Chapter 5: Whatever You Say
I knew it… He does still love her… But… that shouldn't mean anything to me… Why should I care? Uh, screw it… I may as well admit it to myself just so I can think straight… Okay, I'm in love with him. Big deal. And I think he's in love with me. Terra can just deal with it, or go packing. Okay, what are my options…
1. I tell Beast Boy
Results:
He could either love me, give me the 'I think we should just be friends' speech, or shoot me.
Great option
2. I don't tell Beast Boy
Results:
Nothing ever happens between us and I get over it, or he ends up with Terra while I spend my life regretting never saying anything
Another great option, but I think I'm likin' the 1st one more… Though with Terra it's gonna be a little harder to tell him… Uh! And I'm so new to this… this emotion thing! Uh, this sucks… Okay, plan:
I'll just see how things are for him, and if he's not headed towards Terra, I'll make my move; if he is going for Terra, I'll either watch from the sidelines or tell him before they get serious.
Conclusion:
Oh, fuck me: I'm doomed,Raven thought at the mention of 'love.' Of course, she thought he meant Terra when Beast Boy asked about love. And he partly was. But partly not…
"…how do you know you're in love?"
"Uh, well, I don't really know much about-"
"Raven, I know you couldn't show your emotions, but you had to have felt love for someone in your life, didn't you?"
Raven sighed. "I guess…"
"Well, how did it feel? Can you even tell, or is it more complicated?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"Yes, you can tell, and yes, it's more complicated. You feel it, but you're not sure what you're feeling."
"Okay, yeah, I'm definitely lost."
"On what?"
"I don't know, all of it! Like… just tell me how it feels."
Raven thought for a minute.
"Well, for a girl at least, you get all fluttery at the thought of… the person… and when you're around… I'm gonna say 'him', you start getting sort of light-headed in an excited way, and you don't know what to say. You're just kind of happy, I guess. I don't know, I'm confusing myself. I don't think that made any sense."
"Not really, but I get the idea. From experience, sort of… Hey, what's wrong?" Beast Boy asked, noticing the scowl now on Raven's face.
"Never mind."
"Raven."
"Fine. I-okay, you're gonna hate me for saying this-but I don't think you should go out with Terra. I'm not going to do anything to stop you, that wouldn't be fair, but that's just my opinion."
"Man, you really do hate her," Beast Boy commented, amused.
"Surprisingly, this has nothing to do with that. I'm just being greedy."
Beast Boy looked at her, confused. Two thoughts were going through his head:
What did she just say? 'being greedy'! As in…She wants me for herself
or
I just completely misunderstood what she said
"Uh, could you repeat that?"
"Sorry, no. I barely meant to say it out loud… Figure it out."
"Raven… do you-?"
Raven held up her hand to silence him.
"No no no no no! Shut up! Figure it out! Use your imagination!"
"That's not fair, I'm gonna be wrong!"
"Let's just say, whatever you want it to be, it's true. Okay?"
"I'm so lost…"
Well, that would work out okay. If he does want to be with me, he'll say that and I'll be with him… which is what I want, and that would mean he wants to be with me and… Damn it! Rambling again! Okay, so… that or if he doesn't want to be with me, he'll say the other thing he thought I meant, and then I'll know not to get my hopes up about… anything. Wow, that last one sucks… C'est la vie…
"SO LOST!"
"I don't care! I already told you what to do! Bend my words between what you thought I meant and what you wanted me to mean."
"You're killing me!"
"Okay! Okay okay okay! Um… okay. Think on this: what did you think I meant?"
"Kay."
"And what do you want me to have meant?"
"Kay."
"Put the two together, and…?"
"And no matter what I say, it'll happen?"
"Basically, so make sure you know what you're saying."
"Okay: I think I'm in love with you."
There was a brief silence.
"I said make sure you know what you're saying."
"I am!"
"Really?"
Beast Boy nodded. A faint blush had darkened his face. He had grown so close to Raven, he barely felt embarrassed. Raven's face was burning bright red. I can't believe I'm going to do this…
"Um, are you really, really sure? Because, there's only one way to fine out for sure, and frankly I'm not sure if you want to risk it. I mean, you might be-"
"Raven, shut up."
With that, Beast Boy pulled Raven to him and kissed her.