Author's Note: Okay, this is definitely not your typical drabble and/or alternate scene. This is a short, three part parody that I'm writing. You know all those Mary Sue stories? She's usually really powerful, and really smart and really beautiful? AKA: Little Miss Perfect? I'm sick of Mary Sue. This is a story about what would happen (in my demented world) if my two Harry Potter obsessed friends Michelle and Heather (and me of course) all came across the world of Harry Potter in real life. All three of us are Mary Sue, yay! Only, we aren't all Little Miss Perfects. By the way, I'm Lauren. So when you see that name, it's me talking. Yes. I'm that odd in real life; sorry if that offends you in some way. On with the show….
The sun slowly started to set on the bland and redundant houses of Little Winging in Surrey. It was hot and humid; the people of Privet Drive had taken to opening their windows as much as possible, and people made sure to walk around with a handkerchief to wipe off the sweat that seemed to gather over everyone.
One boy in particular was having a particularly bad time, though. Harry Potter, also frequently known as The Boy Who Lived, was busy watching his aunt and uncle's television set from between the wooden columns on the upstairs landing.
They'd finally conceded to letting him watch the news, just so long as he wasn't actually in the room with them when he did it. He could hear their conversation quite well though, and they didn't seem to bother lowering their voices for fear of Harry's hurt feelings.
"I don't know why his sort wants to watch the news. That what's-his-face that killed his parents isn't going to do anything that would get him noticed by good and normal people like us." Uncle Vernon sounded rather high and mighty considering all that happened the summer before, Harry thought. Petunia just sniffed and agreed with him. Harry rolled his eyes and focused back on the news to see what was happening.
So far, the Daily Prophet had been reporting daily alerts of "Dark Wizard Activity" and a daily column was put in, written by the Order's own Nymphadora Tonks. She wrote about different places were Death Eater activity had been seen last, and so far, she hadn't given away anything that Harry couldn't have guessed by himself. The newspaper itself seemed to focus on safety and cautionary tactics rather than actually reporting any incidences.
Perhaps they were afraid of scaring everyone? Harry wondered idly to himself as he thought on it. So far, though, nothing to odd had appeared on the news. Although…there had been some odd sort of lights hovering above the city in the past couple of days, and scientists had been making a big deal about it on the news. It was the Aurora Borealis and what was even more amazing was that it was visible over London, even through all the light pollution, or so they called it.
Harry had gone out and looked at it through his collapsible telescope, figuring that since it was such a rare event, his Astronomy professor may want some kind of essay about it. Of course, that was assuming that he passed his Astronomy O.W.L. and actually got into the NEWT level class. He figured that either way, it couldn't hurt to take a look.
It was out again tonight, and brighter than it ever had been. It was the main topic of discussion on the news that evening, as it had been for the past week or so. Vernon snorted into his cup of tea and muttered darkly from the living room, "Some sort of trick of the light it is. Nothing more than that, I don't know what all the fuss is about!" Petunia said nothing, but Harry heard the clinking noises of knitting needles.
Harry figured if their had been any mass murders, they would have been the first things on the news report. He stayed and listened for another couple of minutes just to make sure, but when they turned to the daily news, the only serious event had been a large car accident on the motorway to the south of Little Winging.
Harry got up and stretched, raising his arms above his head and yawning before shuffling toward his tiny bedroom. He walked in, only to find that his bedroom window was wide open and the strange light of the Aurora Borealis lighting up his room. He stood there, looking at if for a long time. He wasn't quite sure at first, but suddenly he could hear a group of people talking.
He couldn't exactly tell what the people were saying, but it sounded as if they were down in the street somewhere. He could tell that there were at least three of them, and all were girls. At least…two of them were, he wasn't sure about the last one. A young boy, maybe?
He walked over to the window and looked down into the street and saw three shadowy figures talking with one another in irritated tones of voice, and there was no doubt that all three of them were girls. He thought about going down and peaking through the living room window to see who they were, when one of them suddenly looked up at him and squeaked loudly, before covering her face and muttering to herself.
Knitting his eyebrows together in confusion, he looked over at the other two girls and decided to call down to them. "Hey! Who're you?" He hissed as loudly as possible, and the girl who previously had her face covered removed her hands and exclaimed.
