Author Note: Okay, this is the last plotless chapter before my first story arc. Cameo requests will not be accepted until the arc is complete.

Shade: Don't worry, Chrono CO and Keeper of the Scarf, you got in. Woo. Partay.

Ignore him, he's low on sugar.

The Obligatory Red Mesan Humour Fic, Chapter 3: Holidays, Cameos, and Romance, oh my!

We join CO Shade as he is writing the current chapter. "Aw man, I'm so behind...just where did all the time go?"

You watched Fahrenheit 9/11. SIXTY TIMES.

The author twitched, then shuddered. "Stop reminding me."

I didn't! That's the first time I've said anything at all today! Dumbass.

"You know, I would smack myself in the head,but I've still got this hate letter to send to President Bush."

You know, the longer the wait between each chapter, the more bored your fans will get.

"Eh, it's their loss," CO Shade said, typing. "Now, to save."

And then, the lights went out.

"Oh, bugger it."

-

Several thousand miles away, a certain President smiled, having flicked a switch. "That'll shut that dang author up. Now, where's mah colouring book?"

-

"Haaaaaaaawke! It's time for your medicinnnnnneee!" The shrill cry rang out around the Black Hole HQ, shaking every soldier within half a mile to the very core. Hawke himself froze in the middle of his 25th mug of coffee, his broken ankle propped up on a stool. "Why God...why?" He moaned. "Why couldn't Sturm have hired a less psychotic CO?"

"Ho ho hoooo! Because you've been a bad boy this year! So you're not getting any presents!" Hawke's eyes bugged out in mingled shock, fear, and disgust as Christmas Sturm bounded into the room, spraying snowlflakes everywhere. "You know, that made absolutely no sense."

"How so?"

"You're saying that you hired Lash because I've been a bad boy."

"Yes?"

"This year. Quite a while after you hired her in the first place."

"Uhh...yeah," Sturm said, looking side-to-side shiftily. "Slip of the tongue." He looked to the side, and hid his time travel device in a nearby bin. "Anyway, where was I?" Hawke would have rolled his eyes, but he was still scared. Not that he would admit it. Sissy.

"I'll ignore that. You were about to go away and not remember that I killed you." Hawke silently prayed that...

"...Crap."

Sturm's eyes bulged. "GACK! Memories...flooding back...I played football for West Germany? Weird...wait, here we are...Fall of Communsim, Death Ray, Andy...AHA!" Chrsitmas Sturm whirled around from his pacing, surrounded by those cool anime streaks. "You DID kill me!"

"...Oh crap." Hawke tried to lift himself up from his seat, but tripped, stumbled, and-

CRACK!

"AGH!"

-Broke his other ankle. Dumbass. Sturm laughed merrily, snowflakes raining on Hawke's twitching body. "And now to finish you off!" Sturm took a long, deep exhale, (that lasted half a minute)-

"Half a minute and five-point-oh-four-two seconds, to be precise," said Leonard Nimoy, who pranced, hopped, skipped and jumped through a nearby wall. Sturm, lungs bursting, raised an eyebrow - well, lightbulb - shrugged, and turned to Hawke's prone body.

"SUPER MEGA ULTRA KAMEHAMESMASH DECAPITATION DISCOMBOBULATION PLASTIC FANTASTIC CRYPTIC APOCOLYPTIC FURIOUS INJURIOUS SPIRIT BOMB KI CHANT FIREBALLS OF DEATHLY DOOMNESS-" Sturm exhaled and took in a breath - "FROM SPACE!"

Sturm watched in festive glee as the lump sum of the author's special effects budget rushed down a tunnel of shiny anime streaks toward Hawke-

Beep beep!

"Ooo! Lunch time!" The Super Mega Ultra Kame - ah, screw it - The Very Powerful Attack faded into nothingness, along with the author's special effects budget, as Sturm merrily strode off to his Death Sleigh of Doom to fly back to his workshop.

Hawke groaned. "Why me..."

-

A few thousand miles away(again), a portly, bearded American grasped a colouring book and grinned. "Now I've got more than enough material for my next movie..."

-

"So let me get this straight Eagle. You're leaving for a holiday."

"Yes."

"In Yellow Comet."

"Yes."

"With Shade bored?" Jess wouldn't admit it, being a stupidly fervent Eagle-hater, but she was concerned. With Shade having nothing to do after tying Andy to the lightning rod, Eagle was in severe danger, being No. 2 on the 'CO Shade Hitlist of Smashing, Punishment, Breaking of Bones and General Mayhem'. Eagle raised an eyebrow. "I'm the Prince of the Skies, Jess. Shade can't touch me." To prove this point, he lashed out behind him, smacking Shade in the face. "GACK!"

It was Jess' turn to raise an eyebrow. "How the heck did he get here?" Putting her surprise aside, she began to kick Shade. Very hard. In the ribs.

Eagle sighed at the scene as he picked up his suitcase and went out the door. "He'll never learn..."

"Ow! OW! OW! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! THAT WAS MY EXTRA RIB!"

-

It was a dark and stormy night.

Need I say, 'cliché'?

Shut up. Anyway...the rain poured down in icy sheets, the wind howled and struck the windows of the Red Mesan HQ fiercly, the lightning casting eerie shadows in the dark twilight of the storm.

Actually, that was quite good. Seems like you still have it, after all.

Swift, Cougar, and Diesel gazed out of the windows as one, cringing at the occassional whining that could be heard above the noise of the storm.

"Heeeeeyyy! Can anyone hear me? I'm still up here!"

Swift looked at the others. "Should we...?"

