Chapter 3
Disclaimer: Same as chapter 1.
Summary: Buffy has very graciously allowed the CotTB to stay in her house. How long will they be welcome? What will the other members of the Scooby Gang think of this arrangement? How is Spike dealing with all this? Suspense. It's killing you.
(Spike and Buffy are sleeping in Buffy's queen sized bed. They are sleeping all snuggled up to each other. The sun is slowly creeping over the horizon. Someone forgot to close the curtains in Buffy's room though...)
(A pale beam of sunlight sneaks it's way onto the back of Spike's hand.)
Spike: (eyes open instantly when he feels the searing pain on his hand) Bloody hell! I forgot about the damn curtains! (Quickly closes curtains, avoiding any more lethal rays of light.) Better put some ice on this...it'll leave a mark, no doubt. Just my luck.
(Down in the kitchen)
Varney: (wandering around the kitchen, looking for ingredients) What were the ingredients again, Snorgo? Of course! How could I have forgotten the marshmallows? (Snorgo the rabbit is sitting contentedly on the kitchen counter gnawing on the chunk of chocolate Varney has found.)
Varney: Now, was I supposed to put it in the oven or on the stove top? I think it's the stove. I can see it better that way.
Spike: (walks in kitchen in search for ice) What the bleedin' hell are you doing?! Trying to burn my love's house down?!
Varney: No, silly! I'm making a s'more omlet!
Spike: A WHAT?
Varney: (Points to the unappetizing glop with eggshells sticking out of it. The burner it's on is on high. It's starting to smoke slightly.) It's very easy. Just get the chocolate, graham crackers,-
Spike: I don't want to know how to bloody make one! Just turn the stove off before you start a fire!
Varney: Only YOU can prevent forest fires.
Spike: Yes, yes. Very nice. (Takes frying pan full of glop and starts to feed it to Snorgo.)
Varney: No! You can't feed that to Snorgo! It's bad for his heart!
Spike: (Rolls eyes) Right. (He dumps the glop in the garbage disposal.)
(Buffy chooses that moment to walk in the kitchen, looking for all the world like a zombie with a bad hair day.)
Buffy: You'll have to yell at each other a little louder next time. I don't think the people ten miles away heard you.
Spike: Mornin' to you too, Luv. Someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
Buffy: (pouts) Yes. But you know they say a good kiss can fix anything...
Spike: Indeed they do. (Buffy and Spike go in for a make-out session in the middle of the kitchen and Varney turns a delicate shade of green.)
Varney: SO...anyone wanna s'more omlet?
(Dawn suddenly bursts in the front door, slamming it cheerfully behind her. Buffy and Spike break up quickly.)
Dawn: Good morning America! (notices Varney attempting to make another s'more omlet) Who is he and what is he cooking?
Varney: Hi, I'm Varney and this is Snorgo. Wanna s'more omlet?
Dawn: Gee. Um, no thanks.
Buffy: See Dawnie, a few of Spike's old friends (when Buffy mentions 'friends', Spike chokes slightly) came by last night and they needed a place to crash for a while. I'm afraid the rest of them are still sleeping. I don't see how though. I didn't think anyone would still be asleep after Spike's little outburst this morning.
Dawn: That's cool. I guess. Giles would have come in to say 'hi' and all, but he said he had to do some research about an upcoming apocolypse.
Buffy: It must be Tuesday.
Varney: Bad things always happen on Tuesdays.
Dawn: You know, Anya better not see any of those bunnies. She'll totally freak on us. Her and Xander are coming over this evening. How many of Spike's friends are there? Are they all vampires?
Buffy: Hmm...there are seven of them; all vampires.
Spike: (While everyone's been talking, Spike finally gets some ice and puts it on his aching hand.) I'm going back to sleep. Wake me a t 7.
Buffy: Can do. Sweet dreams, darling. (kisses him lightly on the lips)
Spike: G'night.
(It's now 7:30 pm. All the vampires are lounging in the living room. Except Lestat. He's still taking a shower. Dawn is talking animatedly to Dracula and Ruthven about something they don't care about, Carmilla and Louis are happily snuggling on the couch watching Hannibal, Buffy is chatting with Radu about the finer points of decapitation, and Varney is telling Spike about how wonderful it is to be around Ruthven.)
Varney: And he NEVER loses a fight! Isn't that so cool? Ruthven could take on an entire army of rabbits. If he hurt them, I'd be very sad though. You should have seen the way he beat Radu the other day...
Spike: (slowly dying of boredom) Uh huh... Right... Okay...
(Anya and Xander burst through the door, head for the living room, start to say 'hi' to Buffy, then do a double-take.)
Anya: What are these losers doing in your house Buffy? (eyes Varney warily, but he has no bunnies at the moment)
Dawn: They're going to be staying with us for a while!
Buffy: What she said.