"Oh my gosh! It's Harry Potter!" Harry blinked, and became suspicious. How did this girl know his name? Was she some kind of rabid fan-girl who had found out where he lived? He contemplated sending an owl to Dumbledore, when a girl with shoulder length brown hair and brown eyes with glasses stepped into view of the light in front of his house. She looked like a sensible person, with a pair of simple jeans and a red t-shirt.
"Hey, I'm Michelle. Don't worry, we aren't enemies or anything. Umm…just one thing though, this is real, right? I'm not dreaming all of this?" She bit her lip and looked up at him hopefully and Harry shook his head, "I feel very real right now, and I don't think I'm a dream," he replied. Michelle nodded and glanced back at her friends.
The girl that had been previously covering her face removed her hands and Harry noticed that she was also wearing glasses, only her eyes were blue. She reminded him of Luna Lovegood in a way, only less dotty.
Her eyes were what did it, and they were the only similarity she had to the Luna. Otherwise she was very tall, with very short brown hair. She was wearing a baggy pair of khaki pants with a lot of pockets in them, and a t-shirt with an odd cartoon character on it that Harry hadn't seen before. The third girl had been pacing back and forth and Harry hadn't seen her in the light yet.
"Hey, why don't you guys come here in the light then?" Harry hissed and Michelle nodded, beckoning her two friends closer. The girl who had covered her face stepped forward and looked up at him. Harry suddenly noticed that she had freckles, like Ron.
"Uhhh…Hi. I'm Heather." She said, and her cheeks turned flaming red with embarrassment. She glared suddenly at her feet and seemed indignant with herself over something. Harry was about to ask her what was wrong, when Michelle addressed the third girl.
"Lauren! C'mon!" The third girl stopped pacing and stood in the shadow for a second before stepping forward and peering up at him suspiciously. Harry blinked, she had blonde hair and green eyes. She was fairly tall as well, though her hair was longer than that of the other two and she was wearing a baggy pear of jeans, converse shoes, and a t-shirt with the Superman logo on it.
"You aren't Harry Potter, are you? This is some kind of joke or something, right?" Lauren challenged of him, and he was surprised at the sound of her voice. It was rather deeper than he expected from a girl and it had an unnatural twang to it. Seeing his odd face, Heather laughed in amusement.
"Lauren's from Texas, that's why she talks that way!" Harry nodded hesitantly and told them he'd be down in a minute, and to wait right there. As soon as he exited the front door, he noticed that he was only a little bit taller than the tallest girl, but not by much. Lauren took it upon herself to take charge of the situation by bringing her face extraordinarily close to his.
"So. You're Harry Potter, huh? Damn. He's sexier in person." She grinned, showing off a row of oddly straight and white teeth that reminded him almost of Lockhart. Harry leaned back and confirmed her suspicion. "Yes, I really am Harry Potter. What do you mean, I'm sexier in person…" He was quite alarmed by this observation, and to him it seemed as if Heather was struggling not to giggle hysterically.
Michelle gave Lauren a strange look, and Lauren shrugged in response. Heather suddenly made another squeak noise, and Harry jumped at the sound of it. Lauren grinned widely at Heather, who shook her head emphatically.
"NO! I won't squeak, you can't make me do it, Lauren! STOP!" Heather exclaimed, and Lauren threw her head back and laughed loudly. Her laugh reminded him of Hagrid in way: larger than life was a good way to describe it. Lauren suddenly started bouncing in place and circling Harry as she performed some odd dance moves. Confused, Harry watched her and asked them,
"Okay, so what the heck are you guys doing here? And who are you?" Michelle reached out and stopped Lauren's odd bouncing and dancing before saying, "Umm well, we're from the States and we have no idea how we got here. We were just looking at the lights in the sky when…" She trailed off and glanced up at the Aurora Borealis.
"OH! We were transported here on the Northern Lights, of course!" Lauren told them all knowledgably, as if this happened to her quite often. Heather glanced at her quizzically and wondered, "Oh really? Then make it take us back home! I have to talk to Daniel anyway…"
Lauren froze and suddenly spun to look at Harry closely. Harry jerked away from her for the second time, and she suddenly burst out, "Hell, they look nothing alike. Ah well…they're both hot in their own way. HEY! Do you have a nice ass? Lemme see!" She grabbed his shoulders and turned him around. Confused, Harry craned his neck around to see what she as doing. Much to his alarm she was inspecting his rear end.
