Chapter 19: Strange Feelings

Where am I?

I was someplace different. I didn't recognise it. It was completely black and no one was around except for me.

What am I wearing? I thought as I looked down at my new garment. It was some sort of dark purple top with white frills down the middle, parting to the sides as it reached my waist, revealing my bare stomach. I had purple sleeves starting at my elbows and running down to the end of my hands, with black straps crossing over each other sitting just below my shoulders and finishing at the start of the sleeves.

I wore what seemed to be dark blue pants and hanging off to the left side was a white frilly sash hanging down to just past my left knee. And on my feet I wore tall dark knee high boots.

This place was so quiet and peaceful for some reason. Suddenly I felt a hand upon my left shoulder and I tilted my head down slowly to the left, moving my eyes to the left, feeling that this moment was somehow right. Something strange began to happen. Beautiful glowing lights began to fly around my body and the hand on my shoulder spun me around to embrace me in a hug. I stood there with my arms on my sides as the person wrapped their arms around my neck lovingly. I could feel a part of me wanting to return the embrace, but I just stood there, watching the lights flying around us glowing brighter and brighter. Not knowing what was happening, I decided to just close my eyes and rest.

I fluttered my eyes open to see that I was once again in the hideout. I was completely absentminded. I didn't know what had just happened but it was beautiful in a strange kind of way.

I turned my head to the left from the bed I was now lying in once more. I saw that Seraph was watching me and gave me a small smile.

I smiled back and began to lift my body up to rest against the bed frame. I looked down at my clothes and realised that I was still in the clothes that Seraph had given me.

"You're one lucky girl young miss." Stated Seraph as he leant back against the wall nearest to the door.

I had no idea what he was talking about. I turned my face to gaze at him with utter confusion.

"Why is that so?" I asked, thinking how can a girl like me be lucky in the situation I was in.

I mean Tidus didn't even know me anymore…

My eyes widened as I had a flash back of what had just happened moments before. Or at least I thought it was moments ago. I didn't know how long I had been out of it.

I rose from the bed and started to fret, "Tidus was here, I saw him. Were is he?" I said as I searched the room anxiously with my bi-coloured eyes, hoping that a group of sentinels wouldn't jump out at me.

"Huh? What are you talking about…" he started before I cut him off angrily.

"He was here…I saw him. He saved me from falling out of the door. He caught me." I cried as I spun around to face him. I was so frustrated.

Why didn't he listen to what I was saying?

"Miss…I was the one that caught you. And I look nothing like the master. So maybe you just thought it was him. Maybe you started seeing visions. I mean sometimes when people have a near death experience, they see visions of their past." He explained, as he rubbed his neck, flinching a bit then folding his arms again.

I took no notice of this; only his words seemed to interest me.

"Visions of my past? Why would you think Tidus was from my past?" I questioned as I walked towards him, stopping about two metres away, placing my legs close together as I stood in a tall stance in front of him. I folded my arms and searched his face for an answer.

"I didn't actually mean that…I just meant you probably saw visions of something you wanted to happen…I don't know…I'm not a real expert when it comes to these kinds of things." He said as he walked over to the door.

I let my arms fall to my side and remembered something else from my vision of Tidus. He had called me Lenne.

"Lenne." I mumbled quietly as I stared down at the floor on the right side of my body. I wasn't actually seeing the floor at all. I was trying to make the events, since falling out of the door become clearer in my mind.

Why did he call me Lenne? Was it a girl he used to be with here in Zanarkand? When he came to Besaid two years ago, had he just wanted to be with me because I reminded him of her or looked like her…or something.

Hang on; this was all just a crazy dream…it would have had to have been.

"Lenne?" asked Seraph from his position near the door.

Only half of my mind was thinking and when I heard him call me that I looked up and hissed, "I'm Yuna!"

"Yeah I know you are. I was questioning what you said. You said Lenne. How do you know about her?" He asked as he furrowed his eyebrows seriously.

I too became serious as I left my thoughts.

"Is she real?" I whispered.

"I asked how you knew her Yuna." He said sternly, as he gazed at me with sad eyes.

I looked away and mumbled, "I don't know her. But that's what he called me."

