Part VII :Serenity
Commove
"Sir, you wanted to see me?" Squall asked as he walked inside.
Cid looked up and took a deep breath, "…Squall."
"…Is this a bad time?"
"No, I wasn't expecting to see you so soon. Quistis informed me that you were asleep."
"…I see." Well, I'm here now, aren't I?
"Squall, please have a seat." He said with a motion of his hand to the chairs before his desk. Squall took a seat and sat up straight. "…Squall, over the years…I have received really great reports from you. You are truly one of the best SeeDs that I have ever taken under my wing; however, your latest conduct has been quite upsetting to me."
Squall looked down at the desk while listening to Cid continue, "After you did that magnificent job in our defense from Trabia and Galbadia's forces, you disobeyed commands and left the Garden, knowing well that we were still in risk of danger."
I wasn't on any type of command after our battle. I was injured.
Cid's eyes became angry, "You took on a situation which you knew little of, and you stole a Garden Car to do so."
I knew as much as I needed to know. Rinoa was in trouble. What else was I supposed to do? …And I didn't steal the car; I borrowed it.
"You used a spell on a pedestrian at the Train Station. That poor man is so traumatized, he has to seek medical attention because of what you did."
…It's not like I used an attack spell on him; I only caused him to stop. Why can't you at least be thankful that he's still alive?
"You almost wrecked a plan that took a great deal of time to develop."
Whatever… We both knew that kidnapping Rinoa was last minute.
"The newly formed Peace Treaty between Balamb Garden and Esthar was almost broken because of that stunt you pulled back in Winhill."
What stunt? All I did was exchange a few words with the Captain.
"And last but not least, violence erupted in Deling City because the Galbadians complained that Esthar had sent in a spy. Do you know just how much damaged you have caused, Mr. Leonhart? I've had to write report after report, and apology after apology because of your recklessness."
Cid rubbed his forehead and sighed, "…I am terribly sorry about this Squall, but I am going to have to release you from your SeeD duties.-"
"Sir-"
"But because you are one of my best and personal favorites…I will only have you suspended from your SeeD duties for three months." The old man smirked, "You are not to leave Garden under any circumstances. Am I understood?"
What a cruel joke… "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." He said while standing from his seat and saluting.
"You're welcome." Cid sighed, knowing that if he had to release the youth from the Garden, it would take all of his might to do such a cruel thing. Even though the two had seen little of each other over the years, there was an understanding of trust. Although he had suspended Squall once before, he knew that the young man was still in the process of learning from his mistakes. Cid also understood that Squall would have no place to go if fired, and so, the old man had had sympathy on the young SeeD once again.
"And Squall…the President of Esthar will be arriving sometime today. I believe he wanted to get to know you."
"…I'll be sure to speak with him today." Squall put his hand down to his side and looked at the floor. Why would he want to meet me? That's the last thing I'd expect anyone to do. Didn't the headmaster say I almost wrecked the peace between Esthar and us?
"Squall?" Cid called to him, snapping him out of his thoughts.
"Yes, sir?"
"You are dismissed."
"…Thank you." Squall turned from Cid's desk and quickly walked to the door.
As he exited, Cid sighed, "…I'm too old for this job. I was supposed to let him go, not suspend him." He groaned and faced the window behind once again.
"I told him!" Xu exclaimed to Quistis with a bright smile. The two had been standing at the end of the stairs by the elevator a little after Xu talked with Cid. "I finally told him." She said again.
"You're stepping down as Commander?" Quistis questioned while folding her arms.
"Yep!" She suddenly quieted down, "…But I'm not sure if he'll allow me to do so. He said that I'm doing a great job as the Commander."
"Honestly, you are. You've taken good care of the junior classmen, you made sure we all had the proper equipment for training, and you ensured that new books were delivered here monthly."
"Quistis, think about what you just said. Anyone could mistake me for a secretary."
"…I thought you wanted to be more active as a field SeeD? Why the sudden change?"
"…Being on that battlefield, I realized it wasn't where I belonged. Sure I helped out when others were in danger, but altogether, I didn't want to fight. A leader shouldn't have thoughts like that on her mind during a war. By stepping down, I feel like I'm doing not only myself a favor, but this Garden a favor as well."
"Well if you aren't happy, then I guess it's for the best that you step down."