"Hey, guys, Harry's got a nice butt! Go you, you dead sexy monster you!" She exclaimed, giving him a swat on the butt playfully. Harry yelped in alarm and Michelle hissed quickly to Lauren in mortification,
"You can't go around spanking important people, Lauren! No matter how much you like their butts, I can't believe I'm even having this conversation with you…" Michelle ran her fingers through her hair and glanced up and down the street. Harry held onto his butt, and looked at Lauren apprehensively, who grinned back at him.
Heather watched the scenario, and seemed to be containing her laughter really well, before turning serious. "Okay, guys really…we need to find a way to get home, and since Lauren's smart ass seems to know how, she's going to do it." Heather looked at Lauren expectantly, who shrugged.
"How the hell should I know? Do I look like the Goddess herself to you?" Confused, Harry asked Lauren who the Goddess herself was. She smiled and replied,
"Well, who ever said God had to be a guy? I don't want to think of God as a guy, because frankly, that scares me. So God is now a she. Booya! You want some of this? Didn't think so!" She shook her butt at him and Harry found himself laughing at her. It was hard not too. Heather brightened considerably, quite suddenly.
"I knew Lauren could get him to laugh!" Michelle grinned and Heather leaned forward and hissed to Harry,
"Lauren's really weird and she loves making people laugh, so excuse her behavior. She can be normal when she wants…."
"I'M GOING TO KICK DUDLEY'S FAT ASS!" Lauren roared enthusiastically, causing some of the neighbors to peek out their windows at the group of teenagers angrily. Harry waved his hands at Lauren and told her to shut up. Michelle made a noise and she and Heather clamped their hands on Lauren's mouth at the same time.
They stood there like that for a while, until they let go about a minute later. Harry sighed with relief that Dudley was over at Piers' house that evening. He glared at Lauren and hissed, "What are you, nuts?"
"Yes." All three girls answered in unison and Harry groaned loudly. "Come upstairs to my room," Harry said, "and we'll find a way to send you home. Permanently!" Harry walked back into the house, relieved that now his aunt and uncle were in the kitchen talking.
By some miracle, the group of teenagers made it up to Harry's room without alerting his relatives and Harry slumped onto his bed in relief. All three girls took an instant curiosity to his things, and began to look at them before Harry could think to hide them.
"Hey, next year you'll be able to do spells without getting expelled from Hogwarts, huh?" Heather asked and started flipping curiously through his Transfiguration textbook. He stared at her open mouthed. How did they know about Hogwarts? What else did they know?
Seeing his surprise, Lauren informed him of something rather important, "Oh don't worry, we know all about you. You're The Boy Who Lived, though I'm sure you hate being called that because it's just some sort of title that refers to something you barely remember…that must completely suck!" Harry sat there, listening to Lauren open-mouthed and when she suddenly stopped talking, he struggled to process all that she'd said.
"Umm yeah, that about covers it I suppose…" Harry replied, glancing back over at Heather who'd found his Defense Against the Dark Arts text book from the previous year. She was frowning at it.
"I hate Umbridge. She's a pig." Heather declared, tossing the book back onto his desk. Harry grinned. "No…no, no, no her name isn't Umbridge anymore, remember? It's Umbitch." Lauren said firmly and Harry burst out laughing. That was a pretty good name after all….
Harry gazed at Michelle, who was frowning at Lauren in disapproval. Harry stood up suddenly, glancing out of the window at the Aurora Borealis. It was starting to fade away. If Lauren was right, and they did manage to get here because of the Aurora, then he wouldn't be able to get them home that night if it was fading off already.
"Lauren! I want you to tell me if you know for sure how you got here. Please." Harry demanded, making sure that she was paying attention to him. She blinked and Heather muttered from behind him, "Oh, it sounds cool when he says your name, Lauren." She grinned at him, and Harry tilted his head up and sighed loudly. He yelped in surprise when he suddenly felt someone tickling his neck.