"What?" he asked, probably not understanding a word I just said.

"Forget it." I sighed, as I walked over to the bed and slumped back down in sadness.

Why did he call me Lenne? I'm Yuna.

"Young miss, it's time to go." Seraph spoke softly.

I looked up lazily and said, "Huh?"

"It's time to go." He repeated as he gestured towards the door.

I frowned for the thousandth time that night in mystification.

"Time to go where?" I asked as I looked out at the moon outside of the window. It was somewhat fuller then the last time I had gazed upon it.

"Your chance…it's now. To do what you have to." He said as he waited at the door anxiously.

"But you said it was tonight. It's still early morning." I said as I turned my gaze towards him.

He looked somewhat nervous. But I didn't know what for. He seemed rather desperate to leave this place.

"No, it's tonight already. You slept the day away. I have never seen a person sleep so peacefully in my life, without even stirring a bit." He said, as I began to wander over to him.

I was shocked that I had slept through the entire day, but what made me even more surprised, was the fact that he thought that I had slept peacefully. Well maybe today was an exception I guess. I had slept rather peacefully, even if my dream was kind of bizarre.

But every other time I slept, I would only ever dream about 'him' and nothing else. I never slept peacefully when I dreamt of 'him'. I would always end up seeing 'him' fade away and I could do nothing to stop it.

It was so unfair.

"So tonight…it's the first night of the celebrations…before the Moonshine Mission is to commence." He stated quietly, as he tried to break me from my thoughts.

I looked up at him and asked, "Um…the Moonshine Mission?"

"Oh…yeah…nothing really…just something the master is to attend to. But you are to be there too you know? You know for…" he trailed off, giving me an unwanted look of sympathy.

I grew angry but decided to be strong and keep my feelings under control. I drew in deep, long, calming breaths and tried to get my mind off things and decided to ask about the celebrations.

"So what exactly are the celebrations?" I questioned trying my best not to show any emotion whatsoever. Because I knew that when I showed one emotion, a whole new lot of them would come out one after the other, engulfing my body in a ocean that I couldn't seem to swim through.

"Well tonight is the first night. It's called The Mask. It's just to relax everyone from their worries. People can hide behind their mask and be equals with one another, as no one knows who each other is. So it's actually quite interesting. People who have never met before can let themselves be known to each other." He said with a thoughtful expression on his face.

After a few moments of thinking, I myself thought that this was actually a perfect opportunity to do what I had to. I could hide behind a mask and find Tidus. Then I would tell him everything and even though he wouldn't know who I was, he would know that someone deeply cared about him.

Why hadn't Seraph told me about this sooner? Now I was unprepared. Actually...I guess no matter how much warning I would have received, I never actually would be ready to say the words that were deep down in my heart, which were only meant for one person to hear.

However, I couldn't help but feel a little annoyed that I was being put on the spot like this.

"Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?" I asked as I waited for him to explain himself.

He shrugged and said simply, "You were asleep, I was planning to tell you today, but it's not like I didn't try and wake you up."

"Oh." I whispered, as I thought about The Mask more carefully.

If I was to meet 'him' there tonight, then I had to know exactly what to say and how to say it. I couldn't just run up to 'him' and sigh pathetically and whisper, "Tidus I love you so much, please take me away with you, somewhere we can live alone together always."

Of course that's what I felt inside, and I knew that it was important to speak what you felt and that he deserved to hear it, but there had to be a more subtle way of putting those words. First I should be calm and determined, and then…I would just hope that I didn't mess up my one chance at telling him how I feel.

I sighed miserably.

What was I going to say?

Lenne suddenly came back into my mind.

I can't go if Lenne is the one he wants.

Yuna it was just a dream, go to The Mask.

But he doesn't know me anymore; I should just keep away until I have to go to Mt. Demise.

But you don't want to leave this world without telling him what you feel do you?

Of course not, but it will be harder, letting my feelings for him be spoken and then I will just have to leave anyway. It makes things seem more…real.

Yuna wake up…it is real. If it isn't now, it once was. You didn't get to say what you wanted the day he went away. Tell him now what you really feel. Let your heart fly all the way to him. Let him catch it and see what he once had, and what he once loved. Maybe he will remember.