Xander: (looks at the array of vampires littering Buffy's living room and notices Dracula. Xander looks scared and angry at the same time) What's HE (points at Dracula) doing here? He tried to kill you, remember? Or did he do the weird mojo on you? Don't worry. Will is going to be here in a while. She'll take the spell off you.
Buffy: I am NOT under any spell, Xander. This is just Buffy being nice and hospitable to vampires for once. They're perfectly harmless too. (All the vampires in the room look put out by this, but none comment.) They could even help us patrol!
Anya: Well, are we going to be introduced or not?
Spike: (points to each of them in turn) Ruthven. Dracula. Varney. Carmilla. Louis. Radu. (Notices that Lestat is missing.) We're missing one of them.
(Lestat strolls into the living room, wearing all black leather. Even a leather cape for some reason. His hair is still slightly wet from the shower. You can see Radu drooling slightly. Lestat sees the drool running down Radu's chin, winks at him, and sits next to him and Buffy.)
Spike: And this is Lestat.
Xander: And how long will they be staying here?
Dracula: We can't really tell. Seeing as how we've just escaped from an institute imprisioning us, we're not really sure if they're on our trail or not.
Xander: They're fugitives! We should turn them in!
Dracula: Your annoyingness greatly annoys me.
Xander: Oh yeah? I think you want Mr.-
(Willow walks in with a smile, sees Dracula and Xander ready to go at each other's throats, frowns, and stops dead in her tracks.)
Willow: Am I missing something? (Looks at all the other vampire suspiciously.)
Buffy: Long story.
Spike: They need a place to crash.
Buffy: Apparantly not that long. (Turns to Dracula) If you can't behave yourself around my friends, I think you'll find your invitation here short- lived.
Radu: You got TOLD!
(Dracula glares at Radu, does his little weird hand gesture, and makes Radu suddenly unconscious. Lestat pouts, but no one cares.)
Dracula: I'm terribly sorry. I've been a little stressed lately.
Willow: Like vampire PMS?
Dracula: You could say that.
Anya: So, what're we going to do?
Carmilla: (Looks up and says first thing in my fic) Hannibal is on.
(Everyone reading this: She talks!)
Anya: I love Hannibal!
Xander: Isn't seeing all that gore in everyday life enough for you?
Anya: But Hannibal is so cunning and smart, unlike most of the things we fight. I mean, vampires and whiny hell gods? Please. (Anya plops down in front of the tv screen and watches avidly. Xander joins her.)
Buffy: I guess I'll go get the popcorn.
Willow: I'll go with you.
(Buffy and Willow head to the kitchen for popcorn.)
(Lestat is trying to wake up Radu, but to no avail.)
Dracula: He's going to be like that for a while, Lestat. Might as well start chasing after Louis again. (Lestat eyes Louis seductively.)
Dawn: (to Lestat) You're GAY!?
Lestat: No, I'm French. There's a difference.
Dawn: Oh. Okay.
Lestat: But Radu is gay. Or bisexual. Either one. He's not French. He's also a whore, but you'd better not mention that around him. He has a very bad case of denial.
Dawn: Oh. Okay.
Spike: Now Lestat, do you really need to be tellin' Bit about all that? I don't think it's necessary.
Lestat: I do. We ARE living with her now.
Spike: I need a drink. Too bad Buffy threw out all my brandy.
Dracula: (conjures an expensive-looking wine) Will this do?
Spike: (takes the wine and pours some into one of the glasses Dracula has also conjured) It's fine.
Anya: (looks away from tv screen) You know that Buffy doesn't like you drinking.
Carmilla: Speaking of drinking, do you have any blood around here?
Spike: Only pig's blood. If you drink any human blood around here, Buffy won't be pleased. And you don't want to fight an unhappy Slayer, trust me.
Dracula: I know that from experience. It was extremely embarassing.
Spike: So, who's for pig's blood? (Sees that Louis is the only one who raises his hand.) Okay, then. No one else?
Dracula: If I can't feed here, I'll just have to go elsewhere. Who's with me? (Dracula heads towards the door and Carmilla, Lestat, and Ruthven follow him.) We'll be back before sunrise.
Spike: What about you Varney? Pig's blood?
Varney: No, I'd like a mango.
Louis: Since when have you liked mangoes?
Varney: Since I saw one on a commerical. Maybe it was an apricot.
Spike: I give up. One pig's blood and one mango, coming up.
Who is torturing who now? Buffy has set up some demanding rules for her new residents, but she is starting to feel burdened with their extreme randomness and stupidity. Which group will crack first? Giles has yet to meet these new arrivals. What will he think of them? Will he think that Buffy has completely lost it? You'll find out eventually. My review button is on Prozac now, but is still depressed. I'm sure if you clicked on it a bit, it would feel a little happier. After all, no one likes a depressed review button.
