Disclaimer: I only own the plot.
Usually I have personal thanks here, but I forgot to save it and AOL deleted my old mail, so I can't do it now. All I do remember is making a note to o.Hermione.o that if you wanted to know what happens you can email me, but I don't think you would want that and ruin the ending. So, I'm sorry that I can't thank you personally, but do know that I did read your reviews. Thanks for reviewing.
Chapter Nineteen
Getting Past
The weeks past by and nothing changed. The stress of upcoming NEWTS weighed upon me heavily, along with the glares from the three of them. I've never seen such revulsion in their eyes when they looked at me. It hurt. Not only that but the stress from the other students took a toll as well. The rumors just didn't stop.
Is she really pregnant?
I think I see some flub. She's getting fat from that baby.
I think it's a hoax for attention after Draco dropped her. Predictable muggle-borns.
I no longer ate at the Great Hall, but rather had the elves bring food up to my room. Draco continued to pursue me. It hurt to tell him no, when my heart was screaming yes, take him back. But it wasn't the same anymore. I just didn't look at him the same. It was true that I longed for his lips upon mine, the feel of his skin against my skin, but I know that I couldn't have that. I no longer saw Draco Malfoy, the man I love; I saw Draco Malfoy, the man that broke my heart. My grades remained top of the class, of course. But it was hard. I had to go to the bathroom frequently for my stomach churned and I felt the burning sensation creep from my stomach to the edge of my throat. I usually sat in silence, biting my lip, and swallowing the abundance of spit mixed with the flavor of bile that collected in my mouth, as I was doing now. Professor McGonagall looked remorsefully at me, trying her best to teach her lesson without looking concerned with my situation. I felt my palms became sweaty, as I looked I at the clock, eager for class to end. The bitter taste was overflowing on my tongue as I swallowed hard on the saliva and the vomit that threatened to spurt from my mouth. The purging pain seared though my head, causing me to wince in pain. My breaths became shallower as things blurred around me. I shook my head, trying hard to concentrate on Mcgongall's wrist movements.
"Professor? May I be excused?" I managed to say though the fog clouding my senses.
I heard some kind of response but I didn't care whether it was a yes or a no. I needed to leave. I stumbled out of class and raced to the nearest bathroom, which just happened to be the prefects. The bile came flowing out as I hovered over the toilet. I coughed out more before leaning against the stall wall. Sliding to the bottom, I cried into my knees, wishing for something to go right.
Why? What did I do? Why am I getting sick? Why am I alone? Why? Please…anyone…just answer me…
I sobbed harder, pitying myself. I tired to stand, but the pain throbbing in my head made me fall back down. I rocked back and forth on my heels, closing my eyes tight and humming a soft song to myself.
-HGDM-
Hermione…I just couldn't take my mind off her. She was all that mattered. I saw the way she looked at me, and it hurt. It wasn't the same between us; no matter how hard I wish it was. My countless attempts to woo Hermione back into my arms failed. I just got shot down time after time. My brain was soon overpowering my heart.
Just give up. How many times is she gonna have to say that she doesn't love you before it finally gets encrypted in your brain? She doesn't love you.I don't want to believe that. She loves me, she just denies it because I hurt her.
You said you're sorry. There's nothing else that you can do, but say sorry. If your apologies aren't enough, then maybe you should move on.
But I promised that she was the only one, I promised that I would stick by her side.
But you would also be listening to what she is saying. Forget about her, move on. Lenora still wants you, as do many other girls in this school. Use this advantage, take her advice; move on.
I don't want to forget.
You broke her heart. You have to live with that. Now live your life and move on.
My mind and my heart battled with each other as I leaned against the fireplace, staring into the depth of intensity its light cast upon my face.
"She looks so messed up. Did you see her leave today in McGonagall's class? She is so stressed."
"Who cares! She just some ugly mudblood. I bet her kid will become messed up." Hissed someone from the back of the room.
I moved from my spot, making a beeline to the door until that little punk made his last remark.
"Right, some dumb mudblood. Yet somehow she managed to get whacked up by Malfoy. I thought he was smarter than that. Smart enough to know not to mix with their kind. They're filth and I guess he is too." He said, obviously loud enough for me to hear.