He won't ever remember me. I'm probably not even the girl he really loved.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't remember. What matters is that you both really loved each other once. That is enough to make anything seem possible.

You're probably right…hang on, why am I even talking to myself? I'm growing more insane by the second.

I looked up and saw Seraph staring at me expectantly.

I smiled positively and stood up with a new force of energy running through my veins. I had a mission to complete and I would make sure I succeeded.

"Seraph I'm ready. I will go to The Mask." I announced, as I began to walk towards him with a determined face.

"Okay then, that's what I like to hear." He said softly, as he took my hand in his.

I tensed as he held onto it, but relaxed a bit once I knew that I was safe with him. He was my angel at the moment.

"Are you ready?" he asked as he pulled me towards the door.

I nodded and a few strands of hair fell in front of my eyes. I shook them away and felt myself being lifted up into Seraphs arms. I knew what he was going to do. He was going to jump like he did last time, but this time he had me in his arms.

I didn't know if that would make the task any harder, having to carry another body. But I knew that he knew what he was doing, so I shut my eyes and looked away as I felt him leap out of the hideout.

I felt the air blowing through my hair and it was almost as if I was falling down a large hole with no ending, that was how far we had to go. I clung on tightly to Seraph's neck and prayed that we made it safely.

Finally we landed on the ground, with his feet pounding against the forest floor expertly. I opened my eyes and looked around. We were okay. We were alive at least.

He lowered me to the ground below and I let go of his neck.

I looked up at him and smiled.

"Can we go now?" I whispered excitedly, as I tried to keep myself from jumping up and down in happiness.

I didn't know why I felt so happy. Maybe this was how it felt when you knew that you would be meeting up with the person you loved very soon.

Seraph nodded and motioned for me to follow him with his left hand.

He began to run off towards the city where The Mask was being held.

I followed hurriedly, feeling a strange kind of warmth pass through my body and that was when I knew that I was doing the right thing.

"Come on master, it will give you time to relax. You have done nothing but worry ever since this girl escaped." Auron said, trying to persuade me to go to The Mask that night.

"I have too much on my mind to even think about relaxing Auron. I'm not going." I insisted, as I walked out onto my balcony, which overlooked Zanarkand.

"But master the people will expect you to make an appearance." Auron said, not giving up on the subject.

"Auron, I'm expected to do a lot of things…this is just another celebration that everyone will only be attending, so that they can get the thrill of making out with people they don't know." I said becoming irritated with his pointless attempts to convince me to go to this thing.

I leant down on the railing in front of me, resting my head in my hands, running my fingers through my hair stressfully. I hated being pressured into doing things I didn't want to. I just wanted to curl up in a hole somewhere sometimes. Just to escape the life I had been living for the past two years.

"Tell me again, why is it that this girl must die anyway." I asked calmly as I stared out at the city, hoping that she was okay, for the moment. I had no idea why though. Ever since I had been to the abandoned hideout in the forest, I had been feeling strange and had forgotten everything, including why the girl was to be recaptured.

"Because master, she is a threat." He said becoming more serious.

At least he had stopped nagging me about The Mask.

I turned my head to the right a bit and frowned.

"And why is that again." I said absentmindedly, with no real interest in my voice.

"Because she knew your name master, which therefore leads to the fact that she once knew you before coming to Zanarkand." He explained as he appeared at my side.

I looked back out over the city once more and said, "Yes, but does that mean she's an enemy?"

"Of course it does. We left your past behind because it was all lies. None of it was real. You are so lucky not to remember the hurt you went through. She caused you so much grief and sorrow back in her world, that I knew that this place would be the only place where you would be able to survive." He said as he rested a hand on my shoulder for comfort.

But it didn't help; it made me feel even more confused and upset. I don't remember anything before two years ago. Auron was the only one who knew who I once was and he always told me that my past was too horrific to describe. But now this new girl knew me too.

Hang on. If she once knew me, maybe she could tell me a few things. But…no…I couldn't go looking for her, for my own selfish wants. I couldn't pump all this information out of her only to have to…

I hated to think about what I was going to do to her. No matter how painful she may have made my life…I was only going to do to her what she may have done to me. I didn't know who I was and…maybe if I just spoke to her for a minute, if she just told me who she was in my old life. What part she played, enemy, friend…lover…what in the name of Zanarkand was I thinking?

