Kalle Demos
The air had really cleared up by now, and Link was finally starting to get his head back...well, sort of. Maybe.
In the middle of the room sat a large flower, and in the middle of that, a little korok bounced up and down, screaming and shouting.
"Hey you...! You little bastard!" Link shouted, a slight slurr to his voice. (Keep in mind, the fumes weren't out of his system quite yet.)
"HEY! Who you callin' a bastard, junkie?" The korok replied.
"I oughta kick your ass!"
"TRY ME FAIRY BOY!"
Link began to approach the little creature, when a small flower thing popped out of the plant it was standing on and swallowed it whole. Link began to laugh hysterically.
After all, he though, that little thing had it coming.
But then, the flower's large petals closed around it, vines sprouted from its sides, and the vines dragged the whole plant up to the ceiling.
"HA! Stupid plant. You think that scares me?"
But then, tentacles sprouted out from the flower and spread in all directions, and one of them reached down and whacked Link.
"OW! Shit... That hurt!"
Obviously, this thing was another one of Ganon's minions that had been sent out to hurt Link. Link knew he had to kill this thing, but how? He couldn't reach it with his sword, and the grappling hook was useless here also...
But then, Link felt something else in his pocket. Not a key this time, but a boomerang.
"Dammit, why can't I remember how or when I got this?" Link asked himself. "Oh well, I have it, maybe I should use it somehow..."
He looked up at the vines attaching the plant to the ceiling.
If only he could cut them down... Oh wait, yeah, he could.
Link threw the boomerang up, and hit one of the vines.
The vine broke!
But the plant slammed a tentacle down on Link again, injuring him once more.
"AH!"
Link was angry right about now. He quickly threw the boomerang at each tentacle, until the plant fell off of the ceiling and hit the floor. The petals flew open, revealing the small little flower thing that had swallowed Makar. Link rushed at it, and sliced it with his sword, but before he knew it, the larger plants petals shut on him, and then threw him out high into the air. Screaming, Link hit the wall and fell to the floor in a heap.
The vines came back out of the plant again, and it reattached itself to the ceiling.
It took him a moment, but Link recovered and got to his feet with a small moan. He repeated the boomerang trick once more, and yet again, the plant hit the floor with a thud that shook the earth, and sprang open. Link hit the smaller plant inside with his sword, but this time, was careful to run away before the plant closed up again. He made it out just in time, but the plant got right back up to the ceiling.
Although he worried that his tactic wasn't working, Link continued once more. The same thing happen, and he continued to beat the small plant with his sword, and step out of the way in time.
But something was different... This time, the plant shuddered and exploded, sending the now free korok into the wall.
Link collapsed to the gorund.
"Woah...pretty colors..." he said.
The korok waddled over to Link.
"Are you the one who saved me?" it asked.
"Uh, yeah...I, uh guess so..." Link replied.
But before the little creature could thank him, Link passed out.
"Oh boy! Another victim!" The korok cheered, and began to rape Link.
Our hero awoke about an hour later, with the little thing sleeping next to him.
"Oh shit... Why the hell is this bastard sleeping uncomfortably close to me?"
The korok awoke too.
"Hey! Why did you sleep with me? Oh my god... Did you, you know, sleep sleep with me?" Link shouted.
"Uh... No, I didn't..." the thing replied.
"Yes you did! And I don't even know who you are!"
"My name is Makar, and I didn't have sex with you, I swear!"
"Yes you did! It's written all over your face!"
"I didn't!" Makar cried desperately.
"YOU RAPED ME!" Link yelled.
"Now I wouldn't exactly call it rape, I was just...I was just playing with you, that's all..."
"Hm, let's see, HAVING SEX WITH ME AGAINST MY WILL SURE SOUNDS LIKE RAPE TO ME!"
"But you didn't protest or anything, so it really wasn't against your will!" Makar insisted.
"'CAUSE I PASSED OUT! YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME, AND THAT'S PROBABLY WORSE THAN THE FACT THAT I GOT RAPED BY A SHRUB!"
"Uh...I'm...sorry?"
"Sorry isn't good enough!"
"How can I make it up to you?" Makar asked.
"Weeeelllll..." Link said thoughtfully, "It depends. How many rupees do you have?"
"Uh...600, why?"
"That should be enough to pay for the damages done to my fragile person."
"But I didn't hurt you!" Makar said.
"You damaged me emotionally! This'll stick with me for the rest of my life! Now fork over the rupees! I killed that stupid weed and I can kill you too, rapist!" Link threatened.
"Ah! Don't hurt me!" Makar wailed, and handed Link all of his 600 rupees.
"It's been a pleasure doing business with you, Makar." Link said with a grin, shoving the money into his pants, or pocket, or, uh, whatever...
"The little bastard... Ha, I ripped him off good. It's not like I haven't been raped before..." Our hero said quietly to himself.
"Are you happy now? I'm (beeping) broke! Now can we at least pretend this never happened?" Makar pleaded.
"Sure thing. Now let's get the hell out of here before your, uh, father, freaks out."
Link and Makar discovered one of those cyclone things that Link used to get out of Gohma's chamber.
"Dammit, not one of these things..." Link moaned.
"What's wrong?" Makar asked.
"The last time I went into one of these things I threw up!"
"Well, we're not getting out any other way!"
"Oh, fine!"
The pair stepped into the cyclone...