THE SHOOTING OF HOGWARTS, THE MOVIE

Disclaimer: JKR owns them all.

DAY SIX, PART TWO

The Forbidden forest. Shooting has already started.

SNAPE(off screen): So is anyone going to tell me WHAT Potter's idea is? 'Cause I already told you I'm not dying.

HERMIONE: Don't worry, professor, just jump in front of Harry and we'll take care of the rest. Gotta say it's a bit crazy though.

Meanwhile on screen.

SIRIUS/aka VOLDY: I'm going to kill you, you... bad boy!

LOCKHART: CUT!!! Sirius, why are you calling him "bad boy"?! I believe it was "little scum" in the script.

SIRIUS: Well, the rating, you know...

SNAPE(snickering): Sirius, have you noticed that you are nacked? Calling him a "bad boy" under the circumstances... Thew rating jumps right up, he-he.

SIRIUS(blushes under the white paint he's covered in): Oh... Er...

SLASH LOVERS: YAY!!!

NEVILLE: Hey, you, author, why did you let them here?! They'll start pairing us all now! They'll probably pair ME with the giant squid!

AUTHOR: Only if we assume the giant squid is male. Anyway, I've decided to let everyone who wants to attend the shooting today.

SIRIUS (trying to hide behind a bush): What???? Why today? Couldn't you pick a time when I was dressed.

AUTHOR: I could. But no one would come.

LOCKHART: Excuse me! We have precious little time without the very author of this fic wasting it! Let's get on with the blasted movie! Sirius, you call Harry "little scum" and that's final. Let them sue us for the rating! ACTION!

SIRIUS: I'm going to kill you, you little scum!

(camera points to Harry)

SNAPE(jumps in front of Harry): NO!

HERMIONE(jumps in front of Snape): NO!

RON(jumps in front of Hermione):NO!

NEVILLE(jumps in front of Ron):NO!

(While everyone is jumping in front of each other Sirius has managed to get rid of his Voldemort costume(or lack there of)and is once again playing himself)

SIRIUS(jumps in front of Neville): NO!

LUPIN(jumps in front of Sirius): Surprise!

REMUS FANGIRLS: YAY!!!!!!!! HE GOT IN THE FIC!!!!!!

SIRIUS: Oh, my dear friend, Remus, what are you doing here? I thought you were... er... somewhere else.

REMUS: And why are you covered in white paint?

SIRIUS(checks in the script): Voldemort found out about my animagus form and he'd recognise me in it so I'm disguised as a polar bear.

REMUS: Are there polar bears in Britain?

SIRIUS: Never mind. Why are you here?

REMUS: Oh, yes. I'm here to warn you that Voldemort has returned and is trying to kill Harry!

NEVILLE: Er, we're already aware of that. Speaking of wich, wasn't he just going to kill us?

EVERYONE(looking around)

RON: Well, he seems to be gone, my noble friends. But why? That I do not know.

DUMBLEDORE(appears gracefully): My children, (yuck, this is so stupid, I'd never really say that. And why do I always appear so late? Anyway...) Lord Voldemort has fled.

SIRIUS: Obviously. But why? Did he suddenly die of a heart attack?

DUMBLEDORE: Sadly, no. We haven't yet defeated him. But your readiness to sacrafice your lives for each other today has scared him. Because love is the greatest magic.

SNAPE(rises an eyebrow)

EVERYONE:YEY!

(triumprhant music starts playing)

DUMBLEDORE: And now, everyone... GROUP HUG!

LOCKHART: CUT! Wonderful!

SNAPE(trying to get himself out of the middle of the group hug): Potter! Was that your idea? This is the crappiest thing I've ever heard!

HARRY: Well, JKR DID say I survived because my mother loved me. Would you call HER writing crap?

SNAPE: That's a point... What's that noise?

Loud chatter is heard, many voices arguing.

AUTHOR: That's just the fans. OK, OK, what do you want?

REMUS FANS: Is Remy going to play a bigger role in the movie? Don't you dare tell me he just appeared to make an idiot of himself.

AUTHOR: Yes, he'll have a bigger part. Anything else.

SNAPE FANGIRLS: How come we get to see Sirius nacked but not Snape?

SNAPE: Er, Ladies, could we...

SNAPE FANGIRLS: And perhaps you could chain him to a wall or something.

SNAPE: What???

AUTHOR: I told you they're uncontrolable.

SNAPE(gulps): Didn't you say you were a fan of mine too?

AUTHOR(smiles rather viciously): Yes, sweety.

SNAPE: But the rating...

HARRY FANGIRLS: Hey, it's not fair! We want Harry nacked too then!

All types of different characters' fangirls start shouting along with the slash lovers who's demands are not suitable to be written here.

AUTHOR: I better finish this chapter here before they tear me to pieces!

END OF DAY SIX, PART TWO