Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. It belongs to a bunch of creators atDC comics and some other people. How I wish I were that creative. :huggles a Raven plushie: Instead, I'm stuck using other people's characters and ideas to create stories. It's quite sad really…

Warning: Rated for potentially morbid content in later chapters. I have problems controlling what comes out of my mind…

Summary: Raven finds herself reflecting on her entire life, even her dreaded past. After a fight with a greatly hated foe, she finds herself not remembering the fight at all, and trapped in a void where nothing remains as she wants it to be, and anything she sees refuses to stay long enough for her to get a closer look. She also finds that she can hear the voices of her friends occasionally speaking, though their bodies never appear. Could she finally be losing it? Or is there something greater going on?

Help Me Whilst I Hide

Chapter 5 – Tears Will Fall

Beast Boy looked around wildly, his brain working overtime as he wondered about the memory that he had just viewed. He had always thought that Raven had become the way she was because of some sort of mishap that had occurred when she had been younger, perhaps in her early teens. It was a strange and even alarming feeling to think that she had been taught to be the way that she was.

"What's up?" He asked, looking over at Love. She looked a little confused, as if she was experiencing something strange that she had never experienced before. Well, Beast Boy knew that it was something he, himself had never experienced. He also felt strongly that Raven was going to kill him when she finally found him. It wasn't really something that he was looking forward to.

"We need to find Raven, we need to leave here." Love said gently, she was looking up at Cyborg, instead of focusing on Beast Boy. Apparently she thought that it would be easier to convince the half-robot than it would be to convince Beast Boy. She was probably right.

"I agree. I've seen enough," Cyborg replied. He too, looked unnerved at what he had seen.

Beast Boy grumbled, seeing that he was plainly outnumbered. It wasn't fair, he was still curious! He supposed that they had seen enough though. Raven would probably kill the three of them as it was; there was really no need to go any further. He looked at the other members of his party and shrugged, "Alright, I give. We'll go."

Love smiled at him. It wasn't a crazy smile like Happy's had been, but was small and delicate, and not something that you would expect to see on Raven's face, no matter what side of her it was. It was actually something he was surprised at, and he found himself wondering why he couldn't get the regular Raven to smile like that.

Pulling himself from his reverie, Beast Boy's eyes flickered around, looking for the portal they had entered through. "Uhh… Where do we go?" He asked, looking at Love. She giggled, grabbed his hand and pulled him along, making her way easily through the blackness, until they came to a portal.

This one, however, seemed different than the one they had entered through. There was still a black colouring within the swirl, but there were more blacks and grays, and two colours which were strongly out of place. A deep, midnight blue, and a yellowy-gold.

Love gasped and stared, "We're so dead." She mumbled, taking a breath and stepping through the portal. Beast Boy couldn't help but notice that she had released his hand as she went.

Earlier…

Raven violently shook her head. Her mind was becoming clouded by thoughts and memories that she never wished to face again. She had fled Azarath to create a new life for herself, and to distance herself from those who had shunned her when she was growing up. She had even managed to forget the majority of her childhood, having focused herself around her life with the Titans. It wasn't enough though, not when she had people living around her who insisted on invading her privacy. Why couldn't they just accept what she wanted to tell them about herself, and leave it at that?

Raven faltered, knowing the answer to that question. It was entirely a trust issue, how do you trust a half-demon who can go psycho on you at any point in time, just because she releases her grip on her emotions? But of course, Raven knew that it was only her fault if the Titans didn't trust her. It was she who chose not to disclose any information about herself or her past.

Raven sighed bitterly. Her own analysis was telling her that she was an idiot. She was constantly complaining – though only to herself – that she was misunderstood and about people who constantly jumped to conclusions about her. About why she was the way she was, about why she was so secretive. But slowly, very slowly, she was realizing that this was her fault, because she did not share the stories of her path with those who made these assumptions.

The Gothic girl blinked and shook her head. Who was she standing up for? It wasn't herself, that was for sure. Something was trying to manipulate her from within her own head, and though she was unable to determine exactly what it was, she knew that she would figure it out eventually. And this eventually had better come soon, because she was looking forward to making the manipulator pay.

Raven looked around before closing her eyes. The first thing to do would be to figure out just where she was, and then she would worry about making her way to Beast Boy and Cyborg. In her mind's eye, she pictured the landscape that surrounded her, the same landscape that she had been staring at for the past while, and imagined leaving the place.

After minutes of sitting in silence and waiting for something to happen, an image finally flashed to her. It was a vision of her own body, lying in a comatose state atop a small white, cot-like bed. There were white sheets and blankets gathered up around her, and she looked extremely pale. But this wasn't what she was looking for, so this didn't matter.

