( D i s c l a i m e r ) nope
( Au t h o r' s N o t e ) Sorry it's been so long. Just want to say a big "thank you!" to my reviewers, especially Kirate. Your reviews are so inspiring. Also, I think this story officially has a theme song. I've been listening to it as I write. It's called "One Life" and it's from the FLCL soundtrack. The lyrics kind of sound like Davis's situation. Anyway, you can download it here, if you have Win-Zip:
anime . therisenrealm . com / ost-flcl .html #FLCL
And I kind of don't like this chapter. Everything I write for this story is entirely influenced by what I read. TK sounds like Gatsby, and Kari sounds like Kagome from Resmiranda's Fugue.
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Sunlight bit at her eyelids, speaking to them in an unspoken language, tempting them to open. She groaned and turned away from the sun, wondering idly at the strange papery texture of her pillow. Rational thought was not an option this early in the morning, as she was rapidly discovering. Yawning, she gave into the complete dissolution of her resolve and signed her soul over once again to the lovely world of unconsciousness.
She was just about to drift off when something bit into her leg. Shooting upright immediately, she glared down at the perpetrator through bleary eyes. Stifling a growl she attempted to rub the sleep from her eyes and found her cat staring up at her with wide unblinking eyes. At her feet was her food dish, empty except for a few stray crumbs. Kari shoved some strands of hair back from her eyes, which did nothing to help her disheveled sleep-worn appearance. The cat was so hungry; it was going to risk its life by waking her? She supposed that was a feat worth a can of cat food.
Pulling herself albeit reluctantly from her chair, she glanced down in dismay at the Chemistry notes she'd fallen asleep on. She hadn't gotten any studying done after all. Sighing, she realized she'd been wearing the same thing for way too long, stripped off the stale clothes and threw on something else. Collecting her school things and tossing them carelessly into her backpack, she allowed herself a moment – ok several moments – of inner angst about how little preparing she had done for finals. She had to find out what was preventing her from studying and soon, before she wound up mopping the floors at a fast food restaurant while all of her friends became lawyers and doctors and marine biologists. Finals were next week and she had done nothing to get ready for them as of yet.
As much as she hated, loathed, detested, abhorred, despised admitting it, her lack of studying probably had a great deal to do with Davis. In all honestly, her lack of studying probably was entirely because of Davis. But somehow she really couldn't help it. The distraction was so completely welcome – such a lovely little detour on her walk through life. Whenever she was with Davis she felt like a bird being let out of its cage, and she would do anything to hold on to that feeling. She lived for that feeling. But, she lamented with a heavy heart, a cute boy with an adorable smile and the ability to give her insides that… feeling was no good reason to fail sophomore year. She'd just have to spend a little less time with Davis, as much as it might hurt.
Hoisting her backpack over her shoulder and smoothing out her hair, she trudged into the kitchen unable to stifle a yawn. Immediately, before rational thought even registered, she reached out and snatched a cold pop tart, shoving half of it into her mouth. She never remembered being this completely ravenous before. It was sort of unsettling – characteristic Tai behavior. Plopping down next to her mother, who was essentially walled in behind her morning newspaper, she wondered at the absence of her brother. Usually he was comatose at this time in the morning, half-collapsed against the table in some strange combination of eating and sleeping at the same time. All that could be seen of him was a huge mop of brown hair. He was typically still in this state by when she left, as his school started relatively later than hers.
A thought struck her and she paused in terror, pop tart half hanging out of her mouth, "Mom?" she asked apprehensively, "What time is it?"
"8:17!" her mother replied cheerfully, sweeping the newspaper-wall from between them, gracing her daughter with a smile.
"What?" Kari all but screamed as she flew out of her chair, "School started at 7:30! Why didn't you wake me up? If the cat hadn't mauled my leg I would have slept till noon!"
Her mother countered by widening her smile and offering a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders, "You were out late. I always hated it when I had a rough night and my mom wouldn't let me sleep an extra couple of minutes. Besides you looked so peaceful."
"Mom…" she whined, as she rushed to simultaneously collect her belongings and brush her teeth, "Stop being so cool."
"As soon as you stop being such a worry wart," her mother shot back, still all smiles as she took a long, languid sip of her coffee.
On her way out the door Kari stopped in front of her mother, unable to stop a smile in return, "It's a deal," she said, pecking her mother on the cheek, "You just better hold up your end of the bargain!"
Mrs. Kamiya laughed and shook her head, trying to figure out if she should be happy for her daughter or extremely worried. Kari slammed the door behind her, and a still hungry cat stared sadly at its empty bowl.