I wheeled around and stared long and hard at the fifth year that stared back at me defiantly. I chuckled amazingly as I made slow steps to where he sat.
"What do you want?" he hissed.
I leaned even closer, inches away from his face. An evil smirk spread across my face as I saw a flicker of fear in his hazel eyes.
"I want you to shut your trap. If you ever say anything about Hermione and I, I will know, and you will pay. Got it you little punk?" I whispered in a deathly tone.
"What are you going to do? You're too stupid. Hell, you slept with that thing."
And then I was done. I grabbed his shirt collar and hoisted him up easily of his chair. He struggled against my grip and I slammed him against the wall. He cringed in pain as I flung him back across the room, his body crashing back into his chair and tumbling back. Then, a loud cackle erupted from his mouth.
"Do you want more?" I asked, walking over in long, strides.
"Does it matter what you do to me? She's never gonna take you back. Ever. It's your fault, Malfoy. Everything is your fault. You are the reason she's like this. You're the reason she's alone. Do what you want. I know it is inevitable in the end."
I wheeled back in confusion. I couldn't tell if my mind was spinning with anger or confusion.
"What's the matter Malfoy? Confused. Let me help you. Two words: MOVE ON. Give up in her. She gave up on you. She's moving on, you should too." He said, sitting back down.
Without another word, I turned on my heel and left.
He's lying. She has to give me another chance. We still have something. I know we do!
Or maybe you're the one lying. You continue to lie to yourself. She said move on, she said forget about her, she also said that she didn't love you. How many more things does she need you to say for you to get it through your head? Take some advice for once, drop your bloody pride and do what people are telling you!
I gotta move on now…
-HGDM-
My eyes flew over the paper as I sipped my iced coffee, studying diligently. Even though my eyes were reading my notes for NEWTS, my mind shifted back to that day. That day, three weeks ago…the day my heart was torn and tossed away like a dirty rag. Why did love have to be so hard?
FlashbackMy heels clicked against the cold stone floor. My shadow danced along the halls from the flickering light. Hall duty was wearing me out and I couldn't find him. I decided to go ahead and do my job anyways. Catching at least five students past curfew and deducting a fair amount of points, I was ready to go to bed. NEWTS were mere weeks away and I haven't finished studying. I rounded my last corner and rubbed my eyes wearily. I turned on my heels to head back to my dorm when I heard muffled giggles and an attempt to hush their voices. I took of my boots and set them on the floor. I crept silently along the corridor, following the giggles and muted voices.
"Shh, shh. She should be on patrol right now." A male voice said.
"Who? Granger?" asked a high, feminine voice.
"Yeah. Now hush it."
I followed the voice to a long hallway, darkness lurking in the corners. I saw a slither of light from an upcoming turn. A window perhaps.
"Oh come on, who cares. She's just some dumb mudblood anyways." She giggled.
My temper flared as I rounded the corner, ready tell off the stupid bloke when my breath hitched in my throat and my heart raced.
Draco…
He stood there, pushing a girl passionately against the glass of the window. His lips were locked with hers, hand slowly rising under her skirt. Her hands wrapped together behind his neck, making the already passionate kiss more rough. I allowed my breath to leave my body as I stood there, watching his hands travel farther and farther along her leg, slowly tugging on her panties.
"I'm glad you're having a good time." I said loudly, startling the two.
She gasped as she pulled up her underwear and smoothed out her skirt. All Draco could do was stare at me and run a hand through his hair.
"Shit Hermione, you scared us." He said, helping the fumbling girl off the floor.
I checked my watch and slowly approached, shaking my head, reprimanding them.
"It's twelve thirty. Way past curfew. Twenty points from Slytherin for an offense of the rules. Now get back to your dorm before I deduct even more." I hissed, pointing down the hall.
The sixth-year scoffed as she kissed Draco messily before heading off.
"Whore." I heard her mutter under her breath as she passed me.
An evil smirk coiled on my lips as I turned to face her back.
