Erised's Bane
Author's Note: Yes, I do in fact realize that it has been forever since I last updated. I mean…literally forever. I have been a bit preoccupied you know, what with the graduating high school and going to college for the first time shtick. Anyway, I thought that I would be nice and give you another chapter to peruse until I get off my arse and write you people another one. Chat later! Megx
Disclaimer: You think I own Harry Potter? Then your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
The Day of Reckoning
Harry recounted the next day to Ron and Hermione the sense of bewilderment he had felt as he watched Susan smile awkwardly at him and proceed towards the Hufflepuff common room. Uncertain at this point of his situation, he felt himself torn between taking action or lying back…or possibly ending it altogether with Susan. After all, whatever Susan wanted Harry wasn't ready to give her, and besides that Harry wasn't at all certain what it was he wanted.
"Wydonchyestellaryluvver?" said Ron through a mouthful of sausage and eggs.
"What?" said Harry, who had only half been paying attention.
"He said," clarified Hermione, "why don't you just tell her that you love her? And I think that would be a wonderful idea, if," she stated heavily, glaring as much as she could at Ron considering the previous evening, "if you actually love her."
Ron swallowed and nodded, although it was obvious by the look of shock on his own face that at the moment he was still marveling at his own unlikely change in circumstance the night before, without fully comprehending Harry's situation in the least. "Well, she should be able to forgive you at any rate, right? It isn't as if you told her off for loving or anything? She was probably just a little surprised, that's all."
"It's pretty surprising if you ask me," Hermione said with slight sarcasm. "'Thanks' isn't generally the most common response to somebody saying they love you."
"Well, I wouldn't exactly know now would I?" said Harry, perhaps a little more bitterly than he would have if it weren't for the throbbing that was beginning to develop in his head. Hermione and Ron were both taken aback, and it seemed as if the fact that nobody had ever told Harry they loved him was just dawning.
They were silent for a moment, before Hermione haltingly began to speak. "Harry…I know, it's a bit strange to say it since we're just friends but…but you do realize that we…we love you. You do realize that don't you?"
Harry felt himself turning red. "Yeah, yeah," he said hastily, saying it quickly mostly because Ron was about to speak and he knew that if that were to happen it would be impossible to tell where Ron's vivid red hair began or end. "I know that," he said. "It's just a little odd to be hearing it, that's all.
"Well, that's good, because I don't really want to be saying," Ron said resolutely. Harry was almost certain he could detect a faint grin on Ron's face, though.
But despite talking with Ron and Hermione, Harry still felt miserable. 'It seems,' he found himself thinking later on in the day, 'that every time something good happens to me I force it away.'
Then again, maybe that wasn't a bad thing. After all, what good had ever come of loving Harry? His mother and father had died in protecting him, and Sirius...Sirius would have done anything to save Harry. And if that was the case, could he really blame Professor Young…or Sabrina as he was coming to call her in his mind…for trying to stay as far away from his as possible for all these years? Maybe it was the best thing for her.
Of course, with these thoughts running through his head, he hardly noticed Susan approach him after dinner.
"Can we talk?" she asked quietly. Everybody within hearing range stopped dead and turned to stare at the two of them.
"Erm…all right, I guess…" Harry said nervously, uncertain but somehow aware of what might be coming next.
He stood and followed her out of the Great Hall, all the way to the place where she had told him how she felt and he had completely and utterly blown it. "Harry…" she paused and looked into his eyes, taking a deep breath.
"I'm sorry," Harry said suddenly. A look of surprise went over Susan's face.
"You're sorry? For what?" she said.
Now it was Harry's turn to be surprised. "Well…what I said. I mean, it wasn't exactly what you wanted to hear, was it?"
"No…" Susan started, "but Harry, I wouldn't want you to lie either. It was wrong of me to say what I said last night, especially knowing…well, knowing you."
"What about me?" Harry said.
"Well…I mean you haven't exactly had it easy, have you? What with the muggles you grew up with and then coming here. I mean, if you can't love…"
"If I can't love?" Harry said, starting to bristle slightly.
"If you can't say it…"
"I can say it!" Harry said angrily. "I love lots of people! Like Ron, and Hermione, and the rest of the Weasleys…
"But you don't love me?"
"I don't even really know you!" he said in exasperation. "I mean, there's so much you wouldn't understand."
"Why don't you just try me?" she shot back. They were now both shouting and neither one of them cared. If Harry had taken a moment, he would have realized that what the both of them were saying was perfectly legible from the seats nearest the door of the great hall, but he was too incensed to care at the moment.
