"Tourniquet" is © Evanescence and can be found on their debut album Fallen. It's a great song, although a bit depressing. Pick up the album if you haven't already. All of it is amazing. All characters and settings are © J.K. Rowling. The usual disclaimers apply, Suicidal thoughts, angst, slash feelings, strong language, Etc. Enjoy!

Tourniquet

I tried to kill the pain….

I have tried everything I can think of to get rid of this feeling inside me, but nothing helps. All of my thoughts, feelings and dreams lean towards one thing… Death. It's the only releases I can find. I've tried cutting myself, hiding everything, staying away from everyone, but all of these do nothing…

But only brought more…

Nothing but make me hurt more, feel more and more alone. The pain eats away inside me, devouring me.

I lay dying…

Although it's a death of the spirit, not of the body. The Ron that everyone knew is gone, hell, the Ron I knew is gone. I'm an empty shell of who I once was. It seems that now, the only thing left to do is destroy this husk I have become.

And I'm Pouring,

Crimson regret…

Tears fall from my eyes to stain the pillowcase beneath my head as well as the pages of this journal, blood pours from open wounds , both outside my body and within my heart, to stain the bed clothes. I've finally hit bottom. There's no turning back now.

And betrayal.

If only I had someone left, someone I can trust, someone who'll listen. Anyone, even a Slytherin, would be better than spending the last few hours of my life alone. But they all are gone. And I hate them for it! This is their fault, not mine! They're the ones who have driven me to this… no… not they… her. If it weren't for that bitch Cho, I wouldn't be at the point I am now. This is HER fault.

I'm dying,

Praying,

Bleeding,

And screaming…

Inside my mind, all of these thoughts are dawning. My heart is screaming for someone to help me, while my mind is telling me there is no one there. No one cares about me anymore. Will anyone miss me? Will anyone even care that I'm gone? Deep down, I know the answer is no. no one will even spare a second thought or shed a tear for poor little Ron.

Am I too lost,

To be saved?

The bible says that people who commit suicide are damned for all eternity.

Am I too lost?

I wonder if it's the truth. I pray it isn't. there has to be something better for me than this.

My God,

My Tourniquet.

Return to me salvation…

I keep asking god to forgive me for what I am about to do, to please offer me some salvation in the afterlife. As He well knows, I don't have any in this life.

My God,

My Tourniquet.

Return to me salvation…

As it is here on earth, people have seemed to have forgotten me already. Is that what it will be like when I'm gone?

Do you remember me?

Does He even remember? Or am I so insignificant that even God has forgotten me?

Lost for so long….

I know I've been selfish, I still am selfish, but it's too late to go back. I've been wandering around the empty halls of my mind for so long, I don't think there's any way I can find my way from in the darkness back into the light.

Will you be on the other side?

Will you forgive me?

I can only hope that there will be someone on the other side to welcome me. That God can forgive me for this final sin I am about to commit.

My God,

My Tourniquet.

Return to me salvation.

My God,

My Tourniquet.

Return to me salvation.

If there was any other way, I wouldn't be doing this, but there isn't any other way. I have tried to find one, but that courtyard is all that is left.

My wounds cry for the grave…

The pain wracking my body begs for sleep. My broken heart longs to beat no more. The fear I have is overwhelming, but that too will subside as my body rests.

My Soul cries for deliverance…

I pray that what is torn asunder from my body by my death be delivered to play among the clouds with the angels outside.

Will I be denied?

God, can you ever forgive me for this? It's the only way… the only way….

Christ…

Your son died to cleanse the sins of the world. Tonight, I die to cleanse the world of my own…

Tourniquet…

Gone Forever,

Ronald Weasley

My suicide.