Sailing

"Uhn... Am I alive...? W-what happened...?" Link muttered as he awoke feeling dizzy and sore.

He rubbed his eyes, because everything was blurry.

"You finally came around," a voice said.

It wasn't Tetra's. It was obviously a man's voice.

"Eh..." Link grumbled.

"Pull yourself together!"

"Who is it?" he grumbled as he pulled himself into a standing position.

"I did."

Link fell back down again when the boat turned its head around to look him in the eye.

"Oh my God, I AM dead! Or maybe I'm alive, and I got bumped in the head really, REALLY hard!"

"No, you're not dead, your nose is bleeding. You're not crazy either, just stupid. Well, anyway, my name is The King of Red Lions."

"HAH! YOU AREN'T REAL! HALLUCINATIONS ALWAYS DENY THAT THEY'RE HALLUCINATIONS!" Link exclaimed.

"Aren't you grateful that I saved YOUR LIFE?" the boat said.

"What?" Link asked.

"I witnessed the whole, entire thing."

"You did? What did you see?" Link was curious now.

Had this weirdo been stalking him? I mean, Gonzo was bad enough, but now this lunatic?

"Everything. Such an attempt was courageous, yet foolish..." The boat said.

"Foolish! I am NOT foolish!" Link replied loudly, crossing his arms.

"So, anyway, you were just floating their, unconscious with your nose bleeding, so I came and rescued you, then I brought you here. It's all very simple, you see."

"What about my sister?"

"She remains imprisoned," The King of Red Lions said with a sigh.

"Damn!" Link cursed quietly, staring at the water with a frown.

"That man you saw..."

"The fat guy?" Link asked.

"Yes." The boat replied.

"Soooo...?"

"He's behind all of this. His name is Ganondorf, and he's responsible for the bird, the captured girls, even the way the world is today!"

"I'm starting to lose it... I really got banged in the head pretty damn hard..." Link moaned, rubbing his soar head and closing his eyes.

"You did NOT, I repeat, DID NOT get hit in the head with anything but a few sticks. And maybe the wall. And some more sticks. Oh yeah, and you also hit the floor a few times. Well, anyway, I understand this is all a little much to handle, but you are overreacting."

"Oh, OH, so I'M overreacting, am I? NOTHING LIKE THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU! AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU'RE JUST SOME DERANGED HALLUCINATION!" Link cried.

"YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRAT! DO YOU TREAT EVERYONE LIKE THIS? I SAVED YOUR LIFE, AND YOU GAB MY EAR OFF AND WHINE! YOU'RE JUST PLAIN DIFFICULT!" the boat yelled back.

"(Beeping) boat. Why am I even here anyway? Why did you save my life?" Link questioned.

"Because, you and I are going to save the world from Ganondorf, and we're here so you can buy me a sail."

Link was silent for a moment, "What?"

"You heard me. Now go up there, and find someone to sell you a sail. Get going now!" replied The King of Red Lions.

Link hopped out of the boat.

"Stupid boat, telling ME what to do!" Link muttered to himself.

But he went up to the island to find a sail anyway.

He finally came across a little Eskimo man who told Link of his journey to Windfall.

"Look buddy, do you have a sail?" Link interrupted.

"Yes sir-ee. It's 80 rupees," the merchant said.

"Sure, sure, anything, just please, no more stories!"

Link handed him the money in exchange for the sail.

"Yes, thank you young one! You have helped much! Wait-don't you want to hear about my trip to Cancun?"

But Link had already run far away. He swam back to the boat, and climbed inside.

"Let's get out of here! RIGHT NOW! I am so totally nuts!" he cried weakly.

"We're going to save the Great Sea now. You're the world's only hope, and I sense that you have SOME possibilities," The King of Red Lions replied calmly.

"You're doing it again," Link said quietly, looking at the bottom of the boat.

"Doing WHAT?" the boat asked impatiently.

"You're acting COMPLETELY dependant on me!"

"I am not."

"Yes you are!" Link said shrilly.

"So what if I was? Why does it bother you?"

"It's too much pressure! Can't you get someone else to do it?"

"NO! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO FIND YOU? So shut your fat face, and let's set sail! I have marked our destination on the sea chart you now possess."

Link grumbled and struggled to hoist the sail. The wind was blowing in the direction of the island they were supposed to go anyway.

"We're heading to Dragon Roost Island, and please, don't say anything, because when something comes out of your mouth, it's usually a complaint or an insult. You're alarmingly negative." The King of Red Lions said sternly.

"Blah, blah, blah... Why don't you go off and play with yourself or something, and let me get on with my life?" Link muttered, rolling his eyes.

After about 30-60 minutes of quiet sailing, they finally reached an island with an enormous mountain, and a big retarded looking dragon sitting on top. It looks like a volcano of some sort, Link thought as he and The King of Red Lions pulled up on the shore, I guess my journey is just beginning...