Yours
Summary: It's like this. I was strong, I was dignified, then there was Anakin. (Semi-Dark Padme/Anakin)
Disclaimer: shit son, i'm just asmall blonde haired girl lookin for a way to mack on some hot words.
Rating: PG-13 (K) I guess it's a littttle dark? Maybe.
My Note: Perhaps you will not like it, perhaps you will. Please give me words, I love them. I really do. They just trigger so much. On the other hand, this is my second-jab ever at Star Wars, the time setting on this book is somewhere inbetween II and III. Or just interupt whatever you want, it can be whatever you make it.
This is where life is a little unsure.
The nights are thick and thin, and empty.
Spaced out and dull.
I do nothing.
I do nothing but dream. I cross out the stars a million times and wonder. I melt under a light up sky.
I melt, I live, I become.
It's amazing how much someone can build their entire character on being this strong person, on striving becoming working, but something happened. I found myself crumbling under something I couldn't even explain. It was those eyes. Those blue eyes. They wouldn't just let me go. They looked so hard. So straight threw. Like I didn't stand a chance. As a little boy he told me he would marry me, that he would have me some day. They said he was to fulfill a prophecy; he made one of his own that day.
I wait. I melt. I wish. I lay in what is ours and think of every possibility of him, and how I got here. Honestly, it's like a dream, I cannot recollect every blurry moment. It's like this. I was strong, I was dignified, then there was Anakin.
I want to explain myself here. I want to say I didn't stand a chance. His mind was made up, and there was nothing I could do. I had to fall in love with him. I tried so hard. I really did.
You don't believe me? I wish I could say I was strong enough to fight off the feelings that crept, that over came me, that melted me. I could stand up in front of thousands of people and fight causes, I could go to the front of battle lines and be ready to die for every single belief that I held so deeply. No one ever told me that there was that. That feeling that crept up in my like darkness and light that spread across my insides. It kept me up at night. It kept me dying. It kept me wanting. It kept me terrified.
Do you believe me yet? Do you know what it's like to scream underwater?
"The thought of not being with you… I can't breathe."
The look on his face like it was seeing right through me. He could.
God, I knew he could. I had to look away. He could see right into the bottom of my whatever part of my soul that I still had left, that I still possessed.
I can't breathe. I still sometimes can't. The thought of not being with him…I can't breathe. Blurry still, somewhere in between this part of time, I surrendered myself. Either way I was dying, with or without him. But without him would leave me dead sooner.
"Anakin." I whisper. I hope. I melt. Something moves in the shadows of the edge of my room. Against the window. For a second, I feel the rush of fear, but it goes away quickly. Just a memory of the fear I once felt. I don't fear anything anymore except living without…him. In the dark blue light something breathes. I move close, and I know before I even see, it's him. Him.
He touches my hair and puts his lips against my mouth, so longingly, it almost hurts me. He tangles his hands all up. We stand in the shadows, and he whispers against my mouth, into my hair, into me. "I've missed you, so much." Into this, because it's all his. I am all his.
You still don't believe me? Parts of me know this darkness, I'm dying. This much I know. The darkness of whatever comes into me. I cannot breathe. He cannot breathe. We cannot breathe.
When he's gone again, I sit.
I wish. I dream. I hope.
This is all I can do these days.