Kari bound down the steps, trying desperately not to drop anything she was holding. She shut her eyes and resisted glancing at her watch, knowing that what she saw would do nothing but disappoint and perhaps even mortify. Missing out on a few study sessions she could deal with – but this was crazy. Not only was she an hour late yesterday, but it looked like she was going to suffer the same fate today. All she could do was pray that no wary administrator decided to call her parents. She was lucky enough that it hadn't happened the day before. Sighing, she stopped at the door and made a decision with a heavy heart. TK was right, being around Davis got her carried away, and that was dangerous. She was just going to have to tell Davis that all further communications were to be limited to emergencies – or at least until finals were over. As much as she hated it, it was for the best.
As she reached the bottom of the steps, panting and fighting off the beginnings of a stress headache, she could not stop a smile at the sight that greeted her. The innocence of Davis's sleeping face was always too endearing to ignore. Making her way over to the bench where he dozed, she allowed herself a few minutes of silent reverie, trying to memorize the scene as if she'd never see him again.
She clamped her eyes shut and shook her head as she felt her resolve slip soundlessly away. No. She had to do this. She had to.
"Davis," she called softly, shaking him by the shoulders. He groaned but didn't wake, so she shook him again for good measure.
" 'Kay mum, cut it out already. I'm up, I'm up," he slurred groggily, swatting at her hands. His eyes slipped open and he was almost scared at the sight that greeted him. There was Kari, bathed in a halo of bright morning light. "Am I dead?" he asked.
She plopped down next to him on the bench and stared ahead blankly, avoiding his gaze, "No," she answered, "You're just tired… but somehow I think you'll live."
He smiled and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, attempting to eradicate the last traces of drowsiness from the corners of his mind. A thought struck him and he checked both of his wrists repeatedly only to find that he wasn't wearing a watch, "I'm not too late am I? When I left my place it was already pushing 7."
Propping her head up on her hands, she offered the asphalt at her feet a sad smile, "You waited for me," she whispered.
"Of course I did!" he replied with a toothy grin, laying a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "Why wouldn't I?"
For the first time since he woke up she turned to face him, eyes sad and wide, "Because if you'd just gone to school, you wouldn't have been late. You would be fine. I'd be fine."
His brows furrowed in confusion and he got the distinct feeling in his gut that he wasn't going to like how this conversation ended, "Kari, what are you trying to say?"
She sighed, "It's 8:35."
On the outside he stayed calm and confident and nonchalant but on the inside there was pure bedlam. He bit back a cringe thinking of the call his parents were probably going to get tonight – and more importantly their reaction to it. It seemed he was going to be grounded even if Jun didn't spill her guts, "So?" he replied, concern showing through his worry, "Kari, that doesn't matter to me, you know it doesn't. I do this for you, because you're my friend, and I care about you. It sounds stupid and cheesy, but it's the truth. Now are you ready to tell me what's really bothering you?"
"Davis," she started, voice strained and it was evident to him that it was hard for her to say it, "I think we need to take a break for a while."
Out of all of the things he expected her to say, that was very low on the list, "Kari, I'm not sure I understand."
She sighed and swallowed, collecting her thoughts, "Your friendship means a lot to me, and hanging out with you is always fun. But there's more to life than just fun. We all have responsibilities."
"I… know that," he said quietly.
Guilt waved over her, knowing that she'd saddened him, "Davis, sometimes I wish I could be like you, and just take everything as it comes to me. I wish I could have the courage to live on impulse and just do what I want," she paused and stood, shouldering her bag, "But I just can't do it, Davis. I'm sorry."
He sat there for a long time after she left, wondering if it had all been a dream to begin with.
"Kari, are you ok?" she heard someone – TK – ask from behind her.
Without turning to look at him, she shoved a few books into her locker and sighed. This had been one of the worst days of her life; there was no doubt in her mind. She was starting to question whether or not what she'd said to Davis that morning was a mistake. He'd finally arrived at school around third period, miserable and moping. She could tell he was trying to hide it though. He didn't want her to feel guilty, and that confused her more than anything.
"Yeah TK, I'm fine," she muttered back, hoisting her backpack onto her shoulder.
"You're lying," he accused half-playfully, although there was an underlying concern in his words.
"You're delusional," she shot back, pasting on a smirk.
"Whoa," he said, eyebrows raised, "shot to the heart."
"What can I say?" she asked jokingly, but on the inside, regret settled in deep around her lungs, weighted her heart, and made it hard to breathe.
