Erised's Bane
Author's Note: sighs and shakes head Don't you people know me at all by now? I would hope you've been reading enough of my stories to realize that I don't do anything without a reason. I'll admit that I was incredibly sleepy when I was writing the last chapter and perhaps didn't write things as clearly as I should have, but this chapter will clear some things up. (It was going to wait for a week or two but I saw how disappointed you were with last chapter, soooo...)
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling lives in Britain, whereas I live in the land of dirt, bugs, heat, and general grossness. Also known as Texas. Therefore I don't own Harry Potter.
The Next Chapter
Training for the national Quidditch team would begin after the match with Slytherin, in which Gryffindor won spectacularly, with Harry catching the snitch while the team was ahead a full seventy points. Naturally, the entire school knew of Harry's new 'job' within three days of his acceptance, and the Slytherin's an attempt to have Harry thrown off the team since he was now a professional Quidditch player. Of course, Dumbledore overthrew this attempt by stating that there was no school rule against anything of the sort.
But in those weeks that should have been some of the happiest of Harry's life, all he could think about was his failure with Susan, and he kept turning things over and over in his mind, trying to figure out just where he had gone wrong.
Every time he saw her in the hall, he expected some of the pain in his chest to have gone away, as it had with Cho, but instead he found himself feeling worse and worse until finally he could hardly stand to go anywhere near where the Hufflepuff common room was, nor could he look in the direction of the Hufflepuff table in fears that he would see her and feel that hurt that was becoming all too familiar.
To top it all off, Ginny continued hinting that there could possibly be something more between the two of them, and he wasn't entirely certain whether she was joking or not. In fact, he considered this quite a few times, but it just seemed to him that the only girl he could think about was Susan, and that led him to wondering if…
"Maybe I love her." Hermione looked at him, mouth wide open and a forkful of pie hovering in midair.
"Wh-what did you just say?" Hermione said slowly.
"I think I love Susan," Harry said miserably.
"But you're not even together!" she said.
"Don't you think I know that?" he said, a note of sarcasm deep in his voice.
"You haven't been together for a month! You're just realizing how you feel now?"
He sighed and pushed away his plate, unable to eat. "I've been trying not to think about it."
And it was true, every time thoughts of her had come up he had been trying to push them down again, but all of a sudden Valentine's Day was coming, and it seemed like everybody he knew was now part of a couple.
Since that dreaded day was not on a weekend, plans were being made for dates around the castle and picnics on the grounds. Harry had already made a solid promise to himself that he would be going back to his room as quickly as possible on those days, and staying there. He was even thinking about giving Lord Hornswaggle orders to not let anybody in, including Ron and Hermione. After all, they were a couple too, and he couldn't imagine he would feel any better seeing them, knowing that despite the occasional fight (after all, it was those two) they were happy together.
However, the weekend before Valentine's day was a Hogsmeade day, and although he knew a majority of the people out would be on dates, he resolved himself to go and at least have a little fun. He spent a little time with Ron and Hermione, but she eventually ended up dragging him off somewhere—Harry had a horrible, sneaking suspicion that at that very moment, Ron was sitting awkwardly in a Tea Room filled with cherubs and hearts. A smirk developed on his face and he made a mental note to torture Ron later. Now alone, he went on to the Three Broomsticks and ordered a butterbeer before taking a table in the back corner, where he watched hollowly as everybody, it seemed, coupled up and sat elsewhere.
"Mind if I join you?" He looked up. Ginny was standing there, looking down at him. He nodded and she sat down beside him, sipping at her own drink. "So…how have you been?" she said.
He shrugged. "Okay, I guess," he said. 'Miserable and alone,' he thought.
"I can imagine you must be pretty excited. Don't you start practicing soon?"
Practicing? "Oh, for the National team," he said. "Yeah, we start next weekend. Practice is Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, from six to ten. We're going to have to change the DA meeting schedule, I suppose."
"Mm-hmm." Ginny said mildly. Harry turned and looked at her. She seemed distracted by something.
"Was there anything you needed?" he asked after a moment.
"Well…" Ginny started slowly, "tomorrow is Valentine's Day."
"I guess so," Harry said.
"I was thinking…would you like to do something?"
Harry shook his head. "No, not really. I was just going to stay in my room. Relax, you know."
"Oh." Ginny stood up suddenly. Harry caught sight of her face and blanched—she was blushing bright red. "Well…I just thought…well, never mind. See you around later."
'Now what was that all about?' he wondered. 'Does she…well, does she really like me that way?'
