Forest Haven

Two or three hours later, Link somehow managed to hold it.

When the boat pulled up onto the shore of Forest Haven, Link quickly stumbled out and looked around. He couldn't help but notice a stream and a few waterfalls nearby.

"Wait!" The King of Red Lions said.

"MAKE IT QUICK!" Link hissed.

"This is where Farore's Pearl is. You see how that area over there looks like a tree? Well, you need to go inside there and speak with the Spirit of the Earth, The Great Deku Tree, and get it from him."

Link bounced up and down, "Is that it?"

"Yes, that's about it."

Link ran to a nearby plant, and just as he was about to…you know, the plant turned into a Boko Baba, which is a monster plant with sharp teeth. It snapped at him.

"AH!" Link screamed, and slashed it with his sword.

The creature was vanquished, and it disappeared.

And well, let's just say Link didn't have to go to the bathroom anymore.

The King of Red Lions began to laugh.

"Don't…say…a word!" Link said thickly, as he stood stock still.

"A little wet now, aren't we?" The Boat said with a chuckle.

Link turned his head to look at The King of Red Lions.

"I SAID SHUT UP! I WAS JUST A BIT STARTLED, OK?"

"Just get going!" The boat said with a strong cackle.

Link continued up a hill, his gait stiff.

He took out a few more boko babas, and then he used his grappling hook to cross a body of water.

Link had to walk through water to get to the grotto's entrance.

He winced as he landed in it.

Once inside the grotto, he walked around, in search of the Great Deku Tree. He looked up, and saw a huge tree, at least 100 feet tall and almost just as thick. Link had been circling around it the whole time.

The odd thing was the fact that the tree had a face. It appeared to be motionless and inanimate, until, all of a sudden, chuchus appeared all over the tree's face, and it suddenly started to scream.

"HOLY SHIT!" Link yelled.

And, well, his pants got just a tad bit wetter….

At first in a panic, Link was unsure of what to do. If the chuchus killed The Deku Tree, then he couldn't get Farore's Pearl, and the world was doomed, and his sister may be gone forever.

Link got the sudden idea to roll into the tree to shake it, and then the chuchus might fall off.

The plan worked! But now, Link was surrounded by the creatures.

"Aw, dammit…." He muttered.

He managed to take them all out.

Link now found himself being lifted into the air by a large leaf that just started to rise up near the Deku Tree's face….

The tree spoke something in another language to Link, who just stared up at him with rounded eyes.

"Ok…." Link muttered.

"I apologize…. When I saw your clothing, it brought back memories from the days of old, causing the ancient tongue to pass my lips. But what is that wet stain in your….pants…." the tree said.

Link turned bright red in the face.

"That's none of your business, ok buddy?"

"Alright. I don't think I want to know anyway…. Well, thanks for ridding me of those vile creatures. It must be true then…. Ganondorf has returned!"

"Took you long enough to figure that out buddy," Link snorted.

But the tree ignored him for a moment.

"Children of the forest! This traveler is not your enemy! Let your hearts be at ease, and reveal yourselves!" The Deku Tree spoke.

Small, plant-like creatures that appeared to be made of wood and had leaves for faces poked their heads out from various spots.

"What the hell!"

They began to float down around Link using little leaf-like devices.

"What's your name again?" the tree asked.

"Uh, it's Link…."

"Well then, Link, these are the koroks, the children of the forest. They were once like humans, but when they came to live on the sea, they took these shapes. Now they fear people, but they will forever be my cherished children."

"Ok then…." Link muttered, "Are you, by any chance, a pothead?"

"No, I am not. Why, are you?" the Deku Tree asked.

"HEY! I'm trying to quit you prick!" Link barked.

"So, anyway, is it Farore's Pearl you seek?"

"Yes, that's the whole (beeping) reason why I came here!"

"I shall give it to you after our Korok Ceremony. I'm sorry for the delay, but this is important stuff here. If we don't do it, our very way of life is threatened!" the tree said.

"Isn't everybody's?" Link replied, remembering his experiences at Dragon Roost Island with resentment.

"Sir! Sir! We cannot start yet! Makar and I were flying over the Forbidden Woods, and he fell in!"

"WHAT?" The Great Deku Tree bellowed, "This is an urgent matter! We cannot start the ceremony without him! Link, do you mind going to rescue Makar for me? This is a dire situation!"

