THE SHOOTING OF HOGWARTS, THE MOVIE

Disclaimer: JKR owns everything Harry Potter related.

A/N: Sorry I'm a little slow at updating lately but I'm working on my original story. I WILL finish this. don't worry.

DAY FOUR

Time: Around 4 pm.

Place: The dungeons, the Potions classroom.

LOCKHART; Alright, Ron this is the scene when you see Hermione for the first time, you're captured by her beautiful eyes and you immediately fall in love with her.

RON: Er...

HERMIONE: Er...

LOCKHART: There's no dialog so you should be fine. Also we have a new operator. Hagrid got eaten by a giant monster. He-he.

EVERYONE: (shocked silence)

HARRY: Wh-what do you mean, he got eaten?

LOCKHART: What? Oh... You thought...? He-he, don't worry, Hagrid's OK.

HRMIONE: How can he be OK if he was eaten.

LOCKHART: No, you see, the monster swallowed him whole. Sirius and Dumbledore are trying to get him out.

RON: How're they gonna do that?

LOCKHART: Well, they're gonna...

SNAPE: For heaven's sake, don't answer that question!!! I don't want to know!

LOCKHART: Well, neither does Hagrid.

HARRY: But who's the new operator?

LOCKHART: Oh, that would be Mr.Crabbe.

EVERYONE: Crabbe?

CRABBE: (pops out from behind the camera, grins sheepishly and waves)

EVERYONE:(groan) We're doomed.

LOCKHART: Alright now, just don't forget this whole scene is in slow motion. But we broke the camera yesterday when Snape knocked it off and now it can't do slow motion so you'll just have to move very slowly.

EVERYONE: Er...

LOCKHART: Is everyone ready to begin?

RON: No! Wait! (reads the script, his ears turn a bright shade of pink and he whispers in Lockhart's ear) It says here I'm supposed to kiss her!

LOCKHART: So?

RON: Well... How am I supposed to do that?

LOCKHART: What? Oh, crap! You don't know...?

HERMIONE: Know what?

LOCKHART: He doesn't know how to...

RON: (covers Lockhart's mouth with a hand) Nothing. Did you read the script?

HERMIONE: No. Should I?

RON: NO!!!

SNAPE: What's going on here? Are we going to shoot this thing or what?

LOCKHART: (removes Ron's hand from his mouth and whispers to Snape) The boy doesn't know how to kiss.

SNAPE: (exasparate) Dear Lord! What else is gonna happen? Come with me, Weasly! (drags Ron inside his office and shuts the door)

HERMIONE: What are they doing in there?

LOCKHART: You don't want to know.

RON AND SNAPE: (come out of the offise in a few minutes)

HARRY: What were you doing there with my best friend?

SNAPE: Teaching him how to kiss.

HARRY:?!!

SNAPE: Only on theory, you idiot!

HARRY: (sighs in relief) Oh.

LOCKHART: Alright, are you finally ready? OK. Action!

(Romantic music starts playing and the camera shows... er... ehem.)

LOCKHART: CUT! CUTCUTCUTCUTCUT!!!!! Crabbe! Why are you pointing the camera at... well... Professor Snape's... er... backside?

SNAPE: What???

CRABBE: Don't know. Why? Should't I?

SNAPE AND LOCKHART: NO!!!

LOCKHART: (puts a script under his nose) Here, read this... Oh, never mind, it will take you ages. I'll just stand right beside you and tell you where to point the camera, OK? Let's try again. And don't forget the slow motion. Action!

(Romantic music starts playing again)

RON: (/in slow motion/ whistles to himself while stirring his cauldron, then lifts his head, sees Hermione and his eyes widen)

HERMIONE: (/in slow motion/ shakes her head and her big bushy hair goes all over the place.)

LOCKHART: Yes, yes! Now you look into her eyes! Flutter your eyelashes, Hermione! An accent on her eyes! I want an accent on her eyes!

HARRY: (holds a magical magnifying glass in front of the camera and all we can see is Hermione's extreamly enlarged eyes.)

RON'S CAULDRON: (starts smoking, because Ron has stopped stirring it)

SNAPE: (/in slow motion/walks to the cauldron and bends over it)

RON'S POTION: (explodes in Snape's face)

SNAPE: (/in slow motion/starts screaming angrilly but soundlessly while the music becomes more intense)

RON: (/in slow motion/ rushes to Hermione, grabs her hand and they both start running)

SNAPE: (screams very slowly)

RON AND HERMIONE: (run very slowly)

SNAPE: (screams very slowly)

RON AND HERMIONE: (run very slowly)

SNAPE: (screams very slowly)

RON AND HERMIONE: (run very slowly)

HARRY: (yawns)

RON AND HERMIONE: (finally exit the room and the camera follows them. They stop in the corridor)

RON: (grabs Hermione and starts kissing her)

HERMIONE'S EYES: (widen)

RON: (is kissing her... is kissing her... is kissing her... is STILL kissing her)

HARRY: It seems you explained that theory of yours very well, professor Snape.

LOCKHART: OK, OK, enough. I think her face is turning purple. CUT!

END OF SCENE

RON: How did I do?

LOCKHART: Brilliant! I think this is the best scene so far!

HERMIONE (still gasping for breath) AND SNAPE (wiping potion off his face): Yeah, that's what you say!