Power Outage
Link had been walking for a while, and had wandered outside of the fortress.
He sighed as he stared at his reflection in a puddle of well-he wasn't quite sure what it was, but oh well. He had been watching his nose bleed for the past five minutes in the puddle, wondering what to do next.
His pocket vibrated.
"WHAT THE HELL?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out Tetra's stone, grumbling, "Man Tetra, you're like a hemorrhoid! But at least with a hemorrhoid you can just stick medicine on your ass and it leaves you alone! But nothing I put my ass will make you go away will it?" Link asked the stone.
"Uh, ok... I really don't want to know about ANYTHING you shoved up your ass, ok? Well, ANYWAY, in case you haven't noticed, the pig creatures are using those giant search lights to try to catch you! You should shut them down!" Tetra's voice said.
"And how, exactly, do you propose I do that?"
Link heard Tetra sigh, "You'll think of something."
"You aren't much help, do you know that?" Link questioned irritably as he pocketed the stone.
The boy walked about blindly, trying to find where he could turn off a searchlight.
His fists clenched as he talked to himself. Link continued along up a slope humming "Jenny From the Block," and when he finally got to the top, there was a ladder, which he slowly climbed. At the top of that was one light thingy machine.
"YES!" Link yelled, and began dancing like NSYNC.
"Graa!" a pig creature like the one before jumped out in front of him with a stick.
"OoOOooh, a stiiiiIIIIiiick, I'm so scaaAAAaared, oh GooooOOOoood, save me, save me!" Link said sarcastically as he laughed.
A minute or so later, Link was pinned to the ground by the animal as he was being mercilessly beaten on the head with its stick.
"AH! I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! OW! NO FAIR! I DON'T HAVE ANY STICKS, OR MY SWORD! CHEATER!"
Link struggled to escape the pig and his stick, but there was only one way...
Link kicked him straight in the crotch, grabbed the stick, then broke it over the bokoblin's head. The creature screeched and exploded into purple smoke, making Link cough.
"Ew... Wonder what that was..."
He continued along, each time getting bashed in the head with a stick, then turning off the lights.
Soon they were all turned off.
"Well," Link said, standing near the last light, swaying dizzily from the blows to the head, "I did it! I kick ass hard! Yeah baby!"
He started to walk, but stopped.
"Well, I just need to know what to do now."
He looked at the sky, thinking, when his pocket rumbled, causing him to fall down.
"AH!"
"Make your way to the top!" Tetra's voice called.
"Know-it-all!" Link barked, "You act like I'm stupid or something! I'm not stupid! I'm capable of doing this whole damn thing on my own!"
Tetra laughed, "That's veeery funny Link. Indeed. I sure hope that was a joke! You can't be serious!"
He blushed.
"That was not funny! Not funny at all!" he said.
But there was no reply, so Link continued his way through the perilous fortress.