I ran through the busy street, passing and bumping into people as I did my best to get away, again. I could hear his muffled cries through the crowd. He called my name loudly and people were looking but I did my best at ignoring them, all of them.
Why was I such a loser? I thought I finally had something, someone, but really it was all a game, all an imagination.
He never liked me as I liked him, why did I bother? Because for those few days he was mine.
"Dil! Dil wait up!" he cried through the crowd.
I carried on running and didn't look back.
"Dil! It wasn't what you think!" he cried. Wasn't what I think? He told me before, years ago now it seems, about his crush on my cousin. Every time he spoke about it it broke my heart. But I put on a smile for him, I was keeping him happy. Now he tries to tell me it wasn't what I think?
I knew I couldn't run forever. I'd past the park where we'd slept the night before; I needed somewhere to stop though, somewhere alone. I didn't want people to see me, glaring at the crying gay boy.
I'd been running faster that I thought and I knew I was going to stop soon. As I past the book shop and the card shop I turned and collapsed in the narrow alleyway. I cried. Wept into my arms like I used to do every night. I kept myself a little way away from the main pavement; all the passers-bys couldn't see me. Then the sun that beamed down on top of me went dark, I knew he was here.
I didn't look up; I couldn't bring myself to look at him. He said nothing, just walked towards me, bent down and put his arms around me. I wanted him to be here forever, but then I remembered what he'd done and shook him away.
"Believe me, it wasn't how it looked," he said.
"You expect me to believe you now? After you used to pour you heart out to me, about your undying love for her?" I said furiously.
"That…that's all past me now, and over exaggerated, I want to be here with you," he said.
"No you don't, I brought you here, I brought you here so I could get away from my family." I said.
"I wanted you to be happy," he said.
"I'm happy now? Now I know you used me, never loved me, this was all a joke!" I yelled.
"No!" he cried.
I slumped back and rested against the wall.
"I think you should go home," I said, I didn't want to say it, but it was what I thought.
"Why, I need to be here with you," he replied.
"So you can feel good about yourself? You should go, have your life with Angelica like it was meant to be, I'm just a small blip in your journey."
"I can't leave you here," he said then this immediate chuckle came out.
"You want to go then?" I said wiping away the tears. "Then go, I'll be fine, I promise."
He didn't go right away. He sat opposite me with his head in his hands, probably thinking things over. I didn't want to say anything.
"I have been," he paused, looking for the right word, "regretting coming here with you."
I looked at him through the tears, I knew it was true but did he have to say it?
"All I really wanted is for you to be happy, but… out here? We'd be best at home with our family and friends, coming here, well, was spur of the moment." He said.
"Not for me, I've thought about this for years," I barely replied.
"Are you going to come home with me?" he asked standing up.
"You're really going?" I whispered, unsure if I wanted him to hear me.
"Yes, It's…for the best," he said.
"I'm staying, I'm staying where I belong, on my own," I snarled.
"I still love you though," he said, taking me by surprise. "Even when I'm with Angelica I'll think of you."
"You'll be with Angelica?" I asked, confused with all he said.
"I dunno, I… I think I still like her too," he murmured. I said nothing, just wondered who he really liked better. It had to be her; he was leaving me to be with her.
"I'm not leaving because she's here," he said, as if he'd read my thoughts, "It's just, back there is home, it still won't be the same without you."
"I don't care," I said as I rocked myself in the alleyway. I cared so much but I couldn't say it. I knew this would happen, why didn't I just keep my mouth shut.