I looked at myself in the mirror. I was totally confused about myself. On the outside I looked the same. Brown hair, brown eyes, black shirt, dark jeans. On the inside I felt like someone had taken the old me away and replaced it with something I couldn't understand. I tried to think about what I felt, I'd never thought so hard. But I'm a guy; I don't usually have emotions like these.
I looked up at the clock on my bedroom wall it was 7.00a.m. I'd usually be asleep right now, but I couldn't be. I barely slept a wink last night I had too much on my mind. My mobile was on my pillow, where my head should be. I picked it up and tapped my finger on the buttons. 'Dil Mobile' the name above the number read. I clicked the button and it started calling. I sat on my bed with the phone ringing.
Dil was often awake early. He had to be today.
"Hello?" Dil's voice rang in my ear.
"Hey," I said calmly. There was a long silence. I guess he had no idea what to say to me after last night. I broke the silence.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you," I said.
"You had every right to," he replied.
"No, I was way out of line," I said.
"So how you feeling?" Dil asked.
"A little confused to be honest Dil," I answered. Again there was silence.
"I am really sorry about last night," Dil repeated. I didn't know what to say, "We're still friends, right?"
"Oh course," I said immediately. I didn't hate Dil for what he did. It made me think a lot harder though. I started thinking differently about him, which was making me wonder.
"Want to meet up today?" I asked more cheerful.
"Really?" he said surprised, "Sure, where do you want to go?"
"Ray's café?" I suggested.
"Err…okay?" he said a little startled. I guess that was because we didn't go there much. That's why I wanted to go there though, I didn't want to see Chuckie or Angelica or any of the gang.
"Great," I said, "Meet at about 11?"
"Yeah, I'll see you then," he said. I ended the convocation and put the phone back down by my side. I sighed loudly and looked at myself in the mirror again.
"I'm not gay?" I said to myself. I looked hard at the mirror, "I'm not gay."
I went to Ray's café early. It was 20 minutes to 11. I sat down with sandwich and tried to think. I must have been thinking hard because soon enough my sandwich was gone and Dil was standing at the table next to me.
"Dil? Err… sit down," I said looking at the clock on the wall. He sat down opposite me and I had no choice but to look at him. My stomach flipped. I'd never noticed him so much. He tried to force a smile. I knew it was my fault he wasn't feeling too good. I smiled back at him. It was awkward; I guess neither of us knew what to say.
"Why aren't we at the Java Lava?" Dil asked.
"I think, well someone might notice something was up," I said. Dil nodded.
"Want me to get you something?" he asked pointing at the counter.
"No thanks, I've just had a sandwich," I replied. He went up and bought himself a bottle of water. It was a relief when he got up. I have this strange feeling when I was looking straight at him. He came back and sat down. He was sipping his drink and I was playing with the wrapper that my sandwich was in.
"Do you fancy me then?" I asked quietly, so no one would hear.
Dil put his drink down and tied the lid on. Then he nodded. I sat back in my chair. Things had gotten far more confusing.
"It doesn't have to get in the way of our friendship though, I've had to deal with it so far," he said.
"For how long?" I asked, not thinking of how long he'd liked me before, "After you told me? Because I asked you then if you fancied me."
"Since I was 9," he said. I was gob smacked.
"You, you can't have," I said.
"When you asked before I…I chickened out of saying anything, plus you seemed to take it more as a joke," he explained.
"I'm sorry," I said, understanding him better. He shrugged.
"You weren't the only one to laugh."
"I wasn't laughing at you," I protested. He stared at me in disbelief.
"It doesn't matter anyway," he said. We sat in silence again; I guess we were both thinking. I kept looking up from the empty sandwich wrapper and looked at his beautiful face. Dil was the best friend I ever had, did I love him too?
"Look, this is stupid," Dil began to say, "If you don't even want to be seen out with me because of it then perhaps you're not even the friend I thought you were," he stood up, "Perhaps I don't love you, so just leave me alone," he whispered in my ear so no onlookers would understand. Then he turned and headed for the door, I was sure he was in tears. I followed him of course. He ran through the half empty streets but I didn't stop him until he ran into the alley.
"Dil stop, please," I said grabbing his shoulder. He pulled his shoulder away,
"You don't want me thinking you're gay would you," he yelled. I stood frozen.
"But what if I do?" I said aloud. I wasn't sure if I should have said it at the time, but it stopped him. He turned back and looked at me.
"What are you saying?" he asked puzzled. I looked at him and smiled,
"I think I like you, a lot," I put openly.
"You kidding me?" Dil asked smiling. I shook my head.
"I don't think so," I replied. He ran back to me, put his arms around me, he hugged me and I hugged him back. I felt happy, even happier because I knew Dil was happy. We stood in the alley for a few minutes, still with our arms around each other.
"So, now what?" I asked lightly.
"I have no idea," Dil replied, looking back into my eyes.
"Should we tell the others?" I asked him, "It'll be a bit of a shock, don't you think?"
"They know I like you," Dil said. "Apparently it was obvious."
"I never noticed," I replied.
"I think you have now," he smiled.
"Yeah," I laughed, "Yeah I have."
Dil pulled out of my hug but took hold of my hand.
"To the Java Lava?" he asked.
"Yeah, let's go see the gang," I said.