"Listen, Susan, you're nice and you've been through a lot too, but I just don't feel like I can trust you very well with all of this!"
Susan froze and stared at him, her eyes the iciest he had ever seen them. "I was trying to apologize to you! Why are you being like this! Why can't you let somebody other than…than Ron…or…or precious Hermione…why can't you let somebody else into your life?"
"Because it's too dangerous!" Harry said with an angry sigh. He nervously began flattening his hair, looking at the floor directly in front of Susan. "If I were anybody else, maybe we'd have a shot, but it's too risky with me being me! Why did you have to fall for me, anyway? What is there about me that you care about? Is it this bloody scar? Is it my name on the front page of the Daily Prophet?"
"Oh Harry," Susan sighed. "Sometimes I just don't get you. You're such a sweet guy…but right now, I just don't think it's going to work between us."
Silence fell, and Harry felt his stomach drop to his knees. "You want to break up?" he said.
"Just because it isn't going to work…not right now at any rate. I really like you, I wish you could be what I needed right now but you can't. There's no room in your life just to…just to be sixteen years old!"
"There's never been room in my life for anything but more trouble," he said with a deep note of melancholy in his voice.
"Harry...look me in the eyes, will you?"
He glanced up and saw tears, making his stomach churn even harder with regret. "I know," he said. "But let's stay friends, okay? Even if we can't be more."
They looked at each other for a long moment, and finally said their goodbyes before going their separate directions. Instead of retiring to his room, Harry wandered outside to the lake to sit beneath the old tree, the one that had been the audience of so many events the past two years of Harry's life.
This was the place where he had seen his mother and father, so many years before, feuding over a pair of musty gray pair of underpants and the certain Slytherin who wore them. This was where he had fallen asleep earlier that year, his mind intent on the coming obstacle in his fight to stay alive. This was where, so recently, he had seen the acceptance of love between the two people in his life who he loved most dearly, and now he sat on it again, once more alone in life.
He couldn't say that he regretted the fact that Hermione and Ron had finally admitted how they felt about one another—after all, it was a long time coming. But he couldn't help but be reminded that now they would be focused on each other—knowing the pair, more than half of that time in conflict. But moreover he wished that there was somebody he could share it all with, somebody who he could see spending the rest of his life with, like his father and mother…
"Harry? What are you doing all alone out here?" He looked up and saw Ginny coming towards him.
"Nothing," he said, trying and failing to keep the moodiness out of his voice. "How are you?"
"It isn't nothing, Harry," she said. "We all heard the shouting match between you and Susan; you can't pretend that it didn't happen. Are the two of you broken up then?"
"I guess so," he said.
"Well, I'm really sorry about that but if you don't mind me saying so I never felt that Susan was right for you."
Harry looked up at Ginny then.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Well, I just mean that she might have been a little too moody herself. You need somebody who knows how to be silly, somebody who can make you laugh."
"You and Ron are the only people I have like that," he said without thinking.
"Well, you can't exactly end up with Ron can't you?" she said.
A long moment passed, in which Harry tried to comprehend just what Ginny had said. "You aren't serious are you?"
"Why not?" she replied. "I've always liked you, and we've always gotten along well with one another. I don't see why we couldn't make a good couple?"
"Aren't you dating somebody?" he said in shock, scarcely able to believe that Ginny was doing this to him, scarcely ten minutes after he had ended it with Susan. Then it dawned on him that this was all probably just a game of Ginny's, probably, something to make him forget all about what had happened.
"I haven't been dating anybody in at least two weeks," she said, though the large grin on her face proved that she was joking.
He laughed aloud then, and Ginny smiled. "See? I knew you had it in you, Harry," she said.
"Thanks a lot, Ginny," he said. "Maybe someday…well, maybe someday when the time is right, I could take you out on a date."
He walked away, leaving the petite redhead by the lake. She stared after him, and there was something of a triumphant glint in her eye. "You bet you will," she said quietly.
"Couldn't even hold onto a Hufflepuff, Potter, just how much of a nitwit can you be?" said Malfoy as Harry stepped into the Potions dungeon. "Just ignore him," whispered Hermione, "he wouldn't dare do anything in front of Young."
"Sabrina?" Harry looked around and saw her standing next to Snape's desk, watching the class move into the room. When she caught Harry's eye she motioned him over. He sidled up to her, trying to ignore the fact that Snape was shooting daggers at Harry with his eyes.
