Chapter 6
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING to do with any of the characters in my fanfic. I own no references I make, however obscure they may be. I stole the Coven from Draculena. If you want to know who the heck some of these characters are, I suggest you read Blood Suckers Anonymous by Draculena. Are you happy? You'd better be.
Summary: Marius paid a little visit to the Coven, Buffy, and Spike and informed them that the fledgling vampire is Cindy. What was Marius thinking, making that poor, misguided blonde a vampire? I have no clue. Everyone makes plans on how to avert the apocalypse. Will their plans be hindered by Cindy's presence? Will Cindy even be in this chapter? I know, I know, stop with all the stupid questions already and get on with the stupid story.
(We come back to the Summers house, at the time we left off on the last time I updated. The Coven, Buffy, Spike, and Dawn are standing outside the house. Xander and Willow are inside, playing Monopoly. Marius has just left. Another tangent was barely averted. Giles is at his house doing what Giles does when he is not researching; in other words, sleeping.) Buffy: (talking about Marius) Is he always like that?
Lestat: Let's not even start that discussion, cherie.
Louis: I think we did miss something.
Buffy: Dawnie, we gotta save the world again.
Dawn: Do we hafta?
Dracula: Can we go inside? These owls of Ruthven's are getting a bit creepy. shot of owls rubbing against Dracula's leg and making an owl-like purr
Spike: Good idea.
Carmilla: Umm...Rivvie? I believe a moth is trying to bite you.
Varney: RABID MOTH!
Ruthven: Ahhh! Get it off me! Get it off me!
(Suddenly, a Squirrel of Dorian, seeing Ruthven in trouble, rushes in the scene and chatters furiously. Rabid moth panics and flies away. A/N: Hi Draculena!)
Buffy: I think there's this big question mark over my head...
Varney: Well, Ruthven'stwinisDorianGrayandsomehowhehasasquirrelorsomethingwhichreallydoesn 'tlikerabidmothsanditsavesruthvenwhenhe'slosingafightwhichneverevereverhappe nsanywaybutthesquirrelofdorianismostcommonlyfoundamongtherabidmoths. (takes deep breath)
Spike: Right.
Buffy: Okay.
Dawn: Huh?
Carmilla: Oh Louie, Ruthven was just saved! How about a victory kiss?
Louis: Uh, okay.
(Carmilla and Louis start kissing, which quickly progresses to more than that. The Coven is properly annoyed and disgusted.)
Dracula: Come now, Carmilla and Louis, you can't be doing that in the middle of the lawn. What will the neighbors think?
Lestat: Carmilla dear, you are most certainly a whore.
Radu: (suddenly and unexpectedly wakes up from unconsciousness) I am NOT a WHORE! (Dracula, not bothering to use his little hand gesture to restore Radu's unconsciousness, grabs an owl off his arm and merely whacks him over the head with it, which has the same effect as the little hand gesture.)
Buffy: You know what? I've had it! Willow? Can you take away their invitations?
Willow: (who has just showed up on doorstep) No problem.
Dracula: Where do you propose we stay then?
Varney: We're orphans!
Carmilla: There, there Varney. It's okay...
Varney: (tears fill up his eyes) N-n-no one l-likes u-u-u-us!
Buffy: (feels sorry for the Coven) Willow, never mind. I suppose they can stay. (Spike's feeling of elation instantly disappears) But if they push me too far again...
Varney: Slayer on the edge!
Buffy: Something like that.
Willow: Spike, I taped Passions today for you. Do you wanna watch it?
Ruthven: (whispers to Lestat) He watches Passions? How demasculinating.
Spike: I could say the same about your soddin' owl lovers.
Xander: Why are we standing outside?
Dracula: (ignores Xander's question) Coven, inside.
(The coven and the scoobies go back into the Summer residence, and Buffy, in her own little world, fails to notice Random Ordinary Guy #3 get drained by a vampire right across the street. Sorry Buffy, you just can't save everyone.)
Willow: Drinks, anyone?
Spike: Scotch.
