"Claus!"
"Claus?"
"Is something wrong with Claus?"
"What's happened to Claus?"
Lavie, in particular, was confused. She had seen and spoken to Claus just that morning, before he left to pick up more claudia fluid for the vanship. Could something have happened since then? She knitted her brows in a frown and swallowed nervously as she recalled that he had been acting somewhat odd lately, but wouldn't express to her what was bothering him.
All eyes turned to Sophia, as they waited breathlessly for her to continue.
"Claus is under some duress right now, and..."
"What kind of duress?" Tatiana interrupted.
"I'll get to that in just a moment. We need to talk about how we, all of us, can do what's best for him. So, I'd like to ask favors of all of you. For purposes of this discussion, I am no longer your emperor. I am simply your friend."
Sophia removed her tiara and set it on the table next to her. She then unbound her hair and ran her fingers through it, before shaking it out about her shoulders.
'Yeah. A very... beautiful friend.'
Lavie thought to herself, feeling somewhat envious and just a bit threatened. Sophia was indeed quite beautiful, her fair skin flawless, her silken brown hair reflecting the lights in the room, her soft blue eyes radiating an honesty and innocence she simply could not hide, despite being a battle-tested veteran, and the gorgeous gold-with-black-trim taffeta dress she wore only served to accentuate her feminine curves, particularly her bosom.
Lavie self-consciously thought of her own relatively small development in comparison. It simply wasn't fair, Sophia having all of that power, and good looks and everything else besides. Thankfully, she was here at the palace, far away from Claus.
Wait a minute...
"I'd like to go over some ground rules. Al is here because I believe that her feelings for Claus are as strong as anyone's, and I never want to keep anything from her where he's concerned."
Sophia paused and smiled at Al, who returned a smile of her own as she silently nodded.
"Besides that, I will never forget that we all owe Al our lives. If not for her bravery, we'd likely not be sitting here, having this discussion at all. Agreed?"
"Agreed." The other girls nodded in the affirmative.
"Also, everything that is said in this room remains in the strictest confidence. And lastly, I want us to pledge absolute honesty with each other, and that no matter what is said, we will continue to support each other in friendship. I need a promise from each of you."
"I promise." Alistia spoke first.
"I promise." Tatiana concurred.
"I promise, too." Alvis piped in. All eyes turned to Lavie.
"Lavie?"
"I don't know. I don't think I like where this is going."
"Lavie, this won't work without your help. We have to trust each other. Remember, it's for Claus."
Sophia's eyes were almost pleading. Lavie huffed in annoyance and uncertainty.
"All... all right. I promise."
Lavie relented, given the importance of the subject matter. More and more however, she was getting a bad feeling about all of this in the pit of her stomach.
"This will likely be somewhat painful, for all of us, but it must be put out into the open, and it must be resolved. From my casual observation of each of you for the duration of time I worked along side of you, I recognize that all of you have developed very strong feelings for Claus."
The girls looked at each other briefly. Tatiana broke the silence, her heart pounding as she knew the answer even before she posed the question.
"What exactly do you mean, Sophia?"
The empress cut right to the heart of the matter.
"You are in love with him. Is that not true?"
The girls all gasped as one. So this was where this was headed. It was all going to be made public, now.
Lavie crushed the biscotti in her hand as the tell-tale blush began to creep up onto Tatiana's face.
"I... how... how did..."
"I don't harbor any illusions about being the greatest ruler who ever lived, but I have developed keen observation instincts. I simply want..."
"So, it is true!"
Lavie almost shouted as she gripped the end of the table, anger and frustration flashing across her face.
"I just had this feeling... but I couldn't be sure."
"Lavie?"
Al looked at her with a worried expression.
"Lavie. Please. This will be difficult enough without any of us having extreme emotional reactions."
Sophia's eyes caught Lavie's and she saw the pain already evident. The empress wished there was some way she could have avoided this, but felt her other choices were nonexistent.
Lavie settled down slightly, but still fidgeted. Sophia continued.
"I last saw Claus just a few days ago, when he came by to deliver a message to me from Nestor, the Disith sovereign emeritus. I had a chance to speak with him for a little while before he left, and it saddens me to say that he appears to be in turmoil."
"Why?"
"The reason, I believe, is that he intuitively senses how all of us feel about him and he simply doesn't know what to do or how to respond in a manner that won't hurt anyone."
Tatiana's eyes opened wide as she interpreted Sophia's comment.