"Let's go," he said with his patented charming, perfect, beautiful, begging-to-be-brought-home-to-mother smile, and looped a friendly arm around her shoulders.
She closed her eyes, sighed, and forgot to fight it when he threw her book-heavy pink bag over his shoulder.
"Say Kari," he began tentatively, when they'd been walking a while, "I don't think you should be alone right now. Why don't you come over? Mom hasn't seen you in forever; she's starting to complain, and we can get a jump-start on that studying. Or not. It's all the same to me."
Pulling away from him, she rubbed her balled up fists in her eyes and her tired mind tried to make sense of his words. Behind them, Yolei and Cody bumbled on, talking about – something. She strained her eyes to see, was Davis there too?
"Kari?" TK's voice was muted and muffled. It felt like her ears were stuffed with cotton.
Where was Davis? Did he have soccer today? Detention? Was he in trouble for being late? Was he sick? Was he still at school? Was he avoiding her? Was he-?
"Kari…" once again, TK broke into the shell of her mind, interrupting her mid-thought, "You don't have to if you don't want."
He had asked her over, hadn't he? Hadn't he?
"No, I want to," she said quickly, straining to see if anyone – Davis – was walking across the street, "I'm just – I've just… I've got a lot on my mind is all."
He nodded, and led her up the steps to his apartment. As he unlocked the door, she thought of how long it'd been since she'd since his mother. Once, they'd been such close friends. With a blush, she stumbled back into reality, just a little. In the doorway, she adjusted her pretty pink dress, smoothed her soft brown hair, and tucked it behind her cute little pink barrette. When TK wasn't looking, she pulled her stockings up from where they'd pooled comfortably at her ankles. God, she'd the textbook definition of a mess lately. …Why hadn't Davis said anything? Had he even noticed?
As Kari stepped through the threshold, she was greeted enthusiastically with hugs and kisses from Nancy. After a bit, she pulled away, and held Kari at arms' length, examining her closely.
Finally, Nancy broke into a smile, "You get cuter every time I see you!" she said, enthused, "Oh, how I've missed having you around. You've always been like a daughter to me."
"I'm sorry," Kari said with a slight bow, wishing her bangs were loose so she could hide her eyes, "It's all my fault."
"Don't apologize," Nancy said, giving her a playful pinch on the cheek, "It doesn't matter how long you've been away. You're still our Kari."
For the first time all day Kari felt loved. And she liked it.
In the cheap fluorescent light of the cramped little kitchen, her and Nancy had tea, and talked like old times. TK was invited too, of course, as a polite gesture, but he saw through their feigned pleadings and bumbled off to do something else, somewhere else.
"So," Nancy said after a while, breaking into the comfortable silence, "We've talked all about me and not even a word concerning yourself. Tell me how you've been."
Kari stared down into her tea like it held the secrets of the universe, and could hardly think of anything to say, "Well," she started amicably, "I've been all right. Nothing too exciting."
Yeah, nothing. Nothing besides, well, everything.
"That's the biggest lie I've ever heard," Nancy said with a chuckle, leaning on her elbows.
Kari giggled, and straightened her hair. God, she hated that barrette, "I'm not quite sure how to explain," she began tentatively, tapping her fingers against the porcelain cup, "I've been spending a lot of time with a certain friend lately. It's been really fun," she could help but smile… brilliantly, "more fun than I think I've ever had in my entire life. It's almost addicting, you know?" her face fell, "but at the same time distracting, so very distracting. This morning, I realized I hadn't gotten any studying done for finals, and that I'd been late to school and inattentive. I made a choice. I told him that I couldn't do it anymore."
By this point it could be plainly seen that Kari was about to burst into tears. For the billionth time she wished her bangs were in her face. Why did she even wear that stupid barrette anyway? Because it was pretty? Because it was neat and tidy?
She sniffled fiercely and stared daggers at her hands, tightly clasped around the cup, as if they had caused her melancholy and weakness. Distantly, she felt Nancy's soothing fingers on her shoulder.
"Kari," she started, voice shaky. Her eyes were bright and shining with tears of empathy, and somehow, Kari perceived that Nancy knew every bit of the story, spoken and unspoken, "Is this what you want?" she asked, and Kari's head spun thinking of all the hidden layers to the question.
"No," she answered truthfully, "Not at all."
"What do you want?"
Davis, her mind thought automatically, "To pass finals," is what her mouth said.
Nancy's brow creased with disapproval, and she leaned back in her chair, "Do finals make you feel like he makes you feel?"
