Inuyasha on Kikyo and Kagome

It was a clear night. The moon hung bright and nearly full in the starry sky and the air was cool and clean. A single figure reclined in a wide branching tree, dangling one leg from the thick branch that he was perched on. His arms were crossed in front of him and the expression on his face was less than pleasant.

"Inuyasha!" called a voice from inside the nearby hut. Miroku then appeared at the door, partially blocking the warm light that spilled from inside. His gaze rose to the figure in the tree and then he sighed. "Dinner's ready. Stop pouting and come eat."

Dog ears tilted forward slightly and then returned to their position of being flat and angled back. "Not hungry," the gruff reply fell from above.

Miroku shook his head. "Okay, Inuyasha, but don't be surprised if there's nothing left when you want it later," he said through a sigh. Upon receiving an aloof grunt as a reply, he turned and went back inside.

Up in the tree, Inuyasha didn't bother to spare a glance back at Miroku's departing form. His gaze remained stubbornly fixed on the horizon in the opposite direction. "Pouting…keh…" he grumbled to himself. He wasn't pouting…he was brooding…and there was a difference, he affirmed to himself. He had every right to brood, he also resolved…they just didn't…or wouldn't…understand.

Inuyasha huffed to himself and then rubbed his nose. 'Ow!' It still hurt a bit from his previous impact into the ground. 'Damn her!' he thought sourly. Lately, it seemed like he sustained more injury from being sat than from battle. There was, however, a nagging feeling tugging at his insides that he deserved this one.

He had been with Kikyo again and despite the pain evident in Kagome's eyes, he had defended his actions. But in defense he had said a few things that he regretted…regretted not just because they earned him one of the most violent sits he'd ever gotten, but because he saw what effect they had on Kagome right before her anguish turned to fury. He had hurt her…again.

Inuyasha's eyes softened slightly as he stared into the distance. He didn't mean to hurt Kagome but there were points of contention between them that fueled his temper and robbed him of his control over his mouth. The largest of these was, of course, Kikyo. No one could understand his heart where she was concerned. To say that they had cared for one another wasn't nearly adequate enough.

No one could know what kind of a life he'd had. After his mother's death, he was alone…not just lonely…but utterly alone. Youkai and humans alike not only rejected him…they hated him. He didn't belong in either world, for he, himself, was neither youkai nor human. There was no place in the world for a hanyou. Feared and despised…scorned and hunted…he spent every day running when he was little and fighting when he got older. Friendship…trust…love…they had died with his mother and he'd given up hope of ever finding them again.

Then he met Kikyo, a powerful miko with the charge of guarding the Shikon no Tama. She could kill mighty youkai with a single arrow…and yet…she did not kill him. She would pin him to trees and threaten him continually but she never really harmed him. Over time, she began to reach out to him…the first human other than his mother to ever show him any kindness. It took a very long time, but she eventually gained his trust…and his heart.

How could anyone understand what that meant to him? None of his current friends knew him back then…obviously, since that was over 50 years ago. They took it for granted that he was able to care about them…that he had the capacity to place some measure of trust in them. He was only this way because she had touched his soul.

His friends also only knew Kikyo as she was now…lifeless and cold…bitter and vengeful. Of course they couldn't imagine what she had once been. She was once a warm, beautiful woman with a gentle soul. But she was also lonely and sad. They were kindred spirits, which was perhaps why she was able to reach him. They had filled a missing part in each other's lives.

Inuyasha couldn't just forget her. He couldn't just forget what they had meant to one other...the role that she had played in healing his tattered soul. Even now, despite her current state and disposition, he couldn't hate her. She had an air of sadness in life, but now all she had were sorrow and loss. Her life had been robbed from her and she had died believing that he had betrayed and killed her. How could he blame her for the way that she felt?

She wanted to rest…for her soul to be at peace…but she also still loved him…at least some part of her. But she knew that any chance of being happy was beyond her forever because they could never be together again in life. The only possibility was death. Inuyasha blinked as he looked up at the stars. He should have died too…long ago. But he was alive, and he had things that he still needed to do. He couldn't be with Kikyo…but he could in the very least avenge her death and repay Naraku for both of their suffering.