"Us? What do you mean, us? Certainly, you don't mean to imply that..."
"Yes. I will admit that I too..."
"But you were in love with Alex. Did you even mourn him at all?!"
Lavie spat out the accusation without thinking.
For a brief moment, Sophia looked as if a knife had been plunged straight into her heart. She continued, after a pause.
"Yes, I was in love with Alex, but he is gone, now. Besides that, Claus not only has Alex's best qualities, he has none of the worst. Alex was a strong man, forever true to his convictions, but he could never love me back. He was only in love with his idea of wreaking vengeance on Delphine. I couldn't save him. I clung to the wisp of hope for as long as I could, but my heart knew the truth long before I admitted it to myself."
With a slightly trembling hand, Sophia took a small sip of tea, as her throat was suddenly very dry. Setting the fine china teacup gently down, she continued.
"I have resolved that Claus' happiness is much more important than anything, even my own. I wish to ensure that the once he decides in his heart where his true feelings lie, and hopefully that one will be among us, that he does so out of love, and not convenience, or fear of hurting anyone else's feelings, even if it ultimately means that I personally..."
Sophia turned away momentarily, a hitch in her breathing evident as it was truly more difficult for her to say the words than she expected.
"no longer compete for his affections."
"Oh, Sophia..."
Al was on the verge of tears, the emotion in the room having changed too quickly for her sensitive nature to come to grips with.
The empress collected herself, and continued.
"So, I would like for each of us, in turn, to give a short declaration of just how we feel about him and how much we feel for him. I know that I, personally, will feel much better knowing the story behind the one who will have ultimately won his heart. To make this easier on everyone, I shall begin."
"Sophia?"
"Yes, Al?"
"Could I say something, please?"
"Of course. Go right ahead."
Al fiddled with the macaroon in her hands as she thought for a moment.
"I really, really like Claus, and I don't want anybody to hurt him, ever. When I first met him and Lavie, I was so afraid because the star-ships had been chasing us for so long. Then Gita... then they took Gita from me, and they almost killed me even though we were also Guild. Claus did everything he could to protect me. I remember when we were in the river, he could have turned in the other direction and taken me to the police..."
She looked over for a brief moment at Lavie, who blushed a bit in embarrassment at the memory.
"But he didn't. When I looked up at his face, I saw that he was determined to get me to safety himself. He fought for me, to protect me, over and over again. Claus is like the best big brother I ever had, especially now, since Dio... since Dio...
She sniffled, but fought back her tears.
Anyway I really, really want him to be happy, after everything he's done for everybody, not just me."
"Thank you for sharing that, Alvis. That's why we're here. I honestly believe we all want only for Claus' happiness."
"May I speak next?"
Alistia, ever considerate of others, asked and was granted permission. She cleared her throat.
"Thank you. Well, this is a bit difficult, as you say, Sophia, but after examining my feelings, I believe that I do love Claus. He is very dear to me, and I also agree that I will be happy if he is, no matter how things turn out."
"Am I in love with him? I... I think I am, to a certain degree. Being in love is a very intense feeling, one that I've experienced just once before in my life."
She paused as her confession caused her cheeks to brighten.
"Alistia! You've been in love? With whom? Why didn't you tell me this before? Haven't you always said you were my best friend?"
Tatiana was puzzled by Alistia's revelation. Alistia gathered as much courage as she could muster.
"It's true, Tatiana. I was very deeply in love. But the object of my affection never showed me any, as much as I tried to show how I felt. That's why..."
"Tell me, Alistia. Was it someone on the Sylvana? The Urbanis? Who was he?"
"Tatiana."
Sophia interjected.
"Please, let her get this out at her own pace. Remember our promise to each other."
Al had her hand placed over her mouth, hoping she wouldn't squeak from nervous excitement, as she knew exactly who Alistia was speaking of.
Alistia blew out the breath from her lungs and deeply inhaled.
"Thank you, Sophia. As I was saying, that's why I began to look at Claus differently. We were heading to the gambling room at Walker's Dock the right before the big brawl that later lead to the Goliath being destroyed. I got stuck in the back of the elevator when Claus somehow found me. I was about to be crushed, but he protected me with his own body. I always knew he was kind, but it was at that moment I realized just how special he was, always looking out for everyone else's welfare, often ahead of his own. I was never more excited than when we got to spend some time together during the few times we flew with each other, most recently the relay to get Al back to Exile."
She looked down at her clasped hands, having steepled her index fingers.