The next day, he made his way through classes while managing not to pay any attention to the couples flying around, which was hard to do considering Ron and Hermione. Finally, when Charms was over, he began making his way back to his room when, for no reason known to him, he felt a strong urge to go and see the Room of Requirement. He turned back around and made his way to the place they had held DA meetings the year before, feeling a strong sense of déjà vu, even though he was certain he hadn't been to the room anytime that year. Or had he? He had had a couple of dreams where he had wandered towards the room and somehow spoken to Sirius, but certainly those weren't real.
He opened the door in the usual way, not really thinking about in anything in particular he needed, and stepped inside. To his surprise, he wasn't alone.
"Oh!" Susan stood up quickly. "Hello, Harry," she said awkwardly.
"Susan…how are you?" he said slowly, feeling the familiar torture in his chest.
"I'm…okay. I come here sometimes, just if I need to be by myself…"
"Oh. Well, I can leave, I didn't really need anything…" Harry started.
"No, stay," Susan said. "Nobody ever said we couldn't be friends, right?"
"I guess not," Harry replied.
"So…I heard about your playing for the National team," she said. "Congratulations, Harry. My aunt has already bought me tickets to this years World Cup, I can't wait to see you play."
Harry felt himself turning red. "I…well, I don't know about that…" Harry said.
"The team is incredible this year, and with you as seeker…"
"Thanks." He sighed and took a seat on a chair that appeared out of nowhere as soon as he thought about needing one. "I really appreciate that. But…listen, Susan…I wanted to say that I'm sorry about everything."
"What do you mean?" she asked, although her voice had gone quieter.
"I mean…well, I mean that I shouldn't have acted the way I did when we…when we broke up. I've had a lot going through my head lately. And then, lately I've been thinking that…well, maybe we shouldn't have…and I don't know now."
"You think we shouldn't have broken up?" Susan said, a note of hope in her voice that Harry only slightly detected. "But…but what we said, about how we wanted different things…"
"Susan, things are just so weird for me. All I know is that right now I've been thinking about you a lot, and I can't get my mind off you. And it wasn't like this last year, when Cho and I broke it off, because I found out that it didn't hurt anymore. But…but I don't know anymore." Defeated, he slumped back, only to sit back up when Susan stood and walked over to him.
"Harry…I don't know what to say. I've been thinking about you too, and I still love you, but if you can't…well, I don't want to be hurt by you…"
"I don't want to hurt you…"
"But you can't help the way you feel, or the way you don't feel, and if you don't…"
"Susan, I'm trying to say…"
"I don't want you to lie to me…"
"I'd never lie to you…"
"…don't want to feel this way if there's no future…"
"…just want you to know…"
"…always care about you…"
"Susan, I love you."
Silence fell.
Harry felt like no moment had ever been as important in his entire life. Even the memory of Cho and his first kiss dwindled in comparison to knowing how he felt about Susan, and being able to tell her this. His heart was pounding, he could feel the sweat on his palms, a knot had formed in his chest, all the pain he had felt for the past few weeks was all gathered together, either to multiply by a thousand or to disappear completely.
"And I still love you."
Harry stood quickly, and without even having to think he gathered her into his arms. "I wanted to tell you before, but I didn't know how…I wasn't sure if I could love you, or if it was right to love you being who I am...I can't stand to see another person I love get hurt because of me."
"I know you'll protect me," Susan said quietly. She kissed him and held him tightly, and both of them knew only one thing—no matter what happened, they would be together. That's the way it always is with first love.
Of course, for Harry first love remembered was the greatest love of all.
They went for a walk together in the snow, and shared that evening beside the fire in Harry's room, talking and not talking. By the next day, Harry was more certain of himself than he had ever been—he knew that he would defeat Voldemort, he knew that he would help Britain win the Quidditch cup, and he knew he would become an Auror.
Even potions class the next day was bearable, despite the actions of Snape and the Slytherins getting even worse since the announcement of his new role as National Seeker. He even managed to do as well on his Burning Brew as Hermione did, and when it turned a bright shade of orange and began to lightly flame Snape didn't have a single word to say about it—besides wondering aloud how such a brainless twit could get so lucky, of course.
He had completely forgotten about Ginny, and when she approached him later on that day greeted her heartily, with all the confidence that the world was an incredible place.
"YOU BLOODY LIAR!" Ginny struck out and slapped Harry across the face, leaving a bright red mark on his cheek.
"What the blazes was that for?" Harry said in exasperation.