"…Yeah. This Garden needs someone that can put up a fight." Xu looked at Quistis and smirked, "…Someone like Squall Leonhart."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes. I even recommended him to Headmaster Cid; as a matter of fact, I think the headmaster is taking up my suggestion because he's talking to Squall just as we speak."
"Do you think he's really contemplating having Squall take over for you?"
"He said he'd take it into consideration. There's no doubt in my mind that Squall is the best candidate."
"Still…" Quistis said as placed her hand on her chin. "…I don't really think he would be comfortable in that position. He rarely even likes cooperating with us."
"…Well, you certainly have a point."
"Come on, let's not think about this now. I'm sure Dr. Kadowaki may need a hand with the wounded."
"…Okay." Xu sighed and followed Quistis to the infirmary.
Sometime later on that day, Laguna and his escorts arrived at Balamb Garden to congratulate the Headmaster and his SeeDs on their success in the war. He had waved at every person he passed as he was led up to the headmaster's room, and most of the time he received friendly smiles although there were a few quizzical stares in the mix of a crowd. Laguna only shrugged his shoulders and continued to follow behind Xu as he was shown to Headmaster Cid's office.
Zell, Selphie, and Irvine watched him as he was led inside, and each shook his or her head with asigh, saying, "Now what?"
In his bed, Squall lay restless. He had awakened only moments ago to a quiet room, but the peacefulness was beginning to agitate him. The blinds hid the little sunlight that had brightened his room before, and the sun peered through the shades of the blinds, forming rays of light. There was a strange tenderness about the natural essence blooming within his room, but memories of the days before had cluttered Squall's mind and he became oblivious to the enveloping gentleness.
Suspended again…and for three whole months… Squall sighed to himself, as he lay on his bed in total confusion. He folded his arms behind his head and rested while looking at the ceiling, as if seeing beyond and searching the heavens for answers.
Being a SeeD is the only thing I'm good at, but now its been taken away from me temporarily. …And all because of you…Rinoa.
He closed his eyes and pictured Rinoa's face within his memories. Reliving the moment when their eyes met, and their lips touched. He curled into a ball and faced the wall beside his bed. Rinoa…
The first time I saw you…you were being taken away by that Galbadian Soldier…I didn't like the way he grabbed you, and placed your hands behind your back like some sort of animal. It was cruel, and unusual…so I took care of him for you. Yes, at that moment, I didn't exactly give you the warmest attention…but when you came to my aid just a short while after that; you gave me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. Ever since that moment…I had been feeling less like myself. I tried to deny it, and often argued with you just to be sure that…that I wouldn't make my attraction to you seem obvious.
He groaned and bit his bottom lip, "Why does this always happen? Every time she's away, I begin to reminisce about things of the past! I don't want to think back…just stop thinking." He told himself and closed his eyes; however, he knew he could never silence his own thoughts.
…All that time I wasted, what was it for? Was I so serious about being a SeeD that I completely ignored her just to take orders? If that's true, then maybe I ought to have this break from my duties, but I can't leave the grounds under any circumstance… so I'm stuck inside, regardless.
He sighed once again, Now that I realize how much you mean to me, you're not even here…
Realizing that he could no longer take the total silence, Squall rose from his bed and freshened up in the bathroom. Feeling the pressure from his suspension, and his lost love, Squall decided to rid himself the troublesome thoughts. Lost love? Was it possible for him to have fallen for her over the short period of time? He had to admit, it had been the longest weeks in his life, weeks that he would never forget.
Squall looked at himself in the mirror and squinted his eyes. What is it that she sees in me? When I look at myself sometimes, I don't really know who it is I'm looking at. Some days, I just want to know who I really am and who I'm supposed to be. And then there are other days where I just don't care about anything or anyone. I want to know who I am… Everything. Raine…tell me.
And with thoughts flooding his mind, Squall left his room and headed to the place that had always been his second home, a place where every stressful situation he might have been going through had subsided; the Training Center.
Laguna looked out at the view from Cid's office and smiled, "This is a very nice view! I see why you're always cooped up here."
"I beg your pardon."
"Oh, I didn't mean that in a bad way, Mr. Kramer. I'm just admiring your office." Laguna said with a cheesy smile.
