Chapter 4
Disclaimer: If you really want one, go to chapter 1.
Summary: Most of the Scooby Gang has met the Coven of the Truly Bizarre. (I'm leaving Tara out of this fic because I never liked her to begin with.) They think Buffy is crazy to be sheltering these maniacs, but it's her house. What will Giles think of the coven? You'll find out. What sort of apocolypse are they facing? You'll find out.
(It is another night in the now crazy Buffy household. The Scooby Gang, minus Giles, and the coven, minus Lestat, are all in the living room. As you can imagine, it's getting pretty crowded. Radu, Dracula, Spike, and Carmilla are playing Lord of the Fangs Monopoly. Louis is watching them. Xander and Ruthven are playing Connect Four. Varney is watching the weird mango/apricot commercial. Buffy, Anya, Willow, and Dawn are talking about girly stuff and giggling. )
Carmilla: (looks at her heaping stack of fake cash and then looks at the non-existant money piles of the other players) I guess I win again boys.
Spike: You were cheating!
Carmilla: If you think that having a high IQ is cheating, I suppose you're right.
Radu: You got TOLD!
(Dracula rolls his eyes and once again does his little weird hand gesture, making Radu instantly unconscious.)
Spike: (Doesn't notice that Dracula is the one who made Radu pass out.) Does that happen every time he says that?
Dracula: Just about.
Varney: MANGOES! (Starts rolling on the floor, giggling insanely. He accidentally makes a few bunnies appear, which is a bad idea.)
Anya: (Gives her most piercing scream.) BUNNIES! (She makes a mad dash for the stairs, knocking down everyone in her path, which include Carmilla, Buffy, and Ruthven. You can hear her screaming from the second story.)
(Upon hearing the screaming, one of Buffy's neighbors calls the police, believing somebody is being murdered.)
Varney: (Now huddling behind the couch, protectively in front of his bunnies.) Was it something I said?
Carmilla: (Sits beside Varney and pats him on the back soothingly.) No, no, darling. It wasn't anything you said. She just doesn't like bunnies much...
Varney: But how can ANYONE not like bunnies?
Carmilla: Well, you'll just have to ask her.
(Lestat walks into the living room. You can tell he's spent a lot of time carefully grooming himself.)
Lestat: Who died?
Xander: (Suddenly stands up.) I'll go see how she's doing. (Gives Varney a dirty glare. Varney whimpers. Carmilla gives Xander an evil glare. Xander quickly goes upstairs.)
Dracula: It seems that one of Buffy's friends doesn't like bunnies much.
Lestat: Oh. (Notices Radu lying on the floor.) Again?
Dracula: He WAS getting annoying again.
Ruthven: I hope she doesn't feel the same way about owls. (Several owls are sitting on the branch right outside the living room window.) I think I'll take a walk outside. (Ruthven leaves.)
Spike: I still think she was cheating.
(Blank looks from everyone.)
Spike: Nevermind. I think I'll go patrolling. Anyone with me?
Varney: OOOH! OOOH! I'll go!
Spike: (sighs) Okay. Buffy, you coming?
Buffy: Like I'd trust all these vampires here not to destroy the house.
Spike: Good point. See you later then, pet. (They kiss intensely, everyone looks away, embarassed. Except for Carmilla and Louis. They have their own lip-lock going on. Lestat fumes.)
(Spike and Varney walk outside, Varney chatting the whole time about a plan he has to catch vampires. Spike suddenly motions for him to be quiet.)
Unknown Voice: Does Fluffy want a nice mousey? Come on. Come here, Fluffy wuffy woo. That's it. Aren't you the pretty one? Yes you are...
(Spike and Varney creep around the corner, to find the owner of the mysterious voice.)
Spike: Ruthven! What are you DOING!?
Ruthven: (Quickly backs away from the owls he had been talking to.) Me? I wasn't doing anything. Just standing here. Not doing anything.
Varney: Don't worry Spike. He was only talking to his owls again. He always talks to them when he thinks no one's looking. I don't see why though. An animal friend is just fine!
Ruthven: Thanks a bunch, Varney. Just ruin my dignity.
Varney: You're welcome.
Spike: Whatever floats your boat. Come on, Varney. We have some evil nasties to take care of. Leave Ruthie to talk to his 'animal friends.'
(As Spike and Varney are walking away, they see several police cruisers pull up to the Summers' house, sirens and lights on.)
Spike: Buffy'll be able to take care of it. We'd only get in the way.
(Half an hour later, Spike and Varney are looking extremely stupid sitting behind a booth that says 'free bunniez.' There are about a dozen fat rabbits lying on the counter of the booth. The booth is in the middle of one of Sunnydale's cemeteries.)
