Chapter 17

Florida had oceans and beaches and at a glance an outsider might have mistaken it for California. But it didn't smell the same and the breeze was thicker, the air heavier. Ryan could tell by his difficulty breathing. Of course it was partially due to the renewed smoking habit and the lack of conditioning, but he easily blamed it on the heavy southern air. The moment he'd stepped off the airplane he'd resolved not to let his time spent there be a waste, so the day he got there he began high intensity training. Boxing was not only his job, now it was also his life. Eight hours of his day was spent working in the gym, another four was spent running outside of the gym, of his remaining twelve hours eight of the were spent sleeping. That left him only four hours of each day to feel alone.

For his first two weeks there he's spend at least one of those hours on the phone with Seth, or Sandy, or Kirsten. With Sandy he mostly talked of boxing, contracts and other legalities. Kirsten and her company's real estate agents had been handling the sale of Joey's home in Chino, so that made for easy conversation with her. And Seth, well he could ramble on for hours about the ten minutes he'd spent with Summer, but each time at some point Seth would pause. Ryan knew that in that pause he wanted to bring up Marissa, but never did. Sometimes… well most of the time Ryan quietly wished he would, he wanted to know how she was doing, if things were okay, a part of him wanted her to as miserable without him as he was without her. But Seth never spoke her name, he guessed after their last conversation about her that Seth thought better than to bring her up again.

But the longer he spent in Florida the more sparse his phone with the Cohens got. His gym schedule changed, his fight schedule became more grueling. He began to travel. First to local places in Florida, then to Mississippi, Missouri, and Tennessee. He went even further Mexico City, Europe, and even Australia. Most fighters put weeks, sometimes even months between fights to make sure their bodies were fully healed and their conditioning was well groomed. But Ryan was hungry and ready to fight more after each fight. His trainers and promoters weren't always happy with how quickly Ryan demanded they get him fights. He was fighting at least once a month, occasional twice, and quickly making a name for himself. His career seemed to be going great; he was still undefeated and was deemed by the boxing world as the newest contender. His name was out there, other boxers wanted a crack at him, what they didn't know was that when he stepped into the ring, Ryan Atwood wasn't fighting them, he was fighting himself. And it was on the nights when he returned to his small studio apartment in South Tampa, that he would have to face the brutal realization that he'd never win his battle.

"No…What are you fighting for?"

Her words would echo through his mind when he closed his eyes. Ryan couldn't answer her question that night and even with the time that had passed, he still couldn't come up with an answer. He was suffering by his own design, and the only thing that eased it was stepping into the ring as often as possible. Summer had been right, he wasn't any better than any of the other guys who'd hurt her, except maybe the difference being that'd he'd hurt himself in the process.

These were the thoughts that would keep Ryan up at night, the thoughts of her that would disrupt his eight hours of sleep. Thought of what Summer had said that would pop into his mind and distract him allowing a sparring partner to stick him with a hard shot and knock the wind out of him. It was his longing for her that had brought him to where he was now.

Ryan didn't know why he was there; he'd come back to California to see Seth. To invite him to his fight in Las Vegas. How he ended up on the campus of USC was beyond him and why he was still sitting on a bench watching the a strip of parking lot from a distance… well that was easy to figure out. He wanted to see Marissa; he just needed to see for himself that she was okay. Everything had moved so quickly, it seemed like his mind had been in a complete blur for the last eight months. Like everything that had happened since she left the pool house that day was just a blur. His training in Florida, the fights, the money, it was all just a blur; his focus had stopped the day his own stubbornness forced her to leave.

He'd been sitting on the same bench for hours; he'd driven every parking lot on the campus looking for her car. Once he'd found her car he parked his rental four rows down and found a bench far enough way to where he could see her walking to her car without being noticed. While sitting there he'd learned that college doesn't have bells the way high school did. And people didn't seem to be on any schedule, they just came and went as they pleased. Like the guy who'd been sitting on the bench next to Ryan for over an hour reading a book. They didn't seem to being paying much attention to each other until Ryan finally caught glimpse of Marissa. His eyes locked on her in taking every motion she made. Memorizing them, not knowing if he'd ever be able to bring himself to see her again. He watched her hips sway slightly, he noticed that she walked different than she used to, more hunched over like she was protecting her heart. A bile taste formed in his mouth as he realized that if she was walking to protect her heart, it was only because he'd broken it. The breath that he'd been holding escaped from his lips, and once he was sure the coast was clear, Ryan pulled the hood to his sweatshirt over his head and began the walk to his car, he had seen what he'd came for, now he still had business to take care of.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Knock, knock." Ryan announced his presence as he opened the Cohens front door and made his way inside. This wasn't his first venture back to California, shortly after he'd left for Florida he had made three short trips home. On each occasion he'd arrived late, and quietly let himself into the pool house, and left before anyone was awake. Sandy and Kirsten had both dropped hint in their phone conversation that they knew of the visits and wished he'd stayed to see them. But he also knew that they respect his privacy and made sure he knew that he was always welcome. His visits had stopped when Seth decided to transfer schools and moved into the pool house. He hadn't told them he'd be coming into town, but he had a feeling they'd be expecting him.