"…Loire? Is there…" Cid folded his arms and gave a soft sigh, "Is there anything I can help you with, sir?"
In an instant, the smile had vanished, and Laguna had now possessed a serious tone as well. "Yes, there is. The SeeD to cause the turmoil yesterday…?"
"You mean, Leonhart."
"Yes, yes…I would like to have a word with him."
"Sir, I assure you, this matter has been resolved. He has been placed on suspension due to his actions. Squall is a very dedicated SeeD; he will learn his lesson well. I don't believe you have to-"
"Mr. Kramer, I only want to speak with him. I promise I won't verbally attack him; besides, let's not focus on the negative aspect of his faults yesterday, but only realize that he has to be a hell of a lot braver than most men to place himself in the position he was in."
Cid scratched the back of his head, "…I suppose you're right."
"Now please, I would like to have a word with him. If you don't mind."
"…No, not at all. I'll have him informed immediately."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, Laguna." The old man smiled and exited his office. Laguna shook his head and silently laughed to himself.
The headmaster walked into Xu's office and knocked on her door. Thinking that Quistis had returned to give her more orders from Dr. Kadowaki, Xu purposely pouted her face and answered the door; this would have helped to create sympathy…had it been Quistis.
"Xu!" Cid said while raising an eyebrow confusingly.
"Aiya-Sir!" She quickly changed her face and saluted him. He chuckled and waved his hand.
"No need for that. I need you to call Squall to my office."
"Again?"
"Xu-"
"I mean, I'm on it!"
"Thank you, Xu."
"No problem, Sir." She walked around Cid and headed to the elevator while mumbling, "Why doesn't he ever use the loudspeaker for this kind of stuff anymore?"
Cid watched her get onto the elevator, and press the first floor level button. When she was out of sight, he readjusted his glasses and smirked a bit. The way Loire had asked about Squall…is there something more than just wanting to meet with Leonhart?
Xu walked down the Dormitory Hallway and finally came across Squall's room. She moved her hand up to knock, but stopped herself. "…This is familiar…" She pulled her hand back and smiled, "Of course…"
With a shrug of her shoulders and a deep breath, Xu left the Dormitory Hall and made her way around the loop of the Main Hall. She smiled confidently and entered the Training Center.
"Now, where is he?" She muttered underneath her breath. Xu had taken the left pathway of the Training Center. Most students who were going on a run inside the Center preferred to begin with the door on the right; with this in mind, Xu chose the path to the left because Squall might have been inside for awhile. She looked around and heard the death cry of a T-Rexaur reverberating throughout the walls of the Training Center. "…That's got to be Squall's doing."
As Xu had expected, it was Squall inside slaying a T-Rexuar with great ease. He had been inside for no more than thirty minutes, and had already destroyed hordes of monsters. No matter how many of those beasts he slaughtered, nothing would put his mind at ease. Every possible thought on his mind consisted of Rinoa and his past. He gave an aggravated groan and threw down his gunblade. "Dammit!"
"Whoa! Easy there, Leonhart." Xu said as she watched him emit a heavy sigh. He looked up from his grounded gunblade and placed his right hand on his hip while wiping his forehead with the other. "Are you okay?"
He was breathing heavily and couldn't answer; instead, he nodded his head while looking away from her.
"The headmaster would like to see you."
Again? What is it this time? Is he going to completely release me from Balamb? Squall picked up his gunblade from the ground and sheathed it back onto his side. If that's the case, I may as well prepare myself for the worst. He took a deep breath and walked toward the exit, but Xu cleared her throat aloud and spoke up.
"Um, Squall?"
"…Huh?" Squall looked back at Xu, surprised that she used his first name for once.
"You've done a pretty good job around here lately. With that kind of achievement under your belt, I'm sure you can run this Garden someday."
Squall stood still and looked at the ground; a compliment from the Commander? What was really going on? Just a few moments ago, the Headmaster because of those same actions that the Commander was now applauding suspended him. He sighed, "Thanks." How about ruling the Garden? He smirked to himself and shook his head. "I'll be on my way now."
"Yeah." She smiled and allowed him to pass her in the Training Center. What he lacks socially, he can totally make up for on the battlefield! But then…I wouldn't want to jinx our peaceful future with a battle that doesn't even exist… She chuckled and soon exited the Training Center as well.