Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. It belongs to a bunch of creators atDC comics and some other people. How I wish I were that creative. :huggles a Raven plushie: Instead, I'm stuck using other people's characters and ideas to create stories. It's quite sad really…

Warning: Rated for potentially morbid content in later chapters. I have problems controlling what comes out of my mind…

Summary: Raven finds herself reflecting on her entire life, even her dreaded past. After a fight with a greatly hated foe, she finds herself not remembering the fight at all, and trapped in a void where nothing remains as she wants it to be, and anything she sees refuses to stay long enough for her to get a closer look. She also finds that she can hear the voices of her friends occasionally speaking, though their bodies never appear. Could she finally be losing it? Or is there something greater going on?

Help Me Whilst I Hide

Chapter 6 – Breakdown

A tremor shook the ground, its vibrations resounding throughout the sparse and barren ground of Raven's mind. The tremor meant danger, and was the only obvious cause for Knowledge's reaction – to wrap her yellow cloak tightly around her tiny body as a way of shielding her form from any sudden outbursts. The tremor had been a cause for alarm, a warning sign, warning of Raven becoming insecure and emotionally unstable.

The reasons behind this were obvious though. Raven had been locked inside her own mind by different manifestations of her own being, and all for one reason that Raven couldn't be quite sure she understood. How could she have fallen in love? It was the most ridiculous notion she had ever heard, and she would never admit to it. It couldn't happen. She couldn't love, she wasn't allowed to love.

She scowled and changed her focus to glare at the swirling figures that were showing within the frame of the archway before her. She could be patient, and wait for them to come to her. After all, there was no way that they'd dare to stay there any longer, especially knowing that she was standing on the other side. Yes, they'd come out in the next few minutes if they didn't want to die.

Knowledge frowned as she watched Raven. She was still holding her cape tightly around her, and her eyes spoke of the most extreme caution. She was staying silent and simply acting as an onlooker, wondering what would happen, should Love come out standing too close to a particular member of the small party through the portal.

She had spoken this over with Rationality before the lockdown had commenced, but it was still aggravating that Raven couldn't make peace with her own mind. The girl refused to admit that she was in love, and it was only going to bring her down in the end. Raven was on a one-way street, headed straight for a breakdown. As another tremor shook the area, Knowledge knew that it wouldn't be too long before it occurred.

The yellow robed figure sighed as she watched the gateway before her. They were coming out; it was too late to discuss anything further. Her eyes worriedly flew between the set expression on Raven's face, and the unsteady swirling of the portal, and as she analyzed them, she found herself unsure as to which was more disconcerting.

Beast Boy stared nervously through the portal, hesitant to cross the border that separated him from Raven. She was going to kill him, but maybe he wouldn't be alone in it. Maybe she'd kill Cyborg and Love as well. 'Love…' he glanced over at the emotion and frowned. She was turned only slightly, but it was just enough to restrict him from seeing the full of her face, and therefore making it impossible to make direct eye contact with her.

What was going on exactly? Did Love know something he didn't? She had been warm and friendly before, and suddenly, she was being as distant – though not quite as cold – as Raven normally was. Had he done something to upset her? It seemed impossible – she had made all the moves when it came to them and being close – but now she was acting as if none of it had ever happened, and it was confusing the hell out of him. Were girls always so damn hard to get along with? He had never really had problems with them before, but maybe it was different when the girl actually liked you?

He blinked and shuddered, forcing away the thought. Sure, Raven was pretty and, when she didn't want to throw him off of the Tower, she was actually quite sweet. But there was no way that she liked him. Not like that anyway. Hell, she could scarcely stand being in the same room as him for more then an hour. But then why had Love been acting in such a manner? She wasn't as companionable toward Cyborg, even going far enough to act as if the half-robot wasn't there for much of the time.

It was all so confusing! But one thing was for sure – Raven would want to kill him even more if she knew how close the Love emotion had been to him, and she'd probably try to kill the emotion as well… What a disaster that would be – it would leave Raven in a wreck, not to mention that his chances with her would end up being zero. Not that they weren't already there.