Buffy: Scotch!? I told you, no more alcohol! It's bad for you!
Spike: Um, evil undead here. I'm pretty sure I stopped losing brain cells when I died, Luv. No harm done.
Carmilla: (looks pointedly at Lestat) You'd be surprised.
Louis: No, he's always been like that. I asked Gabrielle. Actually, she said he was the only one who understood her. I just used context clues, seeing as how she was painting her nails and plucking her eyebrows at the time. Then she wouldn't give me a poodle so I burned her house down.
Lestat: I'm offended!
Radu: (who has suddenly waken up) No need to be offended, dear. Can I borrow your eyeliner?
Lestat: (stands up, looking mortally offended) Is that what everyone thinks I'm good for? My eyeliner supply? I've killed eight wolves before!
Spike: (whispers to Buffy) Wanker probably killed them with his abuse of perfume.
Buffy: Spike! That's mean!
Spike: (smirks) You love it. (they begin their own make-out-a-thon)
Dawn: That is so disgusting! I feel unloved! I'm gonna go steal some stuff now so someone will notice me.
(Dawn and Lestat leave the group and end up having a gossip party, which can only end up in a catfight with one of the other coven members.)
(The Coven and Scoobies hear knocking.)
Unknown Person: Like hello? Is like, anyone home?
(Spike smirks and gives everyone a look that says 'I'll go answer the door and see what the ditz wants. Also, I'll drink scotch whenever I bloody feel like it!' He goes over and opens the door.)
Unknown Person: I was wondering if like, Lestat was here. Like, aren't you gonna invite me in?
Spike: Who the bloody hell are you?!
Unknown Person: Everyone calls me Cindy. Lestat calls me Sugar Plum. Louie calls me Poodle.
Coven: Cindy?
Cindy: Hey you guys! I've really missed you! (Notices the Scoobies) Hello!
Buffy: You must be joking.
Cindy: Who told a joke? (Looks confused for all of two seconds, then forgets and resumes her blissfully ditzy look.)
Cindy: Listen, you guys. I don't have a lot of time. I'm trying to destroy the world. I'll spare everyone here if you give me all your fingernail polish and eyeliner.
Spike: How exactly are you planning on destroying the world? I would go on my speech of how I love the world with all it's happy meals on legs, but I'll spare you.
Cindy: Like, it's a big secret Marius told me. Marius is SO smart! He told me about this one place where I can get discount red velvet. Totally!
Dracula: Why did Marius change you?
Cindy: Well, he told me, but he just went on and on, you know? Something about the greater powers of crayons, I think. Like I said, he is so totally smart!
Willow: This is sort of cute. Reminds me of Glory. And Harmony. Maybe Cindy is her little not-so-smart-or-evil sister.
Buffy: Cute. I feel sorry for her. She makes a real nontraditional vampire, if you follow me.
Cindy: Like, I have to go now! I have to start gathering my minions. Hey, any of you wanna be minions? I can give you a totally awesome price on Gucci merchandise!
Carmilla: Really?
Cindy: No, it's just the line I'm using to recruit minions. It's really good, isn't it? Well, I like gotta go now guys! You should really start going back to that little group! The cutest little elves are running it now! (Cindy leaves. Varney wakes up from his nap that he took a while ago and starts smiling.)
Buffy: Was she like that as a human?
Ruthven: Worse. I wonder if she drinks blood...
Dracula: That is a most intriguing thought. How does she seduce them?
Xander: That was Cindy? What a hottie!
(Everyone looks at him like his nose hair instantly grew really really long.)
Xander: I mean, what a ditz?
Spike: Better be glad your little vengeance demon isn't here.
Xander: Shut it, Peroxide.
Spike: Where's the bloody Scotch?
Well, this was a short chapter, wasn't it? Oh well. I tried to make it longer, but it honestly wasn't going anywhere good. Yup, Cindy has arrived in SunnyD. How is she planning on taking over the world? Will her minions get a discount on Gucci merchandise? I promised I'd stop with the rhetorical questions, but I'm addicted. Thanks to my reviewers! My story needs reviews like bats need wings.
