Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING, not Inuyasha, not the Little Mermaid, or the various things I stole from, like Lord of the Rings kinda, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, That 70's Show, the book Thirsty, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Thanks to Meredith for filling in the blank.

Warning: There is slash. Because Eric is Miroku, and Ursula is Naraku. That's just the way it works out.

Flame Retardent- Comments and discussions welcome. Corrections expected and are encouraged. All flames will turn on tiny sprinklers in your computer and flood your hard drive.

CAST
Narrator (an expert)...Kagura
Eric (a prince)...Miroku
Grimsby (a handyman)...Hachi
Announcer (a servant)...Shippou
King Triton (a king)...Kagome's Grandfather
Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian (a servant)...Inuyasha
Aquata (a daughter)...Mistress Centipede
Andrina (a daughter)...Kagome
Arista (a daughter)...Koharu
Atina (a daughter)...Kanna
Adella (a daughter)...Yura of the Hair
Allana (a daughter)...Jaken (he won't be in seashell bras or anything, fear not.)
Ariel (a heroine)...Sango
Flounder (a friend)...Kirara
Shark (an enemy)...Bruce from 'Finding Nemo'
Scuttle (a seagull)...Sesshoumaru
Ursula/Vanessa (a sea witch)...Naraku
Jetsam (a servant)...Jakosu
Flotsam (a servant)...Bankotsu
Max (a pet)...Kouga
Louis (a cook)...Kikyo
Priest (a priest)...Kaede

Kagura: Soooo, when we last left off, Flotsam and Jetsam were talking to Ariel right after King Triton blew up all her stuff. And I want some Oreos.

Everyone: ...

Kagura: Whaaat? Anyway. Right outside the cave, since Ariel had had a fit and sent her two friends away, Sebastian and Flounder are sitting. That was awful sentence structure.

Kirara: Poor Ariel.

Inuyasha: We didn't mean to tell, precious, it was an accident.

Everyone: Suuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre.

Inuyasha: It WAS! And why are you making me us talk like this?

Kagura: To better enforce how schizophrenic you are.

Inuyasha: -glare-

Kagura: Suddenly, Ariel comes out of the cave, following Flotsam and Jetsam.

Inuyasha: Where are you going? What are you doing with this riff-raff, precious?

Jakotsu: ExcTHUSE me, thithter. We are not -snaps his fingers- riff-raff.

Riff-Raff from RHPS: ...Hello.

Everyone: -blinks-

Riff-Raff: ...You're wet.

Jakotsu: Yeth. We're underwater.

Riff-Raff: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees...Well...I've got to go...things to do...sisters to kiss...

Everyone: You're creepy!

Inuyasha: o.O; Agreed. -to Sango- Never mind. Go ahead. Go with them.

Sango: Cool.

Inuyasha: Wait, where are you going?

Sango: To see Ursula.

Inu-chan: -looks at his name, then up at Kagura- ...SINCE WHEN ARE WE CALLED INU-CHAN?

Kagura: Since I got tired of typing 'Inuyasha' all the time cause I always mistype it.

Inu-chan: -glares- Anyway, you can't. She's bad.

Sango: Well, why don't you go tell my father? You're good at that.

Kelso from That 70's Show: BURN!

Kagura: Ariel swims away with Flotsam and Jetsam. Sebastian and Flounder follow. And I REALLY, REALLY want some Oreos.

Everyone: Then EAT SOME OREOS.

Kagura: -pouts- We don't have any. Dun dun DUUUUUN. Cave. Ewww. And now we're in a quote, unquote "garden" of those creepy soul things. Yanno, now that I remember this part, it might have been better for Kikyo to be Ursula. But she needs to try to kill Inu-chan and not try to seduce Miroku. It's more fun if Naraku seduces Miroku.

Naraku and Miroku: ...WHAT?

Kagura: Heh heh heh. -rubs hands together evilly-

Naraku and Miroku: I hate you.