Spike: Why did I even bother to listen to your soddin' plan? I'm being reduced to your level.
Varney: Bunnies! Bunnies for sale! Get your free bunny here!
(A few newly-risen vampires walk uncertainly up to the booth.)
Random Vampire #1: Do they have good blood?
Varney: All my bunnies have the purestest blood you'll find anywhere.
Random Vampire #2: We hear the Slayer lives here. We need a quick bite before we kill her.
Varney: Bunny blood even makes your bones stronger. Sort of like that white stuff.
(While Varney has been talking to the Random Vampires, Spike has snuck up behind them. He now dusts them without a second thought.)
Spike: I guess your idea is better than I thought it was.
Varney: (Giggles for a moment.) Those vampires weren't very smart, were they? They wanted to kill a Slayer! If you're a Slayer, you're supposed to slay things, not be slayed.
Spike: Right.
(Spike and Varney continue to sit at the booth for another hour, killing several vampires and demons.)
Spike: I think we'd best be heading home. Check to see how Buffy's doing and all.
Varney: Okay.
(When Spike and Varney get home, they find the house in an uproar. The entire coven is standing behind Buffy while Giles is yelling at her.)
Giles: You've really gone too far this time Buffy! I can deal with Spike living with you. He's only one vampire. But seven more of them! Why did you even invite them in in the first place?
Buffy: Giles, these are a different type of vampire. They don't need to be invited in a home. They just barged on in while I was gone.
Giles: Are you trying to get killed again Buffy?
(Buffy's eyes start to tear up. Spike steps in.)
Spike: Giles, old mate, this is Buffy's house. If she wants to shelter some pathetic, worthless vampires (all the vampires glare at him) that's her affair, isn't it? No harm will come of her or Bit.
Xander: You have to admit, Captain Peroxide has a point. They do seem to be a few corndogs short of a picnic. We're here if anything happens.
Giles: I suppose you are right. I'm sorry Buffy. This just took me completely by surprise. I've been researching a prophesy about an upcoming apocolypse, and I'm afraid you have fulfilled it by letting these vampires reside in your house.
Varney: We're all going to DIE?!
Giles: I see what you mean, Xander.
Carmilla: Varney, it's been a long night. Maybe you should just rest on the couch. (Turns toward everyone else.) Louis and I are going to take a look around the town. We'll be back before sunrise. Maybe.
(Louis and Carmilla leave the house and walk to the local YMCA, where they break in and lounge in the public hot tub. Carmilla has managed to find rose petals, and she sprinkles them in the water. Some R rated things happen, so we won't go into any of that.)
Spike: So, are you gonna tell us about this end of the world, or do we have to guess?
Giles: I was getting there. The prophesy very basically says that the Slayer will become more lenient towards a group of vampires, and a newly- risen fledgling will destroy the world.
Dracula: A newly-risen fledgling? That's impossible.
Buffy: Stranger things have happened.
Spike: Like Ruthie baby talking to his owls.
Ruthven: I was not! I told you I wasn't doing anything!
Spike: Denial isn't a river in Egypt, you know.
Ruthven: You should try telling that to our favorite unconscious friend over there (looks at Radu in disgust).
Dracula: When you two have stopped bickering, I think we have a slightly more important matter to discuss...
Giles: Yes. Right. The prophesy also mentions that at least one of the members of your coven knows this fledgling. (Pauses and looks over at the Scoobies) You five have been awfully quiet.
Dawn: We're getting into research mode. (All of them are mentally snickering. They have been mimicing Giles with wild hand gestures while he wasn't looking.)
Anya: Are you almost done? I would like to go and have sex with Xander to forget about the evil bunnies.
Xander: (looks embarassed) Anya, how many times have I told you that you just don't say some things?
Anya: I don't remember, but you say it a lot. Come on, let's go.
Xander: I'll see you tomorrow, Buffy.
(Xander and Anya leave. Giles, having nothing else to say, bids them all a goodnight and also leaves.)
Willow: Well, we've certainly had an interesting night. I thought Giles was going to explode when he saw all the vampires not being staked in here.
Spike: Why did the police come?
Buffy: One of our neighbors heard Anya screaming bloody murder and thought someone was trying to kill her, so they called the police.
Dawn: It was great! They came all barging in and everything. We tried to make the coven look normal, but let me just say it's a good thing we live on the hellmouth.
Willow: So, what are we gonna do about the apocolypse?
Buffy: We'll have to find out more first.
The end of another bizarre chapter! A fledgling causing an apocolypse? Who could it be? One or several members know this new vampire. Stay tuned to find out! It seems that the CotTB and the Scoobies are getting along a little better, but is that just an illusion? Remember, only YOU (and all the other people) can prevent depressed review buttons!
