Chapter 2
Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1.
Summary: Spike and Buffy are finally going out and it seems that nothing can go wrong. But of course, I just jinxed it. The Coven of the Truly Bizarre have escaped from the Van Hellsing Institute (Draculena's fic) to wreak havoc on the Scooby Gang's lives. How long can they take it before they all go insane?
(Buffy and Spike are standing in the doorway, staring at the vampires who have taken residence in Buffy's livingroom. Dracula is sitting in the armchair, looking very leader-ish, Carmilla and Louis are snuggling on the couch, unaware of anything that does not involve each other, Lestat and Radu are sitting on the loveseat, staring deeply into each other's eyes, Ruthven is sitting in an ordinary chair, surveying Buffy's and Spike's reaction, and Varney is sprawled on the floor, covered in belching white bunnies and giggling to himself. Spike steps forward and confronts Dracula.)
Spike: What the bleedin' hell are you and your gang doing here? You still owe me money. I hope you didn't forget about that. You don't just barge into my love's home without a little warning.
Buffy: That's right, you're Dracula. I've kicked your butt before. You wanna rematch? If you don't pay Spike, you're going to get one whether you like it or not.
Dracula: (grumbles to himself) Fine. Here's the money (hands Spike a big wad of cash that was in his inside cape pocket). We were captured and forced to work in an organization, and we managed to escape (flashback to Varney conjuring huge flying bunnies and the coven stepping towards them cautiously). We would appreciate it if we would be allowed residence-
Varney: You said we came here to look at their dentist chairs.
Spike: (looks at Varney strangely and mutters something to himself which sounds suspiciously like 'disgrace') We're fresh out of dentist chairs. However, if you tried on the other side of the bloody planet, far away from us, they might have some.
Varney: Really?
Dracula: Enough of this nonsense. I've been very hospitable to you in the past. Is this any way to return a favor?
Buffy: As I remember, you tried to turn me.
Dracula: But of course. It was worth a try.
Buffy: Okay. I'll let you and your crew take shelter here for a while. But there are a few conditions. First, no trying any of the weird magic stuff on me or my sister. If you do, your remains will be able to fit into a jelly jar. Understood?
Dracula: Carmilla! Louis! Lestat! Radu! Show some manners! Pay attention! Lestat, what did Buffy just say?
Lestat: (Breaks eye contact with Radu) Ummm...who's Buffy? Her? (points at Buffy)
Dracula: (looks exasperated and on the breaking point) Yes. Do you see any other slayers in the room?
Lestat: (asking Buffy) What kind of hair conditioner do you use? I find that Pantene Pro-V gives my hair the silky shine it-
Dracula: (gets all red-eyed and scary) ENOUGH!!!!!! (Varney shrinks into corner, bunnies covering him) Now, what were the rest of your conditions? (Lestat looks up at the word 'conditions' because it sounds so much like 'conditioner')
Buffy: Second, none of you are allowed to go into our private rooms without permission. Third, he (points at Varney) is not allowed to make any more bunnies appear. There would be a problem if one of the gang sees bunnies of any kind.
Ruthven: Fair enough. (looks through window and sees owls) Say, Buffy. I've heard one of your friends is a witch. You think she knows any good spells for getting rid of owls?
Spike: Now, be polite Ruthie. Don't go asking for favors. You're pushing it as it is.
Ruthven: (growling, every word filled with mailce) Don't EVER call me RUTHIE.
Spike: What're you going to do about it Ruthie?
Radu: (taunting in singsong voice) Ruthie, Ruthie, Ruthie...
Ruthven: Shut it, whore boy.
Radu: (getting all teary-eyed) I am NOT a whore!
Dracula: OKAY. I think we're all tired and need some sleep. Could you tell us which rooms are available for us to use?
Buffy: You can use the living room and my mom's old bedroom. I think there's a cot in the basement, if you want to use that. Remember though: if you're planning any sinister lame-o plans, you're going to regret it.
Spike: I don't think this group of neanderthals is capable of making a plan.
Dracula: (looks at Spike darkly but controlls his anger) Thank you for your hospitality. Any one of us will be glad to do anything you want.
Louis: Anything?
Dracula: Yes.
Buffy: Well, me and Spike are calling it a night. Don't destroy the house or you'll have Mr. Pointy to answer to. (With that, her and Spike leave for her bedroom, which they will be sharing.)
Dracula: So, sleeping arrangements. Louis, Carmilla, you two sleep in the bedroom. (Lestat looks angry, but no one notices) Lestat, the couch. Radu, the loveseat. Ruthven, you'll get the armchair and Varney can use this sleeping bag and sleep on the floor.
Varney: What sleeping bag?
Dracula: (conjures big poofy sleeping bag out of thin air) This one.
Ruthven: Where are you going to sleep?
Dracula: In the basement. Behave.
Ahhh. The insanity begins. If you haven't read "Blood Suckers Anonymous" and/or "Vampire Boot Camp" by Draculena, things may get a little confusing. I highly recommend them. My review box is feeling lonley and insecure. Cheer it up with a click or two.
Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1.
Summary: Spike and Buffy are finally going out and it seems that nothing can go wrong. But of course, I just jinxed it. The Coven of the Truly Bizarre have escaped from the Van Hellsing Institute (Draculena's fic) to wreak havoc on the Scooby Gang's lives. How long can they take it before they all go insane?
(Buffy and Spike are standing in the doorway, staring at the vampires who have taken residence in Buffy's livingroom. Dracula is sitting in the armchair, looking very leader-ish, Carmilla and Louis are snuggling on the couch, unaware of anything that does not involve each other, Lestat and Radu are sitting on the loveseat, staring deeply into each other's eyes, Ruthven is sitting in an ordinary chair, surveying Buffy's and Spike's reaction, and Varney is sprawled on the floor, covered in belching white bunnies and giggling to himself. Spike steps forward and confronts Dracula.)
Spike: What the bleedin' hell are you and your gang doing here? You still owe me money. I hope you didn't forget about that. You don't just barge into my love's home without a little warning.
Buffy: That's right, you're Dracula. I've kicked your butt before. You wanna rematch? If you don't pay Spike, you're going to get one whether you like it or not.
Dracula: (grumbles to himself) Fine. Here's the money (hands Spike a big wad of cash that was in his inside cape pocket). We were captured and forced to work in an organization, and we managed to escape (flashback to Varney conjuring huge flying bunnies and the coven stepping towards them cautiously). We would appreciate it if we would be allowed residence-
Varney: You said we came here to look at their dentist chairs.
Spike: (looks at Varney strangely and mutters something to himself which sounds suspiciously like 'disgrace') We're fresh out of dentist chairs. However, if you tried on the other side of the bloody planet, far away from us, they might have some.
Varney: Really?
Dracula: Enough of this nonsense. I've been very hospitable to you in the past. Is this any way to return a favor?
Buffy: As I remember, you tried to turn me.
Dracula: But of course. It was worth a try.
Buffy: Okay. I'll let you and your crew take shelter here for a while. But there are a few conditions. First, no trying any of the weird magic stuff on me or my sister. If you do, your remains will be able to fit into a jelly jar. Understood?
Dracula: Carmilla! Louis! Lestat! Radu! Show some manners! Pay attention! Lestat, what did Buffy just say?
Lestat: (Breaks eye contact with Radu) Ummm...who's Buffy? Her? (points at Buffy)
Dracula: (looks exasperated and on the breaking point) Yes. Do you see any other slayers in the room?
Lestat: (asking Buffy) What kind of hair conditioner do you use? I find that Pantene Pro-V gives my hair the silky shine it-
Dracula: (gets all red-eyed and scary) ENOUGH!!!!!! (Varney shrinks into corner, bunnies covering him) Now, what were the rest of your conditions? (Lestat looks up at the word 'conditions' because it sounds so much like 'conditioner')
Buffy: Second, none of you are allowed to go into our private rooms without permission. Third, he (points at Varney) is not allowed to make any more bunnies appear. There would be a problem if one of the gang sees bunnies of any kind.
Ruthven: Fair enough. (looks through window and sees owls) Say, Buffy. I've heard one of your friends is a witch. You think she knows any good spells for getting rid of owls?
Spike: Now, be polite Ruthie. Don't go asking for favors. You're pushing it as it is.
Ruthven: (growling, every word filled with mailce) Don't EVER call me RUTHIE.
Spike: What're you going to do about it Ruthie?
Radu: (taunting in singsong voice) Ruthie, Ruthie, Ruthie...
Ruthven: Shut it, whore boy.
Radu: (getting all teary-eyed) I am NOT a whore!
Dracula: OKAY. I think we're all tired and need some sleep. Could you tell us which rooms are available for us to use?
Buffy: You can use the living room and my mom's old bedroom. I think there's a cot in the basement, if you want to use that. Remember though: if you're planning any sinister lame-o plans, you're going to regret it.
Spike: I don't think this group of neanderthals is capable of making a plan.
Dracula: (looks at Spike darkly but controlls his anger) Thank you for your hospitality. Any one of us will be glad to do anything you want.
Louis: Anything?
Dracula: Yes.
Buffy: Well, me and Spike are calling it a night. Don't destroy the house or you'll have Mr. Pointy to answer to. (With that, her and Spike leave for her bedroom, which they will be sharing.)
Dracula: So, sleeping arrangements. Louis, Carmilla, you two sleep in the bedroom. (Lestat looks angry, but no one notices) Lestat, the couch. Radu, the loveseat. Ruthven, you'll get the armchair and Varney can use this sleeping bag and sleep on the floor.
Varney: What sleeping bag?
Dracula: (conjures big poofy sleeping bag out of thin air) This one.
Ruthven: Where are you going to sleep?
Dracula: In the basement. Behave.
Ahhh. The insanity begins. If you haven't read "Blood Suckers Anonymous" and/or "Vampire Boot Camp" by Draculena, things may get a little confusing. I highly recommend them. My review box is feeling lonley and insecure. Cheer it up with a click or two.