I stood up abruptly and shook my head furiously causing my hair to swish over face, ridding the shameful thought from my mind.

"Are you all right master?" asked Auron as he stared at me with no emotion apparent in his dark eyes, as always.

I looked away distractedly and nodded as I said, "Yeah…I think I'm gonna go to The Mask."

I began to walk away from the balcony, back into my temple once more, with Auron's feet pounding against the ground after me.

"This doesn't mean I'm going to have fun." I said sternly, as I kept walking ahead, making sure that I was as clear about everything as possible.

"Of course not master. But at least you will be welcomed by the people of Zanarkand. This will be a shining moment for them all. To see the master. They will appreciate you going." He said as he hurried to catch up to me.

"Yeah yeah…whatever." I mumbled as I headed down the stairs quickly, growing tired of Auron's little pick-me-ups.

I was content on one thing right now. That was going to The Mask, but leaving shortly after it commenced to go and find the girl. I would make her tell me everything. She would follow my orders and if she didn't she would suffer the consequences.

Well I guess she was already on death row…but hey, at least now I was my old self again. I was acting professionally again. I wasn't feeling sorry for her. I was concentrating on getting what I needed to know. She would respect my wishes. I would make her.

A little nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach, made me feel awful about my thoughts. But it was too small for me to take notice of.

But then again…I guess it couldn't be that small if it was able to break through my pride and make me feel somewhat guilty.

"Ah…stop thinking and keep running." I exclaimed loudly to myself as I wiped my face frustratingly.

If I was going to have to make an appearance at The Mask before going out to find the girl, I had to concentrate and not look like a fool in front of everyone.

"Seraph…are we almost there?" I called out after him.

"Almost…in about two minutes you will see bright lights over that hill." He said pointing to the hill that we were fast approaching, as we exited the forest.

"Do you think he will be there?" I said anxiously, catching up to him.

"Well to the best of my knowledge he will be. But if he isn't…there is always tomorrow night I guess." He said more to himself them me.

"Tomorrow night?" I asked waiting for an explanation.

I had now caught up to him and was not even out of breath.

Must have been because of all the training I had done with Rikku and Paine.

"Don't worry…if you don't get your chance tonight, then I will explain everything to you afterwards." He said as we stopped on top of the hill.

He was right. There were bright lights everywhere. It was so beautiful. I smiled at it in amazement. If only Tidus was standing here with me right now. It would be so wonderful.

I looked around to say something to Seraph. But when I couldn't find him I became scared.

"Seraph where are you?" I whispered frantically, as I spun around and searched the area around me.

"Down here." Came a voice from below.

I glanced down and saw that he was already making his way down the hill.

"Well wait for me." I said annoyed, as I began to climb down, unlike last time when I had just rolled down.

"Geez…you sure are a bossy one." He said as if he was offended by my words.

"Well when I know what I want, I don't let anyone push me around." I said superiorly, but I didn't mean it.

"Oh aren't we so high and mighty?" He said sarcastically as he dropped down onto the ground below.

"Well if you don't like it, don't bother following me anymore." I said as I landed gracefully onto the ground, flicking my hair over one shoulder and heading towards the city.

I left him behind with a dumbfounded expression upon his face.

"Me? Stop following you?" he cried out annoyed.

"I laughed and said, "Aha."

He ran up to my left side and said, "Well lets see how fast you can get to the city."

He then shot off at full speed, not even giving me a chance to realise what was happening.

"Hey you cheated!" I cried out after him.

I began to chase after him towards the city, determined that I would be the one who got there first.

I peered out over the crowd from the entrance to the city and saw that the people were already having a good time. Maybe I wouldn't bother showing myself. Its not like they'd notice.

I turned around to leave, with my head hung thoughtfully, only to run into Auron.

I jumped back shocked and exclaimed, "Auron watch where you're going."

I brushed past him and kept walking, only to be stopped by him once again.

"Auron please, you're really getting on my nerves." I said folding arms and glaring at him.

