Chapter 5
Disclaimer: I've all ready written one. If you're too lazy to go back to the first chapter to read it, you can sue me. You won't get anything. Marius stole my pocket lint.
Summary: Things have been really wacky and crazy since Buffy allowed the Coven of the Truly Bizarre to temporarily reside in her house. Giles has just informed them that there is an upcoming apocalypse that will be caused by a fledgling vampire. You ask, how can this happen? A visitor comes and gives them more information on the subject.
(Buffy has allowed the Coven to patrol with her and Spike, against her better judgment. Louis and Carmilla stayed home with Dawn, so therefore Lestat is pouting. Radu is trying to get Lestat to notice him. Varney is busy playing peek-a-boo with Ruthven, who doesn't even notice because he's too busy petting an owl he has under his coat. Dracula, Spike, and Buffy are the only ones even attempting to kill any demons, but they're not getting anywhere because of all the noise Varney is making. There is a rustle from behind a bush.)
Buffy: (Whispers to Spike) There's one over there. I can feel it.
Spike: (Whispers back) Well, luv, what are we waiting for?
Dracula: William, my friend, she is obviously waiting for the right moment.
Spike: Gee, thanks. I can never tell what my Slayer is thinking. (whispers) Bloody fool couldn't even get Mina.
Dracula: (Tries very hard to retain his dignity) I'll have you know that Dorian gave her a love potion, so she fell in love with him.
Spike: (turns to Buffy) Luv, remind me to never try to turn into a bat. Apparently it lowers your sex appeal.
(Dracula loses the dignity he thinks he possesses and is about to turn Spike into a naked mole rat when Marius steps out from behind the big bush.)
Lestat: (assuming he's done something wrong) How did you find me?
Marius: I've always known where you are. I made you. (A/N: Sorry everybody; I just had to put that in.)
Lestat: Liar! You didn't make me!
Marius: Quite obviously. I never would have made you, but they couldn't have too many characters in the movie, so Magnus doesn't exist. Everyone would have been confused. Trust me, I don't like it any better than you do.
Lestat: As long as we're clear on that then.
(Varney, who gave up his game of peek-a-boo when Ruthven gave him a s'more, started cleaning out his pockets on the ground. Naturally, there was a lot of pocket lint.)
Marius: (Notices what Varney has been doing) What are you DOING?! (Rushes to pick up all the pocket lint) Don't you know how important it is for a vampire to own an excessive amount of pocket lint?
(Varney gives Marius the look a confused howler monkey would give a shaving gorilla.)
Marius: I'll just have to tell you then. (Marius goes off on a three hour tangent, which makes everyone fall asleep, naturally. When he finishes, they all wake up to find themselves lying in their own personal pool of drool.)
Marius: So THAT is why you must never throw out your pocket lint ever again. Especially you, Lestat.
Lestat: (Rubs his eyes) Wha-? Huh? Oh, right. Of course. I'll never use your hair brush again, I swear.
Marius: I should have expected for no one to really understand the importance of this. When you come to me begging for me to repeat this to you, just see if I help.
Dracula: Stop being so dramatic. Of course we were listening. Weren't we? (Gives the rest of the Coven a look that says 'if you don't agree with me, I'll force raw liver and mold down your throat for a hundred years')
All the Coven except Varney: Yes.
Varney: I wasn't! It was boring.
Marius: (Watches Dracula advance toward Varney, eyes glowing red, and decides to change the subject) SO, I'm assuming you've heard of this fledgling apocalypse?
Buffy: You mean it's true?
Spike: And here I was, thinking Giles had read his tea leaves wrong.
Marius: He reads tea leaves? I find that to be a most interesting subject. A little difficult, but interesting. Now, vampires rarely take up the art of deciphering tea leaves...(goes off on a two and a half hour tangent. The group resumes their drooling.)
Dracula: (interrupts Marius) A most intriguing subject, I'm sure. I'm afraid we're more concerned with apocalypses at the moment though. (Whispers to Ruthven) Aren't we?
Ruthven: (pulls out a list from his cloak pocket) Hmmm...ah, here it is. 'Things to Ponder on When Not Cleaning Out Excess Earwax'. Number 2 on the list is, 'fledgling apocalypse'. Number 4,684 on the list is, 'listening to a tangent about the importance of vampires reading tea leaves'.
Dracula: Well, there you have it, Marius. So, what's this fledgling's name?
Marius: I believe she mentioned that she knew some of you...
Radu: She?
Marius: Do any of you remember Cindy?
Lestat: Cindy!?
Varney: Marshmallows!?
Dracula: It must be a different Cindy. The Cindy we know is dumber than Lestat. She probably hasn't even realized we don't go to the weekly meetings any more...
Marius: I'm almost positive we're talking about the same person, or vampire.
Lestat: Mon dieu, she's a vampire? We're doomed!
Marius: It appears that we really are. Believe it or not, soon after all her members of Blood Suckers Anonymous were taken away by the Van Hellsing Institute, she managed to find me. She needed consolation, so I...lectured her on the importance of pocket lint.