"You should talk. I'm not past curfew with a guy that can't even commit to one measly girl. Now that's another twenty for foul language. Do you want to make it another twenty?" I retorted.
She gave me an evil glare before heading around the corner.
"Hermione, was that really necessary? Forty points? That's not right." He argued, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder.
I shrugged him off as I walked away.
"Hermione, she didn't mean anything to me. I swear she didn't."
I laughed heartily as I wheeled around. Then it hit me. When I looked at him, I still loved him. But my pity for him vanished and my pride got in the way. I couldn't let him know.
"Funny, I thought I was being too nice. You were supposed to be on duty with me. Where the fuck were you?" I snapped.
He opened his mouth to answer but I cut him off before he could.
"You know what. Don't answer. I don't care. I know how you work Malfoy. And it's Granger to you." I said, walking away.
End flashback
I snapped out of my memory due to the sound of the library doors opening. I checked my watch wearily.
One forty. Shit.
I grabbed my books hurriedly, but sat back down, a relief to it being Friday. Sighing, I closed my books and stuffed my notes roughly in my bag.
"Do you think anyone's here?" someone asked in a whisper, passing the front desk in a blur.
I saw a familiar blonde head lead a tall, slim, ginger haired girl. I raised my eyebrows not in amazement, but in disappointment. I was thankful that I sat in a seat hidden away near the corner. Curiosity getting the better of me, I followed them.
"Who cares?"
"Me. I'm not supposed to be with you Draco." She retorted, slowing her trot.
"No one can stop us from being here." He said smoothly, wrapping a muscular arm around her waist and looking around warily.
"What about Madam Pince? Why didn't she lock the door?" she asked.
"She probably forgot or something." He responded, pulling out a chair.
He sat down and pulled her down on his lap. He instantly began ravaging her clothes. Suddenly, a pang of pain hit my heart. I clutched my chest and allowed the tears to fall.
Why the bloody hell am I crying? I don't get it. I thought I didn't love him.
You can't stop loving him.
But I want to. I want to move on. I thought I was ready to move on.
Then why do you feel pain when you see him touch another girl? He's listening to you, he's moving on. Just like you told him. He's listening because he loves you.
Is that what it means? Because I feel otherwise. I think he doesn't care anymore.
I shook the voices from my head as I continued to hide behind the bookshelf, eyes peeking over the books. As I watched them, memories of us flashed before me. I shook my head, but the flashes just kept on coming. They were becoming painful, like some spell was being cast upon me. They were like a slide show flipping through my eyes. I grabbed onto the shelf for balance as I shook my head. The flashes eventually faded, but I found Draco no longer swapping spit with a girl, but looking curiously in my direction.
Shit.
I began to panic as his eyes widened as he pushed the girl away and headed in my direction in a full sprint. I washed the tears from my eyes, but only new, fresh ones replaced them. Finding it futile, I dashed through the aisles, trying my best to find my way through the maze. I heard his feet bang against the floor behind me, close on my heels. To my relief, I saw the door. I grabbed my bag, which I left on Madam Pince's desk and ran out. I didn't bother to look behind me to see if he was still there. I don't know why I ran, I just did. I don't know why I followed him, I just did. I don't know why I loved him, but I still do.
-HGDM-
Merlin, what am I doing? Why am I chasing after her? I stopped loving her. I have tons of options, yet I'm chasing the girl that denies my love. Why?
Because you can't stop loving someone.
I gritted my teeth in frustration as I chased her out of the library. I looked around anxiously, her heels echoing against the hall.
Where is she?
I wandered aimlessly around the area, listening for her hushed cries. I eventually found myself outside. I squinted through the darkness at what appeared to be someone near 'our spot'. Or what used to be. It didn't belong to us anymore. There was no 'us'. But there was someone there. I knew it. I made a beeline for the tall tree, the light from the waning moon bathing the area. She was there. Leaning against the trunk, she stood there, wiping away her tears from her soft cheeks. I crept from behind her, not wanting to scare her away. I could smell her scent from behind her, the smell of sun-ripened raspberries with the cool night air. I outstretched my arms, placing my hands firmly on her shoulders. I felt her jump from my touch. She broke away and faced me; teary eyes staring back into my blue-gray ones. I approached her cautiously, waiting at any moment for her to sprint from me, but she just stood there as I wrapped my arms around her slim waist and pulled her into a long-awaited kiss.