"Nah. Shade put him up there, and Shade always knows best." Cougar chuckled. He froze. "Did I just say that?" He looked up at the ceiling and shook a fist. "Damn you, author!" He then turned and ran crying out of the room, because he's a moron who had no chance against the author's godly powers. YOU HEAR ME! GODLYYYYY!

You know, you'll have to pay for his therapy.

"Erm, main plot focus is HERE, guys." Swift sighed as she paced. She stopped, and turned to Deisel. "Do you think Andy will survive tonight?"

"Does the Pope crap in the woods?"

"...Indeed." Deisel nodded. "Especially with the C4 that Shade...'accidentally'...wired to the lightning rod." Almost at once, there was a horrified yell from above.

"WHAT! GET ME DOOOOOOWN!"

CRACK-BOOOOOOOM!

"AGH! IT BURNS! Yet it's somewhat tingly..."

Deisel grinned. "Wait for it..."

Beepbeepbeep!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"AAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHhhhhhh..." Andy's horrified scream faded away as the most stupid CO in living history was flung several kilometers by the resulting blast.

...Vertically.

-

Eagle sighed as he descended the steps from the plane. Yellow Comet was a nice country, yes, but some of the inhabitants...he shuddered as he remembered who one of the passengers was...

(Cool flashback effect)

Eagle smiled and closed his eyes, contented with the flight. He was in first class, the drinks were superb, and-

"I ORDERED STILL WATER! ARG!"

Eagle jerked out of his seat, and several other passengers gasped and pointed at the raging figure berating one of the flight staff.

"The Chrono CO...great..." Eagle jumped back into his seat and hid from the raging cameo. "Author Shade has a lot of explaining to do." The author resented this, but was too busy writing other parts of the fic to think of a suitable punishment. Instead, he just made the luggage compartment above Eagle's head open, dumping a set of bowling balls on his head.

"GAUGH! DAMMIT! Who brings bowling balls with them anyway!" Eagle rubbed his head and groaned as the rampaging cameo lunged at random victimes, turning them into werewolves. "Great..."

(End cool flashback effect)

Eagle shuddered. "At least Flak was on the plane to restrain him..." Flak waved as he went towards the terminal. "See ya, bird boy!" Eagle nervously waved back. "Uh...yeah...just don't go invading!" Flak looked hurt - yes, that is in his cerebral capability - and spoke. "I'm just here for a holiday! With Hawke's ankle broken, dere's nothin' for me ta do!" Eagle raised an eyebrow, and grinned. "Heh...Hawke's a wuss."

Wait for it...

"Black Storm!"

"GAH!" Eagle ducked as a wave of energy flew over him. "I take it baaaack!"

-

"So, what to we do now, Boss?" Grit sighed and tried to spin his revolver. Instead, Grit being rubbish at guns, it flew out of his hand, ricocheted of the window, and smacked Olaf in the nose. "GAUGH!" The mound of blubber cried, rocking from the impact like a Weeble-Wobble. "What do you mean, you lazy hick!"

"Well, Black Hole don't want Adder back. I can see their reasoning."

"Well, do you think WE want him here?" The Weeble - sorry - Olaf said. "It's Adder!" He gestured to the room adjoining his office, through the double doors. "Yeah, I know," Grit said, stooping to pick up his gun, and falling over. "Ow." He stood up and looked toward the double doors. "Wait...can you hear that, Boss?"

"Hmm?" Olaf sat up fom his chair (which was a few seconds from collasping) -

"Two-point-oh-seven-six seconds, to be precise," Said Leonard Nimoy, who promptly turned into a weasel and ate himself out of existence -

And turned towards the doors. Straining, he could hear faint sounds of...oh no.

"My darling Colin, must we stay here when we could be alone together in my love mansion?"

"I do not know, my love. Maybe when they learn about us they will let us go."

"...Th-they..." Olaf struggled to find words. "It's...it's..."

Grit looked around quickly. There was only one thing that could explain for this...

"Aha! Look here Boss!" Grit triumphantly waved a scarf in front of Olaf's face. Olaf blanched, then shook a fist at the sky.

"DAMN YOU, KEEPER OF THE SCARF!"

"There's no need to yell, I'm right here."

"GACK!" Olaf jumped -

THUD-BOOOOOOM!

- Causing an earthquake in Orange Star, and span to face the cameo. "How did you get here?" Keeper of the Scarf rolled his eyes, then immediately fell over."My eyes! Where did they go?" As the cameo searched for the very eyes he had rolled just a few seconds earlier, Grit sighed.

"If there was a Nobel Prize for stupidity..."

"Hey, there they are." Keeper of the Scarf plpped his eyes back in and turned to face Olaf. "I am here by the request of Author Shade," He said pompously, producing a legal document. "Section Three-Eighteen of the Cameo Request Code. I'm here to make Colin and Adder fall in love." Grit shuddered at that. "How could you? I mean, Colin and Adder! That's so wrong on so many levels!" Keeper of the Scarf shrugged. "Meh, blame AuthorShade. He's the one behind eveything that happens." Olaf growled like an elephant seal. "That's it," he said. "We're declaring war on Author Shade!" Grit slapped his hand - no, not that hand - to his forehead.

"Dumbass."

-

End of Chapter 3

Author Shade growled. "Declare war against me, will he?"

It's your fault. You wrote him saying that.

Shade smacked himself in the head. "Shut up!"

"...Owie..."

-

Author Note: Mweeheehee. Olaf has no chance against the Author Army! MUHAHAHAH!

Shade: What army?

(Creates army) This one. (Grins)

Shade: ...I hate you.

The feeling is mutual. Anyway, the next chapter is the beginning of the first story arc: The Great Coffee Annexe!