"Ryan!" Kirsten bounded from the living room and caught him in a slightly uncomfortable hug. "What are you doing here."

"Well I was in the neighborhood… the neighborhood being the west coast… And figured it had been too long since I'd had a home cooked meal," he joked.

"Funny… You should have called we would have picked you up from the airport."

"I got a car, I uh actually can't stay long I have to drive to Vegas, I've got a weigh in and then a fight on Saturday."

"Vegas!" Sandy piped up from the living room, then grabbed Ryan's hand. "How are you doing kid, you look great."

"I'm doing good, very good actually… Like I said I can't stay long I just wanted to invite you guys to my fight, ringside seats." He handed Sandy an envelope.

"Oh Ryan I wish you would have told us sooner, we're hosting a charity event here Saturday…"

"Honey we can do a Newport party any day of the week…"

"No," Ryan cut him off, "It's cool. I'll have other fights… Is Seth required to attend your gala?"

"He's free to do what he wants, and he's in the pool house," Kirsten pointed out back.

Ryan nodded as started towards the pool house. As much time as he'd spent talking on the phone with them, and as much as he knew they cared about him, it still seemed awkward when he was around them. They took him in so easily after Joey passed; yet sometimes he still felt like he was over stepping his bounds. But a part of him knew that one day, that feeling would subside. He knocked as he reached the door and waited for Seth to call come in.

"Hey man." He said to Seth who was engrossed in his Playstation game.

"Hey," Seth answered still entrapped by the screen. It took him a moment after his 'hey' to realize who was in the room. "Holy shit Ryan!" Seth threw the controller down and jumped up, almost trying to hug him but catching himself. "How the hell are you man."

"Good, good, and you?"

"Good, great now that you're here. I have so much to tell you…"

"Wow hold it there man, I can't stay… I just… well here." He held out a brown envelope to him.

"What is this your will?"

"No, hotel reservations, and all access to my fight Saturday night in Vegas. It's a number one contenders match, I win this my next fight is a title shot."

Ryan's voice was surprisingly unemotional. For as hard as he'd been working for this, for everything he'd sacrificed for this, Seth would have thought he'd be a little more into it. "I f you can't make it, its cool I know your folks have a…"

"No way man, I wouldn't miss this for the world. This is… this is awesome."

"Yeah and all that stuff you have to tell me you can tell me after the fight Saturday."

"Yeah…" An awkward silence fell between the two men, neither could explain why, it was like they both had something to say but neither could get it out.

"Cohen, whose car is that out…." Summer came barging into the pool house and disrupted their silence. "Chino." She coldly said as her eyes fell on him. "I guess that's you're car outside."

"Yeah," he looked down and jammed his hands into his pockets. "Well I…" he looked to Seth, then to Summer, then back at the ground. "I'd better get going, it's a long drive, and I've got work to do, but I'll see you Saturday man."

"Yeah see you then," Seth gave an awkward wave, then diverted his eyes from Summer.

Summer patiently waited until Ryan was no where insight. Well maybe not patiently as she stood tapping her foot, making Seth fear a rage black out. Once he was gone she let loose. "You still talk to him?"

Seth coyly shrugged, "Sometimes I guess."

"Sometimes you guess?"

"Well, I mean he's my friend, he lived here for over a month, and…"

"And you knew where he was, and how to find him the whole time and you never bother to mention any of this to Marissa."

"Marissa not dumb Summer, she had to have known that Ryan and I would keep in touch. And it's not like I can make him talk to her… I mean we don't even talk about her."

"Doesn't matter Cohen, all I hear is that you knew how to find him, and instead of speaking up you just watched her be miserable. You heard her crying herself to sleep at night; you saw the depression, you know ho much she misses him and how confused about everything she is, and you let it go unsaid. Are you even going to mention that he stopped by today?"

"Guess I have to or you will… I mean it doesn't matter though, he's not staying he just came by to give me this." He showed her the envelope, "It's tickets to his fight in Vegas Saturday, there's two, plus some access passes and a hotel room… I'm going are you going with me…"

Summer paused and gave Seth a firm look, "Cohen…"

"Ok so I'm flying solo," he knew what the look meant and he knew she was right. But he also wondering that if the outcome wasn't what it should be, was it worth his friendship with Ryan.

"Cohen…" She stated again this time more aggressive.

Seth let out a loud long sigh, he knew what he had to do, and "Yeah, yeah I know…"