-Ayshieka
Disclaimer: Same as chapter 1.
Summary: Buffy has very graciously allowed the CotTB to stay in her house. How long will they be welcome? What will the other members of the Scooby Gang think of this arrangement? How is Spike dealing with all this? Suspense. It's killing you.
(Spike and Buffy are sleeping in Buffy's queen sized bed. They are sleeping all snuggled up to each other. The sun is slowly creeping over the horizon. Someone forgot to close the curtains in Buffy's room though...)
(A pale beam of sunlight sneaks it's way onto the back of Spike's hand.)
Spike: (eyes open instantly when he feels the searing pain on his hand) Bloody hell! I forgot about the damn curtains! (Quickly closes curtains, avoiding any more lethal rays of light.) Better put some ice on this...it'll leave a mark, no doubt. Just my luck.
(Down in the kitchen)
Varney: (wandering around the kitchen, looking for ingredients) What were the ingredients again, Snorgo? Of course! How could I have forgotten the marshmallows? (Snorgo the rabbit is sitting contentedly on the kitchen counter gnawing on the chunk of chocolate Varney has found.)
Varney: Now, was I supposed to put it in the oven or on the stove top? I think it's the stove. I can see it better that way.
Spike: (walks in kitchen in search for ice) What the bleedin' hell are you doing?! Trying to burn my love's house down?!
Varney: No, silly! I'm making a s'more omlet!
Spike: A WHAT?
Varney: (Points to the unappetizing glop with eggshells sticking out of it. The burner it's on is on high. It's starting to smoke slightly.) It's very easy. Just get the chocolate, graham crackers,-
Spike: I don't want to know how to bloody make one! Just turn the stove off before you start a fire!
Varney: Only YOU can prevent forest fires.
Spike: Yes, yes. Very nice. (Takes frying pan full of glop and starts to feed it to Snorgo.)
Varney: No! You can't feed that to Snorgo! It's bad for his heart!
Spike: (Rolls eyes) Right. (He dumps the glop in the garbage disposal.)
(Buffy chooses that moment to walk in the kitchen, looking for all the world like a zombie with a bad hair day.)
Buffy: You'll have to yell at each other a little louder next time. I don't think the people ten miles away heard you.
Spike: Mornin' to you too, Luv. Someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
Buffy: (pouts) Yes. But you know they say a good kiss can fix anything...
Spike: Indeed they do. (Buffy and Spike go in for a make-out session in the middle of the kitchen and Varney turns a delicate shade of green.)
Varney: SO...anyone wanna s'more omlet?
(Dawn suddenly bursts in the front door, slamming it cheerfully behind her. Buffy and Spike break up quickly.)
Dawn: Good morning America! (notices Varney attempting to make another s'more omlet) Who is he and what is he cooking?
Varney: Hi, I'm Varney and this is Snorgo. Wanna s'more omlet?
Dawn: Gee. Um, no thanks.
Buffy: See Dawnie, a few of Spike's old friends (when Buffy mentions 'friends', Spike chokes slightly) came by last night and they needed a place to crash for a while. I'm afraid the rest of them are still sleeping. I don't see how though. I didn't think anyone would still be asleep after Spike's little outburst this morning.
Dawn: That's cool. I guess. Giles would have come in to say 'hi' and all, but he said he had to do some research about an upcoming apocolypse.
Buffy: It must be Tuesday.
Varney: Bad things always happen on Tuesdays.
Dawn: You know, Anya better not see any of those bunnies. She'll totally freak on us. Her and Xander are coming over this evening. How many of Spike's friends are there? Are they all vampires?
Buffy: Hmm...there are seven of them; all vampires.
Spike: (While everyone's been talking, Spike finally gets some ice and puts it on his aching hand.) I'm going back to sleep. Wake me a t 7.
Buffy: Can do. Sweet dreams, darling. (kisses him lightly on the lips)
Spike: G'night.
(It's now 7:30 pm. All the vampires are lounging in the living room. Except Lestat. He's still taking a shower. Dawn is talking animatedly to Dracula and Ruthven about something they don't care about, Carmilla and Louis are happily snuggling on the couch watching Hannibal, Buffy is chatting with Radu about the finer points of decapitation, and Varney is telling Spike about how wonderful it is to be around Ruthven.)
Varney: And he NEVER loses a fight! Isn't that so cool? Ruthven could take on an entire army of rabbits. If he hurt them, I'd be very sad though. You should have seen the way he beat Radu the other day...
Spike: (slowly dying of boredom) Uh huh... Right... Okay...
(Anya and Xander burst through the door, head for the living room, start to say 'hi' to Buffy, then do a double-take.)
Anya: What are these losers doing in your house Buffy? (eyes Varney warily, but he has no bunnies at the moment)
Dawn: They're going to be staying with us for a while!
Buffy: What she said.
