And I Feel Home
by Tina
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She smiled as if there was nothing going on. A simple and genuine smile, one of those caring sweet ones she'd smile just for him. He was overreacting. He had to be. How could he even consider believing Mindy for a fraction of a second?
He smiled back.
She gestured for him to approache. With the bigest smile on his face, he did.
She was making this so easy... He never knew how to act around these people, but she was making it all happen so naturally. Treating him like a king in front of her friends... Now they were welcoming him with open arms, as if they'd never humiliated him back in school. He knew it was a sick and shallow game, but if you're in to play it, better be on the winning team.
"Hey"
"Nick, I want you to meet Ross. Ross, this is my friend Nick"
"Nice meeting you" Ross said as they shook hands.
"You too"
Rachel's hand slided across his sides untill she was holding him by his waist. Ross smiled down at her and put one arm around her shoulders.
"I'll catch up with you guys later" Nick's voice was numb.
Rachel nodded.
"Nice meeting you"
Nick nodded along aswell.
"Yeah, you- you too"
He left.
Rachel softly kissed Ross.
"Enjoying the party?"
"Amazingly enough, yeah"
She smiled.
"Ready to be by yourself?"
"Don't you dare!"
Rachel laughed.
"Just testing you. And I really wouldn't dare..." Rachel looked around. "See the way those girls over there are looking at you?"
Ross turned and saw a group of four young beauties shamelessly looking at them.
"Hmm, on a second thought, a little time by myself wouldn't hurt" he joked.
Rachel playfully hit him.
"Don't even joke about it!"
Ross laughed and pulled her closer, kissing her full on the lips.
"Your friends don't cease to amuse me, you know?"
"I can imagine..."
"I mean, just now Mindy was telling me these things about you to get me jealous"
"What?!" Rachel looked at him straight into his eyes, indignatly. "What did she say?"
"She said something about you and that Nick guy acting more than just friendly at this other party."
The way she tensed up and stopped smiling worried him.
"She told you what?"
Ross nervously chuckled.
"What? It's no big deal, I know you wouldn't do that to me"
Rachel was silent. Damn, what was she supposed to say? She didn't want to hurt him, but she never ever wanted to have to lie to him again.
"...right?" He also went serious. "Rachel, what- Did uh, did something happen? Did you and Nick...? What??"
"Nothing happened!!" she snapped. Then she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Not really, I mean.."
She went silent.
"Rach..?"
"We didn't even kiss, ok? I was drunk and-"
"Wow, wait. When did this happen?" She fell silent. She knew he was smart enough to figure that out. "It was that- that night? That night you told me you..? THAT night?"
She nodded. He looked around frustated, rage and humiliation filling him.
"At a fucking party with all your friends watching, Rachel?? And now they're just watching me and thinking I'm the clown you're fucking up on your spare time??"
"What?" Rachel was taken aback by his reaction. "Ross, it's not like that, I'm telling you nothing happened!"
"You were messing around with someone else the night you told me you loved me, Rach. You know what that does? It takes away the meaning of everything you told me from that moment on. Actually, you know what? It takes away the meaning of everything you've ever told me!"
Rachel approached him.
"Don't say that, Ross, I-"
He backed away and sighed. Silence fell and they finally noticed some people were watching them. Whispering, some smiling, some aparently hoping for the best. Ross hated the feeling of being on a display.
"I gotta cool off"
He walked away.
Rachel locked herself in the bathroom and cried. This was silly... Nothing even really happened with Nick and she did love Ross very much.
'Ok, this is what you're gonna do... You're gonna fix your make up, you're gonna walk out and you're gonna get your man back' she thought to herself before beginning her task.
When she left the bathroom, her eyes searched for him. Not there.
She went into another room. Not there.
Every room of the house. Not there...
Tears found their way to her eyes again. She left the house in the direction of the lake. Some people were drinking, the sound was also on out there. Some even dared to go into the water and Rachel could tell most were skinny dipping. She didn't care. There was a nice and quiet spot to the side, it was dark and a bit more silent.
But before she could reach it, she noticed there was someone there already. Softly iluminated by the moonlight and minimal lightning that came from the party was Ross' figure. She smiled weakly and for a while just admired the handsome man he was. His white silky skin and the contrast it matched with his dark hair. His big gorgeous brown eyes and his lips. He had such nice lips...
