A/N: I own nothing, please review, I really appreciate the reviews!
Out of my heart into your head
And inside my heart there's a place for you
-BBMak
She was thinking about him again, because wasn't she always? She always thought about him. He'd picked up her phone for her one time. It had been Aiden's second cousin from Connecticut. When Aiden called her back, she demanded to know who had picked up her phone before. Aiden responded that it was a friend from work. Aiden's cousin asked if he was hot. Aiden said yes. Her cousin asked if he was single. Aiden said yes. Her cousin asked if he was a cop, too. Aiden said yes. Aiden's cousin asked if they'd slept together. Aiden said yes. Her cousin was bound to find out anyway- she was nosy. Her cousin asked is she was attached emotionally. Aiden said yes. Her cousin asked the ringer- did she love him. Aiden was quiet but said yes, quietly. Her cousin asked for one word to describe him.
Heartbreaking.
He was absolutely heartbreaking.
Aiden had always thought that term was dumb and overused- because your heart doesn't really feel it. Being the scientist, Aiden had always wondered about that? Why did people say it was heartache- if your brain was the one controlling the emotions?
But she saw it now. It was so, so clear. There was no way to describe it. Her brain was completely numb. Nothing was processing. But her heart felt like a bunch of shattered glass balled up in her chest, as heavy as a lead ball.
She loved him, and he didn't love her back. As far as she knew.
Which wasn't much, in this scenario.
She was on autopilot.
She walked out the door to her apartment.
It was raining outside. She didn't get a coat.
She walked the two blocks to the police station, and her jeans were soaked up to her knees.
Her teeth chattered.
The cold was physically painful.
She was soaked to the skin.
Her shoes felt like sponges.
Her head hurt.
People were staring.
Her lips were blue.
She didn't care.
She could hardly even remember the walk to the police station.
She was pretty sure some Good Samaritan offered her their umbrella- but she couldn't quite remember.
She didn't take it.
Couldn't quite bring herself to.
She knew he was off work soon. Really soon.
She was there to end it. To end it all.
And for some reason, that made her sadder than anything. That she could do a million different things in the situation- but she was choosing to end it. Because, obviously, he didn't love her as much as she loved him.
And really, even this was for him.
He deserved the greater good.
And she was there to give him that.
She was always going to be the scrawny girl from Brooklyn who didn't get the guy.
He came out the door.
She saw him curse the rain and make a quick dash towards the parking lot, towards her.
Suddenly he saw her.
And stopped in his tracks.
Just staring. At her. Wondering what the hell she was thinking.
And then the question came.
"What're you doin' out here?"
Such an easy question. Far easier than the ones her cousin had been prying her with earlier. She wondered vaguely why she couldn't seem to answer it now.
Then she did it.
The words just flowed out.
Easy and hard at the same time.
"I- I can't do it, Don."
He looked confused and scared.
"Do what?"
"Be with you."
Something in his eyes changed in that instant, and at the time, Aiden wasn't sure what it was.
Relief?
Anger?
Joy?
No, no joy, it was too sad to look at for it to be joy.
Then she realized it.
He was disappointed.
And very much heartbroken.
"Why?" He asked, voice cracking.
He too, was getting soaked now.
"You. You don't love me the way I love you."
He was quiet.
"I'm sorry." She said, and turned to walk.
Her shaking body had only made it four steps away from him when his voice came, sounding sadder than she'd ever heard it.
But maybe a little hopeful, too.
"Love is hard." He said, causing her to stop suddenly in her tracks.
She took a hesitant look behind her.
"I- I think things would be a lot easier if we didn't love each other. If we didn't feel the way we do. If I didn't think about you every waking moment of my day. If every decision I make wasn't dependant on you. On your involvement in my life."
She turned around, all the way.
She stared at him, eyes tired and sad.
He continued.
"And even though things would be so, so much easier if I didn't love you- I do. And- and I can't really explain it- but I, uh, I can't imagine my life without you. And if you leave right now. If you do what you're about to do, and I never see you again- if you never see me- you'll make both our lives worse. But don't stay for anyone but you. Don't stay for me. Don't stay for anyone unless you wanna do it. But think about it- will you go- knowing your life will always be a little bit worse?"
She stared at him.
She had tears streaming down her face, mingling with the rain, dripping off her chin.
He did too.
He loved her.
It all registered.
Everything he said.
She took a hesitant step towards him.
Then another.
He watched her, not quite believing it.
She broke down and ran into his arms.
He'd never seen her cry so hard.
He kissed her hard, crushing his lips into hers.
She was still crying, and as much as he hated to admit it- he was too.
But it would be ok.
They'd go home now.
A/N: Yay! A fic I wrote that I actually like quite a bit! Wohoo! Reviews are nice!