Xander: (looks at the array of vampires littering Buffy's living room and notices Dracula. Xander looks scared and angry at the same time) What's HE (points at Dracula) doing here? He tried to kill you, remember? Or did he do the weird mojo on you? Don't worry. Will is going to be here in a while. She'll take the spell off you.
Buffy: I am NOT under any spell, Xander. This is just Buffy being nice and hospitable to vampires for once. They're perfectly harmless too. (All the vampires in the room look put out by this, but none comment.) They could even help us patrol!
Anya: Well, are we going to be introduced or not?
Spike: (points to each of them in turn) Ruthven. Dracula. Varney. Carmilla. Louis. Radu. (Notices that Lestat is missing.) We're missing one of them.
(Lestat strolls into the living room, wearing all black leather. Even a leather cape for some reason. His hair is still slightly wet from the shower. You can see Radu drooling slightly. Lestat sees the drool running down Radu's chin, winks at him, and sits next to him and Buffy.)
Spike: And this is Lestat.
Xander: And how long will they be staying here?
Dracula: We can't really tell. Seeing as how we've just escaped from an institute imprisioning us, we're not really sure if they're on our trail or not.
Xander: They're fugitives! We should turn them in!
Dracula: Your annoyingness greatly annoys me.
Xander: Oh yeah? I think you want Mr.-
(Willow walks in with a smile, sees Dracula and Xander ready to go at each other's throats, frowns, and stops dead in her tracks.)
Willow: Am I missing something? (Looks at all the other vampire suspiciously.)
Buffy: Long story.
Spike: They need a place to crash.
Buffy: Apparantly not that long. (Turns to Dracula) If you can't behave yourself around my friends, I think you'll find your invitation here short- lived.
Radu: You got TOLD!
(Dracula glares at Radu, does his little weird hand gesture, and makes Radu suddenly unconscious. Lestat pouts, but no one cares.)
Dracula: I'm terribly sorry. I've been a little stressed lately.
Willow: Like vampire PMS?
Dracula: You could say that.
Anya: So, what're we going to do?
Carmilla: (Looks up and says first thing in my fic) Hannibal is on.
(Everyone reading this: She talks!)
Anya: I love Hannibal!
Xander: Isn't seeing all that gore in everyday life enough for you?
Anya: But Hannibal is so cunning and smart, unlike most of the things we fight. I mean, vampires and whiny hell gods? Please. (Anya plops down in front of the tv screen and watches avidly. Xander joins her.)
Buffy: I guess I'll go get the popcorn.
Willow: I'll go with you.
(Buffy and Willow head to the kitchen for popcorn.)
(Lestat is trying to wake up Radu, but to no avail.)
Dracula: He's going to be like that for a while, Lestat. Might as well start chasing after Louis again. (Lestat eyes Louis seductively.)
Dawn: (to Lestat) You're GAY!?
Lestat: No, I'm French. There's a difference.
Dawn: Oh. Okay.
Lestat: But Radu is gay. Or bisexual. Either one. He's not French. He's also a whore, but you'd better not mention that around him. He has a very bad case of denial.
Dawn: Oh. Okay.
Spike: Now Lestat, do you really need to be tellin' Bit about all that? I don't think it's necessary.
Lestat: I do. We ARE living with her now.
Spike: I need a drink. Too bad Buffy threw out all my brandy.
Dracula: (conjures an expensive-looking wine) Will this do?
Spike: (takes the wine and pours some into one of the glasses Dracula has also conjured) It's fine.
Anya: (looks away from tv screen) You know that Buffy doesn't like you drinking.
Carmilla: Speaking of drinking, do you have any blood around here?
Spike: Only pig's blood. If you drink any human blood around here, Buffy won't be pleased. And you don't want to fight an unhappy Slayer, trust me.
Dracula: I know that from experience. It was extremely embarassing.
Spike: So, who's for pig's blood? (Sees that Louis is the only one who raises his hand.) Okay, then. No one else?
Dracula: If I can't feed here, I'll just have to go elsewhere. Who's with me? (Dracula heads towards the door and Carmilla, Lestat, and Ruthven follow him.) We'll be back before sunrise.
Spike: What about you Varney? Pig's blood?
Varney: No, I'd like a mango.
Louis: Since when have you liked mangoes?
Varney: Since I saw one on a commerical. Maybe it was an apricot.
Spike: I give up. One pig's blood and one mango, coming up.
Who is torturing who now? Buffy has set up some demanding rules for her new residents, but she is starting to feel burdened with their extreme randomness and stupidity. Which group will crack first? Giles has yet to meet these new arrivals. What will he think of them? Will he think that Buffy has completely lost it? You'll find out eventually. My review button is on Prozac now, but is still depressed. I'm sure if you clicked on it a bit, it would feel a little happier. After all, no one likes a depressed review button.
-Ayshieka