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING to do with any of the characters in my fanfic. I own no references I make, however obscure they may be. I stole the Coven from Draculena. If you want to know who the heck some of these characters are, I suggest you read Blood Suckers Anonymous by Draculena. Are you happy? You'd better be.
Summary: Marius paid a little visit to the Coven, Buffy, and Spike and informed them that the fledgling vampire is Cindy. What was Marius thinking, making that poor, misguided blonde a vampire? I have no clue. Everyone makes plans on how to avert the apocalypse. Will their plans be hindered by Cindy's presence? Will Cindy even be in this chapter? I know, I know, stop with all the stupid questions already and get on with the stupid story.
(We come back to the Summers house, at the time we left off on the last time I updated. The Coven, Buffy, Spike, and Dawn are standing outside the house. Xander and Willow are inside, playing Monopoly. Marius has just left. Another tangent was barely averted. Giles is at his house doing what Giles does when he is not researching; in other words, sleeping.) Buffy: (talking about Marius) Is he always like that?
Lestat: Let's not even start that discussion, cherie.
Louis: I think we did miss something.
Buffy: Dawnie, we gotta save the world again.
Dawn: Do we hafta?
Dracula: Can we go inside? These owls of Ruthven's are getting a bit creepy. shot of owls rubbing against Dracula's leg and making an owl-like purr
Spike: Good idea.
Carmilla: Umm...Rivvie? I believe a moth is trying to bite you.
Varney: RABID MOTH!
Ruthven: Ahhh! Get it off me! Get it off me!
(Suddenly, a Squirrel of Dorian, seeing Ruthven in trouble, rushes in the scene and chatters furiously. Rabid moth panics and flies away. A/N: Hi Draculena!)
Buffy: I think there's this big question mark over my head...
Varney: Well, Ruthven'stwinisDorianGrayandsomehowhehasasquirrelorsomethingwhichreallydoesn 'tlikerabidmothsanditsavesruthvenwhenhe'slosingafightwhichneverevereverhappe nsanywaybutthesquirrelofdorianismostcommonlyfoundamongtherabidmoths. (takes deep breath)
Spike: Right.
Buffy: Okay.
Dawn: Huh?
Carmilla: Oh Louie, Ruthven was just saved! How about a victory kiss?
Louis: Uh, okay.
(Carmilla and Louis start kissing, which quickly progresses to more than that. The Coven is properly annoyed and disgusted.)
Dracula: Come now, Carmilla and Louis, you can't be doing that in the middle of the lawn. What will the neighbors think?
Lestat: Carmilla dear, you are most certainly a whore.
Radu: (suddenly and unexpectedly wakes up from unconsciousness) I am NOT a WHORE! (Dracula, not bothering to use his little hand gesture to restore Radu's unconsciousness, grabs an owl off his arm and merely whacks him over the head with it, which has the same effect as the little hand gesture.)
Buffy: You know what? I've had it! Willow? Can you take away their invitations?
Willow: (who has just showed up on doorstep) No problem.
Dracula: Where do you propose we stay then?
Varney: We're orphans!
Carmilla: There, there Varney. It's okay...
Varney: (tears fill up his eyes) N-n-no one l-likes u-u-u-us!
Buffy: (feels sorry for the Coven) Willow, never mind. I suppose they can stay. (Spike's feeling of elation instantly disappears) But if they push me too far again...
Varney: Slayer on the edge!
Buffy: Something like that.
Willow: Spike, I taped Passions today for you. Do you wanna watch it?
Ruthven: (whispers to Lestat) He watches Passions? How demasculinating.
Spike: I could say the same about your soddin' owl lovers.
Xander: Why are we standing outside?
Dracula: (ignores Xander's question) Coven, inside.
(The coven and the scoobies go back into the Summer residence, and Buffy, in her own little world, fails to notice Random Ordinary Guy #3 get drained by a vampire right across the street. Sorry Buffy, you just can't save everyone.)
Willow: Drinks, anyone?
Spike: Scotch.
Buffy: Scotch!? I told you, no more alcohol! It's bad for you!
