You Have Got To Be Kidding Me
Chapter Three
Pervert!
To The Reviewers:
K: Many thanks.
Xanya-Forever: I know! There is not NEARLY enough M/I fluff around. There are a few good ones, let me think...A Kiss Is Still A Kiss and several others whose titles escape me at the moment.
ErishkigalGirl: Yep. I spent six weeks of allowance on it too. Thank you!
EclipseKlutz: In all likelihood. Thank you vair vair much!
starcrab: Thanks. Funny is pretty much what I'm trying at.
Faith5X5: Now THAT is upsetting. Can't the damn Nicole Kidman and Star Wars movie wait? Ah, well. As long as I see it EVENTUALLY.
Mal half-way woke up, and instinctively tried to climb down from his bunk. Thing was, he couldn't move. Something smelled really good, though. Hmmm. What was that smell? His eyes flickered open and there was something black and hairy in his face. Huh? Was this another one of Jayne's jokes? April 1 already?
What was that gorram smell? It really was nice, all fruity and such. His legs twitched and he tried to move again. No such luck. He looked down; view made unclear by whatever the hell was sticking in his face. There was some brightly colored cloth, and it was covering someone shaped mysteriously similarly to a female.
Oh, now this was an interesting development. Who the hell could this be? River and Kaylee had brown hair, and the day Zoë wore a dress was the day Mal became chief advisor to the Alliance. That left Inara.
'Oh, shit' he thought to himself. He could probably explain this if he could just remember whatever the hell had happened and if he could move. He changed his mind. This wasn't interesting, it was sadistic.
Inara's eyelids fluttered and Mal tried to stop moving. She was just was confused as Mal. Why couldn't she move? And what was a week's supply of protein bars doing in her shuttle. And, the million dollar question, what were these strange arms wrapped around her waist? They hadn't been on a planet in weeks, so there was no way this was a client. Process of elimination. She looked at the arms and question, they had plain gray sleeves. Simon always wore those silk shirts, Wash always had those Hawaiian shirts, and Shepard always had his black robe. That left... Shit!
What the hell was he doing? She didn't REALLY think he was that much of a pervert, and she knew for a fact he wasn't that moronic. She tried to ease away from him; perhaps she could get away and haul him back to his room. Then she could avoid this whole incredibly humiliating and degrading situation.
'Think!' she ordered herself, she was a registered Companion, trained at the Academy, surely she had learned how to deal with this. Well, there was no denying this was comfortable. 'Bad!' she bellowed at herself, 'You will not be thinking those thoughts, especially not at a time like this!' Then again, as long as she couldn't move she might as well enjoy it while it lasted.
They continued to lie there, at least for a time.
"Are they awake yet?" asked Kaylee excitedly.
"Nah, if they were at least one of them would be yellin," said Zoë mildly, emotions concealed behind brown (A/N-?) eyes.
"They lie, not asleep, not awake, moving yet still," said River, ears pressed up against the door.
"That made a lot of sense," said Jayne sarcastically, "I agree with Zo on this one, 'Nara would be yellin 'er head off."
"Maybe," said Kaylee, grinning wickedly.
"We'll just have to wait until they wake up," said Simon practically.
"No," said Jayne, "We got a job to do and I reckon Zoe has to head it with the Cap...busy."
A/N- fun! fun!Review!