Chapter thirteen:
It was unlike Karen to think, but she was, she was on the floor staring at the pills thinking.
"What would it be like? What would happen?" she asked herself. She stared blankly at a random point in the toilet cubical and went into a daze. She could see herself sitting there, she was moving about, but what was she doing?
She could see closer; through Karen's eyes actually, she was fumbling around with a pot of pills. She managed to open them and pour its contents into her hand. With the other hand she unscrewed the lid to her bottle of vodka.
She waited for a second, as-if she was getting up the courage to do it.
She looked from one hand to another, from the pills to the booze. The, after a second of stillness she suddenly shoved the pills into her moth and washed them down with the vodka.
She was no longer looking through Karens eyes, she watching her from the back of the cubical. She could see Karens back, her hair sat perfectly onto her shoulders, which was covered in the latest Armani collection. Her arms were drooped next to her body, a hand was loosely holding a bottle of vodka which was leaking all over the floor.
Her head fell down and hung limply without support. She then tipped sideways just carefully missing the edge of the toilet, followed by a loud bang; her head had hit the toilet floor.
She was then looking onto Jack & Bernie, sitting at their table talking. She couldn't hear what they were saying but she knew from their facial expressions. They were talking, chatting; laughing together, completely unaware of the shock of what she had just seen or of what was going on. They were carrying on as normal well not even that, like she didn't even exist, like she had meant nothing, played no part in their lives.
She was now looking at Will & Grace. They were sitting in their apartment with Rob and Ellen playing Pyramid. She watched them play; again she couldn't hear anything but watched them anyway. They were laughing and drinking, Will & Grace were whispering about how they were winning, they even did their little hand slapping thing,-'How poor!' Karen thought, trying to cover-up that she had never had a sad friendship like that.
From Will & Graces apartment to a hospital, Karen was now looking in on. She could see an old man in bed, machines lay all around him while he struggled to breathe. Next to him was her mother Lois, obviously trying to scam him for his will. Karen knew she had made Lois to sign those forms so she wouldn't get caught in another scam again, but she couldn't help feeling left out. Lois had always needed Karen for scams, what had changed? Well if Lois didn't need her, then she didn't need Lois!
She was now looking in on some hotel room, ah-Lionel Banks. He was in bed with some hooker, counting out the money was the main giveaway. Even he didn't need her! "Why do I care if Lionel needs me?" Karen questioned herself. With that question she immediately came out of her daze, she was still on the toilet floor. Karen looked down at her stomach. She didn't even know if she was pregnant, so it wouldn't be like she would be killing another life on purpose.
Her eyes began to well up and pain was setting in again. All she could picture were her so-called 'friends' having a laugh while her dead body lay helplessly on a toilet floor. She couldn't believe how little she meant to Will, Grace, even Jack!
She decided to do it, no-one would notice anyway, she saw what was going to happen, no-one fucking cared! She unscrewed the bottle and poured some pills into her hand. With the other she had the bottle of open vodka. She took a deep breath, put the pills in her mouth and washed it down with vodka.
She sat there for a while, expecting a burst of sudden pain, wondering what was going to happen. 'If this is dying feels like then bring it on!' she though happily to herself. Slowly her eyes began to roll and her eye lids shut; her head lolled backward and she fell sideways.
It was just like she had pictured it, the drooping arms, and the loss of support in the head, the careful miss of the edge of the toilet seat. BANG! Her head hit the rock solid floor leaving her chocolate brown hair covering up the expression on her face.