Disclaimer: These characters belong to the writers of Queer as Folk
"That's great. Just don't expect me to miss you. I don't miss people, it's the same weakness as regret. Same category. Same genre. Same shit."
"Everybody misses someone, it's what makes them human, it's what makes them vulnerable."
"Fucking makes people vulnerable. What more vulnerable time is there than when you're staring straight into the face of some guy that has hit his peak? Even the toughest of bastards can look like princesses when they're about to blow."
Justin thought about this. Debating with Brian always fired him up and plunged him head first into a dramatic series of emotions. They saw so many things differently, he was so…cynical and Justin was so emotionally driven, creating the perfect recipe for disagreement.
Justin sighed, standing up. "I've gotta go. I'm uh…just going to buy some more art supplies. I'll be back soon."
He planted a hurried kiss on his lover's head, not expecting affection in return, though partly wishing Brian would surprise him. He gave a sad smile before grabbing his jacket and turning on his heels and exiting the loft.
Brian lay on the floor of his apartment, his black shirt undone, his grey suit pants hung loosely around his waist, the slightest hint of a white waistband from his underwear peeking through at the top. He took a deep drag of the cigarette that was dangling from his mouth, before retrieving it with his fingers and putting it out on the newspaper that was next to his head.
Fuck this.
He closed his eyes and remained silent, his steady breathing was all that could be heard throughout the whole of the loft. Occasionally, the soft murmur of a passing car or truck was audible, but that had no threat of interference with Brian's thoughts.
The door of the loft suddenly opened, but Brian refused to move.
"You know, I was on my way here, and…and this idiot kid runs past and throws his God damn milkshake at me! And it was strawberry flavored too, just spread peanut butter on me and I will smell like a primary school kid. I'm borrowing a sh…Brian?"
Michael's question lingered in the air. He looked at his life companion lying on the floor, motionless. He wasn't sure what to make of it. He always does stupid attention seeking crap like this.
He nudged Brian with his foot. "Get up you lazy shit, I need a shirt. Brian!"
Brian, still lay there. He had no intention of moving. He tried to keep his breathing extremely slow and regular, hoping that Mikey wouldn't see his chest rising up and down.
Panic suddenly hit Michael as he dropped to his knees and brought his face close to Brian's. Brian held his breath.
"C'mon Brian, don't be a dick. I know you're there."
He hovered his palm over Brian's mouth, but couldn't feel any air.
Shit.
His hand was quickly snatched out of the way and he was suddenly pulled into a brief kiss, which he struggled and broke out of.
"Fuckin asshole." He scowled at Brian, who in return, lit up another cigarette.
A smug smile surfaced across his face.
"So…can I borrow a shirt off you? I'm just heading to the diner now."
"Nothing wrong with a bit of milk. Milk is actually nutritional."
Michael jumped up and walked over to Brian's closet. He took a plain white shirt out and put it on, scrunching up his soiled t-shirt and placing it in the bag he'd brought. He then resumed his position on the floor and lay next to Brian. They remained there silently for a few seconds, until the phone rang.
Mikey sat up. "Are you gonna answer that?"
The ringing echoed through the vast space, exaggerating the piercing noise.
"No. Answering machine."
After the phone rang several times, the beep of the answering machine could be heard.
"Uh Brian…Oh God. It's Emmett here."
"How the hell did he get this number?" Brian questioned.
"Shut up" Mikey replied as they continued to listen to Emmett's message of distress.
"It's…its…Justin." His voice sounded grave, causing Brian to finally sit up. He and Michael remained frozen in fear of what was to be said next.
"He was outside the diner and there was a car…oh God, just get down here, we know you're there. He is…" Emmett's sobbing ended the message. The machine clicked.
Brian ran his hand through his hair and breathed out. Both he and Michael were lost for words. The shock left them sitting on the floor of the loft quietly before realizing after a few minutes what they had just heard.
Mikey widened his eyes as heglanced at Brian. "Shit."
Brian watched the casket lower into the ground. The freezing air stung his face as he stood there, amongst his friends, watching what could be the only person he would ever love disappear. He wouldn't break down. Not here. Not with anyone.
The tears in his eyes fogged his vision and he closed his eyes, entrapping both his tears and the memories inside the blackness.
"It's funny. He got a baseball bat to the head. That didn't do it. He was part of a gang. That didn't do it…but it takes someone that doesn't even know him and never will to fucking end him. It's fucking hilarious." Brian said coldly.
Everyone knew that he was hurting, but in true Brian Kinney fashion, they knew that they had no chance of abseiling over the stone fortress he had built around himselfyears ago.
The snow lightly fell and settled on the white flowers that rested on the casket.
Brian felt Michael's hand in his, and heard him whisper in his ear.
"I know you don't believe in love, but this was the closest damn thing to it for you. I know it doesn't matter to you, but I'm just letting you know that like always, I am here."
Brian gripped his best friends hand tightly as he battled with every fibre of his being to fight back tears. He did, successfully.
"See you, Sunshine."
Brian's eyes snapped open. He was at the table in his apartment, Justin was sitting oppsosite him.
Justin sighed, standing up. "I've gotta go. I'm uh…just going to buy some more art supplies. I'll be back soon."
He leaned forward to plant a kiss on Brian's head, when Brian moved to catch Justin's mouth with his own.
"You don't need to go anywhere."
"I'll be back soon, chill out, Dad." Justin scoffed.
Brian pulled Justin by the arms close to him, causing Justin to land on his lap. He wrapped his arms around the Boys waist and kissed the back of his neck.
Justin turned his head to face his lover.
"What's wrong?"
Brian silenced him with a deep kiss, knowing that if he let go of him now, he would have to let go forever. Just keep him here, whatever you do.
The door opened and Michael stormed in, before abruptly stopping.
"I know I am interrupting but, you know, I was on my way here, and…and this idiot kid runs past and throws his God damn milkshake at me! And it was strawberry flavored too, just spread peanut butter on me and I will smell like a primary school kid. I'm borrowing a shirt!"
Michael passed the two and entered the bedroom, ruffling through Brian's closet.
"White shirt." Brian whispered to Justin.
A confused look inhabited Justin's face as Michael walked out wearing the same shirt described by his friend.
"How did you know that?" Justin asked.
Brian sighed "I guess I just know him too fucking well."