead me to a room with a small bed and table. He hands me a gown to put on and I do as told. He re-enters the room and helps me onto the bed, hooking me up to a monitoring machine.
I suffer through contractions, sweating and hurting in the small room. In my disoriented state I think I called out for Irvine. Of course, he didn't come. After hours, contractions begin hitting one on top of the other, and soon I hear people telling me to push. It is the worst pain you can imagine, and I faintly hear myself screaming. But soon, my screams are replaced by those of a baby, and I have a daughter placed into my arms. Her blue eyes stare up at me, Irvine's eyes, and I get lost in them. I feel tears streak down—tears of joy. She has a tuft of strawberry blonde hair on top of her head and she's perfect in every way.
"What are you going to name her?" Dr. Skeet asks.
"Tessa Eve Tilmitt." In my exhausted state I forget that I had changed my name. Dr. Skeet, however, doesn't notice, or if he does, he chalks it up to my being tired. He finishes cleaning up his instruments and my sheets.
"I'll leave the two of you to get aquainted." He leaves the room, me still staring in awe at my baby girl.
Three weeks later finds me back at work. Tessa is with Sheena's kids with Mrs. Leonard—the resident nanny. This particular day has been stressful. It is my first day away from Tessa, and the crowd is thick. Just as I approach the hostess podium to get the names of the next few people in line, a familiar face walks in. I make a dash for the kitchen and would have made it too, if a customer hadn't decided to move just as I was about to pass them. I trip and find myself face first on the wood floor.
"Ouch." I push myself up a little to see a hand extended to me. I grip it and stand, brushing my black pin stripe pants and yellow halter top off. My hair has grown back out to about the length it was the last time I saw the person in front of me, making it all the easier for them to recognize me...I even have it flipped out like I used to.
"Now, Miss Tilmitt, surely you aren't always that clumsy."
"Um, my name is Talbucks." He looks surprised for a second.
"You know, I was positive it was—"
"Um, it used to be. Can you keep that between us though? I'm Sarah Talbucks here. How are you Sir Laguna?" I try to change the subject as fast as I can.
"I'm good. A little confused, though. The last time I was here this place was all but condemned." He looks all around him, taking in all the changes.
"You know, if you want to get a table I can come talk to you then. It's a little busy right now. We're about to have a big group clear out though, so it will settle back down."
"Of course. For six, then."
"Six?"
"Yes—Kiros, Ward, their wives and Ellone."
"Oh, God. Um, right this way." I lead him up the ramp to a table that will accommodate his group. Just as he sits down an older gentleman walks over to me and hands me a twenty gil tip. He is from the party of 13.
"Miss Sarah, the service and food was great as usual. I'll see you next week—and don't worry, my…boisterous family will not all be with me." He smiles.
"Oh, Mr. Cullen, are they going back to Deling?" He nods.
"Well, you come visit us whenever you want." His smile says it all as he shakes my hand. I wave as his family leaves, then turn my attention back to Sir Laguna.
"Are the rest of them far behind?"
"No, they're pretty close. They should be here in a few minutes. I came ahead of them to see what was going on in this old house. Why didn't you convert the old bar? Seems like it would have been easier."
"Well, the bar is Raine's. It always will be. Anyway, this place is bigger. Here's your menu. Don't ask what I recommend because I will say everything. It's all excellent." With that I excuse myself and go back to my post. The two new girls, Krystal and Winifred, have taken care of most of the crowd and are serving and taking orders. I make a note for Laguna's table that I will take care of them before entering the kitchen and helping with the orders. Sheena and I get all the orders up before another round comes in, and we get to work on those. When we finish I remove my apron and rush upstairs to Laguna's table.
The first thing I notice is that he is still alone, so I take a seat next to him and stare out the window like him.
"Nice view, huh?"
He seems surprised that I'm next to him and jumps.
"Didn't mean to scare you. Seems your crew is taking longer than you thought."
"Yeah. So what are you doing in Winhill? I figured you'd be in Balamb with Squall and the rest of them."
"I was until about a year ago. Some…situations arose and I decided it would be best to transfer to Trabia. That didn't work as well as I'd planned, so I resigned and here I am. It's a lovely town—it's peaceful. I guess I have you to thank for that." I push his shoulder lightly, joking.
"Yes, I got rid of every last monster in this town. They're afraid I'll come back to get them if they step a foot within its boundaries now." He jokes back.
"Or maybe they're afraid of my nunchaku. Well, I've got to get back to the kitchen—"
"You mean you cook the food here?"
"Well, my friend Sheena does about half and I do about half. Sometimes it varies depending on how busy we are—if one of us is needed to seat guests we'll sneak out and do that. Anyway, I would, you know, prefer it if you didn't mention my being here to anybody else."
He smiles and nods his head. "Of course. Anything you want." After all the years he spent traveling all over, on the run or in search of something, I suppose Laguna can understand my desire to be under the radar.
I wave and head down the ramp. I put Winnie's name on Laguna's table and walk into the kitchen. Sheena and I finish up with the orders and head out of the kitchen. We are about to close, and the kitchen has been cleaned. There is a group just coming down the ramp when we exit and I look up and panic to see Ellone staring straight at me.
"Selphie! What are you doing here?"
I force a smile. "That's a long story. How are you Ell?"
"I'm good, how are you?"
"I'm okay." I glance at Sheena and see confusion. "This is my friend and our head chef, Sheena. Sheena, this is Ellone. I grew up with her."
"Co-head chef. Sarah's the other one. Nice to meet you. Sar, I have to go get Markus and Sarin, do you want me to get—"
"I'll pick Markus and Sarin up for you. You need to get off your feet. Don't think you can fool me, I saw you rubbing your back. Now go, and say 'hi' to Drex for me. I'll bring the kids by in a little while."
"But we haven't—"
"Sheena, you'd better go or I'll call Drex to get you!"
"Okay, I'm going. It isn't fair, you two keep teaming up against me. I'll see you later."
"Yeah."
I turn back to the group in front of me.
"So, do you think you could keep this to yourselves?" I'm met with confusion.
Author's Notes: Hey people! You don't even understand how frustrating this chapter has been for me! I typed about half of it with one hand…the other half has been sitting on a disk for a while now. The song is called Wedding Day by Rosie Thomas.
-Gilly Bean the dozing.
Edited 11/23/08