This is going to become a tradition...
Ellie, Kats sister, was again at after school French for another 52 minutes.
What a selfish little cow. How dare she attempt to gain an education! Kat was bored. Bored I tell you!
What makes her think she could sit there in class and learn crap, when all Kat would do was stare at some walls and watch nerds do their homework! The injustice of it all!
Oh woe is me… her… it…… whale…
While she was rambling in her head, it turned out that Kat was staring at a book on the shelf. It was 'The Hobbit'.
Now, this book was completely normal in every which way. Many a person had stared at this book before now, and nothing spectacularly strange or weird had happened to them.
But, as we discussed before, Kat is a knob.
So, she got sucked into the magical book of normalness. Just because.
She fell out of the sky and onto a wizard. This wizard was Radagastga (?) the Brown.
Quick as a flash, Kat bared her teeth and latched on to Rada's neck, sucking out all his life force, including his magical powers.
Picking up an ugly, boring stick that was Rada's staff, she used her newfound powers to make it coolified.
She turned it into a cane. Coz canes are cool.
It looked like Lucius's cane, from Harry Potter.
That cane is so pimpy.
So Kat ran up to Bilbo's house in a cool pimpy grey hat, and a cool pimpy cane, and rapped on his door.
"Get bent, focker!" screamed Bilbo from inside, and Kat grew angry.
"GAARGH!" she said, and peeped her head through a window in the side of the lump-in-the-ground-that-is-supposed-to-be-a-house.
Bilbo saw the grey hat and thought it was Gandalf, so he opened the door.
Kat barged in, ate all his food, stole all his weed, and messed up his house. Then, she magiced up more treasure than Bilbo could ever use in his life, and stashed it in the walls of his "house".
Cackling like a madwoman, she ran off.
Bilbo, in his rage and torment, disappeared in a flash and a bang, reappearing seconds later with even more gold.
Then, he sat down and began picking his nose (a habit that he would soon pass on to his nephew).
All of a sudden,Gandalf walked in.
Bilbo was horrified. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" He said. For what he saw was truly terrifying.
The top part of Gandalf's head was bald. Shiny, shiny bald.
Gandalf immediately burst into tears. "Why do you think I always wore that goddamned hat?" he whipped a paper bag out of his pocket and stuffed it onto his head. Then, he ran off into the wilderness, never to be seen again by a living creature for many, many, many, many, many, many, many a year…
Then, seven dwarves marched up to Bilbo's house.
"Hei-ho! Hei-ho! Its home from work we go!" they raided his house looking for food and weed. When they didn't find any, they bashed the living daylights out of Bilbo and left.
And Kat was happy.