"You said you were going to just be by yourself yesterday! I saw you cuddling up to Susan!"
"Yeah, so? We just got back together yesterday. Isn't it great?"
"GREAT MY ARSE!" It was very clear to Harry that Ginny was fuming. It suddenly occurred to him that perhaps she had been serious about wanting to get together with him. "If you were still moping around about Susan why didn't you tell me? You just let me believe we had a chance!"
"I thought you were joking?"
"Joking? JOKING?!" He suddenly realized this statement might not have been the best idea. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE WASTED FIVE BLOODY YEARS OF MY LIFE ON YOU!" she shrieked.
"I never asked you to." Harry said. "You're my best friend's little sister."
"Oh, so I'm just another Weasley, right? Just another Weasley brat to grace with your holy presence? I've had enough! If I ever…EVER…see you outside of school…"
"That's tough, I visit your house every summer…" Harry said meekly.
"…you're going to get what's COMING to you!"
She ran off, leaving Harry very perplexed, and wanting to talk to Ron. At least until…
"YOU BLEW OFF MY LITTLE SISTER?"
"Not you too…" Harry said, having had enough of the Weasley temper for the day.
"I can't believe it! I was sure you liked her now!"
"Ron," Harry said urgently, "I don't think of her that way. Listen, I'm with Susan, you knew I still liked her."
"But…but you could have told her…"
"Susan? I did tell her, I told her I loved her…"
"You told Susan Bones that you loved her?" Ron said in shock. "What…you lied?"
"No, I really love her! I love her, Ron!"
"What, you two aren't fighting over Hermione again are you?" said Neville, coming into the room and looking incredibly uncomfortable. They were in the boy's dormitories, where Harry had sought out Ron. He had found it empty, the way it had stayed until Ron rushed in, fuming.
"No, of course not!" said Harry. "We never fought over Hermione!"
"We're fighting because Harry broke Ginny's heart! She liked Harry and he just turned around and ignored her like he ALWAYS did!"
"Well…Neville was dating Ginny! She broke up with him…"
"Yeah, and it was probably because of you…" Ron snarled.
"Actually…" Neville stated, somewhat red in the face, "I broke up with her."
Ron swirled around on his heel. "WHAT?!"
He turned even redder. "Well, I mean, not that there's anything wrong with her, but she's just not my type. And…well, I kind of had a thing for somebody else…"
"Who?"
"Luna Lovegood." Dean walked in, Seamus behind him. "They've been going together for, like, a week now. Didn't you know Ron?"
"Didn't Luna have a crush on Ron?"
Neville blushed again. "She did, but she said that she didn't think you'd ever believe in the Crumple Horned Snorckack, and, well, I believe her so…"
"So you AND Harry blew Ginny off?"
"Ginny broke up with me," said Dean, "and, no offense Ron, but she doesn't really take her relationships seriously. I don't think she and Harry would've been that great together in my opinion…she's a good friend, but she's pretty demanding when you date her."
"Yeah, she was always making me go and get her books from the common room when she forgot them," Neville muttered, "and I'm the forgetful one!"
"What the heck are you trying to say about my sister?" Ron shouted.
"Nothing!" Dean said quickly. "It's just…well…she's kind of better just to be friends with. And she's not used to being turned down." He turned to Harry then. "It's actually sort of a good thing too, I think she really needs to get her head in order. She's a great girl, but a bit too immature if you get my drift…"
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Ron launched himself across the room at Dean, knocking him to the floor. Harry and Seamus had to pull him off, but it didn't prevent Ron from giving Dean a bloody nose. This was quite a shock to everybody involved, as Ron had never physically attacked a fellow Gryffindor before.
"That's it!" said Ron. "I am finished with you guys!"
He got up and walked stiffly from the dormitory, leaving them all standing there in shock, Dean with blood trickling from his nose. "We didn't mean anything by it," he said in shock.
"He's close to his family," Harry said. "And I seriously doubt I'll be spending the summer with them now."
Seamus shook his head. "All this drama, over a girl." Then he added, in a thoughtful tone, "Ginny Weasley is very attractive though. Maybe I should ask her out."
Harry suddenly wondered at just how insane everything was.
A/U : The conflict with the Weasley family has a purpose. And if you still don't understand why Harry had to break up with Susan one chapter ago, it was so he could realize that there are some loves (like infatuation with Cho) that fade, and others that don't (like Susan). It just leaves you to wonder which of those Ginny feels, hmm? I promise you also, this relationship with Susan will last at least until the first part of my sequel…and maybe longer.