If things were simple, he would easily commit himself to death after obtaining his revenge and join Kikyo. For a while, those were his intentions. But now his mind and heart were split. He cared deeply for Kagome as well. She provided him with a reason to live as Kikyo once had. She made him feel like he belonged and she accepted him for who and what he was. He liked being with her. In fact, he hated being without her.

It was easy for people to tell him to choose…to make up his mind…but how could he? His heart ached for Kikyo and yearned for Kagome. They shared the same soul but were as different as could be, and he was drawn to them both…he wanted to protect them both. It was true that most of Kikyo's light now shone from Kagome, and that was part of what attracted him to her. But she was also unique and the longer that he was around her, the more he started to appreciate her for who she was.

Kagome…she didn't deserve to be hurt, and she didn't understand why he did what he did. It wasn't like he'd ever shared his heart on the matter with anyone. He just couldn't explain it and make anyone understand…his feelings were complicated. Sometimes he didn't even understand himself…and here everyone thought that he was shallow. It was easier to come across that way, but it was frustrating at times when he wanted people to understand that he was hurting too. He had always hurt on the inside.

But Kagome did understand that…just like Kikyo once had. She gave him credit for having deeper feelings. She seemed to know when he was hurting and was patient with him, even when he was playing the tough guy and refusing her kindness. Her eyes could be every bit as gentle as Kikyo's had been.

Inuyasha sighed again, shifting his weight slightly and pulling his dangling leg up to rest on the branch. His ears were no longer back in anger but drooped in somberness. He really shouldn't compare them so much, he thought. He knew that Kagome hated being compared to Kikyo and that she felt as if she could never measure up in his eyes. But she was wrong. If only she knew how much he admired her. She was strong like Kikyo, but her strength was her own…just as her spirit was her own. He was just as much attracted to the facets of her that were unique to her as he was to her likenesses to Kikyo.

Just then, the sound of movement caught his attention and his ears swiveled back but he didn't turn to look. He could tell by the scent that it was Kagome. She walked slowly from the door of the hut over to the tree, her feet shuffling slightly as an indication that she was a bit unsure. She sat down against the trunk of the tree and a moment of silence passed before her voice rose to him.

"Inuyasha?" she said softly, not looking up.

Inuyasha shifted slightly and then replied, "Yeah?"

Kagome sighed quietly, looking downward. "Could you come down, please?" she requested in a demure tone.

Inuyasha looked down at her and noticed that she seemed sullen. If she'd lost her ire, it might be safe to venture down…and he certainly wasn't angry any more either.

In a moment, Kagome heard the soft sound of his graceful landing beside her. She didn't look at him but it was clear that something was bothering her. She drew in a breath but before she could say anything, Inuyasha spoke.

"Kagome, I'm sorry….." he uttered, his gaze not on her either but staring off into the distance. Kagome's eyes snapped to him and she looked stunned, as if hearing a sincere apology from Inuyasha was like watching the heavens move. Inuyasha knew that he'd lose his nerve if she spoke, so he hastily dove into the rest of his apology. "I didn't mean what I said…and I didn't mean to……to…hurt you." He didn't look like he was begrudging the apology. The regret in his voice was honest.

Kagome's eyes misted slightly and a tiny smile graced her lips. "I know you didn't. And I didn't mean what I said either. It's not my place to question your heart." Inuyasha now met her gaze and as he looked into her eyes, he could see understanding there. Despite her pain, she was thinking of his feelings above her own. Inuyasha sighed and looked back down at the ground. How could he say what was on his heart?

As he was contemplating, Kagome leaned her head lightly on his shoulder and looked up at the stars. Inuyasha's breath caught in his throat and all of his thoughts about how to express his feelings were forgotten. All he could do was lean his head on Kagome's and hope that she would continue to have patience with him as he tried to sort out his own heart.