/In Pain's Wake/

- lawless priest -

02 - searching for understanding

Rei's red eyed gaze was unnerving, making me fidget in my chair in the hospital's waiting room. I had came here to clear my head after the doctors had sent me away, saying that Asuka needed her rest. Any thoughts of a respite were kicked out of my head swiftly by Rei's arrival. Her incise questioning had me off balanced, but my mind was too tired to care.

The fact that see even took the time to ask didn't help either. I wouldn't go so far as to say she cared, maybe the old Rei, but not this one. She seemed to have reverted back to how she was before as if we had never met. Truthfully, I doubted that she 'could' care. For the most part, she seemed to be motivated by curiosity if anything? But I didn't have time to deal with that, though. Not now.

Dr. Akagi had wanted to talk to me about something. She said it something about Rei's origin, but before I could get to the Geofont, there was Asuka, lying in front of the apartment, her clothes in tatters, with her blood soaked into them.

"You wish to comfort her." Rei's monotone brought me back and I sighed wearily.

"Yes Ayanami. She's been through a lot, and she needs someone to be there for her."

"Why?" was her response.

I was just thinking about how I had wished someone had been there for me when I needed them. Just someone who could've shown me, despite the pain, that it was going to be alright. How much difference would that have made?

But then again this was not the first time that she had needed me. Visions of the Volcano incident, and the recent angel attacks flashed by. I couldn't before, when that, that.. thing had raped her mind, I didn't have the courage to help her afterwards, and now... this. She had been taken, mind, body and soul. I had to make it up to her somehow. I couldn't, I knew that. There was no way to fill the gaps, but I had to show her that I cared. Even, even if she hated me.

I couldn't help but remember what she said, how she had screamed she hated me, that she hated everyone.

She did hate me. So why did I still fill this way about her? Why was I there, why was trying to help her?

"I, I don't know. I don't alright." I answered, my voice shaking with frustration.

I stood up from my chair, intending to leave, but I never got that far.

"You care for her." It was a statement.

I turned to her, but she wasn't looking at me. She seemed to be almost speaking to herself.

"There is a bond between you two, forged in the pain of the past and your fear of the future. Her grief is evident, yet somehow I envy her?"

For a moment we just stood there, before she walked off, leaving me there to my thoughts.

I was in shock, That was one of the longest sentences I had ever heard from her. Even if I didn't understand all of what she said, her words hit hard, but I my mind was too worn out to put it all together. And that last part, she had sounded puzzled and I felt the same. She envied Asuka? Why?

It was too much. I had to get away. If I staid, I didn't know what would happened, but I knew I wouldn't be able to take it. Everything from the past few months was weighing down on my head. I needed to find somewhere where I could get away from it all, someplace where I could think, alone.

And with that I left.

/IPW/

I found myself on the beach, it was not where I wanted to go, but it was where I ended up. Rei had almost died here. I had been so sure she was dead, but then I met her in the hospital. That had hurt. I really didn't know who Rei really was anymore, as if I had known before.

My thoughts were getting to chaotic. It was a chore just trying to keep my head clear. Every time I tried to sort things out, my brain threaten to shut down. So with my SDAT player as loud as it would go, I listened to track 26, letting the music just take me along for the ride.

I briefly remember wishing for Mr. Kaji. We hadn't been exactly close, but at least he had listened. Misato wasn't around and Touji and Kensuke fad left some time ago. Only Mr. Kaji seemed to understand. He had been gone for awhile, probably on some business for Father, but deep down I knew that he wasn't coming back. I nearly lost it right then, but someone's voice interrupted my ravings.

"Such sorrow for such a pure soul. My heart weeps for your pain, Shinji Ikari."

Turning to see who had intruded on my dark thoughts, I didn't knew whether to be thankful or annoyed. But these thoughts were quickly forgotten, for the person who had captured my attention left me stunned.

It was a boy about my age, with a think head of unruly gray hair, a handsome, open face and a disarming smile. All of those features would have made him an interesting character, but it was the eyes that held me, that lost me in their gaze.

They were red, red like blood, red like Ayanami's.

"Who are you? And how do you know who I am?" I had been too stunned to say much of anything, let alone anything more complex. My mind just hadn't been working right of late.

"Everyone knows who you are. But to be accurate, my name is Kaoru, Kaoru Nagisa. I am the Fifth Child."