He glared at Lauren, figuring she'd done it, and he was correct. Michelle was giggling, but struggling to stop, and Heather wasn't bothering to stop. Harry grabbed Lauren's hands and told her firmly,
"Keep your hands right here. Don't move them, or else I'll have to curse you or something." Lauren nodded, with a suddenly innocent look on her face, which made Harry suspicious. Who the hell did she remind him of…?
"She's an awful lot like Fred and George, isn't she?" Michelle observed and Harry nodded, "Only, more…um…well I don't know what to call it…" Harry let go of Lauren's hands and she sat there like an obedient child, not saying a thing and smiling angelically, which was highly unnerving to him.
Harry began to pace, trying to think of what on earth could have gotten them there using the Aurora Borealis. He had learned some about it in Astronomy, but not all that much to figure out if it could magically transport people halfway across the world. He went digging for his astronomy textbook, to try and look something up, when he heard Heather ask Lauren for a pencil.
She must have given one to her, because a bit later, he heard scratching noises that sounded like someone drawing. He found the book and started flipping through it, trying to find any and all information on the Aurora. He glanced up to see Heather studying his face avidly. He frowned, and looked over at Michelle and Lauren, who just sat there calmly.
"What're you doing?" He wondered, looking at Heather hesitantly. She blinked and smiled uncertainly. She held up a notebook that he only just now noticed she'd been carrying. She showed him the beginnings of a sketch of what he figured must be him. He was a little surprised, and asked her, "What else do you draw?"
She flipped to some other pages and showed him what looked like several cartoon characters that she'd drawn in various situations. She was really good! Harry flipped through some of the drawings curiously, asking Heather what they were.
"Well, this one is InuYasha; he's a Japanese anime character. Those are his friends Miroku and Shippou…" Harry thought those to be funny names, but they were Japanese names, so he wasn't used to them or anything.
"Look, I can't find anything in my astronomy book about the Aurora Borealis, or any of it's magical properties. The most I could get is what causes it, but other than that, I can't begin to figure it out…" Harry told all of them, and they looked at him, listening carefully. Michelle nodded and seemed to be trying to figure something out for herself, and Heather flipped back to her drawing of him and started on it once again.
Lauren turned and looked out at the last parts of the Aurora Borealis that hadn't faded yet, and then looked at Harry carefully. He folded his arms across his chest at looked at her expectantly. He could tell she wanted to say something, but was holding herself back.
"Well? Say it!" Harry told her, and Lauren shifted around anxiously before saying, "Well, okay I know how to get back, but we won't be able to until tomorrow evening. The lights aren't strong enough to support the journey back…" She smiled apprehensively at him, and Harry frowned.
"Where do you expect to sleep until then?" He demanded and Lauren smiled angelically at him once again. Harry had a suspicious feeling that she was going to say…
"Well, we can sleep here of course. On the floor, that is. Unless Michelle and Heather can come up with a better idea…" She glanced at her friends, and Heather shrugged indifferently, and Michelle shook her head.
"We aren't married; we can't sleep in the same room as a teenage boy! There's no telling what kinds of…of….sexual things he might think!" Her face turned as red as her shirt and Harry's eyes bugged out. He opened his mouth to respond, but Lauren jumped up and put a hand on his arm.
"Harry's not…like that! He wouldn't be some perverted…you know!" Lauren replied firmly, and Harry gazed back at her in surprise. Well, it's nice to know that a complete stranger has faith in you, Harry thought. He nodded in agreement and told Michelle firmly, "I won't do anything…perverted, and if I think it, I'll make sure to keep it to myself." Michelle frowned a little bit, and after some convincing, conceded to stay and sleep on the floor.
"Do you have a sleeping bag?" Heather wondered, putting her sketchbook away and giving Lauren her pencil back. Harry had to go digging around to find one, but Dudley's old sleeping bag was large enough to fit the three of them quite comfortably.
"Okay, who goes in first?" Heather wondered and they all looked at the sleeping bag on the floor. Harry went to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth and hair while they figured out the sleeping arrangements. He managed to sneak several large pillows out of the linen closet in the hallway on his way back, and when he entered his room, found the three girls arguing in hushed tones.
"Why should the skinniest go first? Whose the skinniest out of us anyway?" Heather demanded of Lauren, who shrugged and looked from herself to Michelle and then back at Heather, who grimaced.