"But master…you're not leaving now are you? The Mask is about to start." He said not letting me pass.

"Well it looks like they've already started without me anyway. What's the point?" I protested as I pushed past him once more.

This time he didn't stop me but he did say, "That is because they weren't expecting you. You've never come to see them before now. They're just carrying on as usual. They had the decency to show up tonight. Why don't you show them the decency of at least making a speech?"

I stopped in my tracks and pondered over his words. I turned to face him.

"One: they don't care if I ever show myself. Two: yes they are carrying on as usual. Three: they only came tonight because it was yet another invitation to act like the sluttish fools they all are. Four: I will not subject myself to talk to them only to have my words forgotten in less then a second." I finished angrily, as I gave him one last death stare and left the city.

But as I walked away, I felt that maybe my words had been too harsh. Maybe I should just let myself have a good time for one night. Even if it meant I would be one of those sluttish fools.

So I stopped where I was, forgetting all about my plans to find the girl. I didn't even know where she was anyway. So I headed back towards the city and saw that Auron was waiting for me expectantly.

He looked rather pleased with himself. I felt pissed off for letting him think that I was doing what he said.

So as I got closer I stated firmly, "I'm doing this for myself okay. I'm not making a speech or anything tonight. Tonight I am simply…me."

I hurried past him and into the crowd, receiving a black mask from one of the people on my right. As I put it on hastily, my attire instantly transformed into a Blitzball uniform. I wore a short yellow chemise, which revealed my torso. Black leather buckled straps were secured over my shoulders. Black waterproof material and chains covered my waist. My pants were black as well. On my right leg the pants were longer and had a red symbol on the bottom. The left leg was much shorter, sitting just above my knee. I had yellow shoes on my feet as well, with blackish-grey socks. A blue, red and yellow glove, sat firmly on my left arm, and on my right hand I wore a small blackish-grey glove. But for once I didn't care about the fact that I hated anything to do with Blitzball. I just forgot everything and headed deeper into the crowd.

I had now reached the city and both Seraph and I had been very cautious as we entered the city. No sentinels seemed to be around. I just had to get to The Mask, because once I was there, no one would recognise me.

"Okay, I think it's safe." He said as he motioned for me to walk ahead.

I turned around and whispered, "Thanks for getting me this far. You've been my angel." I whispered honestly.

He smiled awkwardly and said, "Just go do your thing. He's in there somewhere." He said, practically forcing me into the city, as he pushed me forwards.

"Okay okay." I said mockingly.

I then ran straight into the crowd and didn't stop until I saw a girl holding a bunch of masks in her right hand.

I bowed my head down and walked over to her.

"Can I have one?" I asked holding out my hand.

The next thing I knew, I was holding onto a purple, pinkish with a tinge of blue mask. It was beautiful. But I didn't have time to gaze at it. I had to get it on my face. So as quickly as I could, I placed it over my eyes, instantly transforming my attire into…

I gasped as I stared down at my new outfit.

I was wearing my old summoners uniform.

But…how?

I shook off the shock and decided that I had to put my plan into action. So off I went travelling through the crowd of people who, (even though they had masks on) still looked the same, as when they had been partying in the street that night.

"Hey gorgeous, come here." A male voice from behind said, grabbing onto my left rear cheek.

I instantaneously grabbed onto his wrist and bent it back from where I was standing. I could hear him gasping in pain.

Something weird inside my mind had told me to react like this. Normally I would have just turned around and told them off, but not this time.

"If you think I liked what you just did, then you seriously have to get out more." I whispered calmly, as I twisted his wrist back into a position that made it make a cracking noise, as it grinded up against another bone.

I released my grip on him and headed off into the crowd, hearing him gasp in agony. I suddenly blinked my eyes a few times and realised what I had just done. I was shocked at my brutality towards the man. I went to apologise, but he was already gone by the time I had turned around. I couldn't see a man anywhere holding onto his wrist in pain, so I left it at that and continued walking through the people, hoping that I would find 'him' soon.

A/N: Hmm…well I start school in like two days. Nooooo! Anyway, I hope that this chapter was satisfactory. Tell me if it ain't. Next chapter will have some fluff.

Yunie Tidus