LilManiac: Thanks. It's not that good, really…
Anifan1: I have a confession to make: I have no idea what AIM and SN are abbreviations of. Yeah, I know I'm stupid. But if you could tell me, it would mean I could actually answer your question :)
Anyway, back to the story, which is the reason you're reading this anyway (I hope). I'm glad you liked it. I will consider showing what happened with Rebecca and Jenny in a later flashback, but unfortunately I haven't managed to include it in this chapter. I hope you like anyway.
Chapter dedicated to Anifan1. Come on, you really must know what thatmeans by now ;)
Jenny's POV
I couldn't believe it. I had thought Terran would be decent to me, I thought he cared about me.
'Cared about you?' I asked myself. 'He's a Yeerk. You're to him what a pig is to a human. He might not want you mistreated, but you're still meat.'
I kept my thoughts masked from Terran, something I had learned to do with Braunan. If the Yeerk wanted to know, then he could easily find out what I was thinking, but my thoughts were not immediately obvious to him. I had to do this with Braunan to stop him being insulted and 'disciplining' me.
But why had Terran suddenly started acting like Braunan?
'He's not,' said the nagging 'voice' again. 'He apologised, and can't you sense how guilty he feels? You should really tell him it's OK.'
Sometimes I really hated having a conscience.
(Terran?) I asked nervously, worried that he was still angry with me.
(You wish to walk by yourself?) He asked.
I hadn't noticed that Terran was the one in control of my body.
(Well, I do, but it's not that… I…)
(I am sorry, Jenny,) Terran said when he realised what I was implying. (I was angry with myself really, not you. You are… a friend.) He paused. (I hope so, anyway, but it takes two to make a friendship.)
(I am your friend,) I replied with sudden conviction. I didn't know why I was so sure about that, but I was. He had treated me far more fairly than Braunan had. Then, gathering my courage, I spoke out. (Just don't ever speak like you did to me again. You risk losing my friendship when you do that.)
(Thank you. I am sorry; I regret the way I spoke to you.) He stopped for a second, seemingly thinking. (I want to help you. You are brave, but I know you still feel traumatized, although you do a good job of hiding it. I hope, in time, we may develop a partnership, a bond. You need never feel like you did with Braunan again. If I can at all help it, I will never leave you. That is, unless you want me to.)
(I don't. I… like you.) What was wrong with me? I felt like a child with a vocabulary of about 10 words. (I am grateful for your kindness.) That sounded a little better.
He sent me his emotions, trying to let me know what he could not tell me in words. (I am grateful that you will allow me to continue borrowing your body and your senses.)
We spent the rest of the walk home in silence. It was late, and I was tired. I quickly brushed my teeth and collapsed into bed, but I could not sleep. I kept tossing and turning.
I felt the Yeerk touch my memory centres again.
(May I?) He asked gently.
(What are you doing?)
(I…I was going to replay a pleasant memory to see if it might relax you.) He sounded hesitant, as though he thought I might not approve.
(Well, if you can, I guess go ahead,) I said. I was slightly nervous, but I was growing to trust Terran.
He chose a memory of my grandmother. It was beautiful, but I could not seem to help myself form remembering how Braunan had used her funeral as a means of torture. As soon as Terran realised this, he stopped the memory, but I had already started crying and could not stop.
(Shhh,) He said. I heard the note of panic in his thought speak 'voice'. (Please stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!)
(It's OK, you weren't to know,) I gasped through my sobs.
(I might not try any more of these mind-calming techniques. I do not know them well enough. I will perhaps ask another Yeerk for advice. I am sorry; I was messing about where I did not belong. I thought I was smarter than I am.)
I had calmed down. (Thank you for trying, anyway.)
(Try and sleep.)
(I'll try.)
I did, eventually, but I dreamed. I dreamed about Braunan, and woke up screaming, before I realised who was in my head.
I lay there panting for breath and shivering.
(You're OK,) Terran told me soothingly. (You'll never have to put up with him again, I'll make sure of that.)
My breathing began to slow, and I stopped shaking. For a while I lay there, just listening to Terran's comforting voice. For the first time in many months, I felt safe.
(Thank you,) I replied as soon as I could. For everything.)
(You are most welcome,) he answered, with such affection and kindness it made me jump slightly with surprise.
He must have known my surprise at his tone. (I care about you, Jenny. I care a lot.)
I wasn't quite sure how to respond. (I care about you, too,) I replied, uncertain.
(Sleep,) he told me gently. (You are tired.)
I obeyed him. He had earned my trust. As I fell asleep, my last thought was: 'but I feel more towards him than trust.'
I woke up with the same thought in my head. I tried to sort out my emotions. I trusted him, that much I knew. But I also felt… what? Friendship, loyalty… affection, even. Yes, I cared for him. I knew it for certain now, although I wasn't sure why I felt such a deep sense of affection towards him.
(Morning, Jenny,) Terran said in his usual polite manner.
(Hi. Sleep well?) When a host sleeps, a Yeerk partially detaches itself form the brain, keeping enough contact to know when the host wakes up. The Yeerk then sleeps with one half of its brain at a time. I had learnt this from Terran, in one of his many attempts to get me talking. That subject had worked, as I was intrigued by Yeerk biology. He had ended up answering what must have been a hundred questions.
Well, more like ten. But he had to give some long answers.
(Yes. I hope you did not have any more nightmares.)
(No. I can't remember any more dreams.) I was taken by a sudden curiosity. (If a Yeerk was awake while the host was sleeping, could they control the dreams?)
(Perhaps a little,) he said gently. (But it is a fine art. Being woken by one's own mind can really frighten a host, and can upset the sleep pattern for many nights to come, causing the performance of the host to worsen.) He cringed mentally. (I'm sorry; I'm talking about you like some animal.)
(Carry on. Please.)
(Well, those Yeerks like Braunan would never wake a host for a means of torture; it's more trouble than it's worth. But many Yeerks like… well, like me, I suppose, like to monitor sleep patterns and dreams to see how well the person they are helping is recovering.)
(Do you do it?)
(A little. I'm not too sure of what a human sleep pattern should be, though, so it's no use. I really need to talk to a Yeerk who's done this before. I know there are some who do it purposefully.)
I was confused. (What do you mean?)
(Unofficially, of course. Many Yeerks who infest traumatized hosts often ask other Yeerks to try and rehabilitate them. Yeerks who are unhosted. The unhosted Yeerk gets a host for one or two months, and the other Yeerk returns to a host that is easier to handle.)
(Do the Vissers know about this?)
(No. It's very much a hidden thing. The new Yeerk will pretend to be the old Yeerk while they are in the host.)
(So most of you don't want hosts who are traumatized? Even those not in the peace movement?)
(That is correct. It is far easier to be in a co-operative, mentally well host. Yeerks like Braunan are mentally unbalanced. To use the politest term.) He paused. (You see, hosts who are mentally happy tend to perform better than those who are put under undue stress. They digest more easily, sleep better… the list is endless.)
(Looks like I got the worst Yeerk possible for my first one.)
(You did. Perhaps I should give you to someone who knows about the healing of hosts.)
(No!) I cried. I did not want to be 're-habilitated' by a strange Yeerk. (You're fine. Please don't leave me.)
(It would only be temporary. A period of one or two months, perhaps,) Terran said, sounding doubtful. (You see, I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. All my previous hosts were voluntary.)
I thought for a moment, and made up my mind. (You may consider me voluntary. At least, to you.)
PLEASE REMEMBER TO REVIEW! Thanks to those who faithfully review every single chapter; you make my day! A helpful or positive (or preferably both) review really cheers me up! So get typing.