"Well, you don't need a rocket scientist to figure out that I'm not going in first. Thanks for making me feel so much better about myself, Lauren!" Heather folded her arms in front of her chest and Lauren gaped back at her. She seemed to be trying to find a way to apologize, but she didn't seem to be able to do it.
"Oh brother, it's just a size issue! You're taller than everyone else, Heather, so you go in first." Michelle said firmly. Heather sighed and sat down on the floor first. Harry shuffled around them, and tossed Lauren the pillows. She almost toppled over in the process of trying to catch them, making Heather laugh.
Lauren pouted and then laughed too. Heather took off her shoes and left her socks on. She wriggled around and got herself into the sleeping bag easily enough. She adjusted the pillows that Lauren set on the floor and she unzipped the sleeping bag further.
"I'm next!" Lauren said, with a laugh at Michelle, who shook her head in amusement. Lauren took of her shoes as well as her socks. Harry noticed that she had painted her toenails an odd turquoise color. She flopped down and wiggled in next to Heather. Before lying down, though, she started digging around in her pocket for something. Harry was on his bed and under his covers, watching everything from the sidelines. It was quite funny to him.
She dug out a black hair band from her pocket and pulled her long blonde hair up into an odd, messy looking hair-do on top of her head, before laying down and grinning over at Harry, who chuckled to himself. Michelle decided she need to use the bathroom before she went to bed, and tiptoed over.
Heather, Lauren, and Harry laid there silently, until Lauren suddenly announced that she was hungry. "Oh no," Heather muttered, and Harry sat up. He had some food stored away underneath the loose floorboard, and he grabbed a couple of Cauldron Cakes out from under there and threw them at Lauren.
She ripped the packages open and contentedly ate them. Michelle came back from the bathroom, informed Lauren that if she got crumbs in the sleeping bag she'd smack her, and then took off her shoes before sliding herself into the sleeping bag.
Lauren divided the cakes up and gave Michelle and Heather a piece, to which they fell silent and contentedly ate along with her. Harry rolled his eyes and tried not to laugh at the three of them. He couldn't sleep, so when he was sure they were done, he turned off the lamp and asked them how old they were. He could still see them in the dim evening light enough to register their reactions.
"I'm 18," Heather and Michelle said in unison whispers, and Lauren said, "I'm 19, I'll be 20 in October," Harry jerked in surprise and sat up to look at them with the light coming through the window.
"You're almost 20 years old? You certainly don't act like someone that age!" Harry exclaimed, thinking of Percy Weasley. Lauren rolled his eyes and told him, "I don't care what other people think of me, and I'm not going to take life to seriously." She stuck her tongue out at Harry, who blinked in surprise, before laughing once again.
They all settled down and started to sleep. Harry rolled over and let his mind drift off into nowhere before falling asleep quite rapidly. That didn't keep the nightmares of Sirius falling through the veil away, though, and he tossed around, mumbling angrily in his sleep.
He woke up suddenly in the middle of the night, looking around wildly and in a cold sweat. Did those girls know about his nightmares too? He sat up and put on his glasses, glancing down at the three girls.
They all looked to be fast asleep. Heather was turned away from him on her side, with her hair sticking up in a funny direction, much like his own hair. Lauren was on her stomach with her face turned toward him and a peaceful look on her face. She looked a lot different when she was sleeping, Harry thought. Michelle was on her side facing Harry as well, with her hands curled up underneath her pillow, she looked rather different without her glasses.
Harry sighed as he looked at the three of them. Michelle reminded him of Hermione in a way. She was serious and seemed very intelligent. Then again, Heather and Lauren seemed smart too, but less serious about it. Heather wasn't really like anyone he'd ever met before, but he could tell that she would get along well with Ron for some reason. So would Lauren.
In fact, he knew that if Ron ever saw Lauren he'd probably go nuts and follow her around. She was pretty enough for him to not worry about her nose, which wasn't off center. Assuming, of course, that Lauren let Ron follow her around…
Michelle and Hermione would be great friends, he could tell. Hermione might think Lauren a bit to loud and outspoken, but he wasn't sure. She'd like Heather though, who seemed a bit shy. He tried to get back to sleep, but was unsuccessful.
What have I gotten myself into? Harry wondered as he took one last look at them before rolling over and going to sleep once again.