Idiocy at its finest

Disclaimer: I do not own square enix YET. But I do own a jet ski, a computer, Equilibrium: The special edition DVD and three pieces of lint. Go me

As Kamarhi dragged Aurons drunk body out of the way Rikku reached for the expresso.

Rikku: Hmmm, whats this?

As Rikku took a sip of the canned brown liquid she smiled.

Rikku: Its DELICIOUS! Thanks Paine.

Paine: ...

Rikku had just about downed her first can when she started reaching for another.

Wakka: So, who goes next, ya?

Tidus: Whats up with you man? Why do you always say ya after everything?

Wakka: I don't know, ya?

Tidus: I seriously wonder what kind of morons raised this idiot?

Tidus got up and reached for the phone. Dialing Wakka's parents number as he waited for the answer.

Wakka's parents: So, youre wondering what kind of morons raised this idiot?

Tidus: How did you know?

Wakka's parents: Thats the only reason anyone calls us.

Tidus: . . .

Tidus hangs up the phone and walks back to his seat.

: Hey, stop goofing off in there!

Kahamari: Who . . . . was . . . . that?

Tidus: Huh? Who knows we're here?

Lulu: I don't know.

Aauron: Cuz I got drunk, cuz I got drunk, cuz I got drunk, dananananana I was gonna . . .

Aauron suddenly collapses due to alcahol poisoning.

Yuna: Oh great, its the creator Degan.

Degan walks in with Tifa holding on to his arm and following him enthusiastically.

Degan: You're supposed to be singing, not goofing off.

Tidus: Hey, wait a second, Tifa has nothing to do with Final fantasy X. You cant do that!

Tifa: Its his story, he can do whatever he wants.

Degan: Yup.

Degan leans over and kisses Tifa.

Degan: Well, I gotta go. Im a busy guy, ya know, with all the running and menu reading and incidents involving clowns on jet skis. When I come back you guys better be singing!

With that Degan and Tifa turned and walked out.

Tidus: How did he know we were goofing off?

Lulu: Maybe he has a mole here.

Rikku outside with a mole holding a suitcase

Rikku: Im sorry Harry. I know you've worked here longer than I have but I just cant take that risk.

Rikku walks back in and takes her third coffee.

Lulu: Or maybe the office is bugged.

Once again, Rikku is outside with a cricket

Rikku: Im really sorry Jimminy. I know you were so close to retirement but I just cant take that chance. Besides, lying doesnt make my nose bigger you jerk.

Rikku mumbled to herself

Rikku: Try to tell me I have a big nose

Quickly Rikku walks back inside.

Lulu: Or maybe he had the office Tidused.

Rikku outside with Tidus

Rikku: I dont care if youre a main character. You need to leave.

Tidus: HEY

Back inside Rikku is on her fourth can.

Rikku: Heywhatsupicantbelievehowgoodthisstuffishaveyoutriedititssogood seriouslygoodidontknowhowtodescribethegoodnesswannaridebikes?

Tidus: Idiot

Kahamari grabs a seat and peals a banana.

Yuna: Hey Kahamari, Ive been meaning to ask you. Are you a monkey?

Kahamari: Kind . . . . of.

Yuna: Okay, are you a communist?

Kahamari: Kind . . . . . of.

Tidus: But wait, I have never heard of a Communist monkey.

Kahamari: Dont . . . be . . . surprised, I . . . come . . . from . . . . a . . . large . . . family . . . of. . . . communist . . . . . monkeys.

(Shows picture of monkey from Outbreak hissing)

(Shows a picture of Marcel from friends playing an accordian)

(Shows a picture of Michael Jackson's monkey bubbles moon walking)

(Shows a picture of Al Gore)

Tidus: So, do you descend from Rafiki from the lion king too?

Kahamari: He . . . . isn't . . .. even . . . . a . . . . monkey. He .. . . is . . . a . . . babon.

Tidus: He is a MONKEY!

Kahamari: Babaoon . . . . numbskull.

Wakka: Ill fix this misunderstanding, ya?

(Wakka looks up the lion king on the net)

Wakka: Wow, the gay monkeys right!

Kahamari: Communist

Wakka: HAHA, A MONKEYS SMARTER THAN YOU!

Tidus: Oh great, someone finally proved my father right.

Wakka: Haha, beaten by a communist chimp.

Kahamri; MONKEY!

Tidus: It wouldnt be the first time.

(Flashback, Tidus and a unnamed monkey on Jepordy. Tidus has -600 score and the monkey has + 3400 score)

Monkey: Yes, nuclear science for 900 Alex.

Tidus: Well anyway we should see if Paine wants to sing.

Paine: . . .

Tidus: Okay, I see she has the vocabulary of a young Hellen Keller.

Rikku: OHOHOHOIlovehellenkellerthemoviewassogreatitmademecryandthemusicalwasevenbetterwiththetappingand allofthemusicandthedananananananaandIlovethatsongandsingiteveryday.

Lulu: Can someone please cut this girl off?

Wakka: Well, Im going to . . um . . .go into another room.

Wakka quietly walks away into another room.

Wakka: Alright, intervention time. First Tony the Tiger, than gollum and finally Morpheus.

Preview: Im sorry I havent updates for a long time, Ive just been really busy for the past two years. Im so sorry, I meant to call but my phone went out and than, ya know, I didnt get free minutes and my dog stopped me ect. But Im back, and funnier than ever. Enjoy this chapter, to make it up to you for bieng so late I made thois chapter longer and funnier than the others. Expect another hilarious song parody soon.

Will Degan be back? Will Wakka get Tony the tiger off the white stuff? Will the COmmunist monkey bite someone? Is Paine a mute? How much coffee will Rikku drink? How many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootsie pop? All this and more soon, same bat time, same bat channel.