Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING, not Inuyasha, not the Little Mermaid, or anything I stole from.

Flame Retardent- Comments and discussions welcome. Corrections expected and are encouraged. All flames will turn on tiny sprinklers in your computer and flood your hard drive.

CAST
Narrator (an expert)...Kagura
Eric (a prince)...Miroku
Grimsby (a handyman)...Hachi
Announcer (a servant)...Shippou
King Triton (a king)...Kagome's Grandfather
Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian (a servant)...Inuyasha
Aquata (a daughter)...Mistress Centipede
Andrina (a daughter)...Kagome
Arista (a daughter)...Koharu
Atina (a daughter)...Kanna
Adella (a daughter)...Yura of the Hair
Allana (a daughter)...Jaken (he won't be in seashell bras or anything, fear not.)
Ariel (a heroine)...Sango
Flounder (a friend)...Kirara
Shark (an enemy)...Bruce from 'Finding Nemo'
Scuttle (a seagull)...Sesshoumaru
Ursula/Vanessa (a sea witch)...Naraku
Jetsam (a servant)...Jakosu
Flotsam (a servant)...Bankotsu
Max (a pet)...Kouga
Louis (a cook)...Kikyo
Priest (a priest)...Kaede

NOTE: Rene Auberjonois was the voice of Louis the chef in the movie.

Kagura: In the throne room. Now Triton is a schizo. Sheesh.

K.G.: Let's see, now. . . . Oh, who could the lucky merman be?

Inuyasha: Ahem.

K.G.: Oh. Come in, Sebastian.

Inuyasha: I'm already in.

K.G.: Oh. Alright.

Inuyasha: -to himself in a low voice- We mustn't overreact. We must remain calm, precious.

authoress whimpers again

Inuyasha: YES- -voice was about 5 octaves higher than normal, every glass object in the immediate vicinity shatters- Erm...-voice back to normal-Yes, your majesty?

K.G.: Now, Sebastian, I'm concerned about Ariel. Have you noticed she's been acting peculiar lately?

Inuyasha: Peculiar?

K.G.: You know, moaning about, daydreaming, singing to herself. I'm afraid she's catching our schizophrenic personalities.

Kagura: Schizophrenia is definitely not contagious.

K.G.: Anyways, Sebastian, I know you've been hiding something from me.

Inuyasha: Hiding something?

K.G.: About Ariel?

Inuyasha: Ariel?

K.G.: In love?

Inuyasha: Love?

K.G.: Why are you just repeating everything I say?

Inuyasha: Repeating?...oops...I guess I was. Anyways, I tried to stop her, sir, but she wouldn't listen. I told her to stay away from-

Kagura: Freudian slip time.

Inuyasha: -Humans, they are bad, they are trouble, they smell, they dog-ear library books, they don't return calls, they have dandruff-

Everyone: o.O You know you're half human, right?

Inuyasha: ...shut up.

K.G.: Humans? WHAT ABOUT HUMANS?

Inuyasha: Humans? -laughs nervously- Who said anything about humans?

Kagura: -plays a clip that shows Inuyasha-

Clip!Inuyasha: -Humans, they are bad, they are trouble, they smell, they dog-ear library books, they don't return calls, they have dandruff-

Inuyasha: Oh. I guess I did.

Kagura: Ariel and Flounder entering that cave. Yay.

Sango: Flounder, why can't you just tell me what this is all about?

Kirara: Can't. It's a surprise.

Sango: -sees that statue of Eric- Wow, this really makes me wonder if it was disneytic liscense and the statue just, yanno, HAPPENED to fall RIGHT HERE...or if "Flounder" dragged it here. That's an interesting picture. Anyway...Flounder, you're the best! It looks just like him! Considering it's a statue OF HIM, that doesn't suprise me. It even has his eyes.

Everyone: -gets a weird mental picture of Miroku stumbling around with empty eye sockets and the statue with real!eyes- ...oO

Sango: And now I talk to the statue. At least I'm not talking to MYSELF like certain OTHERS in this production.

K.G.: -appears- Boo!

Sango: Ahhh.

K.G.: I consider myself a reasonable merman. I set certain rules, and I expect those rules to be obeyed.

Sango: Congratulations?

K.G.: Is it true you rescued a human from drowing?

Sango: No...

K.G.: Really?

Sango: No. )

K.G.: Contact between the human world and the mer-world is strictly forbidden. Ariel, you know that! Everyone knows that!

Sango: Actually, I didn't know that. -to Flounder- Did you know that?

Kirara: I didn't know that.

Inuyasha: Me neither.

Random Sailor: Me neither.

Fish that was caught and released at beginning of film: Me neither.

Triton's aunt's second cousin's wife twice removed: Me neither.

Guy who gets Rene Auberjonois coffee: Me neither.

K.G.: Shut up. It is.

Everyone: Oh.

Sango: But he would have died!

K.G.: One less human to worry about!

Sango: You don't even know him!

Random person: Uh, you don't either.

Sango: ...You're right!

K.G.: Anyway, I don't have to know him. They're all the same. Spineless, savage, harpooning, fish-eaters, incapable of any feeling-

Authoress: -butts in- Not all humans eat fish. I hate seafood.

Inuyasha: I like those adjectives. I didn't include 'spineless' or 'savage'...

Sango: I love him!

All the Miroku-Sango fangirls: YAYYYYYYYYYY!1!11!1one!

K.G.: Have you lost your senses completely? He's a human, you're a mermaid!

Sango: I don't care!

Miroku: -being lecherous- I kinda do. I'm not that sure about mermaid anatomy.

Kagura: That was unnecessary. You need to stop butting into these scenes.

K.G.: -starts blasting apart everything in her cave-

Sango: Aw, darn. -cries-

K.G.: Oops, I made her cry. Woe is me. -leaves-

Inuyasha: Attempt at comforting.

Sango: Denied and shot down. Go away.

Jakotsu and Bankotsu: -appear-

Bankotsu: Poor child.

Jakotsu: Poor, thweet child. She hath-

Kagure: Heeey...hath...as has...maybe people in the old days just had lisps!

Jakotsu: -a very therious problem.

Bankotsu: If only there was something we could do.

Jakotsu: But there IS thomething.

Sango: Who the eff are you two freaks?

Bankotsu: Don't be scared.

Jakotsu: We reprethent...

Bankotsu and Jakotsu: -jump into song and dance- THE LOLLIPOP GUILD! THE LOLLIPOP GUILD! THE LOLLIPOP GUILD! WE REPRESENT, THE LOLLIPOP GUILD! AND THE AUTHOR DOESN'T KNOW THE REST OF THE SONG AND IS TOO LAZY TO LOOK IT UP!

Everyone watching: -greatly disturbed- Thank goodness for that.

Jakotsu: Anyway, I meant to thay 'thomeone who can help you'

Bankotsu: Someone who could make all your dreams come true.

Jakotsu: Jutht imagine...

Bankotsu: You and your prince...

Jakotsu: Together, forever...

Sango: ...huh?

Jakotsu: Urthula hath great powerth.

Sango: The sea witch? Hmm...I mean, uh, I couldn't possibly. Go away.

Bankotsu: Suit yourself.

Jakotsu: It wath only a thuggethtion.

Kagura: "Suggestion"

Jakotsu: -nonchalantly and 'accidentally' flicks the face of the statue, which broke perfectly.-

Sango: Waiiiiiiiit...

Bankotsu and Jakotsu: Yeeeeeeeeees? -leer creepily-

AN: We'll end there. You got two in a row. I hope you are all happy. I was suddenly inspired to start really, really working on it again, so...yay! Hope you liked it. A review telling me you did would make me very glad. )