DISCLAIMER: I don't own Squarenix, yet, but I am working on it. Still own Florida, sold the Caribbean island so I could afford gas and am in the process of selling you guys but Michael Jackson isn't buying now that the police have caught up to him. I bought Iraq though, best 45 billion I ever spent. Well, enjoy.

Chapter 3: Farplane

Tidus: Well, who goes?

Tidus scanned the room, hoping to find someone to take the heat off his performance. He spotted Yuna and tried to palm it off to her.

Tidus: Hey, you like singing? Come on, dress in that maids outfit you look so cute in.

Yuna: Hey, you weren't supposed to tell anyone about that.

Tidus: I mean your song stress dress sphere.

Yuna: Ohhh.

Yuna started to blush.

Yuna: What? Why is everyone looking at me? What?

With that Yuna ran out of the room.

Tidus: Any volunteers?

Auron lifted his head from the circular opening of his sake jug.

Auron: I will go.

Everyone flashed a surprised look at the stoic warrior. He shakingly got up and stumbled on stage. He pressed a few buttons and suddenly a classical beat came out.

"Camp Granada"

Hello Tidus, hello Paine

Here I am at, the far plane.

Life is very, very draining

And Yunalesca would be fun if she stopped maiming.

I went hiking, with Braska

He heard bout the lake, he will ask ya

You remember, blondie Tidus

Well he developed some sort of stomach virus

All the dead guys, hate the living

So we come back, hard times were giving

And Gatta, wants no morons,

So he tells us all to use our brains norons (NOTE: Intentional spelling of neurons to show Gatta is dumb)

And I don't want to sound cocky

But in one chug, I finished my sake

You know those Al Bhed we be scarin

But I still don't get the masks they wearin

Let me stay, don't bring me back

Let me stay, I will attack

Don't leave me, in Guadosalam

Where Seymour is as stupid as Saddam

Let me stay, I wont drink booze any more

Or end up passed out on the floor

Please don't make me go

Cuz I will tell Lulu who called her a ho

Bimbo Lulu, crazy Paine

How is Laguna's Raine?

I am sorry, she is dead

But I really wanted to get her into bed

Wait a second, Lescas shouting

At Seymour, who is pouting

Killing Seymour, that's much better

I bet Tidus couldn't even read this letter.

Auron quietly bowed and walked off stage. Tidus turned to Yuna.

Tidus: That was nice of him to mention me in his song.

Yuna: Uh, Tidus?

Tidus: Such a nice guy.

Auron's quickly replaced his lips on his jug.

Auron (in drunken voice): You know, that last guy kinda sounded like me. I like that guuu.

With that Auron collapsed on the floor.

Wakka: Ok, so who's gonna do the chalk outline this time?

Lulu: I will.

Lulu drew a perfect outline of Auron with chalk and than dragged his body to the side. She than kicked Wakka from behind and hit him squarely in the spine. He fell exactly the way she drew the chalk outline.

Lulu: That's for calling me a ho.

At this time the door opened and another ff character walked in.

Paine: …..

Yuna: Uhh, Paine? You're a little early. FF X hasn't even come out yet.

Paine: . . . . . .

Paine dropped a box of something on the table and went into a corner to brood. Rikku raced to the box And opened it.

Rikku: Hey coffee!

Preview: Who will sing next? Is Auron dead? Does Wakka regret getting Lulu pregnant? Is Paine a mute? How will a steady supply of double espresso change Rikku? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? All these questions will be answered in the next episode. Stay tuned, and remember, I know where you live.

Note: Author does not know where anyone lives, not even where he lives.