Jeep Tales
Chapter One: Macking Defined
By Lyo (with help from Meirelle)
Legal: Characters belong to Kazuya Minekura. I make no profit in their use.
Summary: Gojyo and Goku come to a conclusion; Hakuryuu gets pissed.

Desert stretched out around them, cracked and uneven as a person's skin when you really looked at it with little pimps of mountains. The sand stung his skin, and the beer was gone. It had been gone for three days, and he was on his last cigarette.

"How much further to the next town?" Goku whined beside him. They'd run out of food the night before, and their water was getting curiously low. "I'm starving."

"We might make it there by nightfall," Hakkai promised.

Gojyo carefully stubbed out his cigarette so it could be saved for later. "You said that yesterday."

"Yeah, Hakkai. I don't see a town. Are you sure we're not lost?"

"I'm following the map."

"And that's never failed us," Gojyo muttered.

"Shut up, Gojyo. Hakkai said he's following the map." Goku smacked him. "It's not like you could do any better?"

"Like you'd know, monkey." Gojyo glared at the boy. "I drove once, and we didn't crash."

"Oh, right. Hakuryuu probably helped you or something." Goku rolled his eyes. "He was probably just so afraid to having your hands on him—"

"At least my hands have experience," Gojyo snapped, and he smacked his hand down on Goku's thigh. "Unlike you, monkey."

Goku jumped up just as Gojyo expected, hands balled in indignation. "Perverted wa—"

Sanzo turned around with his gun in hand, eyebrow twitching. "Do I have to say it?" he stated, slowly.

"He started it," Goku whined as he slumped into his seat beside

The paper fan flew, and Gojyo slumped further into his seat.

"Kyuu," Hakuryuu admonished, and the half-breed rolled his eyes.

"See, he knows you couldn't handle him either," Goku whispered.

Gojyo snorted. "He's just a little snot. He's upset that I touched him like that." He touched the olive green jeep siding with his right hand before snickering. "Hey, Hakkai?"

"Yes?" It never ceased to amaze him that Hakkai almost always seemed so calm and unaffected.

"If I kick the side, I hurt Hakuryuu, right?"

There was a pause, and Goku looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "Don't kick Hakuryuu," the boy whispered. "He didn't get you in trouble with Sanzo."

"It's not that. Just curiousity."

Hakkai tilted his head to one side. "Well, he does not like to be kicked at all—"

"So he feels it?"

"Yes, Gojyo, he feels it," Sanzo growled. "Get to your point."

Gojyo nodded and ducked down a little in case the gun came back. "My point is, Hakuryuu can feel Hakkai's hands steering him, and he can sort of steer himself, so—"

"He can't, really, Gojyo," Hakkai reminded.

"Well, he sorta can, but my point is that he can feel your hands gripped around the steering wheel." Gojyo glanced at Goku. "And he really doesn't like anyone but your hands on the steering wheel, Hakkai."

Goku snorted. "You don't have the right touch."

"I'm not quite sure I want to know what you're saying, Go—"

"Hakuryuu is so macking on you," Gojyo stated with a nod.

"Totally macking," Goku affirmed with a huge grin. "Why didn't we see this before?"

"Macking?" Sanzo asked. He didn't turn around, so he didn't seem too annoyed. Of course, Sanzo had still had a carton of cigarettes. It's hard to be agitated with a whole carton of smokes looking your way.

"You know, macking," Goku said, and he rolled his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Hakkai and Hakuryuu." He blinked at Gojyo. "Wait. That's sick."

"What's sick?" Sanzo asked.

Gojyo looked at the ground for a moment. They were going faster than he thought.

"Oh, my," Hakkai murmured. The tips of his ears appeared a little red, but that could have been the sun. They were in the desert, after all.

"What does 'macking' mean?" Sanzo asked, and he hit Goku once with the paper fan. "Tell me."

"Well," Gojyo said, and he scratched his neck. "It's a little hard to explain if you don't already know."

Goku looked at his boots. "Yeah, I mean, it doesn't really have a meaning or anything."

Hakkai cleared his throat. "To the best of my understanding, which is incomparable to Gojyo's, 'macking' indicates," he stopped for a moment, and Gojyo knew they really were accelerating. He briefly wondered the benefits of jumping from the speeding jeep now that they had to be going at least eighty. "It indicates some form of heavy flirtation or foreplay."

Sanzo nodded. "And you two think, that by steering the jeep, Hakkai is 'macking' with Hakuryuu."

"Ew, no." Goku rolled his eyes. "That means that Hakkai is going after Hakuryuu. Hakuryuu is macking with Hakkai."

Gojyo nodded. "Hakkai's hands are being defiled."

The monk closed his eyes before whacking them both several times with the fan and turning back to the front. "Did either of you think that we're all sitting in this jeep."

"So?" Goku fired back.

"So, that would mean Hakuryuu is 'macking' with all our asses." The bastard monk lit another cigarette.

Gojyo blinked. It didn't sound right, 'macking' coming from Sanzo's mouth.

Goku stood up, frowning. "Hakkai, how much longer?"

The half-breed laughed. "What if he has a thing for feet, monkey?"

"Oh, shut up, pervert. This is all your fault. How am I supposed to keep sitting here, now that you've put the idea in my head that the jeep is trying to, well, make with me."

"Make? Make?" Gojyo laughed. "Sanzo, what have you been teaching him? Make. Not fuck, not have sex, not even make love. Make."

The blond smacked him over the head with the paper fan. "I'll kill you."

"Fuck and Hakuryuu do not belong in the same sentence," Goku snapped. "Hakkai, can you ask him if he'll stop macking?"

"Hakuryuu does not mack," Hakkai replied, tone much too even and devoid of emotion. "Can we change the subject?"

"Why? It's a legitimate question. What parts do you think Hakuryuu used for the steering wheel?" Gojyo asked, leaning onto Hakkai's seat.

The demon released the steering wheel and crossed his arms. "Ask him."

Gojyo blinked. The jeep was glowing. "Wha—"

The seat fell out from under him, literally, as Hakuryuu transformed back into the bastardly little white dragon, and he was sent flying with Goku, Sanzo, and Hakkai, tumbling over the rough desert floor. There were more little rocks than he'd imagined, and the sand was killer.

"Kyuu," Hakuryuu announced as Hakkai sat up. His pants were dirty, but he looked fine otherwise. The dragon settled on Hakkai's shoulder.

Sanzo's legs were sticking out from his robes in a most undignified position, and his blond hair was disarrayed. "Hakkai?" he ground out.

The demon stroked the dragon under its chin as he stood. "Yes, Sanzo?"

Gojyo glanced at Goku. The boy was flat on his stomach, unmoving, moaning about meat-buns. He could see the town over Goku's head, a dot in the distance.

"How fast was that?"

"Kyuu," Hakuryuu replied.

Hakkai began walking toward the town, dragon curled around his neck. "He says, 'No faster than Gojyo on a first date."

"Ha, ha," the half-breed muttered, dodging the bullets Sanzo fired at his head, carton of cigarettes in the other.

He'd lost his last cigarette.

This is the result of many rambling conversations between my roommate and I as well as one of the Reload omakes. We're planning to make a small series out of this. Whee! Thank you for your time.