Beast Boy grimaced and tugged at forest green locks. What was he thinking? As if he ever had a chance with Raven anyway! It would only serve to disrupt the workings of the team, and make them more vulnerable – things like that got leaked to the media far too easily. Not to mention that Raven would kill him for even trying to ask her out – why did he keep dwelling on his own destruction?

It was then that he noticed that Love was tugging on his sleeve. Looking around, he realized that Cyborg must have already gone to face the music, because, well, he wasn't there. Squinting through the portal, Beast Boy thought that he recognized the blues and silvers that made up the tall half-robot Titan. Beast Boy turned his attention to Love and gulped audibly. 'She's going to kill me!'

"Come on, Beast Boy…" Love said in her soft tones. Was that what Raven would sound like if she didn't speak in a droning monotone all the time? He shook his head roughly at the thought. Now was not the time to think about Raven like that. It was stupid to think about Raven like that.

He gulped again as Love pulled him suddenly through the portal.

Raven felt her demon side stir at the anger she felt when Love emerged from the portal, leading Beast Boy by his sleeve. How dare she touch him! How dare they be that close! She forced down the stirring demon and took a few deep breaths. She would not lose control… She would not lose control…

'Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos…' she thought to herself as she breathed. Robin would kill her if she seriously injured Beast Boy – he'd probably send her to jail – so she had to control herself. 'Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos…' Beast Boy was so dead.

"Why are you here?" she growled softly at Beast Boy. She was ignoring Cyborg all together. While she had no doubt that he must have had something to do with the total disregard of her privacy, but Beast Boy was her main concern. She knew that he had obviously been too close to Love, but this was more than she expected.

"W-we were wo-worried about you, Rae…" Beast Boy stuttered softly. Raven's glare intensified. He dared to use a nickname now? Beast Boy must have noticed the change in her look, because he backed away quickly and muttered, "I mean, Raven… Not Rae…"

She continued to stare him down, "That's no reason to invade my privacy!" she growled. She had to admit though; she was somewhat surprised that they would worry so much. Though she strongly figured it was only because the team was short a member, and therefore more vulnerable that way – it was all for the team.

"You're in here, meaning you went into my room, playing with my meditation mirror again, and wandered around through my mind until you found my memories! Not to mention that you've somehow managed to bewitch one of my emotions!" her eyes flared blood red as she spoke, and she couldn't help but notice that Beast Boy had backed further away.

Something grabbed her arm suddenly and she turned her head to find herself face to face with Knowledge. The yellow cloaked emotion was gripping her arm in one of her small hands and Raven frowned at her in a manner that was almost angry, as she jerked her arm back to her side. A rumble resounded through the area, followed by a streak of black lightning, high above their heads. Beast Boy let out a soft shriek.

"What was that?" he asked, backing against Cyborg. The half-robot simply pushed him away, before turning to approach Raven. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him, too startled by the sudden action to react.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly. He'd learned enough about Raven the last time that they had trespassed into her mind, to know that the patterns of the ground and sky simply weren't as they usually were in this… void.

"Fine…" Raven muttered in response. She backed carefully away from Cyborg's hand, and then turned from Knowledge's eyes, which brought her face to face with Love. She stared at the silver caped version of herself for a moment before forcing her eyes away. "I need to speak with you," the dreary monotone was back, with a slight edge to it. Love whimpered slightly and nodded.

Raven slowly led the emotion away from the group, turning to face her once they were out of earshot. She was furious, boiling with a rage that she knew she was unable to release. She winced as a large stone arch creaked and fell to the ground some distance behind them.

Love put one of her hands over Raven's trembling ones, "We love him," she said softly. "Please, stop denying it…" Raven shook her head roughly. Love was too strong, and an emotion that strong was never allowed to come through – it was forbidden. This was too overwhelming, far too overwhelming for her to deal with. How could you control an emotion that you knew was working so actively against you? How could you fight against an emotion that you so wanted to welcome? An emotion you admitted to having?

She closed her eyes and fell to her knees, tears appearing at the corners of her eyes. Why did she have to be so weak? She shook her head and the tears began to fall. Black energy snared around her as they fell and she struggled to stop them. She'd destroy the Tower if she didn't. But still they fell, unable to stop as years and years of holding back emotions flowed free. Years of heartache and betrayal, everything that she had ever wanted to cry about, she cried for now.