-HGDM-
His lips crashed with mine, sending shockwaves throughout my body. The feel of his lips were welcome, because I missed it so. My fingers laced through his silky hair. I allowed his tongue to travel farther through my lips.
What are you doing! You need to forget.
I opened my eyes at the new thought, but I just couldn't push him away. The feel of his tongue on mine was absolutely intoxicating. I missed his touch so bad; my heart ached, but now that I have him, why push him away? I've doing that for so long.
Hermione, think of Kate…
"Kate…" I said, breaking our kiss.
"What?"
"I can't. Just, please, leave me alone."
"Give me another chance. Please."
"I need to be alone. I need to get past all of this. Please, try to understand."
He nodded as he stepped away.
"My offer stands Hermione. I'm waiting, but don't let me wait to long."
He began to walk away, but I reached out to him and touched his arm softly.
"Do you love me Draco?"
He nodded as he held my shoulders affectionately.
"I know that…"
He placed a delicate finger on my lips, instantly hushing me.
"You don't need to explain, but I think we both know what we need to do. You made it clear and I know realize it." He said, voice heavy with remorse.
I nodded solemnly. He was ready and so was I.
"We both need to move on." He said firmly, voice unwavering.
I looked up at him with pleading eyes, but I didn't dare refute him. This was really for the best. We both go our separate ways…
"But what if we can't" I blurted out.
He furrowed his eyebrows, confused.
What are you doing to him? You're confusing him. First you tell him that you love him, then you tell him that you don't and that he needs to move on…now he's telling you that he made a choice, a choice that you told him to make and now you're telling him that you might have second thoughts? What's wrong with you? Figure out what you want!
"I'm still confused Draco. I don't know what I want."
"I'll make it easy for you."
I cocked my head to the side, trying to understand what he was trying to say. He just leaned in and placed a simple kiss upon my lips. It was brief, yet loving.
"I caused you pain and I'm so sorry for that. I don't want to hurt you anymore Hermione. I love you too much to let that happen. And the only way to do that is-"
"To leave me. Right? That's what you're trying to say right? That the only way to show you're love for me is to be with another girl?" I whispered, tears falling from my eyes.
He wiped them away with a gentle finger. He lifted my chin up to face him. His steely blue eyes showed an unnatural kind of love and then I knew. This is what needed to be done. We can't…it was never meant to be.
"Please understand. We can't be together. I…it's just I did so much to hurt you. You have no one by your side because of me. I'm sorry. I just want to protect you."
I nodded, wiping away my final tears and sniffling before he finally let go of my shoulders.
"Draco…"
"Hmm?"
"I don't understand. You're doing this because you love me?"
"Yes. I want you to know that I love you and I will always love you. You are never far from my mind, but because I love you and don't want to hurt you anymore, I can't be with you, you do understand right?"
I nodded as I began walking away. This is it. I'm moving on. I felt his eyes on me, but I chose not to look back. This is a new page in my life. Loving Draco was a great challenge, but letting go of the ones you love was the ultimate test. Whether or not I passed, I didn't know, but I know that I tried. I felt like dropping to the floor and crying aloud from the pain that I not only caused me, but him also. I let him go, I let him slip from my grip. I had no one to blame but myself. But this is how people get past it all. They let go of the weights that weighed them down, the weights that pulled them back. But I know that without Draco, I'd never be complete, but somehow, I'd have to live with that.
A/N: Sorry for such the long wait. This chapter wasn't worth it, but it's important to the story. So what do you guys think? Draco and Hermione are 'moving on'. Hmm. But will they really get past each other? Ah, the decisions. Even though it sounded like it was ending, it isn't. But it is ending soon! Ah! The story is coming to a close soon! So, because it is almost over, I will not be giving you a preview. But the next chapter is called 'Step Three'. Hmm. I think that's a preview enough. Lol. Can you guess? R & R.