Someone approached him. Rachel's heartbeat raced.
A while went by. It was much too dark for her to see who the girl was. She played with her hair. She looked at Ross straight into his eyes. She touched him.
"Bitch" Rachel mumbled as she realised who it was.
God, she was touching him too much.
She kissed him. Rachel opened her mouth, shocked.
He pushed her away.
There seemed to be a bit of an argument and after a while Mindy walked away. She walked by Rachel, but due the darkness she did not realise it.
"Faget!" Mindy cursed out of frustration.
Rachel sighed, gathering her emotions that had been spilled all over the place...
"Hey" she approached him.
"Hi" he said. His voice was numb. If anything, it was also sad.
"May I...?"
"Sure"
She sat with him, just on the same spot Mindy had taken. She nervously chuckled.
"Can you believe Mindy?"
Ross looked at her. He was dead serious.
"If you got something to say, Rachel, say it. I don't apreciate these little games, when you guys got these approaches and say these things that mean something that I'm supposed to know! Well, I don't, so why don't you just come out and say what you want??"
Rachel looked down. She was not used to being scolded, ever, by anyone. And the few times she had, she had yelled back. Eventually, she always got her ways.
Not this time though.
"I'm sorry"
She heard him sigh.
"I just..." she began. "I just wanna make it clear that nothing happened between Nick and me."
"Then why did you react that way when I told you Mindy had told me that?"
"Because I felt guilty"
"Why? If nothing happened, I don't see any reason why you would feel guilty"
Rachel shook her head.
"Because of the way I was treating you back then. You told me you loved me and I freaked out. And I was scared and I was gonna do something stupid, I was gonna hook up with Nick"
"Was it me that stopped you?"
"Well, yeah"
Ross looked down, thoughtful. He looked well absolved into his thoughts.
"Ross.. I love you"
He looked up at her, his eyes glistening.
"Don't, don't say this right now"
"But I do. I love you, Ross, I love you so much"
She came closer, but he backed away.
"Don't, don't say that just to get out of this!!"
She backed away, surprised.
"I'm not trying to get out of anything, Ross."
Silence followed. She looked down. Never had she been in such a complicated situation over something that never happened.
"What are you thinking?" she asked him.
"I'm thinking..." he looked at her. "how terrified I was that you would do something to me"
She reached for his hand and he didn't protest.
"And-" he continued "how it made me realise how this, what I feel for you, Rach... it shouldn't be this way. This can't be healthy"
"What?" she whispered.
"It's- it's imature, it's insecure, it's everything it shouldn't be"
"Ross, no, I-"
"Rach, I pushed everything aside just to be with you. I carelessly hurt Carol, we didn't care about Monica's feelings, I freaked out with Chandler because he kissed you many years ago! I- I'm scared you'll hook up with any guy you want because you can and I can't deal with how much I love you... I'm jealous of all the guys you've been with and all the guys who just want to! This is not me. It's not how it was supposed to be"
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying we're not ready"
"For what, Ross? It's not like we're getting married!"
"I know that, Rach! But what I feel for you still requires a commitment. And I'm just not sure we're prepared for it"
"So you're... you're breaking up with me?" tears rolled down her cheek.
Ross looked down to avoid seeing them. As he did so, a few escaped his own eyes.
"I'm afraid so"
Rachel threw her arms around him.
"Don't do this, Ross. Please. I need you. You've been everything to me these past couple of months"
"And why was it that you first wanted to be with me again?"
Rachel slowly let her arms slip down and away from him, defeated. She brushed her tears away.
"Ok, fine..." she whispered. "Happy new year to you too"
She walked away.
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Ok, this is not what I was hoping for, but it works. Not much to say here... I'm just on my way to begin a new fic. Yay. About comments on Jen and Brad... Well, thing is, I really-really-really don't enjoy fussing around famous people's life like that (it's much too disrespecting, in my opinion), so I'll regard myself the right to only say that I was shocked. I was out of town, so I just found out yesterday, Vero told me. The end. I don't know them and have no idea what happened - probably never will. But I still wish them well and hope things get better, whatever the hell that will be. Now... reviews?? ;)