Dracula: You did WHAT?!
Marius: See, she took things a little more literally than I supposed she would...
Ruthven: Of course she did! She's stupider than, than...a retarded monarch butterfly in South America!
Radu: Right.
Dracula: As Secondary Coven Master, you must retain your dignity and refrain from making weird and obnoxious comments.
Radu: You got TOLD! Oops.
(Dracula does his weird hand gesture and Radu, once again, passes out. Since the whole group has been slowly walking back to Buffy's house the whole time, Dracula considers making Radu hover all the way home, but decides not to. Lestat considers carrying Radu all the way home, but decides not to.)
Dracula: Cindy, of all the people...
Marius: Her ideas were very intriguing. She was so charming, like Pandora. I just had to change her. You know, I'm starting to think that was a mistake.
Varney: (walks up to Marius with innocent eyes and starts talking like Oliver Twist) Please Sir, can I have s'more?
Marius: Fine. Here. It was my last one. (pouts)
Buffy: Well, this has been...interesting. I haven't had so many vampires around me and not wanting to kill me in a long time. (Looks at imaginary watch.) Just look at the time! Almost sunrise! Looks like you'd better go, Marius. Wouldn't want you to get fried or anything like that, would we?
Spike: I would love for him to get fri-ow! Bleedin' hell, Slayer! What was that for?
(Buffy gives him The Look.)
(Louis and Carmilla go outside to see what all the fuss is about and see everyone on the lawn. They look at Marius in confusion.)
Carmilla: Did we miss anything?
Marius: (Opens mouth in standard tangent position. Dracula interrupts.)
Dracula: No, nothing at all. Everything is just fine. Well Marius, don't let us keep you.
(Marius, still pouting, flies away in a swirl of red velvet.)
Dawn: (walks out on porch) Anyone wanna play Monopoly?
Okey dokey then. Marius has informed the Coven, Buffy, and Spike of who the fledgling is. Cindy? The Legally-Blonde-Reese-Witherspoon look-alike? I must have lost my mind. (Goes outside and searches for mind. "mind, mind, where are you?") I must have lost it in Florida. Buffy and Spike have no idea who Cindy is, but they get the general idea. What will they do about it? Does Giles really read tea leaves? Is this the last we will see of Marius? Are you tired of me asking all these dumb rhetorical question thingys? Stay tuned to find out! By the way, thanks to all my wonderful reviewers. The review button therapist is seeing improvements, but it's not over its depression yet. Every little bit counts!
Disclaimer: I've all ready written one. If you're too lazy to go back to the first chapter to read it, you can sue me. You won't get anything. Marius stole my pocket lint.
Summary: Things have been really wacky and crazy since Buffy allowed the Coven of the Truly Bizarre to temporarily reside in her house. Giles has just informed them that there is an upcoming apocalypse that will be caused by a fledgling vampire. You ask, how can this happen? A visitor comes and gives them more information on the subject.
(Buffy has allowed the Coven to patrol with her and Spike, against her better judgment. Louis and Carmilla stayed home with Dawn, so therefore Lestat is pouting. Radu is trying to get Lestat to notice him. Varney is busy playing peek-a-boo with Ruthven, who doesn't even notice because he's too busy petting an owl he has under his coat. Dracula, Spike, and Buffy are the only ones even attempting to kill any demons, but they're not getting anywhere because of all the noise Varney is making. There is a rustle from behind a bush.)
Buffy: (Whispers to Spike) There's one over there. I can feel it.
Spike: (Whispers back) Well, luv, what are we waiting for?
Dracula: William, my friend, she is obviously waiting for the right moment.
Spike: Gee, thanks. I can never tell what my Slayer is thinking. (whispers) Bloody fool couldn't even get Mina.
Dracula: (Tries very hard to retain his dignity) I'll have you know that Dorian gave her a love potion, so she fell in love with him.
Spike: (turns to Buffy) Luv, remind me to never try to turn into a bat. Apparently it lowers your sex appeal.
(Dracula loses the dignity he thinks he possesses and is about to turn Spike into a naked mole rat when Marius steps out from behind the big bush.)
Lestat: (assuming he's done something wrong) How did you find me?
Marius: I've always known where you are. I made you. (A/N: Sorry everybody; I just had to put that in.)
Lestat: Liar! You didn't make me!
Marius: Quite obviously. I never would have made you, but they couldn't have too many characters in the movie, so Magnus doesn't exist. Everyone would have been confused. Trust me, I don't like it any better than you do.
Lestat: As long as we're clear on that then.
(Varney, who gave up his game of peek-a-boo when Ruthven gave him a s'more, started cleaning out his pockets on the ground. Naturally, there was a lot of pocket lint.)
Marius: (Notices what Varney has been doing) What are you DOING?! (Rushes to pick up all the pocket lint) Don't you know how important it is for a vampire to own an excessive amount of pocket lint?
(Varney gives Marius the look a confused howler monkey would give a shaving gorilla.)
