It all came back to the stick. The damn stick.

She could have sworn she threw it in the trash and hadn't just left it there in plain sight. She had, hadn't she? But then maybe in the rush of the afternoon, getting dinner ready, she had overlooked it.

Or maybe it was something else. She had never been much for Freud, but it had occurred to her that she had subconsciously left the stick where Woody could find it. There was more than a small part of her that had wanted to tell him the whole truth all along, and she wished now she had listened to it.

The elevator doors parted and she stepped out into the lobby. Nigel was at the front desk signing for a package, and she breezed past him.

"Morning, Jordan," he murmured, and she waved a hand at him without speaking. "Jordan, you all right? Jordan?"

She quickened her pace down the hallway and pretended she hadn't heard, but he reached out and grabbed her arm.

He stepped back in surprise when she finally turned around. She couldn't imagine what she must have looked like with her swollen red cheeks and puffy eyes.

He took her shoulders in his hands. "Jordan! What's the matter? Is it Woody? Is he okay?"

She looked down in shame. "He's fine," she said quietly. "We're not."

"What happened?"

"He knows. Everything."

Nigel groaned and covered his face with his hands. "How did he find out?"

"It doesn't matter."

He exhaled and stood with his hands on his hips. "Have you tried talking to him?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes! I've been trying all weekend. He won't take my calls or emails, he won't see me. I've tried. It's over." Her voice rose in frustration.

"He'll come around, Jordan."

"Maybe. Maybe not." She laughed humorlessly. "I'm just glad it's in the open. It was eating a hole in me. Look, I'm sorry I dragged you into this."

"It's all right. I'm a big boy. I can take my medicine. I'm just sorry that things turned out the way they did."

She smiled weakly and nodded. "Me, too. You know that old saying...it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Well, it's crap." She turned and hurried toward her office.

XXXXXXXXX

The waking hours were difficult, but at least he could distract himself with physical therapy and catching up on a stack of files they had sent over from the precinct.

It was the dark hours that were the hardest. Each time he lay down and closed his eyes, he could see it: Nigel's hands on her soft body, her ripe mouth on his. It was agonizing.

He loved her; he still wanted her. Of course he did, he knew that, or it wouldn't have hurt as much as it did. He loved her; he ached for her, but he couldn't have her. Not after this.

It was early evening. He dreaded this time of day when the light began to fade, and he faced the long, sleepless night ahead. On most evenings, he ordered take-out and sprawled out in front of the television until the small hours of morning when he would finally fall asleep from sheer exhaustion.

It had only been a few days since he had walked out of Jordan's apartment, but he had already spiraled down into a black mood. His usually spotless apartment was in disarray, and he sat, unshaven and unshowered, waiting for his Chinese take-out in his ratty bathrobe.

The doorbell finally rang. He hobbled over with his money for the Chinese, and opened the door.

It was Nigel, standing with his motorcycle helmet tucked under one arm. Woody felt a sick feeling rise in the back of his throat and the red flush of anger burn up his cheeks.

"Can I come in?" Nigel asked sheepishly.

Woody clenched his jaw. "Why not? You've taken away everything else that I ever loved. Might as well invade my apartment, too."

He stepped aside as Nigel entered the room and kicked at an empty pizza box and soda cans that were piled in a heap on the floor.

"What do you want, Nigel?"

"I came here because..." He sighed. "I'm not sure why I came here, really."

"Let me help you. To rub it in? To hold it over my head that you've had the one thing I wanted most but could never have?"

"I just thought I owed it to you. Man to man. I'm sorry, Woody. But you must know -- it meant nothing. She loved you. She still does, but she thought there was nothing left between you when it happened. It was just...sex." Woody flinched at the word and stood, unmoved, by the door. "Well, I just wanted you to hear that. I'd better..." He swept past Woody but was stopped by the sudden icy sound of his voice.

"How'd you do it, Nigel? I mean...I've loved her almost since I first laid eyes on her. She asked for space, I gave it to her. She needed time, I gave it to her. I was patient, because I loved her, and I knew she loved me, too, and I figured when she was ready..." He smiled bitterly. "But it took you all of about two hours to get her into bed. So, what was it? Was it the cute accent? Was it the biker thing? The leather pants? Is Jordan into that? Maybe she's a little kinky? See, I wouldn't know, because..."

"Stop, Woody! I know you're angry, but do you hear what you're saying? How can you talk that way about her? The woman you profess to love? Look, mate, if you weren't half-crippled, I'd knock your lights out."

"No, you look, mate...if I weren't half-crippled, you wouldn't have made it past the door."

They glared at each other in an angry stand-off. After a moment, Nigel sighed wearily.

"This is your bloody pride talking, Woody. What is it that you're really angry about? Is is that she slept with someone else, or that she didn't tell you about it? Is it that she slept with someone else, or that it was me? Surely you didn't think she was a virgin when you met, did you? She finally realized how much she loved you and how much she wanted to tell you, and you rejected her. She was devastated."

"So devastated she jumped in the sack with the first guy that came along? I was out of my mind, and she didn't even put a fight for me?"

Nigel shrugged sadly. "People do strange things when they're in pain. They don't always act the way their loved ones might hope they would." There was a beat while Nigel raised an eyebrow at Woody and leaned in purposefully. "Do they, Woody?"

Woody looked up with wide eyes. His mouth fell open. "What do you know?"

"Hadn't you heard? I'm everyone's crying shoulder down at the morgue." Woody shuffled away and turned his back on Nigel. Nigel picked up his helmet and started for the door. "Maybe you should think about why you're really angry. And if maybe there isn't some room in your heart for forgiveness. I told Jordan if I were you, I'd never let her get away. What are you going to do?"

He was gone and shut the door behind him, leaving Woody shaken and alone as he brushed away a hot tear of shame.