-Ayshieka
Disclaimer: If you really want one, go to chapter 1.
Summary: Most of the Scooby Gang has met the Coven of the Truly Bizarre. (I'm leaving Tara out of this fic because I never liked her to begin with.) They think Buffy is crazy to be sheltering these maniacs, but it's her house. What will Giles think of the coven? You'll find out. What sort of apocolypse are they facing? You'll find out.
(It is another night in the now crazy Buffy household. The Scooby Gang, minus Giles, and the coven, minus Lestat, are all in the living room. As you can imagine, it's getting pretty crowded. Radu, Dracula, Spike, and Carmilla are playing Lord of the Fangs Monopoly. Louis is watching them. Xander and Ruthven are playing Connect Four. Varney is watching the weird mango/apricot commercial. Buffy, Anya, Willow, and Dawn are talking about girly stuff and giggling. )
Carmilla: (looks at her heaping stack of fake cash and then looks at the non-existant money piles of the other players) I guess I win again boys.
Spike: You were cheating!
Carmilla: If you think that having a high IQ is cheating, I suppose you're right.
Radu: You got TOLD!
(Dracula rolls his eyes and once again does his little weird hand gesture, making Radu instantly unconscious.)
Spike: (Doesn't notice that Dracula is the one who made Radu pass out.) Does that happen every time he says that?
Dracula: Just about.
Varney: MANGOES! (Starts rolling on the floor, giggling insanely. He accidentally makes a few bunnies appear, which is a bad idea.)
Anya: (Gives her most piercing scream.) BUNNIES! (She makes a mad dash for the stairs, knocking down everyone in her path, which include Carmilla, Buffy, and Ruthven. You can hear her screaming from the second story.)
(Upon hearing the screaming, one of Buffy's neighbors calls the police, believing somebody is being murdered.)
Varney: (Now huddling behind the couch, protectively in front of his bunnies.) Was it something I said?
Carmilla: (Sits beside Varney and pats him on the back soothingly.) No, no, darling. It wasn't anything you said. She just doesn't like bunnies much...
Varney: But how can ANYONE not like bunnies?
Carmilla: Well, you'll just have to ask her.
(Lestat walks into the living room. You can tell he's spent a lot of time carefully grooming himself.)
Lestat: Who died?
Xander: (Suddenly stands up.) I'll go see how she's doing. (Gives Varney a dirty glare. Varney whimpers. Carmilla gives Xander an evil glare. Xander quickly goes upstairs.)
Dracula: It seems that one of Buffy's friends doesn't like bunnies much.
Lestat: Oh. (Notices Radu lying on the floor.) Again?
Dracula: He WAS getting annoying again.
Ruthven: I hope she doesn't feel the same way about owls. (Several owls are sitting on the branch right outside the living room window.) I think I'll take a walk outside. (Ruthven leaves.)
Spike: I still think she was cheating.
(Blank looks from everyone.)
Spike: Nevermind. I think I'll go patrolling. Anyone with me?
Varney: OOOH! OOOH! I'll go!
Spike: (sighs) Okay. Buffy, you coming?
Buffy: Like I'd trust all these vampires here not to destroy the house.
Spike: Good point. See you later then, pet. (They kiss intensely, everyone looks away, embarassed. Except for Carmilla and Louis. They have their own lip-lock going on. Lestat fumes.)
(Spike and Varney walk outside, Varney chatting the whole time about a plan he has to catch vampires. Spike suddenly motions for him to be quiet.)
Unknown Voice: Does Fluffy want a nice mousey? Come on. Come here, Fluffy wuffy woo. That's it. Aren't you the pretty one? Yes you are...
(Spike and Varney creep around the corner, to find the owner of the mysterious voice.)
Spike: Ruthven! What are you DOING!?
Ruthven: (Quickly backs away from the owls he had been talking to.) Me? I wasn't doing anything. Just standing here. Not doing anything.
Varney: Don't worry Spike. He was only talking to his owls again. He always talks to them when he thinks no one's looking. I don't see why though. An animal friend is just fine!
Ruthven: Thanks a bunch, Varney. Just ruin my dignity.
Varney: You're welcome.
Spike: Whatever floats your boat. Come on, Varney. We have some evil nasties to take care of. Leave Ruthie to talk to his 'animal friends.'
(As Spike and Varney are walking away, they see several police cruisers pull up to the Summers' house, sirens and lights on.)
Spike: Buffy'll be able to take care of it. We'd only get in the way.
(Half an hour later, Spike and Varney are looking extremely stupid sitting behind a booth that says 'free bunniez.' There are about a dozen fat rabbits lying on the counter of the booth. The booth is in the middle of one of Sunnydale's cemeteries.)