"No!" Kari admitted, heart bare and weak and vulnerable and breaking, "Nothing makes me feel the way he makes me feel, and it… it scares me."
Nancy smiled with pride, and put her arms around Kari's shoulders, "You have to make a choice," she whispered slowly, "Are you going to be scared and miserable, or are you going to be strong and do what you want?"
Kari pulled away slowly, and found herself drowning in Nancy's warm and inviting eyes, "I don't know," she said finally, with a morose chuckle, "I don't even know."
TK chose this moment to come strolling back into the kitchen, nonchalant and still damp and smelling delightful from the shower. As he ducked into the fridge, Kari wiped frantically at her puffy eyes, feeling inexplicably embarrassed.
"What do you say, Kari?" he said, popping open a soda he'd retrieved, "Want to get started on that studying?"
"Okay," she consented, with a cheerful little smile. She hopped off the stool like a child, brought her cup to the sink, and thanked Nancy for the tea.
As TK disappeared once again into the living room, Nancy caught Kari by the wrist for one last whispered comment, "You know, you'll always be a daughter to me, even if you're not my daughter-in-law."
Kari gaped at her like a trout, but Nancy just snickered and vanished into the hallway.
"…What is the atomic weight of Cobalt?" he asked, brows furrowed cutely in thought, as he read out of the Chemistry book.
"Uh… 3?" she answered, brain so frazzled she was considering conjuring the nonexistent gods of Chemistry.
"…Or 58.9332," he corrected.
"That was my next guess," she said, flopping over onto her back, attempting to make snow angels on the rug. Or wouldn't they be rug angels?
He sighed and tossed the book aside, and she swore for a second she heard the coffee table audibly crack a bit where it landed.
"Why don't we try something else? How about Algebra? Try factoring this trinomial: 25x² – 120x + 144."
She found herself wondering if polynomials had feelings too, and if it was possible to ignore one until it felt offended and went away.
He quite accurately took her silence as a resounding, "I've no idea" and began to explain, "You see Kari, it's actually simple when you get down to it. A trinomial is when the first and last terms are squared. The square root of 25 is 5 and the square root of 144 is 12. Now, because of the formula (a – b)² is equal to(a² – 2ab + b²), we know the answer is (5x – 12)². It checks."
No, polynomials had no feelings at all. None. They were cold, merciless, horrible creatures.
"I have an idea!" she said, "Let's do something fun."
"Like what?" he asked warily, searching for his calculator.
"Like anything," she said playfully, inching over to him, and sliding the Algebra book off of his lap, "except for this."
"Well," he pondered, "then there's always history. I really need to brush up on the Tokugawa shogunate–"
"Not… that."
"Well then what?" he asked, slightly confused.
"Let's take a break," she suggested, secretly hiding his vocabulary book under the couch while he wasn't looking.
"Okay," he said, seeming to catch her drift, "We'll talk. How was your day?"
She instantly thought of that morning, and the memory sent little stinging pinpricks all over her heart, "Amazing," she eventually lied.
"Oh really?" he asked with a yawn, "What made it so… amazing?"
"Well," she started, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, "I flew to Madagascar fourth period, and defeated a stampede of starving monkeys armed only with a paperclip, a half-roasted marshmallow, and my sanity. When I returned I was awarded the Medal of Honor by the prime minister of Canada, and got to fly back to school on his private jet. All in all, I think it was a pretty productive day."
Two feet away, TK stared at her in something akin to horror, "That's weird, because all I did today was take a math test."
Kari smiled, brilliantly, and tackled him to the floor, "Thanks," she said, happiness shining in her eyes "Thank you so much."
Finally, she got up, and almost tripped over the line between him and her, the one that neither of them would ever find a way to cross, no matter how much time they spent trying.
Frantically, she dug around for her stuff, and he lay on the floor half-shocked and half-bewildered. As she struggled with her shoes, he pulled himself to his feet.
"Kari?" he asked, buried in her state of frenzy, "where are you going?"
"Somewhere I should have gone a long time ago," she answered cryptically, smile widening with every second.
He barely caught her as she threw open the door, "Kari! What's gotten into you?" he pleaded.
For the first time since she'd jumped on him, she stopped. Her eyes were wide and sad and apologetic. She laid a palm against his cheek, "Thank you, TK. You've helped me find something I never would have found on my own."
As she turned and ran, he didn't know whether it was a good thing or a bad thing.
"TK," she whispered into the unhearing darkness, "This is a me you'll never know."
"...This is a me you never can know."
To be continued.