And I Feel Home

by Tina

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Wendsday afternoon, Rachel was sick of studying for her exams. She tossed her books aside and sighed. 'Whatever, like a give a damn about this!'. Frustration took most of her, one she did not yet understand. If only she could find something she really cared about. But what was the point of studying for this? She'd manage, at the end...! She'd find a way to pass and one day get her degree and then finally... what?

She could easily break down and cry for her lack of perspective in life.

It had been days since she'd last seen Monica. Three, to be exact. She had been calling her everyday to try and talk to her, talk to her about everything that had been going on. Ever since they became close again, things had been piling up and it seemed like she couldn't handle them if she didn't talk to her, anymore. It had been like that before in High School. Now, it was back. She depended on Monica too much.

Not that Monica had special powers to solve things. But she did have magical eyes and ears that understood. And just having her listen while Rachel vented was good enough. So much more than that...!

But now she was quite scared of what Monica had to say to her, why she was hiding. Of course she knew why, but what would Monica actually say? Or worse yet, ask? That sunday night dinner was quiet and though Rachel was delighted to have to much of Jack and Judy's atention, Monica's silence was frightening.

Taking one deep breath, Rachel got the phone and called her best friend yet one more time.

"Hello?" Judy's sweet voice answered.

"Judy? Hi, it's Rachel"

"Oh, hi, dear, how are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks. You?"

"Just wonderful"

Judy's good mood made Rachel smile.

"Is Monica home?"

"She's out for a jog, actually. But I'll have her call you back as soon as she comes back, okay?"

Same everyday...

"Okay, thanks"

"So, how's it going with my son?"

"Fine"

And Rachel realised she hadn't seen him or talked to him since that sunday. Strange...

"Judy, where's the ?" Jack's faded voice came on the background.

"It's in the desk drawer. Sweetie, I have to hang up now, but I'll pass the message on to Monica"

"Okay, thank you"

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Mere seconds after the phone hit the base, it rang again. Rachel picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hi" the male voice on the other side sounded shy. Not too hard to guess who it was.

"Ross?"

"Yeah, hey"

"Hey"

"How are you?"

"Good. You?"

"Yeah, me too." short silence "Been calling you for the past few days, but you're never home"

"Oh, yeah, I've been spending some time with some friends from college, trying to study a bit"

"Exams coming up?"

"Yeah"

"If you need any help..."

Rachel chuckled.

"Ross, you're far from here"

"Yeah, so?" she just kept on smiling. "Well, anyway..."

"So... when are you coming over again?"

"How's friday?"

"Good"

"Chandler's thinking about coming along"

"That'd be nice"

"I hope Monica doesn't chop any more of his toes though"

Rachel laughed at the memory.

"Yeah, that'd be a good plan"

"And listen..."

"Yeah?"

"There's gonna be this... family thing on uh, on saturday and uh..." Rachel could notice just how nervous he was. Endearing, given that they were already going out! Maybe it would take a while untill he felt completely confident around her. Or maybe that would never happen. Well, still... it was kind of cute! "...and if you don't want to come, that's fine"

"What is it?"

"Just my little cousin Jessica's sweet sixteen party. It's not gonna be too big but uh, well, I have to go, so..."

"Of course I'll go"

"Monica will be there too"

"Ross, I'm not going because of her"

Rachel could somehow sense just the way he was smiling.

"Well, okay. I'll pick you up at eight"

"It's a date"

"It's a date" he repeated, more to savour the feeling than anything else.

The phone conversation went on for a few more minutes, full of awkward silences and some ocasional gags from Ross' part. Nevertheless, both hung up with serene smiles stamped on their faces.

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Tired of waiting around for Monica's phonecall, about one hour later Rachel was prompted in front of the Geller's front door. She knocked and waited untill Judy opened it.

"Rachel, hi"

"Hey Judy" they hugged "I was in the neighbourhood and I thought I'd come over and talk to Monica in person. Is she back yet?"

"Yes, I think I've just heard her stepping out of the shower"

"Thanks" she started making her way upstairs but then turned around. "Oh, I've just spoken to Ross and he told me about Jessica's sweet sixteen party. Hm, what kind of thing do you think I should wear?"