Spike: Why did I even bother to listen to your soddin' plan? I'm being reduced to your level.
Varney: Bunnies! Bunnies for sale! Get your free bunny here!
(A few newly-risen vampires walk uncertainly up to the booth.)
Random Vampire #1: Do they have good blood?
Varney: All my bunnies have the purestest blood you'll find anywhere.
Random Vampire #2: We hear the Slayer lives here. We need a quick bite before we kill her.
Varney: Bunny blood even makes your bones stronger. Sort of like that white stuff.
(While Varney has been talking to the Random Vampires, Spike has snuck up behind them. He now dusts them without a second thought.)
Spike: I guess your idea is better than I thought it was.
Varney: (Giggles for a moment.) Those vampires weren't very smart, were they? They wanted to kill a Slayer! If you're a Slayer, you're supposed to slay things, not be slayed.
Spike: Right.
(Spike and Varney continue to sit at the booth for another hour, killing several vampires and demons.)
Spike: I think we'd best be heading home. Check to see how Buffy's doing and all.
Varney: Okay.
(When Spike and Varney get home, they find the house in an uproar. The entire coven is standing behind Buffy while Giles is yelling at her.)
Giles: You've really gone too far this time Buffy! I can deal with Spike living with you. He's only one vampire. But seven more of them! Why did you even invite them in in the first place?
Buffy: Giles, these are a different type of vampire. They don't need to be invited in a home. They just barged on in while I was gone.
Giles: Are you trying to get killed again Buffy?
(Buffy's eyes start to tear up. Spike steps in.)
Spike: Giles, old mate, this is Buffy's house. If she wants to shelter some pathetic, worthless vampires (all the vampires glare at him) that's her affair, isn't it? No harm will come of her or Bit.
Xander: You have to admit, Captain Peroxide has a point. They do seem to be a few corndogs short of a picnic. We're here if anything happens.
Giles: I suppose you are right. I'm sorry Buffy. This just took me completely by surprise. I've been researching a prophesy about an upcoming apocolypse, and I'm afraid you have fulfilled it by letting these vampires reside in your house.
Varney: We're all going to DIE?!
Giles: I see what you mean, Xander.
Carmilla: Varney, it's been a long night. Maybe you should just rest on the couch. (Turns toward everyone else.) Louis and I are going to take a look around the town. We'll be back before sunrise. Maybe.
(Louis and Carmilla leave the house and walk to the local YMCA, where they break in and lounge in the public hot tub. Carmilla has managed to find rose petals, and she sprinkles them in the water. Some R rated things happen, so we won't go into any of that.)
Spike: So, are you gonna tell us about this end of the world, or do we have to guess?
Giles: I was getting there. The prophesy very basically says that the Slayer will become more lenient towards a group of vampires, and a newly- risen fledgling will destroy the world.
Dracula: A newly-risen fledgling? That's impossible.
Buffy: Stranger things have happened.
Spike: Like Ruthie baby talking to his owls.
Ruthven: I was not! I told you I wasn't doing anything!
Spike: Denial isn't a river in Egypt, you know.
Ruthven: You should try telling that to our favorite unconscious friend over there (looks at Radu in disgust).
Dracula: When you two have stopped bickering, I think we have a slightly more important matter to discuss...
Giles: Yes. Right. The prophesy also mentions that at least one of the members of your coven knows this fledgling. (Pauses and looks over at the Scoobies) You five have been awfully quiet.
Dawn: We're getting into research mode. (All of them are mentally snickering. They have been mimicing Giles with wild hand gestures while he wasn't looking.)
Anya: Are you almost done? I would like to go and have sex with Xander to forget about the evil bunnies.
Xander: (looks embarassed) Anya, how many times have I told you that you just don't say some things?
Anya: I don't remember, but you say it a lot. Come on, let's go.
Xander: I'll see you tomorrow, Buffy.
(Xander and Anya leave. Giles, having nothing else to say, bids them all a goodnight and also leaves.)
Willow: Well, we've certainly had an interesting night. I thought Giles was going to explode when he saw all the vampires not being staked in here.
Spike: Why did the police come?
Buffy: One of our neighbors heard Anya screaming bloody murder and thought someone was trying to kill her, so they called the police.
Dawn: It was great! They came all barging in and everything. We tried to make the coven look normal, but let me just say it's a good thing we live on the hellmouth.
Willow: So, what are we gonna do about the apocolypse?
Buffy: We'll have to find out more first.
The end of another bizarre chapter! A fledgling causing an apocolypse? Who could it be? One or several members know this new vampire. Stay tuned to find out! It seems that the CotTB and the Scoobies are getting along a little better, but is that just an illusion? Remember, only YOU (and all the other people) can prevent depressed review buttons!
-Ayshieka