"Since Exile, I'll admit I've made it a point to bump into him whenever I'm on leave, just to be near him, if only for a short while."
She looked back up at Lavie, then Sophia, then Tatiana.
"I'm certainly not telling any of you anything you don't already know about him. He has a pure heart, and he's a warrior. And on top of it all..."
Alistia's blush went a couple of shades deeper.
"He's... he's very cute. As I said, I'm still exploring my feelings for him, but I'd be lying if I told you I wouldn't be elated if he and I ultimately got together. However, as you've indicated, Sophia, when it comes to his long-term happiness, I hope I have the heart to step aside gracefully if I'm not the one he's to be with. Thank you. That's... that's all I have to say."
Tatiana tapped her fingernails on the table-top. Emotions were running rampant through her body, but she had an unresolved train of thought that she still held on to. She was nothing if not persistent. It was one of the reasons she was valedictorian of her class.
"Alistia, that's all well and good, but you didn't answer my question. Who were you in love with? Do I know him?"
'Tatiana, no. Please don't make me do this.'
Alistia's soft brown eyes stared unblinkingly into Tatiana's hazel ones, as her hands came up to nervously stroke her braid.
'Gods, I want to tell her... I've always wanted to tell her so badly. Curse my cowardice. But... now is not the time.'
"It... it was someone from the Academy. That's all I want to say for now. But I promise you that I'll tell you one day, perhaps soon. Can you please accept that for now?"
"All right."
"Tatiana, would you like to go next?"
"I'll try."
It took Tatiana a few moments to sort out exactly what she was going to say to them. She soon got a far-away look in her eyes as the feelings returned with the memories.
"I... I'm sorry. This is very, very hard for me. I'm not used to sharing my feelings with others. Since we are being open and honest with each other, I will say that I know exactly the time I fell in love with Claus. We were stranded in the desert. The ship was shot full of holes and I came to my senses not believing that we weren't already dead. We should be dead, I kept thinking to myself. Why weren't we dead? Surveying our options, I just knew it was hopeless for us. We had been spared only to die slowly. I had resigned myself that we weren't going to survive, but he..."
Uncharacteristically, Tatiana's normal, controlled voice began to crack as somewhere within herself, she was searching for and finding the ability to trust, just as Sophia had asked. It was difficult, letting go of emotional control, but she would try her best. Her voice also became softer, as her heart opened up, just as it always did whenever she thought of him.
"He wouldn't let me give up. He wouldn't let me, us die. No matter how bleak things looked, he kept trying. I was so far away, then. I can still hear his voice in my head, calling my name, the urgency..."
She gratefully accepted a tissue from Sophia, dabbing at the tear tracks as she looked down at her hands, laughing to herself that her gung-ho facade had cracked so easily, so publicly, before finally finding the courage to continue.
"In any event, after he helped me find myself again, we were talking and I was describing to him the experience of the Grand Stream, and the stresses it puts on a pilot, a vanship, and that even the Sylvana took heavy damage when it tried to traverse that part of the sky. It was then that I noticed he had moved to no more than a few inches from me and we were literally face-to-face. I looked into his eyes and I saw... I saw everything. His dreams, his burning desire to cross the Stream, his unfailing loyalty, his very soul... I saw it all at that moment, looking into his eyes. That's when... that's when I knew..."
She paused and sighed deeply.
"When the Disith captured us at the supply depot, and prepared to execute us... when I heard the shot, I thought, no, this can't be happening, to find love and lose it on the same day? How cruel were the fates? My heart was going to burst through my chest. When... I saw that he was still alive, I was so relieved..."
Lavie had listened patiently to all of the confessions and she tried. She really tried to be open-minded about it. She tried to be accepting. With each word emerging from their mouths, however, she was losing her resolve. It was eating at her. They were eating at her. Eating away her very heart with each word.
'No.'
'No. No. No. No. No. NO!'
"NO! I can't... I won't..."
She was practically hiccupping; she was so emotional she couldn't catch her breath properly. She shot up from her chair, fists slamming into the table-top, rattling the place setting.
"Claus... He's... You can't have him! Do you hear me? All of you! Claus belongs to me!"
Her tears ran freely as her heart opened up, releasing all the fears she had bound there so tightly, fears that were coming true with each word spoken by the others.
"I was the one he grew up with. We raised each other."
She practically screamed at them as she stuttered.