"Oh, no, no, no, NO! The last two times I've done something like this, I got flung into the ocean by a bird and nearly had my ass ripped off by a bug. I don't really want to do it again, unless…."

"Unless what?" The tree asked impatiently.

"Unless you pay me to do it," Link said with a small grin.

"Fine, uh, how does 15 rupees sound?"

"Ppht! Is that all you have? C'mon, doing something like that should be worth at least 200 rupees!"

"Huh?" the Deku Tree grunted.

"You heard me, 200 rupees! Take it or leave it buddy!" Link haggled.

"Fine, fine, 200 rupees! Will you do it now?"

"Hmm…. Ok, I guess so."

"Good!" the tree cried out.

"But sir, people cannot fly through the air!" said the korok who had announced Makar's fate.

"Yes, Linder, that is true…. The Forbidden Woods is not accessible from the sea, is it? And Link, judging by your size, I assume you are heavier than my korok children…." The Great Deku Tree said.

"What? Hey, I am not fat! Do I look fat to you buddy?" Link growled, very insulted.

"No, I don't mean in that sort of way! Hmm…. This is quite a predicament…. Oh, wait! Link, using one of my leaves, you will be able to fly through the air, and get into the woods! Just hold on a second…."

The Deku Tree began to push, you know, like when someone is giving birth or trying to use the bathroom but they're constipated.

"Whoa, buddy, don't give yourself a hemorrhoid…." Link said quietly.

A leaf appeared on the tree's crown.

"Do you mind climbing up to my crown to get that leaf?"

"And how do you propose I go about doing that?" Link asked in an irritated tone, folding his arms.

"You see those flower buds over there?" the tree asked.

"Yeah…. Soooo…?"

"Jump into them. They shoot you into the air, and then it will allow you to get from one bud to the next, because they begin to rise into the air, as you can see."

"That's pretty weird…. What kind of place are you runnin' here anyway?" Link snorted.

"Stop mouthing off to me and go save Makar! Hurry!"

Link used the buds as the Deku Tree said, and finally reached the crown. He picked up the large leaf, known as a Deku Leaf.

His gaze fell to the ground far below, and he suddenly felt very dizzy.

"Aw man, I hate heights…." Link said weakly, and backed up a little bit.

"What are you waiting for? Fly over to that ledge over there, and go through the opening!" the tree yelled.

"I…I can't…!" Link replied faintly.

"Why not?" asked the tree, growing impatient.

"I hate heights! Why do you have to be such a big tree?"

"Well, gee, maybe I should just shrink right on the spot now, shouldn't I?"

"Could you?" Link asked hopefully.

"I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!" The Deku Tree sighed, "Linder, will you please escort our young friend over to that ledge?"

"Yes sir!" Linder barked, and flew up behind the Link, "Mr. Swordsman, please hold on to both ends of the Deku Leaf and prepare for landing."

"MY NAME IS LINK, NOT 'MR. SWORDSMA-AAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Link screamed as Linder shoved him off the tree's crown.

He landed face down on the ledge.

Link slowly got to his knees with a moan.

"I…wasn't…ready!" he growled.

Then his nose began to bleed.

"Now look what you (beeping) did, thanks to you, you (beeping) (beep) tree! Couldn't you at least (beeping) wait until I had a (beeping) proper hold on that (beeping) leaf? (BEEP) YOU BASTARD!"

The Great Deku Tree and the koroks looked a little stunned.

"Who taught you to speak in that manner?" the tree asked.

"That's none of your (beeping) business you (beeping) tree, you're so full of (beep)!"

"NOW YOU (beeping) LISTEN TO ME YOU (BEEPING) BRAT! YOU BETTER GET THE (BEEPING) (BEEP) OUTTA HERE, BEFORE I (BEEP) YOU UP!" The Deku Tree yelled.

Link stared at him wide-eyed, not expecting that.

The little korok named Linder, who was still on the crown, fainted, fell off the tree, and died. His head popped off as he hit a rock, and the head flew up and killed another korok.

"NOW!" the tree screamed, turning red.

Link scrambled through the cave as quickly as possible.

Ok, for some reason, fucked this up for me, and two chapters did not show up. This is one of them, and it's not revised so well, so 'fuck' should still be beeped out. Sorry for any inconvience, and the latest, non-fucked up chapter shall appear really, really soon. Ok.