Chapter Eighteen

Seth gave a long sigh as he entered into Marissa and Summer's apartment to be greeted by a blaring stereo. He stood for a moment to listen to the music in hopes of deciphering what kind of mood she was in.

"I was young but I wasn't naïve. I watched helpless as you turned around to leave. And still I have the pain I carry. A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried. After all this time I never thought we'd be here. Never thought we'd be here. But I couldn't make you see it, couldn't make you see it. That I loved you more than you'll ever know. A part of me died when I let you go."

"Great," he sarcastically mumbled to himself with another sigh. If there was one thing in his life Seth Cohen tried to avoid it was confrontation. If he were in a movie this scene could play out one of two ways. Way one would be that he told her what he had to say gave her what he had to give and she happily and gratefully accepted thrilled at the chance to go. Way two involved screaming at him, spitting in his face and denouncing their friendship. In reality Seth knew that this wasn't a movie and his outcome would probably be some type of medium between scene one and scene two, but God did he hope that it would be closer to scene one. He took another deep breath and made his way out to the back porch, where he saw Marissa laying out listening to the music.

"Hey Marissa," he nervously greeted as he reached over and turned down the radio.

"Hey Seth," she gave him a slight wave without turning her head towards.

"So… how are things? I mean how are you doing… your mood, you know, you feeling depressed today? Any chance of you hitting the bottle anytime soon? I mean are the chemicals in the brain all lined up today?"

"What?" Marissa removed her sunglasses and turned to Seth with a confused and disgusted look on her face. "What are you rambling about?"

"Nothing, just wanted to see how you were feeling today, you know check up on my old friend…"

Confused and slightly annoyed she sat up and slung her legs over the side of the chair to position herself to face him. "Okay I've known you a long time and your nervous ramble is like in overdrive right now, so Cohen get to the point."

"Wow you just called me Cohen, no one calls me Cohen but Summer."

"Yeah and it seems to work when she calls you it, so how about you make it work for me."

Seth blew out a long breath; "Ok here's the deal… I… I…" he reached up and scratched his head wondering for a moment if this was really the right thing to do. "I have to tell you something, but I not sure if I should. I mean I was never directly told that I couldn't but… it's been like an unspoken rule and I think if I tell you I'm breaking that rule and I was never good at breaking rul…."

"Seth! You're rambling again. Jeez I haven't heard you ramble this bad in… No wait you always ramble this bad."

"Yeah, it's kind of endearing don't you think?"

Marissa gave half a laugh and nodded her head, "So what can you not tell me?"

Seth took a long gaze at Marissa and yet another sigh fell from his mouth. Slowly he reached into his back pocket and removed the curled up brown envelope. He shifted the envelope from and to hand, then began nervously tapping it against his palm. "I want to give this to you." He held it out and waited for her to take it from him. For a moment he hesitated letting it go, still unsure that his actions were absolutely the right thing to do. When it was completely in her possession he spoke again. "I think you need that a lot more than I do." With his words he stood up.

Marissa, slightly confused looked down at the envelope in her hands. "Ok, so what is this?"

Seth licked his lips, and fidgeted before sitting down again. He reached up and out of nerves scratched his head as if he were trying to figure out what to say. "Ok don't get mad at me…" He paused and waited for a response.

"About what?"

"Just promise you won't get mad at me."

"Even if I were to get mad at you Seth, it never lasts. You're a Cohen I can't stay mad at you guys."

"Okay… good enough for me because this might really piss you off…" He paused yet again.

"Seth just spit it out."

"Okay…" He cocked his head back as if he'd just had a big revelation. "I've been starting a lot of sentences with that word… Okay. It's a funny word, you know most people don't think it's a word, they just use the letters, O and K but really it's a full wor…"

"Seth you're rambling again."

"Right… that.." he pointed to the envelope. "That's the yellow brick road to Ryan. After… well after everything and after he went to Florida we've kept in touch." Seth stopped again and studied Marissa face surprised that she didn't have the slightest look of surprise on her face,

"Okay." She plainly stated.

"You don't sound surprised."

"I knew, I mean I figured. Aside from what happened between he and I you guys were really good to him, I mean you and your parents and he's not an ungrateful person. Plus you and he you…"

"Became friends," he finished her sentence.

"Yeah and it's not a bad thing and I'm not upset with you for being his friend, or at him for being yours. You both kinda needed each other."

"Yeah well I don't see him hardly ever, or even talk to him that often. He's been working his ass off constantly fighting. And… He's really done good for himself Marissa. He's gotten farther in the past months than most guys get in years."

"I know, I watch him. He's had four fights on ESPN and two undercard matches on HBO. I always watch it's the only time I get to see him."

"And how exactly did you do this without any of us noticing?"

"I go to the Sports Bar with my dad. We don't talk about him but I get to see him, and my dad doesn't ask questions."

"So that's what you've been doing during your dinners with dad… Well I guess you know that he's a contender then."

"Yeah and he's gonna be the next middleweight champ. No one in the division holds a candle to him. But it's weird to watch him fight now, because… When I see him there's something different about him. I mean I may have only seen him fight twice before we broke up and only one of those was before Joey died. But he's different it's like he's not there when he's fighting, like he's just recklessly trying to destroy whatever's in front of him. Like he recklessly tried to destroy what he have."

"Have? Or had?"

"Have. Nothing's changed on my end. I love him, and I always will. Before I met Ryan I never thought I'd truly safe again, and I had never really felt what love was like, then… That first night when he was lying in the hospital and he woke up… He was groggy and a bit disgruntle but I looked in his eyes and… It was like out of nowhere I was found and I didn't even know I was still lost. The only thing that's changed is now he's lost."

"Well, I think it's time that someone found him." Seth pointed to the envelope that Marissa was tightly clutching. "Everything in there is in my name, so he can't stop you before you're at least in the room with him… Make it worth it, because if you don't I think I just lost one of the best friends I've ever had…" He stood and cocked his head back realizing the implications of his words, "No pressure or anything." He joked as he turned to leave Marissa with her thoughts.

A/N: Okay I know I said I'd have it finished by now but everyone I know had to have their graduations last weeks so now I'm back on track. There's ONE more chapter left and it will be up as soon as I'm finished with it. The last chapter is a little harder to write than I thought because I always thought I knew how I wanted the last scene to play out but now I'm toying with a couple of different things. Plus I have to make sure I give this story the proper ending because it's been my baby and I will miss it. BTW I'd like to thank whoever pimped me over at TWOP you added a bit of pressure and I'm glad I'm getting people who don't like R/M to read this story. Ok just ONE more to go.