Judy smiled and stroked Rachel's hair.

"I'm sure anything you'll wear will look great!" Rachel smiled back. "It's going to be pretty casual though, nothing too fancy as I'm sure you're used to"

Rachel shook her head.

"Don't be silly...! Anyway, thanks"

She made her way up the stairs and knocked on Monica's bedroom door.

"Mon?"

"Come in"

Rachel opened the door and found Monica finishing getting dressed. She had a towel wrapped around her head and was wearing pants and a bra while applying deodorant.

"Hey"

Rachel sat down on the bed.

"Hi"

"You've been busy lately, huh?" Rachel's voice was leaning towards sadness, not anger.

"Yeah..." Monica's was guilty.

"Hm, Mon, I just wanted to ask you how you feel about this whole thing... with Ross. I mean... are you okay with it?"

"I don't know?" Monica got the towel from her hair and looked at Rachel. "I just wasn't expecting him to be the guy, that's all"

"Yeah, I can imagine that must've come out as a shock..." Rachel chuckled.

Monica approached her dresser and picked up a hair brush. Very slowly she brushed her hair and looked back at Rachel.

"Just... Rach, tell me you like him"

"I do"

"Really?"

"Yes. He's sweet, he's smart, he's cute...! Why wouldn't I like him?"

"I don't know, you never did! You always used to say how geeky and pathetic he was!"

"Yeah, well, I guess I was the pathetic one"

"He just doesn't seem to fit the profile of guys you date"

"How's that?"

"Well, he's not a sports guy, he's not popular, he's not... rich!"

"Wow, Monica. How shallow do you think I am?"

"I'm sorry, that's not what I meant! Look... It's just unsusual, you have to recognise that"

"Sure, it is. Maybe that's a good thing, though"

"Yeah" Monica looked thoughtful. "You know, it really is"

Rachel smiled at her.

"But, please, Rachel..." Monica began. "Don't hurt him. You know how much he adores you, right?"

Guilt stung Rachel a bit. Ross really did adore her, she knew that.

"I can't say I won't. But I'll try not to, Mon. I do really like him, I don't want to hurt him."

"That's good enough"

They smiled at each other.

"So... how the hell did this happen?"

Rachel smiled more.

"Well...! Remember he was here last weekend with Carol and all? I don't know, seeing them together it just... made me look at him differently." She noticed the look in Monica's eyes. "Not that I did this because I was envious! A little, maybe, but it's not what you think" Only it was... "It just... showed me this whole side of him I didn't know before" Rachel suddenly stopped talking. Somehow her words didn't sound like a lie anymore, not even to herself.

"Anyway" she continued "then we had that thing of yours to go to and... I don't know... we were there, dancing, and it felt... nice" again, that weird feeling filled Rachel.

"Aw! So you can say that, in a way, it's all because of me!"

Rachel chuckled.

"Yeah, okay, in a way"

"You're welcome"

Rachel shot Monica a look as she put on a shirt.

"Hey, listen, Chandler's coming over this weekend"

Monica quickly turned around, nervous.

"Whoa, why?"

"I don't know, Ross told me. I'm thinking he's also going to your cousin Jessica's sweet sixteen"

"You're coming too, right?"

"Yup"

"Oh, thank God"

"You up for that revenge plan?"

Monica laughed nervously.

"I think we've got enough of that already, Rachel! I chopped his toe off!"

Rachel laughed.

"He was so pathetically drooling all over you...!"

Monica stopped and shot her a serious look.

"Yeah, like Ross does to you."

Rachel stopped laughing.

"I didn't mean it like that, Monica"

Monica nodded, but Rachel could see Monica's trust on her relationship with Ross was weak. Rachel looked down, she had to change that.

"Well, anyway, it'll be fun...!"

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Hmmm, yeah, so I might add some C&M into the story. It might be fun, I like old Monica a lot! Not that I don't like the other, but I just really love it when she's all geeky and shy and stuff ;) Anyway...! I know this chapter is kind of boring, but I needed it for the story. More to come soon! Mwah! Reviews??