She was barely aware of the bodies that crowded in around her, trying to bring her comfort, calling her name in soft tones. She could feel hands on her body, trying to soothe her, and then she heard screams, the screams of people being attacked by her powers. She had to stop, but couldn't…

It ended with the rushing sound of water, and then she heard nothing at all.

Robin entered the infirmary quietly and looked toward the small, diminutive form that was Raven. She seemed to be calm, despite the occasional flit of expression across her slumbering features. He frowned suddenly, upon realization of what he was seeing. Expressions? But where were they coming from? Subconscious dreams? He approached the side of the cot and placed his hand over hers. True, she'd kill him if she was awake, but he felt, somehow, that she needed something.

It was a strange feeling, really, to feel like someone without consciousness needed you around. Did Raven even realize that she was unconscious? Did she realize how much she was needed as a member of the team? He shook his head at how selfish the thought had sounded. Raven was a friend – a good friend – he couldn't think of her as just a team member.

He sighed and removed his hand from hers. He was being stupid; she couldn't know that he was there. Or could she? He watched as her features twitched again, and again. He then frowned as her face twisted and her eyes flickered open, in a glare the shade of fresh blood.

"Raven?" he exclaimed in a loud, questioning tone, almost expecting her to respond. Instead, however, the girl's eyes simply slid closed again. He frowned and examined the monitors that occupied the wall above Raven's head. Nothing was reading any different except for…

He gasped as the computers started beeping, and the images on the monitor screens began flashing in an irregular pattern as Raven convulsed slightly. Staring at her and trying to slow his own rapidly beating heart – she couldn't die! – Robin openly gaped at what he saw.

Wet streaks, and small dots of wet had begun to form on Raven's cheeks and pillow, and tears were trailing off of her face into her short lilac hair. Raven was crying. As suddenly as he had noticed this, he noticed something else – her Chakra, her powers, were responding to the outburst of emotion. A torrent of the half-demon girl's black aura was spinning outward from the jewel, ruining everything it touched.

Instinct struck and Robin threw his cape up protectively around his form in an effort to protect himself from the onslaught, but it was to no avail. He screamed and collapsed, unconscious from the force of his collision with the steel wall.

"Friend Beast Boy?" called Starfire, her voice edged with worry, but also curiousity, as she floated through the corridors of the Tower. "Friend Cyborg?" she had been looking for the pair of Titans for quite some time now. She had been unable to find them in either of their bedrooms, on the roof or in the garage, and so, she had resorted to floating through the corridors, calling for her two lost team mates.

It also worried her that she hadn't seen Robin while on her search. True, he could be looking in other places and those places hadn't caused their paths to cross, but even so… She found it strange that they could go for so long without seeing each other, and still be in the same building, and doing the same activity – looking for their friends.

Then it hit her, 'The infirmary! Robin must be there, keeping in the company of friend Raven!' her path decided, Starfire spun in the air and began to head for the infirmary. Perhaps Robin was taking so long because Raven had awoken? Or maybe he had found Cyborg and Beast Boy? Both were possibilities, and the awakening of Raven would be a reason for celebration.

Her hopes were dashed, however, when she heard Robin's pained scream resound throughout the Tower.

Author's Corner

My writer's block is gone! I started writing last night and well… I haven't exactly been able to stop, but I had to hold myself back for this chapter, or else it would have ended up being two chapters and… Yeah. But my hands are itching to write, so it can only be a good thing for you. :)

To my reviewers…

hey – Thank you:)

Murakio – Yay! Thanks :)

samuraiduck27 – Thank you

nevermoretheraven – I realize that now, and I've fixed it in chapter 5… And yeah, writer's block really sucks x.x

Sparrowing – Thank you

Nightingale628 - :D And thank you, it's great to know that someone thinks that highly of one of my pieces of writing

TDG3RD – It wasn't so bad. Beast Boy still might find himself dead though… XD And thank you so much for taking the time to actually e-mail me! It means a lot :) I'm glad you like the way that I've been writing the characters :)

chex mix – Thanks

The Foolish Immortal – Umm… I'm sorry? Don't kill me! Please!

Completed – 05/04/2005

Uploaded – 05/04/2005