She dismissed the image and another replaced it almost instantly. This time, she viewed herself crossing a large plain – the same one that she was trapped within – and fading away through a portal that had appeared in front of her as she walked. Raven's eyes snapped open and she looked around, expecting to see the portal somewhere near her. The landscape however, hadn't changed in the least, except for a trail of footprints that Raven couldn't possibly have made.

The empath hesitated, unsure as to whether or not it would be safe to follow the path. After all, not everything that inhabited her mind was friendly; some things were everything but friendly. It was when the path began to fade that she realized she had no choice. This could be her only way out for a long time, and she didn't feel like being stuck for much longer.

Without any more hesitation, Raven quickly began down the path. She was carefully following the footprints, making sure she didn't stay and end up becoming lost. Finally she looked up and stared straight ahead, eager to see the portal that would take her from this hellish place. But she was still unable to view the portal. Was it really there? Or had her imagination simply been playing tricks on her because she was desperate?

But no, she could swear that she saw something of a yellowhue fluttering occasionally in the distance. It was almost as if someone had decided to fly a flag, and there it was blowing in the wind. But of course, there was no wind here, which meant that the orange thing was moving. She was beginning to become completely irrational with this random onslaught of thoughts flowing through her mind.

Raven frowned and tried to clear her head as she peered over the next ridge – she could have sworn that it had been a flat plain just moments before – and suddenly, a thought dawned on her. She had telekinetic powers – she could levitate. Wondering if her common sense was taking a holiday – how could she forget something so simple? – Raven rose up into the air with her eyes glowing a blinding white.

She floated toward the portal and her eyes widened slightly at the figure she spotted standing near to it. Of course! It made sense! Gliding over, Raven gently touched down on the ground next to her knowledgeable side. Theyellow robed figure simply smiled as she viewed the complete reflection of herself.

"We have missed you. Are you ready to emerge now?" the figure asked in a gentle voice that caused Raven to stare. They had missed her? Was she ready to emerge? What was going on? The empath frowned. This was some sort of conspiracy against her, it had to be.

"What are you talking about? 'Ready to emerge now,' I didn't choose to come here in the first place!" Raven exclaimed. Though she was trying to avoid showing outright anger, she was clearly annoyed at the daring shown by a figure who only existed as a personification of herself.

"Well, I suppose not, if you wanted to go into technicalities," theyellow robed doppelganger began, causing Raven to frown and peer at her suspiciously. "It was more of a collaborative choice that we – we being the different parts of you – made on our own." The girl braced herself as if expecting an outburst; she wasn't disappointed.

"You did what?" Raven exploded, her eyes flashing a dangerous red colour as she glared at Knowledge. How could they even dare to make a decision like that without her permission? It was bad enough that they insisted on driving her crazy, simply through their existence and interference in her life, but now they were controlling what her body did too? It was going too far!

"Calm down," the emotion said soothingly, "We only did it to help you." She seemed to genuinely be trying to help, but Raven wasn't interested in assistance from someone who was trying – and succeeding – to manipulate her.

"Help me? You did it to help me?" Raven shrieked; her eyes were now changing to a solid, blood red shade as her aura encompassed her. Rage had broken out of her tight bonds. The realm of Raven's mind would be in chaos for days, but the Gothic teen didn't care.

"How could rendering me unconscious possibly help me?" Her voice had gained a demonic tone as she demanded the answer from the cowering representative of intelligence.

"Calm down… Please. Allow me to explain," the emotion said gently. She was making strange gestures with her arms as she spoke and Raven found rationality slowly conquering her out of control emotions. Her form slowly returned to normal, though she was a few shades paler than she had been.

Knowledge walked quickly over and rested a comforting arm over Raven's shoulders, and the empath looked up, only to find that she was staring into the depths of her own violet eyes.

"What's wrong with me?" She finally asked, after a few long moments of uncomfortable silence.

"There's nothing wrong. You take everything the wrong way. It's actually very right, Raven. You just can't deal with it, for obvious reasons." Knowledge said. Raven figured that she made sense to herself, but to someone who had no clue as to what she was speaking about – someone like Raven herself – the emotion made no sense what-so-ever.

"What's veryright?" Raven asked softly, "And why can't I deal with it?"

Knowledge stared at her with what could only be disbelief. There was no way that Raven couldn't know what was causing this. After all, the girl had increased her meditation time because of it. Or maybe she just wanted to see if Knowledge would come right out and tell her, come right out and say just what was going on.

"You're in love, and you know it," the know-it-all side of Raven said softly. Raven looked up at her, her face completely void of emotion. However, it was apparent from the swirling sky above that Raven was conflicting with herself. She wouldn't admit to something like this – she couldn't admit to something like this.

"No." Raven said in a forceful voice as she turned and walked through the portal, not caring whether or not Knowledge followed her, though she knew that her double had without even looking back.

