Hyrule
Link sighed and stared around the boss room.
"Damn stone thing..." he muttered angrily as he kicked at some of the rubble left by Gohdan when he had crashed through the tower wall to get to whatever his appointment was.
Link turned around, expecting to see a cyclone that would make him sick and transport him somewhere, but there wasn't one. Instead, there was a light thing...
Link stepped into it, and was soon transported to the very, tip top of the tower...
Our hero looked over the edge of the tower and gasped.
"Oh shit, oh shit, OH SHIT! AAAAAAAAAH! SOMEBODY HELP ME! HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPP!" He screamed as he began to panic.
Link's pocket rumbled, and he nearly fell off the top of the tower! He pulled Tetra's talking stone thing from his pocket, but this time, it was not her voice that spoke through it.
It was The King of Red Lion's...
"Link! What the hell are you doing?"
Link narrowed his eyes with hatred.
"Panicking, what's it look like to you?" he spat.
The King sighed.
"Link, look behind you..."
Link grumbled and turned around.
All he saw was a grappling hook bar thingy, and a bell.
"Wow, I'm impressed," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
"Don't you take that tone with me, young man! Use your grappling hook to hang from the grappling hook bar thing, and start swinging so the bell can ring," the King of Red Lions instructed.
"How the hell's that gonna help anything?" Link asked, still not amused.
"Look, do you want to stay on top of this tower for the rest of your miserable existence, or what? JUST FUCKING DO IT!"
"Ah! Ok, OK!" Link said.
He didn't want to stay on that tower another minute anway.
He followed The King's orders, and began to swing from the grappling hook bar thing using his grappling hook. Sure enough, the bell began to sound, and Link was mysteriously transported from the top of the tower into the King of Red Lions who was waiting outside the Tower of the Gods.
But this time, author powers did not make this happen... This time, it was the power of Shigeru Myamoto, or whatever his name is, and his clan of japanese Nintendo Gamecube Zelda people! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ha...ha... Whoo... Ok, now back to the story... I guess...
"How the hell did I just get back down here? Is that dungeon map not completely out of my system?" Link asked.
Was it out of his system yet? Link thought for a moment. No, it was still in there a bit. The water still looked purple to him, and the King of Red Lions looked like Paris Hilton.
"What do you mean?" the King of Red Lions asked.
"Oh, yeah, well, I... I kinda smoked one of the dungeon maps that I found, so..." Link muttered.
"Well, whatever. You see that beam of light in the water in front of us? That's where we're headed," The King said, nodding to a circle of light.
"Yes. Yes I do, Paris Hilton," Link replied.
"Wait, what? Did you just call me Paris Hilton?"
"Uh...no, I didn't..."
"Ok, uh, so anyway, let's just go into that light thingy," The King said.
The two of them slowly and dramatically sailed into it, and they began to sink underwater!
Link held his breath, but they kept sinking deeper and deeper into the water.
"Breathe, stupid, before you suffocate!" The King said.
"How can I breathe if we're underwater? Oh, wait. I can breath. Well, this is odd..." Link said.
They finally reached wherever the hell they were headed.
Link looked around in shock.
They were in front of some castle, and everything was black and white! Dun, dun!
"Where the hell are we?" Link asked.
"We are in...(insert dramatic pause here.) Hyrule..." The King said.
"Oh."
"'Oh' is all you have to say?"
"Alrighty then, FINE. Gasp. There, ya happy?" Link said irritably.
"Ok, I guess that's good enough. So, anyway, I do not have time to explain myself! You must go into Hyrule castle, and the item you shall obtain in there will be the key to kicking Ganon's ass!"
Link jumped out of The King, or, Paris Hilton, as he thought at the moment, and walked into the castle.
It was a little broken, and there were moblins and dark knuts (those dog/knight things.) everywhere! But they were standing still, as if frozen in time... Up ahead stood a huge statue of Link, the Hero of Time! Not the one in this story. And in the middle of it all, sat three triangular blocks.
"Wow! I'm like, in Hyrule with Paris Hilton! Damn, this is so cool!" Link said to himself.
He walked towards the three triangular blocks, and then I, using my author powers, controlled him to push the blocks so that they formed the triforce!
Link is so easy to control when he's stoned.
The three blocks mysteriously sank into the floor, and the large Link statue slid off its base, revealing some stairs. Link, not the statue Link, but the stoned Link, descended those stairs...
They lead to the basement of the castle, and in the middle of the room, sat a large, kick ass sword, which was the Master Sword, on a pedestal.
Link walked towards it, and immediately yanked it from its place.
All of a sudden, a bright light lit up the entire castle, and everything was in color!
"Ok, I'm bored now, so I'm gonna go find Paris Hilton so she can get me the hell out of here!" Link mumbled as he climbed back up the stairs, Master Sword in hand.
"Oh shit..." Link gasped when he saw that all the moblins and dark knuts had sprung to life!
A moblin turned, saw Link, and began to run at him, its staff raised!
Link screamed and jumped back, not sure of what to do now...
But an idea came to him, right on time!
Our hero pulled a box of Cheerios from his pants, and waved them in the air in front of the moblin.
"LOOK! CHEERIOS!" He yelled, and threw the box across the room.
Every enemy in the room turned to stare at the box.
"CHEERIOS?" They said in unison, and began to run to the box.
Link chuckled and skipped out of the room.
"Ha ha! Suckers!"
Our hero returned to Paris Hilton.
"Did you get the Master Sword?" Paris asked.
"Yep, and I kicked the shit out of a whole butt load of moblins and dark knuts with it!" Link declared triumphantly.
Paris Hilton snorted.
"No you didn't. You just gave them a box of cheerios."
"You're hot..."
"What? Earth to Link! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? AND WHY HAVE YOU BEEN CALLING ME PARIS HILTON?"
"Wait, you're not Paris Hilton?"
"NO! I'M THE KING OF RED LIONS!"
It was about that time that the water lost its purple color and turned back to blue, and Paris Hilton turned back into the King of Red Lions.
"DAMMIT, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ALWAYS SHATTER MY DREAMS? I WAS TEMPORARILY LIVING IN A WORLD WITH PURPLE WATER AND PARIS HILTON!" Link shouted
"It was the dungeon map that did this to you, wasn't it?" The King asked.
Link sighed.
"Yes..."
"Well, thank goodness it wore off. Now Link, can you guess where we're going now?" The King asked.
"Hell?"
"No, you little bastard! We're going to the Forsaken Fortress, to rescue your sister!"
"Why should I care what you have to say, you're not Paris Hilton, and you're not purple either!" Link replied. "Oh, wait, we're going where?"
"Dumbass, we're going to rescue Aryll!"
The pair slowly floated into the circle of light, and were transported back to the surface of the water...