Spike: Um, evil undead here. I'm pretty sure I stopped losing brain cells when I died, Luv. No harm done.
Carmilla: (looks pointedly at Lestat) You'd be surprised.
Louis: No, he's always been like that. I asked Gabrielle. Actually, she said he was the only one who understood her. I just used context clues, seeing as how she was painting her nails and plucking her eyebrows at the time. Then she wouldn't give me a poodle so I burned her house down.
Lestat: I'm offended!
Radu: (who has suddenly waken up) No need to be offended, dear. Can I borrow your eyeliner?
Lestat: (stands up, looking mortally offended) Is that what everyone thinks I'm good for? My eyeliner supply? I've killed eight wolves before!
Spike: (whispers to Buffy) Wanker probably killed them with his abuse of perfume.
Buffy: Spike! That's mean!
Spike: (smirks) You love it. (they begin their own make-out-a-thon)
Dawn: That is so disgusting! I feel unloved! I'm gonna go steal some stuff now so someone will notice me.
(Dawn and Lestat leave the group and end up having a gossip party, which can only end up in a catfight with one of the other coven members.)
(The Coven and Scoobies hear knocking.)
Unknown Person: Like hello? Is like, anyone home?
(Spike smirks and gives everyone a look that says 'I'll go answer the door and see what the ditz wants. Also, I'll drink scotch whenever I bloody feel like it!' He goes over and opens the door.)
Unknown Person: I was wondering if like, Lestat was here. Like, aren't you gonna invite me in?
Spike: Who the bloody hell are you?!
Unknown Person: Everyone calls me Cindy. Lestat calls me Sugar Plum. Louie calls me Poodle.
Coven: Cindy?
Cindy: Hey you guys! I've really missed you! (Notices the Scoobies) Hello!
Buffy: You must be joking.
Cindy: Who told a joke? (Looks confused for all of two seconds, then forgets and resumes her blissfully ditzy look.)
Cindy: Listen, you guys. I don't have a lot of time. I'm trying to destroy the world. I'll spare everyone here if you give me all your fingernail polish and eyeliner.
Spike: How exactly are you planning on destroying the world? I would go on my speech of how I love the world with all it's happy meals on legs, but I'll spare you.
Cindy: Like, it's a big secret Marius told me. Marius is SO smart! He told me about this one place where I can get discount red velvet. Totally!
Dracula: Why did Marius change you?
Cindy: Well, he told me, but he just went on and on, you know? Something about the greater powers of crayons, I think. Like I said, he is so totally smart!
Willow: This is sort of cute. Reminds me of Glory. And Harmony. Maybe Cindy is her little not-so-smart-or-evil sister.
Buffy: Cute. I feel sorry for her. She makes a real nontraditional vampire, if you follow me.
Cindy: Like, I have to go now! I have to start gathering my minions. Hey, any of you wanna be minions? I can give you a totally awesome price on Gucci merchandise!
Carmilla: Really?
Cindy: No, it's just the line I'm using to recruit minions. It's really good, isn't it? Well, I like gotta go now guys! You should really start going back to that little group! The cutest little elves are running it now! (Cindy leaves. Varney wakes up from his nap that he took a while ago and starts smiling.)
Buffy: Was she like that as a human?
Ruthven: Worse. I wonder if she drinks blood...
Dracula: That is a most intriguing thought. How does she seduce them?
Xander: That was Cindy? What a hottie!
(Everyone looks at him like his nose hair instantly grew really really long.)
Xander: I mean, what a ditz?
Spike: Better be glad your little vengeance demon isn't here.
Xander: Shut it, Peroxide.
Spike: Where's the bloody Scotch?
Well, this was a short chapter, wasn't it? Oh well. I tried to make it longer, but it honestly wasn't going anywhere good. Yup, Cindy has arrived in SunnyD. How is she planning on taking over the world? Will her minions get a discount on Gucci merchandise? I promised I'd stop with the rhetorical questions, but I'm addicted. Thanks to my reviewers! My story needs reviews like bats need wings.