Instead, she surveyed her surroundings, smiling slightly as she looked around at the familiar territory, and then frowning when she realized just where she was. She was deep in the back of her own mind, a place she hated to tread, because it held memories that she hated to remember, and emotions that she hated having. One of which was the current tormentor, Anger.

The red robed figure turned and smiled as Raven came out of the portal, trying to look innocent, but failing to hide the malicious look in her four red eyes. "Hello," she said with a leer, her cape held out to cover something, but not quite able to hide the vivid pink that could only be Happy.

"Raven!" shrieked the voice of another one of Raven's most dreaded emotions as the pink robed figure flung herself out from behind and away from Anger, to instead cower behind Knowledge and Raven herself.

"Get back to where you belong," Raven growled at the emotion that represented everything she hated from her past, but she knew it wouldn't be enough. Anger was her most stubborn side after, well, Stubborn. And sure enough, all she received in response was a sarcastic smirk.

"I'd like to see you make me," the emotion replied. She didn't seem too worried, and Raven couldn't really blame her. The only way to really control the emotion was through meditation, and she really didn't have the time or patience to meditate at the moment.

"Leave Happy alone then, and Love too, if you come across her," Raven replied, defeated. The red-robed emotion continued to smirk.

"Or what?" She asked tauntingly. Raven thought a moment, and then smiled blandly.

"I'll set Confidence after you," she said. As expected, Anger looked horrified. Raven knew that she hated the brave emotion more than anything else, and didn't actually blame her. The green robed fighting machine rubbed on her own nerves more than Happy did.

"I'll behave," the figure hissed, looking back only once as she slowly retreated into the distance. Raven grinned triumphantly, but it didn't last. Her reverie was shattered by a phrase from Knowledge.

"They're in there," theyellow robed figure said plainly. Happy looked at the gateway to Raven's memories and raised an eyebrow, before vanishing into the ground. Apparently, she had no wish to know what they were talking about. She'd be told later anyway.

"How they could even dare…" Raven hissed. Staring into the swirling vortex, she could just see strange swirls of chrome, blue and green mixed into the blacks and grays. And occasionally, she spotted a shine of purest silver.

Robin looked around the recreation room curiously. Starfire was in the kitchen, looking through the refrigerator for something to eat, and no one else was in sight. If he thought about it, he hadn't seen Beast Boy or Cyborg for nearly 12 hours by the VCR clock. Now was probably the time to search for them.

He rose from his place on the couch and Starfire looked up, her peripheral vision picking up the movement instantly. "Something is wrong?" She asked gently.

Robin nodded, "Don't you find it strange that Cyborg and Beast Boy still haven't shown up to play video games, or at least argue over cooking dinner?" He asked the red haired alien girl.

Starfire nodded slowly, "Perhaps our friends are still visiting friend Raven? Or perhaps doing something in their own rooms?" She suggested. Always the optimist, Starfire wouldn't even think of the possibility that someone could be hurt or missing, unless it was proven that they actually were.

"Maybe we should check Star. They haven't been around for a while…" Robin said slowly. He didn't want to say anything that would suggest something bad, because Starfire would go from one extreme to another as quickly as you could say the word 'bad.'

Starfire looked at Robin curiously for a moment before nodding, "Alright. I shall check to see if they are with friend Raven, and also see if she has woken up yet." The girl said in a cheerful voice as she floated into the air and flew out of the room. Robin simply stared after her, wondering how she could summon the joy to fly at a time like this.

After a moment, he jerked himself from staring and headed toward the wing where Cyborg's and Beast Boy's bedrooms were located.

Author's Corner

This took me a while to update, but I have a few good excuses.

I write my ideas in a rough copy notebook when I'm at school. On Friday, I went to a friend's place and accidentally left the book behind. As a result, I couldn't write all weekend, and then I didn't get the book back until Wednesday.

It's cram time at school, and I have a zillion assignments to do. Most of which are due Monday. Then I have exams. Fun.

My brother is stupid and never lets me on the computer. Whoever created MapleStory should die. (Not that it's not a fun game.)

I've started two other fanfics. One is a one-shot, which probably won't be up for a while, and the other is going to be a few chapters long – probably about 9 – and have a sequel.

I'm basically nearing the end of this installment, and it's getting harder to write, because there are certain things I have to cover to tie up some ends. First chapters are easy; it's the endings that are difficult.

Anyway, those are my excuses. Another thing I wanted to mention was that I am going to make this story the beginning of a small trilogy, so the storyline will continue after this piece is complete.

To my reviewers…

Nevermoretheraven – I bet you didn't expect me to take this long. I didn't expect it either…

ConnArtist – I take that as a very high compliment! Thank you!

Hikari-Moriyaku – Yep yep, more coming right up.

A small advertisement

I started up a TT discussion and role play forum. Anyone interested should check my profile for links.

Completed – 13/01/2005

Uploaded – 13/01/2005