"Why am I constantly forsaken?" I whispered. Obscure from everyone, humans and demons alike, ever since childhood. Was I meant to be alone for my everlasting life? I wouldn't know. She has left me, left me unwittingly to be elsewhere, somewhere I could never follow. It would be a sin…
If I could bring her back in exchange for my life, I would. It was entirely my fault, I am to blame for her pain and suffering, I am guilty. "We defeated him though, destroyed Naraku…" Yet I feel no intense pleasure or ultimate satisfaction in this vain accomplishment. I was totally helpless. "She died… In my arms…"
I don't know why. I was always solitary, on my own, until she came… Until they came and cured me of my invisible yet lethal illness. Now I can't stand being alone… Yet loneliness is once again my familiar and companion in my regrettably perpetual life.
I look back to the bitter yet essential battle. While Sango, Miroku and I struggled furiously to regain the upper hand of the battle, Kagome shot her arrow and it penetrated his barrier with ease, to slice him thoroughly. She shot again but this time Naraku was readily prepared. He deflected it effortlessly back towards Kagome and smirked malevolently… That bastard. I ran as rapidly as my demon legs could carry me, but it was too late… I screamed "Kagome!" She was shot through the heart. She widened her eyes in realization of the excruciating pain. She dropped to the ground, on her stomach and she struggled futilely to stay alive while the others ran frantically towards her. They told her to hang on to her life as hard as she could.
I killed him, blinded by my fury, anger and hatred. Blinded by love, the love for Kagome, my dearest Kagome. She saw me as who I was, not some worthless and filthy half-breed. I loved her, I truly did. But I never got to tell her, and she will never know, never. I look to the darkening sky and poured out my heart and soul. "I hope you can hear me, Kagome. Aishiteru. I really do… I loved you since the day I met you, but I didn't realize it until now. Until I felt my heart wretch in pain, sorrow and guilt because you are not with me… love."
I slumped to the ground near her tombstone, crystalline tears forming in my downcast eyes. I held her when she took her last breaths…
Flashback
Kagome handed me the Jewel. "Here, Inuyasha… Take the… Shikon no Tama. It's yours…" "N-No Kagome. Don't talk like that! You're the only one…" Kagome smiled weakly. "I'm s-s-sorry I-I-Inuyasha… I-I…" Kagome struggled. She desperately wanted to get something out of her tightening throat. Her eyes watered and she gasped for air. She touched my face lightly and dropped her hand. She was gone.
End Flashback
"She never got to tell me either…" I whispered pitifully.
A single forlorn tear ran down my cheek and off my chin. I looked at her grave solemnly. It was simple, a burial place in the grassy ground and a tombstone holding her cherished name. I sighed heavily and tears rolled down my face. "Oh Kami!" I looked to the sky, to the Heavens where my Kagome laughed and played. "Why did you have to take her? Why am I always alone…? Is it my destiny?"
This sickening feeling rose from my stomach to my throat. Guilt, pain and disgust swirled in my lungs and my mind, causing a potent calamity within the vacant shell that I call my body. I broke down and cried. This was complete torture. This, I cannot get out of, it is utterly impossible. Whatever I do, I cannot forget her, the one person in this world that actually cared for me… like a real person, not a filthy half-breed. When Kagome died… My heart and soul died also. I am only an empty shell left behind to saunter meaninglessly in this world for eternity and beyond. I will remain here forever, 'til the end of time. This pain will not end; it will not disappear so long as I stay on this plane.
I can't help this feeling of cowardice and guilt. It washes over me in crashing waves, bearing me down with its immense strength and bulk. It will haunt me, day and night, time after time until I finally fall to the ground, wasting away. I get up slowly, tears streaming down my face and walk to the Goshinboku, the sacred tree. I place my hand on the rough bark slivers. I leap to my perch and close my eyes. I recall the two years I've spent with her, smiling and fighting. "Two long years… And I never got the courage to tell you, to confess what resides in my heart," I whisper, barely audible, even I had to struggle to hear my own despairing words.
I clutch the hanging Jewel that is hung from my neck. "What am I to do with this? I cannot get my Kagome back… It is against the unwritten rule. I don't want the invincible power it brings to the bearer, what I want is gone forever, unreachable to the likes of me…" I stare at the Jewel, thinking forbidden thoughts. I nodded in confirmation and wished on the Shikon no Tama. "Shikon no Tama, I am ready for my wish." The Jewel reacted to his mournful voice, shimmering in the darkening light. A ghost form appeared and spoke to Inuyasha with a hollow voice. "I am Midoriko, priestess and keeper of this brilliant Jewel. What is your wish little one?"
Inuyasha looked at the transparent priestess. "How many wishes can I have?" "Three." Inuyasha nodded. "I wish for my friends' eternal happiness with each other." Midoriko nodded. "I also wish for you to rest in everlasting peace, free from the Jewel." Again Midoriko nodded, yet smiling. "What is your last wish, little one? Is it to become full demon like you planned before your journey?" Inuyasha shook his head, determined. "No. I do not wish for unconquerable power." Midoriko looked at the grief-stricken half-demon. "Than what do you wish for, Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha looked into the moonlit sky. "I wish for my own demise, my death, so I could be with my heart." Midoriko looked at him thoughtfully. "Are you sure?" Inuyasha nodded confidently. "So be it, Inuyasha… So be it." The great priestess raised her glowing hands and a brilliant light flowed over the oblivious world. Before he was overcome by the light, Inuyasha whispered to himself, "May I sleep and never awaken…" When the light subsided Inuyasha still sat perched in the Goshinboku. He was perched silently, sleeping the eternal sleep of the dead. Never awakening…
Midoriko looked at the limp body and started to disappear in the mist.
May you find the one that you love, your koishii, half-demon, in the world of the heavenly Dead. May you find the deserving rest you have come to discover with your own hands and live the life of the departed with peace and dignity… Goodnight, Inuyasha. Happiness be with you, always…