"It seems as if you'll have to forgo this lesson, Harry," she said pleasantly. "My brother would like to have a word with you."
He thought wildly for a moment before suddenly remembering that Young's brother was the Quidditch scout who had come. "Luke?" he asked. "What does he want with me?"
"We'll talk details in a little bit, Harry," she said. It was precisely then that Harry was struck with the wild idea that…possibly…he was being offered a position on the English quidditch team! But no, that was impossible…except, after all...well, hadn't Krum been in his final year of school when he was on his national team?
It seemed that the same idea had occurred to Snape, but the reaction was quite opposite in him. If Harry wasn't mistaken, a vein was throbbing dully upon Snape's brow, and it seemed as if he was even more sallow than he usually was. But of course…he just assumed it was the famous Harry Potter out for more attention, didn't he?
"Well, let's gather up your things! My brother doesn't like to be kept waiting!"
Harry assumed that they were going to be walking to Young's office, but they passed it up and started heading towards the Great Hall. "We're actually going out on the Quidditch pitch, Harry," she said. "Luke would like to see a couple of individual moves out of you."
Harry nodded, noting with faint surprise that his Firebolt was already out on the field. Luke was soaring around, tossing a Quaffle, and it wasn't until Sabrina shouted that he noted with surprise that they were there.
"There you are!" Luke set foot on the ground and jogged towards Harry, hand extended. He shook with a tight grip, almost making Harry wince from the pain of it. "I was really impressed to see your skill out here on the field, Harry," he said, "and if you can make it through a couple of rounds here I think I might have a summer job to offer you."
Job? was Harry's immediate reaction, but he voiced instead, "rounds?"
"A couple of basic, National Level Seeker plays, nothing too intense," said Luke casually.
Of course, it was easy enough to say and nowhere easy enough to do. By the time they were done, Harry felt every muscle from his shoulder down his side to his hip pulled and stretched from the rigorous training. "Very good, Harry," he said, himself only panting slightly. "In fact, better than anybody who's been trying out for the team. If we get Dumbledore's permission, which of course he will give us, I think you can start playing for our team as early as this April."
"April?" Harry asked, dumbfounded. "As…reserve seeker?"
"No, no. You'll be starting with the team, of course! You have to be one of the best and most natural talents that I have ever seen on broomstick. Of course, a little rough around the edges but that can be fixed of course."
"You want me to play Quidditch for England?" he said again, unable to believe what he was hearing.
"Unless, of course, you have something that you'd rather be doing."
"Not at all! And…and you think that during the summer I could train with you even if I have to live at the Dursley's?"
"We're Quidditch players, Harry," he said. "We can find our way around any obstacle, no matter what it is. Don't you worry about a single thing."
Ron could hardly wait to burst the news of Harry to the common room that evening, but Harry had different plans. "I just want to be normal for a while, do you think you can wait till it's the front page of the Daily Prophet?" he growled.
Ron blushed. "Sorry man," he said. "But you can't say it isn't cool."
"And what would your girlfriend say about it?" Harry snorted. "That I'm wasting my time when I should be learning how to fight Voldemort?"
Ron flinched slightly, although not so bad as he used to. "Well…"
"Why don't I answer that?" they both blushed when they saw Hermione there, Hermione who they were both certain had been listening for a few minutes. "I actually think that, as long as Harry doesn't get too caught up and neglect his other responsibilities, it could be a erally good thing for him."
"What do you say Harry?" Ron muttered.
"I want to do it," he said. "But there is so much else going on right now in the world…"
"You can't control the world, Harry, no matter how hard you try. If I were you I would just examine your options. I mean, the Quidditch season would be over before school started next year, and if you really needed it me and Ginny could help you out with some things, just to make certain you maintain good enough grades for your N.E.W.T.S. "
"You'd do that?"
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Of course, Harry. That's the happiest we've ever seen you."
The happiest…in a long time.
That night he would go again to the mirror of Erised. When he looked into the surface, he saw his own reflection smiling back at him, forehead clear of the lightning mark he had received from Voldemort. That morning he would, again, remember nothing.
Uhm…I haven't slept in about thirty hours at this point and I was literally falling asleep while typing the last part of this chapter. It isn't as long as I would have liked but at least it was an update, no? Well, I will try and update at least once every two weeks from now on, since it's pretty therapeutic for me. I just hope I'm not found in this computer lab at four in the morning with the letter K imprinted on my skull.