Marius: I'll just have to tell you then. (Marius goes off on a three hour tangent, which makes everyone fall asleep, naturally. When he finishes, they all wake up to find themselves lying in their own personal pool of drool.)
Marius: So THAT is why you must never throw out your pocket lint ever again. Especially you, Lestat.
Lestat: (Rubs his eyes) Wha-? Huh? Oh, right. Of course. I'll never use your hair brush again, I swear.
Marius: I should have expected for no one to really understand the importance of this. When you come to me begging for me to repeat this to you, just see if I help.
Dracula: Stop being so dramatic. Of course we were listening. Weren't we? (Gives the rest of the Coven a look that says 'if you don't agree with me, I'll force raw liver and mold down your throat for a hundred years')
All the Coven except Varney: Yes.
Varney: I wasn't! It was boring.
Marius: (Watches Dracula advance toward Varney, eyes glowing red, and decides to change the subject) SO, I'm assuming you've heard of this fledgling apocalypse?
Buffy: You mean it's true?
Spike: And here I was, thinking Giles had read his tea leaves wrong.
Marius: He reads tea leaves? I find that to be a most interesting subject. A little difficult, but interesting. Now, vampires rarely take up the art of deciphering tea leaves...(goes off on a two and a half hour tangent. The group resumes their drooling.)
Dracula: (interrupts Marius) A most intriguing subject, I'm sure. I'm afraid we're more concerned with apocalypses at the moment though. (Whispers to Ruthven) Aren't we?
Ruthven: (pulls out a list from his cloak pocket) Hmmm...ah, here it is. 'Things to Ponder on When Not Cleaning Out Excess Earwax'. Number 2 on the list is, 'fledgling apocalypse'. Number 4,684 on the list is, 'listening to a tangent about the importance of vampires reading tea leaves'.
Dracula: Well, there you have it, Marius. So, what's this fledgling's name?
Marius: I believe she mentioned that she knew some of you...
Radu: She?
Marius: Do any of you remember Cindy?
Lestat: Cindy!?
Varney: Marshmallows!?
Dracula: It must be a different Cindy. The Cindy we know is dumber than Lestat. She probably hasn't even realized we don't go to the weekly meetings any more...
Marius: I'm almost positive we're talking about the same person, or vampire.
Lestat: Mon dieu, she's a vampire? We're doomed!
Marius: It appears that we really are. Believe it or not, soon after all her members of Blood Suckers Anonymous were taken away by the Van Hellsing Institute, she managed to find me. She needed consolation, so I...lectured her on the importance of pocket lint.
Dracula: You did WHAT?!
Marius: See, she took things a little more literally than I supposed she would...
Ruthven: Of course she did! She's stupider than, than...a retarded monarch butterfly in South America!
Radu: Right.
Dracula: As Secondary Coven Master, you must retain your dignity and refrain from making weird and obnoxious comments.
Radu: You got TOLD! Oops.
(Dracula does his weird hand gesture and Radu, once again, passes out. Since the whole group has been slowly walking back to Buffy's house the whole time, Dracula considers making Radu hover all the way home, but decides not to. Lestat considers carrying Radu all the way home, but decides not to.)
Dracula: Cindy, of all the people...
Marius: Her ideas were very intriguing. She was so charming, like Pandora. I just had to change her. You know, I'm starting to think that was a mistake.
Varney: (walks up to Marius with innocent eyes and starts talking like Oliver Twist) Please Sir, can I have s'more?
Marius: Fine. Here. It was my last one. (pouts)
Buffy: Well, this has been...interesting. I haven't had so many vampires around me and not wanting to kill me in a long time. (Looks at imaginary watch.) Just look at the time! Almost sunrise! Looks like you'd better go, Marius. Wouldn't want you to get fried or anything like that, would we?
Spike: I would love for him to get fri-ow! Bleedin' hell, Slayer! What was that for?
(Buffy gives him The Look.)
(Louis and Carmilla go outside to see what all the fuss is about and see everyone on the lawn. They look at Marius in confusion.)
Carmilla: Did we miss anything?
Marius: (Opens mouth in standard tangent position. Dracula interrupts.)
Dracula: No, nothing at all. Everything is just fine. Well Marius, don't let us keep you.
(Marius, still pouting, flies away in a swirl of red velvet.)
Dawn: (walks out on porch) Anyone wanna play Monopoly?
Okey dokey then. Marius has informed the Coven, Buffy, and Spike of who the fledgling is. Cindy? The Legally-Blonde-Reese-Witherspoon look-alike? I must have lost my mind. (Goes outside and searches for mind. "mind, mind, where are you?") I must have lost it in Florida. Buffy and Spike have no idea who Cindy is, but they get the general idea. What will they do about it? Does Giles really read tea leaves? Is this the last we will see of Marius? Are you tired of me asking all these dumb rhetorical question thingys? Stay tuned to find out! By the way, thanks to all my wonderful reviewers. The review button therapist is seeing improvements, but it's not over its depression yet. Every little bit counts!