I w...was the one who was there for h... him every time he got sick, when he almost d... died of infection. I nursed him back to health, praying each day that the gods would take me instead of him. I was the one who foraged for f... food when we were st... starving. I was the one who listened to his dreams, who helped make the vanship air-worthy. I was the one who heard him cry for his parents almost every night for years, even..."
Lavie became almost hysterical as the memories began to intrude, one upon the other, bringing their emotional force to bear upon her slender shoulders.
"Even as I cried for my own father. None of you! None of you know Claus like I know him! How dare you all sit here and tell me you want to take him from me!"
"Lavie."
"Oh, Lavie."
"This hurts. This hurts so much more than I thought it would."
Alistia reached over to grasp Lavie's hand. Through still-teary eyes, Lavie looked at Tatiana, who returned her gaze with great concern.
"I... when I saw you return from the desert wearing his overalls, my heart nearly broke in half as I realized just then that I had lost him. The sad thing is, I always loved him, but I never really knew that I had fallen that much in love with him until that exact moment."
"Oh, Lavie. I'm so sorry. This is all so..."
Tatiana reached out to her, but Lavie's hand recoiled at her touch, as if she had been burned. She wiped at her tears with her napkin.
"Please, Tatiana, I can't. Not right now. I can barely look at you. I can barely stand to be here. It's only because I promised. And it's for Claus."
Sophia stood and went to the door. Opening it, she spoke a few words before coming back to her seat. Alistia, noting Al's distress, rose from her seat and retrieved her goat to give it to the girl, who smiled weakly as she thanked her, before taking her pet and clutching it tightly to her chest.
Presently, there was a knock, and servants came in and removed the tea set. Another set of servants came with fresh first-water, pouring it into glasses they set down in front of each of the girls. Lavie, far thirstier than she realized, gulped down her water before asking for a second helping. First-water was always so delicious. And it did make her feel a bit better.
Sophia spoke as the others drank.
"Thank you for sharing that, Lavie. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we are deeply moved by the depth of your life experience with him. I'll let you settle yourself a bit and continue the discussion with my own experience.
Sophia took a sip of water, hoping the pause would settle everyone even more, then continued.
"As I said before, I was in love with Alex, and I still love the memory of who he was, but there is nothing in the world more painful than unrequited love. I was at a very delicate stage in my emotional life, actually thinking myself incompetent in many of my responsibilities. I finally knew when I made up my mind to once and for all find out if Alex would fight to keep me, when I got the message to return to the throne. He simply admonished me for my weakness. I understand now that what I thought at the time was cruelty was actually his way of dealing with the pain he felt, but could not escape from. There was simply no way I could help him, regardless of how much I did love him."
She paused to take another sip, thinking to herself that water had so many qualities, including the ability to wash away debris, to make all things clean once again. Yes, that is what they were all doing today, right?
She continued.
"And then Claus... Claus was like a breath of fresh air. His gentle manner, his bubbling enthusiasm, his fearlessness, even in the face of great odds. Add to that his genuine concern for others. I was overwhelmed at a moment of emotional turmoil, and... and I..."
She turned away momentarily to compose herself, and the room turned silent, except for the gentle violin strains coming from the sound system. Sophia steeled herself to face them once again, and spat it out.
"I kissed him."
A/N: So many positive reviews! This is my thanks to all of you. Happy New Year!
Princess Pen: Thank ye. Here is chapter two. I hope you enjoy it.
Obsidian Hearts: I have done as you commanded.
lonnie gibbons: Thank you for your interest. I hope this chapter keeps it.
rikufanattic: Thanks. The cliffie was... I don't know. That's just my writing style. Here is your update.
Black Robed One: I am gratified that this fic has caught your interest. I hope I have given more of the story to your satisfaction. Also, out of gratitude to you for your continued support, I changed Alister to Alistia (although it's Alister on the official Ganeon LE english website?). I agree. Alistia is a beautiful name. If I am ever fortunate enough to have a daughter...
negi246: Thank you for your comments. Here is the continuation you requested.
Dark Kiseki: Here is the more detail you requested. I hope it meets with your approval.
lvmj: Thanks for your comments. I hope this chap answered your questions.
Saiyuki-Lvr: Thank you. Here is the "more".
Over the Sky: I am glad I've piqued your interest. This second chapter was quite intense, but I'm afraid it doesn't get better for our girls just yet.
cynical chaos: Thanks, as always. Cat fighting? Well, maybe not physically, but that kiss revelation will do much more than Sophia expected.
Everyone else reading: Thanks!
ja ne.