THE SHHOTING OF HOGWARTS THE MOVIE

Disclaimer: Blablabla, JKR owns everything, I'm not making any money.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed... I mean, thanks to the only person who reviewed so far- sumrandumperson, thank you. I think this is getting even crazier. I you guys have any ideas about the movie, shre them, I might use them. As long as you don't require payment.

DAY TWO, PART ONE

Time: 5:30 am, supposedly at sunrise.

Place: Outside Hogwarts.

Weather: Horrible- there's a wild storm.

Everyone is standing in the pouring rain looking rather murderously at Lockhart, who's wearing a purple raincoat. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville are gathered under Hagrid's pink umbrella betting on wether or not they're going to finish the scene today.

HERMIONE: It has to be today! We already lost a whole day!

NEVILLE: I bet a galleon that we won't finish it.

RON: (indignantly) It's not fair! I'm catching a cold and we're only here to walk through a stupid door! They can't make us go out in the storm like this! This is a school! They're supposed to make sure nothing bad happens to us!

HARRY: (sarcasticly) Yeah, that beacause we find ourselves in mortal peril at the end of every year.

LOCKHART:OK, the camera's working. ACTION!

DUMBLEDORE: (soaked wet, shouting over the storm) "The magnificent sunrise is stroaking jently the tall towers of..."

LOCKHART: (also shouting)CUT! Speak up! I can't hear you because of the wind!

DUMBLEDORE: "THE BLOODY SUN IS RISING..."

SNAPE: (wearing an expresion wich would have been very scary if not for the water pouring all over him) WHAT sun??? Has anyone noticed that we're in the middle of a bloody storm here?!

LOCKHART: Well, it's not my fault we didn't shoot the scene yesterday! We can't delay it any more, we HAVE to do it now!

SIRIUS: (for once agreeing completely with Snape) What we HAVE to do is get back to the castle before we all drawn!

LOCKHART: (determindly) We will. As soon as we shoot the scene.

DUMBLEDORE: (extreamly annoyed at having to do this for two days in a row and suddenly looking uncharacteristically dangerous) Excuse me but that's not going to happen. I will not read those lines again. Not even once! I might say "Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak" if you like but I will not say this! (points at thesheets in his hand)

LOCKHART: But how is "Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak" better?

DUMBLEDORE: Because it makes no sence whatsoever and there for might be confised with something very wise. I will not try to convince people the sun is rising over the castle when the only thing rising in hear is my desire to quit being a kind old man and become a serial killer who's main victims are brainless directors!

LOCKHART: ( not at all taking the hint) But it's in the script!

SNAPE: (loosing his temper and snatching the script from Dumbledore) For Merlin's sake! I should have stayed a Death Eater! It's healthier! (scribbling furiously something on the back of the script and then giving it back to Dumbledore) There! Now let's finish this damned thing. I'm soaked!

SIRIUS: (merrily) Look at the bright side of it. You can't tell how greasy you hair is when it's so wet.

Sirius ducks to avoid Snape's fist, the two start fighting. Meanwhile Dumbledore looks approvingly at Snape's writting.

DUMBLEDORE: OK, that's good enough.

LOCKHART: What did he write?

SIROUS: (while trying to poke Snape in the eye) Nevermind! If you shout "cut" this time I'm gonna cut you throat.

LOCKHART: (surprisingly taking the hint this time) Er... OK. Camera, action!

DUMBLEDORE: "The magnificent stormy clouds are gathering around the tall towers of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry but the forces of nature cannot disturb the peace and quiet inside. The classrooms and corridors would have been filled with students and teachers if they weren't all snoring in their beds because of the early hour."

SIRIUS: (Laughing his head off, looking at Snape) You wrote that?

DUMBLEDORE: Hogwarts has always been a home for it's students for here they can sence the spirit of love and uderstanding. The people here are warm, friendly and forgiving..."

SIRIUS AND SNAPE: (rolling on the ground in front of the camera clutching at each other's throaths)

LOCKHART: (meaning to shout "cut" bit remembering Sirius' words) ...!!!

SIRIUS AND SNAPE: (rolling away)

DUMBLEDORE: "Hogwarts has produced many great people but there were four students called Harry Potter, Ron Weasly, Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom who were destined to change the fate of the world from the moment they walked through these gates."

HARRY, RON, HERMIONE AND NEVILLE: (walk trhough the gates and get into the castle)

DUMBLEDORE: "But they could have never fulfilled their destiny withouth the help of two remarkable men. Sirius Black and Severus Snape."

SIRIUS AND SNAPE: (both wet covered in mud from rolling on the groundstanding on top of the stone steps and striking heroical poses).

DUMBLEDORE: "And this is how our story begins..."

END OF SCENE 1

EVERYONE: (with a terrible lack of enthusiasm) Yey.

HERMIONE: (inside the castle, peering through the gates) We finished it! You own me a galleon, Neville!

NEVILLE: Yeah, OK. All I care about right now is a hot shower.

HARRY: I can't believe we actually did it! That seemed harder than fighting Voldemort.

RON: Don't get overexcited. We're shooting another scene in the afternoon.

HARRY: Duh... Ron?

RON: What?

HARRY: You didn't flinch when I said "Voldemort".

RON: Who cares about old Voldie?! I'll be just fine if you don't mention a sertain blond nightmare's name.

HARRY: Who? Lockhart?

RON: (shudders) I told you not to say it!

HERMIONE: (impressed) Wow, Harry, you really ARE brave!

END OF DAY TWO, PART ONE