Kagura: I know. So, Sango gets sidetracked in the "garden" of souls.

Naraku: Come in. Come in, my child. We mustn't lurk in doorways - it's rude. One MIGHT question your upbringing...

People reading: Oh, man, we can feel the dripping sarcasm all the way from here.

Naraku: Now, then. You're here because you have a thing for this human. This, er, prince fellow. Not that I blame you - he is quite a catch, isn't he?

Miroku: Oh god. -blanch-

Naraku: Well, angel fish-

Sango: You did NOT just use an endearing nickname on me.

Naraku: Well, honey-

Sango: -growls-

Naraku: Well, sugar-

Sango: -implodes- DON'T CALL ME SUGAR. OR HONEY.

Miroku: He should have known better than to call her a condiment. You have to earn the right to call Sango a condiment.

Naraku: Well, the solution to your problem is simple. The only way to get what you want - is to become a human yourself.

Sango: -blinks- How painfully OBVIOUS that is. However, I lack the ability to DO that. That would be why I came to you in the first place.

Naraku: Cause that's what I do. I help poor unfortunate merfolk, like you, even though I'm not sure why I care. Meh. I don't wanna sing.

Kagura: Pleeeease? We go through this EVERY PARODY. Is it my fault that most Disney movies have a lot of singing in them? No. There aren't many ways you can parody someone not wanting to sing, people. Give me a break.

Naraku: -le sigh-
I admit that in the past I've been a nasty

Sango: As opposed to just plain nasty.

Naraku:
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch.

Sango: ...Maybe it's the fact that you cast spells.

Naraku:
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light and made a switch

Sango: You found...Jesus.

Naraku: No, Jesus. Pronounced Hay-Zoose. -pause- Jesus's neglected twin brother.

Sango: -blinks- Riiiiiight.

Naraku:
And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed

Sango: Which would be WHY people called you a witch.

Naraku:
And here lately, please don't laugh

Everyone watching/reading/whatever you people are doing: -LAUGHS-

Naraku: Shove it, losers.
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, lonely and depressed (Pathetic)
Poor unfortunate souls
In pain
In need
This one longing to be thinner

Sango: Then why don't you use it on YOURSELF? -looks away quickly and whistles innocently- Did I say that?

Naraku:
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "Spells, Ursula please!"
And I help them? Yes, I do
Now it's happened once or twice

Sango: Judging from this sadistic little garden of yours, more than once or twice.

Naraku:
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals
Yes, I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls Now, here's the deal. I will make you a potion that will turn you into a human for five days.

Galahad: Three, sir!

Naraku: Three. Got that? Five days.

Galahad: Three, sir!

Naraku: Three. Now listen, this is important. Before the sun sets on the fifth day-

Galahad: Third, sir.

Naraku: Third. You've got to get dear ol' princey to fall in love with you. That is, he's got to kiss you.

Sango: What if he loves me but doesn't kiss me?

Kagura: You know that MIROKU is Eric, right?

Sango: Oh yeah. -pause- What if he kisses me but doesn't love me?

Kagura: THAT'S more realistic.

Naraku: Ah-hah! Not just any kiss-the kiss of true love.

Sango: And how will you KNOW if it's the kiss of true love or not? Do you have 'kisses of true love or not' DETECTORS?

Naraku: Shut up. If he does kiss you before the sun sets on the fifth day-

Galahad: THIRD, sir.

Naraku: Third. You'll remain human, permanently, but if he doesn't, you turn back into a mermaid, and you belong to me.

Miroku: She does NOT belong to you, thankyouverymuch.

Naraku: Well, not YET.

Miroku: Or EVER.

Naraku: -grins suggestively- Would YOU like to replace her?

Miroku: EW. -shoves Sango at him- Take her.

Sango: -.-; THAAAAAANNKS.

Miroku: Anytime. )

AN: That was a long chapter. And the third one I've posted in a day, mind you. I think you should reward me with...reviews. I love you all! )